Talking points: attachment, genetics, psychology

Attachment as a framework for working on and healing your relationships is powerful stuff. But it’s also complex. I wanted to nerd out a bit this week with all of you over this fascinating study on attachment, genetics, and environment—with a PSA at the end. 

Dig in and let me know what you think!

You can find the abstract of the study and request a full PDF here: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/385437792_Genetic_and_environmental_contributions_to_adult_attachment_styles_Evidence_from_the_Minnesota_Twin_Registry

(00:00:00) - Intro

(00:04:28) - Why it’s interesting and a potential game changer, and why heritability doesn’t mean it’s game over

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Tired of feeling like you're never enough? Build your self-worth with help from this free guide: https://training.mantalks.com/self-worth

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram

Talking points: culture, masculinity, the shadow

This was one of those wide-ranging convos that made me lose track of time. David and I cover a ton in this as you'll see from the timestamps, with some great info on "core energetics", personality types, and more. Dig in.

(00:00:00) - How David approached interviewing such a polarizing figure, and do all men have such a rigid mask?

(00:09:04) - How do you support men in a way that allows them to actually open up? 

(00:15:40) - Is it all just an act, and killing your shadow versus integrating  

(00:22:35) - What is core energetics and the five personality “patterns”?

(00:31:10) - Which pattern best describes American culture, and what do you think we need to do?

(00:37:14) - Do we HAVE to play the polarization game to get anywhere?

(00:44:54) - What David would say to men who are hiding opinions that might get them in trouble

(00:58:01) - What is the “lower self”?

(01:07:22) - Advice for men who actively resist their own emotions

David Sutcliffe is a Somatic Therapist, a Certified Core Energetics Practitioner with over 15 years experience. He has a private practice out of Austin, Texas, and holds workshops across the United States and Canada. He is also a trained hypnotherapist, a mindset expert, and has extensive experience with meditation, yoga, shamanism, physical fitness, nutrition, and wellness. A former actor, he is well known for his roles in the popular TV series Gilmore Girls and Private Practice, and movies Under The Tuscan Sun and Happy Endings.

Connect with David

-Website: https://www.davidsutcliffe.com

-YouTube: https://bit.ly/3ZJ1KD4

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/davidsutcliffe33/

***

Tired of feeling like you're never enough? Build your self-worth with help from this free guide: https://training.mantalks.com/self-worth

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram

Talking points: relationships, masculinity, psychology, culture

I touched on this topic in a previous episode and hoo boy, the comments. So let’s talk about it, because there are a lot of historical, psychological, and mythic examples to look at. What’s more, there are ways of working on this if it rings true.

(00:00:00) - What I mean by being afraid of women, and theories from evolutionary psychology

(00:06:41) - The perspective of analytical psychology, and the “anima and animus”

(00:15:29) - Lastly, the perspective of existential psychology, and how a man creates identity

(00:19:22) - So what do you do with this info?

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Tired of feeling like you're never enough? Build your self-worth with help from this free guide: https://training.mantalks.com/self-worth

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram

Talking points: relationships, communication, sex, masculinity

Whether we want to admit it or not, there are always times where things in the bedroom just don’t work out. Alex is out there helping men deal with their most common challenges, and de-stigmatizing communication about it. I appreciate the simple yet solid advice he brings to the table; lots of good stuff in here. Listen in.

(00:00:00) - How a man’s ability to perform affects how he sees himself, and working with sexual shame

(00:11:33) - Dealing with common sexual challenges for men

(00:20:40) - On balancing emotional vulnerability with “holding your frame”

(00:26:29) - What contributes to ejaculation issues?

(00:32:13) - On embarrassment around sexual dialogue, and how porn alters our expectations of ourselves

(00:40:16) - The importance of connecting to breath

(00:47:35) - How can a partner help a man who’s struggling with PE or ED?

Alex Grendi, a former professional soccer player, is now a men’s coach specializing in helping individuals overcome performance anxiety, such as premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, to build confidence and enhance relationships. Drawing on personal experience and training, he developed the “Superior Lovers” program, combining best practices to deliver transformative results in just three months. His mission is to empower men to embrace their authentic selves, deepen connections, and find fulfillment in their lives and relationships.

Connect with Alex

-Website: https://www.alexgrendi.com/

-YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Alex.Grendi

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alex.grendi/

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This Black Friday, why bother getting more stuff when you could work on yourself? All ManTalks courses are currently 20% off, and save even more when you bundle all 3. Check out: https://mantalks.com/blackfriday/

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: relationships, mythology, archetypes, culture

The title might ruffle some feathers, but sometimes, the best way to look at an issue is through a story. The symbolism has a way of highlighting many complex things at once. This week, I want to talk about an almost common trope in modern dating, but through the lens of a classic story: Cinderella.

(00:00:00) - Intro, using the story as a lens, and the effect of the “wicked stepmother”

(00:04:13) - The shadow of the feminine and masculine, and the archetype of Prince Charming

(00:10:15) - The value of Cinderella as an archetype and symbol

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This Black Friday, why bother getting more stuff when you could work on yourself? All ManTalks courses are currently 20% off, and save even more when you bundle all 3. Check out: https://mantalks.com/blackfriday/

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: history, mythology, archetypes, culture

I’ve recently been asked to dig more into the deeper stuff, and who better to delve into the history of the ancients than Alex Petkas. We dig into how important history and story can be, how modern society has watered down the hero archetype, and who we can learn from in ancient history to re-inspire us. This is great ep to dig into if you’re searching for actual heroes, not just what you see on TV.

