A raw and unfiltered journey through addiction, self-destruction, and recovery. I share my personal experience with substances like 4-MMC and ketamine, exploring how addiction begins as self-medication, spirals into isolation, and eventually forces a confrontation with the shadow self. This is not theory — it’s lived truth. For anyone struggling or seeking to understand addiction as both a human wound and a potential teacher, this reflection may offer perspective, honesty, and hope.

Chapters:

0:00 – Why I Keep Talking About Addiction

0:39 – Addiction as Self-Medication for Pain

2:27 – The Paradox: Knowing It’s Harmful but Still Using

3:05 – My Story with 4-MMC (Mephedrone)

5:00 – The Rush, the Redose, and Losing Willpower

7:50 – Social Anxiety, University Life, and Escaping Through Drugs

9:25 – The Shrinking World of Addiction

11:20 – Sweaty at 4 a.m., Looking in the Mirror

12:40 – Loneliness, Boredom, and Dependency

18:56 – Recovery, Shadow Work & The Slow Path of Healing

In this reflective talk, I explore the reality of creative block — how it feels, why it arises, and what it can teach us about awareness, environment, food, and rest. Drawing on personal experience, Ayurveda, and self-inquiry, I share insights into the deeper roots of stagnancy, the importance of environment and nutrition for mental clarity, and how rest and stillness are as vital to creativity as action itself. A grounded meditation on burnout, inspiration, and the cycles of creation.

Chapters & Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction

Creative block as the seed of today’s reflection.

0:36 – The Feeling of Creative Block

Dullness, resistance, and cognitive numbness.

2:05 – Block as a Portal to Self-Inquiry

Using stagnancy as a meditation bell.

3:14 – Environment and Inspiration

Urban chaos vs. natural stillness.

6:07 – Food and Mental State

The intimate link between nutrition and creativity.

7:19 – Ayurvedic Principles

Sattvic, Rajasic, and Tamasic foods explained.

11:28 – My Shift from Coffee to Tea

Tuning into the energetics of caffeine.

13:02 – Inputs to Consciousness

How environment and food feed awareness.

17:16 – Facing Burnout in the Moment

Rest, boredom, and waiting for inspiration.

22:59 – Rest as Creative Fuel

Balancing action and stillness for authentic creativity.

In this talk I explore the power of attention as our most precious resource. How distraction loops, social media, and unconscious habits drain our energy—and how meditation, awareness, and paying attention to attention itself reconnects us to reality, sovereignty, and even the mystical dimension of being. This is about reclaiming your consciousness, seeing through illusion, and remembering the divinity at the heart of existence.

0:00 – Attention as Our Most Precious Resource

0:36 – The Attention Economy and Distraction Loops

1:18 – Sovereignty of Consciousness

2:44 – Attention and the Present Moment (Meditation)

4:19 – Attention Shapes Reality and Action

6:07 – Awareness of Patterns and Habits

8:41 – Root Causes, Jung, and Active Imagination

9:40 – Mystical Experience and Ineffability

12:01 – God, Nature, and Divinity as Existence

14:30 – Dissolving the False Self and Quantum Reality

18:04 – Latent Human Capacities and Forgotten Magic

20:53 – Subtleties of Consciousness and Final Questions

In this video I explore the metaphysics of neurodivergence — the loneliness of being different, the masks we wear to survive, and the deep gifts of awareness and sensitivity. From childhood alienation to the bliss of solitude, this is a reflection on acceptance, rarity, and finding meaning as an outsider.

If you’ve ever felt out of step with the world, this is for you.

Chapters

0:00 – Introduction: Being Different

2:00 – Seeing Patterns Others Miss

4:00 – Questioning Money & Social Structures

6:00 – Psychic Attacks & Lesser Awareness

8:00 – The Exhaustion of Masking

10:00 – Solitude as Bliss

12:00 – Why Small Talk Feels Absurd

14:00 – Philosophy Without Curiosity

16:00 – Outliers & Innovation

18:00 – Autism, Hyper-Interests & Labels

20:00 – Acceptance Over Fitting In

22:00 – Rare Connections & Quality Over Quantity

In this heart-centered conversation, my wife and I explore the deeper terrain of romantic relationships — beyond roles and rules, into presence, truth, and soul. We speak on emotional safety, sacred partnerships, assumptions, and how to love without possession. This is for anyone navigating the edges of love, growth, and spiritual connection.

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⏱️ Chapters:

0:00 – Oceanic Beginnings

Opening the space for an intuitive, soulful riff on relationships.

1:30 – Attention is the Purest Form of Love

Why real understanding starts with presence, not assumption.

3:50 – The Fear of Conflict and Speaking Truth

How fear blocks emotional intimacy, and how to trust your partner with your truth.

6:10 – Commercial Love vs Sacred Connection

Exploring how consumer culture distorts our expectations of love.

9:00 – Creating Emotional Safety

What it means to hold space and create nonjudgmental safety in partnership.

11:45 – Healing Before You Meet Them

Unhealed patterns attract unhealed partners — how to shift that.

14:30 – Endings as Spiritual Initiations

Letting go to make space for aligned love. Ending with dignity.

17:00 – Clearing Baggage to Make Space

How past projections sabotage the present — and what to do about it.

No plans. No frame. Just the raw stream of presence.

In this unscripted riff, I explore the tension between creation and depletion, silence and noise, truth and bypassing, and the shadow side of spiritual commodification. I speak on ethical service, content fatigue, attention warfare, and the pathless path of awakening — the kind that doesn’t skip over the dark.

0:00 Pure breath, pure meditation

1:16 Craving silence in a noisy world

3:00 Burnout, rest, and the creative cycle

6:00 The trap of algorithmic content

8:14 Bypassing vs honouring the dark

9:32 Ethical service & resisting the sellout

11:47 Consumerism and what really matters

13:27 Spirituality, illusion, and the matrix

16:56 Reverence for both light and dark

20:00 Awareness, healing, and the body

23:00 Mystery, psychedelics, and awakening

In this one, I speak openly about my own experience with addiction — not in some clinical, detached way, but as someone who’s been through the depths. Addiction isn’t just about substances… it’s about escape, fixation, the loss of self. But it’s also an initiation. A breakdown that can, if you’re willing, become a turning point. This is about healing — not through therapy-speak or shallow affirmations, but through facing your own darkness, reclaiming your agency, and learning to trust in your body’s intelligence. If you’re in it, or coming out of it, I hope something here lands.

00:00 intro – the truth about addiction

01:00 the illusion of escape

03:00 chaos, collapse, and awakening

06:00 the cycle of craving and self-destruction

09:30 facing mortality, choosing to heal

11:00 the body’s intelligence & self-healing

12:30 belief, agency, and real recovery

#Addiction #Healing #SpiritualRecovery #ShadowWork #ComingHomeToYourself

In this unscripted riff, I explore the raw terrain of attention, inner stillness, and the ego’s constant narration. We’ve become addicted to noise — thought loops, dopamine spikes, endless stimulation — and forgotten the subtle intelligence of simply watching.This isn’t a meditation tutorial. It’s a deeper inquiry into what arises when the mind is quiet — how true creativity flows, how society suppresses that flow, and why awakening isn’t just about self-care... it's a form of rebellion.I move through themes of nonduality, gnosis, the Demiurge, food as mind control, and the factory farming of human consciousness. If you've ever questioned the system you’re in, or sensed the deeper pattern beneath the chaos, this one’s for you.✨ In this riff:The real purpose of meditationCreativity without egoGnosticism, archons & the priest classPsychedelics and the war on inner freedomWhy silence threatens the systemHow to reclaim your own awarenessIf it resonates, subscribe, drop a comment, and share it with someone waking up too.#Silence #SpiritualAwakening #Gnosticism #Demiurge #Nonduality #InnerFreedom #CreativeFlow #EgoDeath #Consciousness #TheMatrix

In this riff, I speak on the nature of growth — not as a self-help cliché, but as a process of death, discomfort, and deep spiritual honesty.

Real evolution demands that we let go of who we think we are.

It asks us to embrace the unknown. To face our fear of failure.

To stop numbing ourselves with comfort and begin showing up — raw, humble, and willing — as students of the universe.

I share thoughts on:

– Why growth is always tied to loss

– How comfort becomes a trap

– The importance of resistance in transformation

– What it really means to feel alive

– The spiritual power of doing something that unsettles you

If you’re someone drawn to inner work, shadow integration, and the deeper currents beneath selfhood — this one’s for you.

Subscribe for more riffs on consciousness, change, and the slow return to wholeness.

Let’s keep going — together.

Timestamps (Chapters):

00:00 – Growth & evolution

00:56 – Death of the old self

02:49 – Fear of failure

03:05 – Becoming a student of the universe

05:02 – Comfort as a spiritual block

08:12 – Flow vs. obligation

09:03 – Boredom & lack of surprise

#SpiritualGrowth #ShadowWork #HealingJourney #EgoDeath #PersonalEvolution #Mysticism #ConsciousnessShift #LettingGo #InnerWork #SelfTransformation

In this unscripted riff, I explore addiction as a spiritual sickness — not just a behavioural pattern, but a collapse of our inner world around fleeting gratification. I speak from experience. Addiction seduces us with a promise of relief, but it robs us of true presence, meaning, and self-love.

We talk about why instant pleasure is so often empty, how the mind disguises poison as pleasure, and what it really takes to begin healing: silence, introspection, solitude, and truth.

This is a reflection for anyone walking the path of healing — especially if you’ve ever felt lost in craving, numbness, or the illusion of quick fixes.

✨ If this resonates, consider subscribing or joining my 1:1 mentorship — voice memo guidance now available.

0:00 – Rediscovering love and feeling after addiction

0:15 – Addiction as spiritual contraction

1:30 – The illusion of relief

3:40 – Why addiction feels like a blessing

5:05 – Seeing through false pleasure

6:40 – Self-compassion in recovery

8:15 – Stillness, solitude, and inner healing

9:30 – The trap of overwork & distraction

10:00 – Work as love vs self-destruction