This solo podcast episode is about managing difficult emotions when loved ones move away. I am working on managing my emotions as both my kids who are Canadian settle in London England.

The first things kind people might say to me is : oh that must be hard having them both so far away or you must miss them.. and both are true in moments. And because I have the tools that I use to manage my chronic illness which is systemic lupus or SLE, I find this is a time in my life when again I can view the situation with fear as a loss or with curiousity as an opportunity to learn something new. And I know from my hero Ellen Langer Stanford social psychologist that “every thought affects every part of the body” so what I say to others matters if I want to feel good about my siutaion with my kids living away.

For my recent trip to England I packed my 5 point plan.

1. Noticing difficult emotions as they arise. So here they are: anger, fear, stress. So before I left I had negative and fearful thoughts like “why do I have to get on this plane, contribute to climate change to see my kids?” I am still naming these various emotions watch them come and go. I do my best not to judge them and try to watch them come and go like the weather.
2. I pack my outside mindset with me everywhere. it is my guiding star. The kids, who also have outside mindsets – thank goodness already know that all I wanted to do was walk outside with family in green space while I was there. We all know this is where we are our best selves – smiling more, more relaxed, and noticing new things to keep us in the present. As Ellen Langer says simply noticing is mindfulness. So I ended up having so much fun outdoors with mu kids in England. We took a train to Lulworth Cove, near Bournemouth  and hiked together for 4 hours, we spent an entire rainy day strolling around Hampstead Heath Park in London, and we spent two days roaming the grounds of Leeds Castle in Kent County. And I have the social media pictures to prove it on IG, facebook and linkedin.
3. Dr Ellen Langer says that when we are having fun, we are being mindful. And when we are mindful we are attracted to others and they are attracted to us. The poet Keats must have known this too. When we  toured his house in Hampstead, we learned that when he became very sick before his death in his early twenties, he became more and more jealous of his lover and asked her “who have you smiled with today?” When I moved back to my hometown of Pine Falls I noticed that everyone liked to find humor – to laugh. You meet someone on the street, chat, and have a laugh about something. I believe this has something to do with the native community close by Sagkeeng and more so in Pine Falls where laughter is used so often and so beautifully to articulate and recognize loss.
4. Hand on my heart and say good for you, you are doing the best you can, and everything is ok. Langer goes even further and tells us to “assume everthing is going to be ok.” What can I thank right now? The fresh air, a tree, a bird….and notice how that feels.
5. Climate action.  Find t

For peer reviewed research on how your time spent in green space can change your mindset, balance your nervous system and your heart rate please go to verlafortier.substack.com and check out my books Take Back Your Outside Mindset: Live Longer, Stress Less, and Control Your Chronic Illness and Optimize Your Heart Rate: Balance Your Mind and Body With Green Space