(00:00:00) - What was the role of the “hero” in ancient history, and is it important for a healthy society? 

(00:12:40) - What happens when you kill off the hero in you, and the balanced masculinity of Odysseus

(00:22:47) - How to restore a more generative hero archetype, and how we’ve made heroes one-dimensional

(00:30:41) - What Plutarch can teach men 

(00:40:59) - Ancient heroes men can learn from, or who the hell is Eumenes of Chardia?

(00:55:14) - The power of narrative

Alex Petkas is writer, entrepreneur, and founder of The Cost of Glory,  a bridge for the virtues of ancient heroes and the modern world’s demands. With a PhD in Classics from Princeton University, Alex has transcended traditional academic boundaries to bring the power of ancient wisdom into contemporary leadership. Recognizing that figures like Plato, Aristotle, Plutarch, and Cato were not just intellectual giants but also formidable leaders and entrepreneurs, he blends their timeless insights with modern leadership needs, offering actionable strategies that resonate with today’s leaders. Alex challenges the modern disregard for classical education, championing its vital role in moral and intellectual development. His mission is to reignite the heroic spark within men, empowering them to tackle contemporary challenges with unmatched courage and clarity.

Connect with Alex

-Website: https://www.costofglory.com/

-The Authoritative Speakers Guide: https://costofglory.kit.com/gift

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexpetkas/

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Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

talking points: anxiety, psychology, relationships

If you've ever been with someone who struggles with anxiety, this one's for you. A lot of men lean heavily into trying to fix things, even making it their entire mission. Here are some alternative steps that respect responsibility, autonomy, and help strengthen the relationship.

(00:00:00) - Intro, my working definition of anxiety, and the many places it comes from

(00:05:42) - Signs of anxiety in your partner

(00:10:47) - So what do you do? On reinforcement and co-regulation 

(00:14:59) - Attune to her signs, and physical touch

(00:17:36) - How to balance leaning into discomfort with backing off

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Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: masculinity, psychology, myth, Jung

Hot on the heels of the legendary John Lee, I interviewed another founding elder of men's work: Michael Meade. This is a powerful discussion focused on how essential "descent" is for men, and how it's almost completely disappeared from society in favor of endless, destructive growth and commodified "mastery". Powerful words from one of the wisest teachers out there, in my opinion.

(00:00:00) - The importance of descent in a man’s life

(00:11:51) - The signs of descent, and the role of technology

(00:22:28) - How the old worldview has collapsed, and the result is collective despair and grief

(00:29:39) - How do you deal with the feeling that things are ending?

(00:35:20) - The intersection of myth and AI; will they come together? 

(00:41:29) - Where does the descent actually lead, and the symbolism of water and sword

(00:55:13) - How to “get the water”

Michael Meade, born and raised in New York City, is a renowned storyteller, author, and scholar of mythology, anthropology, and psychology. He combines hypnotic and fiery storytelling, street-savvy perceptiveness, and spellbinding interpretations of ancient myths with a deep knowledge of cross-cultural rituals. His ability to tap into ancestral sources of wisdom to help people of today heal their communities has inspired thousands of people throughout the world. His unique translations of age-old myths and symbols into culturally relevant, everyday language earned him an honorary Doctorate in Humane Letters from Pacifica Graduate Institute. Michael is also the founder of Mosaic Multicultural Foundation and author of The Genius Myth, The Water of Life, The World Behind the World, Fate and Destiny, and Why the World Doesn't End. He is co-editor of The Rag and Bone Shop of the Heart, and editor of the cross-cultural anthology on rites of passage: Crossroads: A Quest for Contemporary Rites of Passage.

Connect with Michael:

-Podcast: Living Myth: https://www.mosaicvoices.org/podcast

-Website: https://www.mosaicvoices.org/

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Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard of attachment theory but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: psychology, depression, 

These are 3 conditions you may have never heard of before, but based on my experience working with men for 10+ years, they’ve got a significant presence. They’re also under-discussed.

(00:00:00) - Dysthymia, aka low-key depression

(00:04:25) - Alexithymia, when you can't describe emotions

(00:07:06) - Derealization, when nothing feels real

Further Reading

-Dysthymia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia

-Alexithymia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia

-Derealization: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization

***

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podc

Talking points: masculinity, culture, mythopoetics, Robert Bly, Iron John

Maybe you've heard it said that there are lots of "olders", but barely any elders. John Lee is one of the latter, in my opinion. A critical player in men's movements of the 90s and close friends with Robert Bly, John is a wealth of knowledge, insight, and honest talk—and no stranger to deep work. Listen in, team.

(00:00:00) - Intro, and what brought John to where he is today

(00:06:23) - The impact Robert Bly had on the mythopoetic men’s movement, and what that was

(00:20:36) - Why Iron John is still relevant

(00:31:41) - Are men struggling with different things now compared to the start of the mythopoetic men’s movement?

(00:38:58) - The dark father archetype, and the difference between Robert Bly and Jordan Peterson

(00:43:20) - What can the study of myth do for the average man, and how the manosphere falls short

John Lee is a pioneer in the fields of self-help, anger, codependency, creativity, recovery, relationships, and men’s issues. In the mental health field, he is considered the therapist’s therapist and regularly trains and mentors therapists on how to work with clients and how to work on themselves. He has taught his techniques and theories to thousands of individuals, couples, families, groups, corporations, and therapists all over the world. After 35 years of touring nationally and internationally, John Lee calls Austin, Texas his home.

Connect with John

-Website: https://johnleebooks.com/

-Seminar; From Hero To Elder: https://wakingheartschoolofwisdom.com/events/from_hero_to_elder/

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Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter