Man Alive

When the world gets to be too much, who do you take it out on? If you’re like most men, it's your wife. In fact, the number one place where the residual symptoms of your childhood wounds flare up is your marriage (or it will be if and when you get married).

Do any of these sound familiar?

1. You regularly overreact—or underreact—to your wife.
2. You’re prickly when she suggests you might be wrong.
3. You pout when she doesn’t give you enough attention, even when it's because she’s worn out from taking care of the kids.
4. You get angry or insecure (or both) when she doesn’t speak your “love language” as often as you wish she would.

If you identify with one or more of these, the good news is you don’t have to live this way anymore. Join Pat Morley for practical guidance on how you can change the trajectory of your marriage.

When men try to put into words what’s holding them back, many say something like, “No matter how hard I try, I just can’t overcome the destructive behaviors that keep dragging me down.” Christian men are not exempt—and no matter how much a man loves God, it’s especially hard to move forward if he's stuck in his past.

The good news is God has a plan for men to get unstuck, including you and the men you’re mentoring. Join Pat Morley tomorrow to discover how. Learn about “an angry spirit,” a practical exercise adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous ("AA"), and how to draft a letter to someone who has suffered because of you weaponizing your wounds. It really is going to be a great day!

All of us who have ever been broken boys will have flare-ups because, to some degree, we all live with the residual pain of what happened to us. We all have an emotional limp.

Join Patrick Morley and learn how to evaluate how much pain you’re still in, some examples of what residual pain looks like, and where you are today compared to when you started this journey. Understand God’s larger purpose for your limp, and how you can find joy even if God never removes it. It’s going to be a great day!

Reflection and Discussion

1. How much emotional pain are you, a loved one, or a man you are mentoring in right now?

2. How would you describe the current symptoms of your limp? For example:

- Are you still too sensitive and misread what people intend?

- Do you still have inexplicable mood swings?

- Do you still find yourself too easily angered?

- Have you cut yourself off from family members emotionally or physically?

3.What are two or three ways you can make 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 your constant companion if you plead and God doesn’t mend you completely?

We have been talking about how to honestly assess our family relationships and approach them with the mind of Christ. Now it's time to explore how we can actually communicate with our parents. Join Pat Morley and learn a tension-reducing way to start an awkward but crucial conversation. Whether your family's level of dysfunction is low, moderate, serious, or severe, we've got you covered.

We'll also discuss what to do if you can't communicate with your parents—whether it's because they aren't available, or you just can't move on. Join us for a day that could change everything for you, a loved one, or the men you mentor!

Reflection and Discussion

1. Have you attempted to have a crucial conversation with your parents about your childhood wounds? If so, how did it go? If not, what is keeping this conversation from happening?

2. Which next step suits your situation best—keep doing what you’re doing, initiate a crucial conversation, have a facilitated session, or set boundaries? Why is this the next best step for you?

3. Obviously, there’s a natural tension between the need for action and the desire to avoid a potential negative outcome. With that in mind, what is one thing you can do this week to overcome your reluctance and reach out to your parents?

Healing and rebuilding relationships takes time and mutual commitment. What's the current state of your relationship with your parents and siblings? What's the level of ongoing dysfunction? How receptive are you to restoring a relationship with them? How receptive are they? Do they and you both have the communication skills to pull it off, or do you need a facilitator? Do you have the right attitude—a biblical mindset?

Join Pat Morley and honestly assess your current situation. Let's see if we can each have the attitude or mind of Christ about our parents and siblings. And if not, how can you get it? This could be the day everything changes for you—and your family!

Chapter 11: Rethinking Your Parents’ Story

To be sure, our parents are responsible for how they wounded us, whether they knew it or not. Maybe they were good people who made serious mistakes, or maybe they were uncaring, toxic, or even evil. Nothing can minimize, justify, excuse, or change that. What happened to you or your loved one happened.

But what happened to them? It’s a worthy question.

So far, we’ve spent a lot of time on what happened to you. Join Pat Morley as we now take some time to reflect on what happened to our parents. Unraveling what happened to your parents can illuminate what happened to you. It’s going to be a great day!

If your parents wounded you, they are responsible for that, whether they knew what they were doing or not. But without forgiveness, the future will look no different than the past. 

Forgiving your parents is not dismissing what they did, or pretending that your wounds never happened. After all, there would be no need for forgiveness unless someone had done something wrong. So what does this forgiveness look like? 

Join Pat Morley and explore the uniqueness of biblical forgiveness. Maybe your parents are living; maybe they aren't. Maybe you have a good or civil relationship with them; maybe you don't. No matter your circumstances, let Pat guide you through the method Jesus prescribes for forgiving. It’s going to be a great day!

Reflection and Discussion

1. How have you softened toward your parents, and why?
2. What might your life be like in 10 years if you don’t forgive your parents?
3. What makes biblical forgiveness unique?
4. Did you pray and unilaterally forgive your parents? How does that make you feel? If not, what’s holding you back?

Did you know that all successful recovery programs address spiritual needs? There's a reason for that: A relationship with Jesus can give us the rest for our souls that no amount of human effort will ever be able to provide.

If you're on your way to being mended, you have faced the truth of what you experienced. You are no longer in denial, and you have grieved what was taken from you. Grieving was like exhaling the pain. Now you get to decide what you will inhale to take pain's place.

Whether this is your story, or you want to get a better idea of how you can help others, join Pat Morley for an eye-opening discussion about how to find real rest.

Reflection and Discussion

1. In general, is your soul at rest or restless? Explain your answer.
2. How have you understood Christian faith—as a task and commitment to a set of values or as a relationship with Jesus? Explain your answer.
3. Did you pray to affirm or reaffirm your faith? If yes, is your soul at rest? Explain your answer. If not, who can you talk to about your reservations?

Something was taken from you, your loved one, or friend. You didn't have the childhood you wanted, deserved, and should have experienced. You have been afflicted. You feel the loss deeply. Now that you've faced this truth, you need to grieve what went wrong.

In this practical lesson, Pat Morley will help you understand grief, the stages of grieving, how to grieve, and what to expect. It's going to be a liberating day!

Reflection and Discussion

1. What stage of healing are you in: denial, grief, forgiveness, making amends, renewal, setting boundaries, or transformation? Explain.

2. The goal of grieving is to let it out. How can each of the following ideas help you let it out?

A. Pour out your heart to God.

B. Talk to someone you trust.

C. Write your own prayer.

3. How released from your grief do you feel right now? How would you explain it to a friend?

Denial can be tenacious. Facing difficult, painful, or humiliating facts from your or your loved one’s childhood can be hard. Most worthwhile things are. I commend your bravery to tackle the truth. But it can also to be so liberating and soothing that you’re going to feel like you’re seeing things as they really are—perhaps for the first time ever.

Join Pat Morley for a deeper understanding of denial and leave with a positive plan that will help you or your loved one face the truth, get out of denial, and take a big first step toward healing and breaking the cycle.

Reflection and Discussion

1. To what extent has “emotional amnesia” kept you from facing the truth about your childhood wounds? Give an example of a truth you kept buried and how it has affected your life.

2. Did writing “the truth I need to face” help you describe, acknowledge, and face the truth about what happened to you? What is your biggest takeaway?

3. Write down the positive, overarching goal you want to make about overcoming denial and facing the truth: