Masks Off: Inner Freedom For People-Pleasers and Perfectionists

What if your people-pleasing and perfectionism are not who you are — but approval scripts you learned in childhood?

In this episode, Kim Gross celebrates six years of the Masks Off podcast during Inner Child Month and explores the unconscious rules many of us learned about how to be loved, safe, and accepted.

These approval scripts can sound like: don’t upset anyone, be good, get it right, blend in, and make sure everyone else is okay.

Kim shares how achievement and external validation reinforced her own “good girl” identity, and how these scripts can show up today through saying yes when you mean no, overthinking conversations, avoiding conflict, struggling with boundaries, and feeling responsible for other people’s emotions.

She also explains how the Inner Controller tries to protect you from rejection, criticism, and disconnection by keeping you in control and constantly monitoring everyone around you.

Using a personal example from a family trip for her daughter’s master’s graduation, Kim walks listeners through how old scripts get activated and how to begin rewriting them with awareness, compassion, and small shifts.

This episode is an invitation to stop living by the old rules and begin creating a new way of being — one rooted in truth, freedom, and self-worth.

👉 Connect with Kim (the host): 👉 New Book: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/free-to-be.php 👉 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching 👉 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ 👉 Website: www.kimgrosscoaching.com 👉 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.gross.104 👉 Facebook Masks Off Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity 👉 YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg 👉 Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583 👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/notifications/?filter=all 👉 Unmasked Newsletter: http://subscribepage.io/masksoffnewsletter 👉 People-Pleasing Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php

Perfectionism isn’t who you are—it’s who you became to feel safe.

In this opening episode of Inner Child Month, Kim shares how her perfectionism and people-pleasing weren’t personality traits, but protective adaptations formed in childhood.

She introduces the concept of the inner child and explains how unmet needs around love, safety, and worth shape the patterns we still carry today. Through personal stories—including a pivotal moment at age 10—Kim unpacks how the drive for validation, fear of rejection, and need for control are all rooted in protection.

She also introduces the “Inner Controller” and how it creates a false sense of safety through hypervigilance, including how it shows up as health anxiety.

This episode is about understanding—not fixing—your patterns.

Because awareness is where freedom begins.

👉 Connect with Kim (the host): 👉 New Book: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/free-to-be.php 👉 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching 👉 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ 👉 Website: www.kimgrosscoaching.com 👉 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.gross.104 👉 Facebook Masks Off Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity 👉 YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg 👉 Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583 👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/notifications/?filter=all 👉 Unmasked Newsletter: http://subscribepage.io/masksoffnewsletter 👉 People-Pleasing Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php

If you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or disconnected, this episode explores a powerful truth: healing doesn’t come from avoiding your feelings—it comes from allowing them.

Kim welcomes grief guide Marie Crews to discuss how grief extends far beyond loss through death. From identity shifts to unmet dreams, grief shows up in ways many people don’t recognize—and often try to suppress.

Together, they explore the Inner Controller and how it keeps people stuck in cycles of avoidance, productivity, and emotional disconnection. They also discuss how unprocessed grief lives in the body and how creating safety to feel is the key to true healing.

Marie shares her Nautilus Way journaling method as a practical tool to process emotions, rewire beliefs, and move toward peace.

This episode is a powerful reminder that peace and pain can coexist—and that feeling is the pathway to freedom.

👉 Connect with Kim (the host): 👉 New Book: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/free-to-be.php 👉 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching 👉 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ 👉 Website: www.kimgrosscoaching.com 👉 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.gross.104 👉 Facebook Masks Off Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity 👉 YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg 👉 Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583 👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/notifications/?filter=all 👉 Unmasked Newsletter: http://subscribepage.io/masksoffnewsletter 👉 People-Pleasing Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php

Marie Crews is a certified grief guide, life coach, speaker, retreat facilitator, and bestselling author who has helped women step into their power for over 15 years.After turning personal adversity, including the sudden loss of her son and mother, into a path of resilience, she now guides women in learning how peace and joy can coexist with even the deepest grief.Through her signature journaling method, The Nautilus Way, Marie helps women identify and rewire limiting beliefs so they can access clarity, confidence, and emotional freedom in the face of life’s biggest challenges.Through 1:1 coaching, group programs, and transformational retreats hosted at her Gulf-front home, she empowers women to embrace their worth and live with intention, peace and purpose.

https://www.mariecrews.comhttps://www.facebook.com/marieeurecrews https://www.tiktok.com/@empowermentandgriefguidehttps://www.instagram.com/mariecrewsempowers

If you’ve ever felt stuck, resentful, or powerless in your life… this episode is going to challenge you—in the best way.

In this episode of Masks Off: Inner Freedom for People Pleasers and Perfectionists, I’m talking about one of the most misunderstood concepts in personal growth: ownership.

And let me be clear—ownership is NOT self-blame.

It’s not about shaming yourself. It’s not about taking responsibility for what others did to you.

It’s about reclaiming your power.

I share how staying in victimhood once kept me stuck—especially in my marriage—and how learning to take ownership of my part changed everything.

We’ll talk about:

• The difference between victimhood vs. empowerment

• Why blaming others keeps you stuck (even when they are wrong)

• How your Inner Controller uses blame to protect you

• A real-life example of how I shifted from reactivity to awareness

• The powerful question that can change everything: “What’s mine?”

• Why self-compassion is essential when taking ownership

This is the work that leads to true inner freedom.

🎧 Listen now and start stepping out of victimhood and into your power.

If this episode resonates, this is exactly what I walk you through in my book, 📖 Free to Be: A Pathway to Inner Liberation

Inside, I share my personal journey of moving out of blame and into responsibility—and how that shift creates lasting freedom.

✨ This episode directly connects to the “O” in my POWER Pathway: Ownership—one of the most transformative steps in healing.

👉 Grab your copy

👉 Connect with Kim (the host): 👉 New Book: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/free-to-be.php 👉 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching 👉 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ 👉 Website: www.kimgrosscoaching.com 👉 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.gross.104 👉 Facebook Masks Off Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity 👉 YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg 👉 Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583 👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/notifications/?filter=all 👉 Unmasked Newsletter: http://subscribepage.io/masksoffnewsletter 👉 People-Pleasing Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php

Have you ever found yourself crying in your car… wondering what is wrong with you?

Nothing is wrong with you.

In this episode of Masks Off: Inner Freedom for People Pleasers & Perfectionists, we’re talking about the moments you usually hide—the tears, the overwhelm, the emotional release that seems to come out of nowhere.

But what if those moments aren’t breakdowns?

What if they’re your body finally feeling safe enough to release what you’ve been holding in for years?

Inside this episode, I break down:

• Why emotional release often shows up when you finally slow down

• How your Inner Controller has been suppressing your feelings

• Why crying is not weakness—it’s regulation

• How to let yourself feel without spiraling or shutting down

This is your permission slip to be human.

🎧 Listen now and learn how to feel… so you can finally be free.

P.S. If this episode hit you, it’s because you’re starting to feel—and that’s exactly where real freedom begins.

In my book Free to Be: A Pathway to Inner Liberation, I walk you step-by-step through how to safely feel your emotions without getting overwhelmed—especially if you’ve spent a lifetime pushing them down.

Because feeling your emotions isn’t the problem…

It’s the path.

👉 Grab your copy and start your journey to inner freedom.

👉 Connect with Kim (the host): 👉 New Book: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/free-to-be.php 👉 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching 👉 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ 👉 Website: www.kimgrosscoaching.com 👉 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.gross.104 👉 Facebook Masks Off Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity 👉 YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg 👉 Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583 👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/notifications/?filter=all 👉 Unmasked Newsletter: http://subscribepage.io/masksoffnewsletter 👉 People-Pleasing Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php

You’re not overwhelmed by your emotions… you’re overwhelmed by the story you’re telling about them.

In this episode of Masks Off: Inner Freedom for People Pleasers and Perfectionists, Kim breaks down why overthinking your feelings is actually what keeps you stuck—and how to shift out of the spiral.

If you’ve ever found yourself asking:

• “Why do I feel like this?”

• “What does this mean?”

• “How do I fix this?”

This episode will help you understand why those questions might be the very thing dysregulating your nervous system.

You’ll learn:

• The difference between feeling your emotions vs. thinking about them

• How your Inner Controller creates emotional overwhelm

• Why storytelling amplifies anxiety instead of resolving it

• A simple, powerful shift: name it, don’t narrate it

• A 3-step reset to move out of your head and back into your body

This isn’t about fixing your emotions. It’s about learning how to be with them—without the story.

If you’re ready to feel without spiraling, this episode is for you.

👉 Connect with Kim (the host): 👉 New Book: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/free-to-be.php 👉 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching 👉 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ 👉 Website: www.kimgrosscoaching.com 👉 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.gross.104 👉 Facebook Masks Off Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity 👉 YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg 👉 Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583 👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/notifications/?filter=all 👉 Unmasked Newsletter: http://subscribepage.io/masksoffnewsletter 👉 People-Pleasing Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php

If you feel nothing lately… this is why.

In this episode of Masks Off: Inner Freedom for People Pleasers and Perfectionists, we begin what I’m calling The Feeling Era—because before you can heal, grow, or change your patterns… you have to be able to feel.

If you’ve been feeling emotionally numb, disconnected, or like you’re just going through the motions, you are not broken.

Your nervous system is protecting you.

In this episode, I break down why emotional numbness happens—especially for people who grew up in chaotic, dysfunctional, or emotionally unsafe environments—and how your Inner Controller learned to keep you safe by keeping you busy, productive, and disconnected from your emotions.

But here’s the truth: When you numb pain, you also numb joy.

And there is a way to start feeling again—safely.

• Why emotional numbness is a protective response (not a flaw)

• How people pleasing and over-functioning disconnect you from your body

• The role of your Inner Controller in avoiding emotional overwhelm

• Signs you may be numbing without realizing it

• Simple, body-based steps to start feeling your emotions safely

This is your invitation to stop overriding yourself… and start coming home to yourself.

📖 Mentioned in this episode: Free to Be: A Pathway to Inner Liberation

🎧 Make sure to follow Masks Off: Inner Freedom for People Pleasers and Perfectionists so you don’t miss next week’s episode, where we go deeper into emotional awareness and healing.

👉 Connect with Kim (the host): 👉 New Book: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/free-to-be.php 👉 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching 👉 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ 👉 Website: www.kimgrosscoaching.com 👉 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.gross.104 👉 Facebook Masks Off Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity 👉 YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg 👉 Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583 👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/notifications/?filter=all 👉 Unmasked Newsletter: http://subscribepage.io/masksoffnewsletter 👉 People-Pleasing Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php

In this episode, you’ll learn:

 Why is it so hard to say no… even when you know you need to?

In this episode of Masks Off, Kim is joined by returning guest Ashley Bendiksen—healthy relationships educator, youth speaker, and trauma-resilience advocate—to explore why boundary-setting feels so difficult, especially for young adults.

Together, they unpack how early conditioning, fear of rejection, people-pleasing, and nervous system responses like freezing and fawning can make even the simplest boundary feel impossible.

This conversation goes beyond surface-level advice and gets to the root: emotional safety.

You’ll hear real-life examples from friendships, dating, family, and work—and learn how to start setting boundaries in small, doable ways without overwhelming yourself.

They also explore the deeper truth: that true confidence in setting boundaries comes from healing the parts of you that learned it wasn’t safe to have them.

Key Takeaways:

• It’s not a skill issue—it’s a safety issue
  

• Why you can know what to say and still not say it
  

• The role of the “inner controller” in avoiding conflict
  

• How to start with micro-boundaries
  

• Why discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong

  
  👉 Connect with Kim (the host): 👉 New Book: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/free-to-be.php 👉 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching 👉 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ 👉 Website: www.kimgrosscoaching.com 👉 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.gross.104 👉 Facebook Masks Off Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity 👉 YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg 👉 Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583 👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/notifications/?filter=all 👉 Unmasked Newsletter: http://subscribepage.io/masksoffnewsletter 👉 People-Pleasing Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php
  
  

About Ashley:

ASHLEY BENDIKSEN is an acclaimed national speaker, award-winning activist, and subject matter expert in domestic violence, sexual assault, relational health, early intervention, and trauma resilience. Year-round, she speaks to and trains diverse audiences — from students and youth-serving professionals to law enforcement, victim advocates, corporate leaders, and workplace safety teams.

Ashley’s lived experience is complemented by extensive field experience spanning the criminal justice system, victim services, violence prevention and response, policy, and advocacy. She is also a Certified Trauma and Resilience Specialist in Education, with expanded training and certifications in victim advocacy, crisis response, trauma-informed practices, adverse childhood experiences, cognitive behavioral therapy, and supporting BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ populations.

A passionate activist, Ashley has spearheaded numerous advocacy initiatives, held leadership roles on several boards of directors, and currently serves as her state’s sole advisor to the National Office for Victim Assistance. She is also the founder of a global storytelling platform for survivors and is the author of  A Kids Book About Boundaries.

Connect with Ashley:Website: www.ashleybendiksen.com
School Inquiries: https://topyouthspeakers.com/speakers-topics/ashley-bendiksen
Email: [email protected]
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/ashleybendiksen
Instagram: www.instagram.com/ashleybendiksen
Facebook: www.facebook/com/ashleybendiksen

https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/813678/a-kids-book-about-boundaries-by-ashley-bendiksen/ 

Why does rest feel so uncomfortable—even when you know you need it?

In this episode of Masks Off: Inner Freedom for People-Pleasers & Perfectionists, Kim Gross explores the internal pressure that keeps so many of us stuck in constant motion: the “I have to” voice.

She introduces the concept of the inner controller—a protective part formed in earlier experiences where control equaled safety. While this pattern may have once helped you navigate uncertainty or chaos, it can now show up as urgency, perfectionism, over-functioning, and an inability to slow down.

Kim connects this pattern to nervous system survival responses (fight, flight, freeze, and fawn), explaining why rest can feel unsafe even when your body is exhausted.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why your mind resists rest

• How the inner controller drives “I have to” thinking

• The connection between control and safety

• How burnout is reinforced through these patterns

• Practical ways to shift into “I choose to”

• Tools to regulate your nervous system and create more ease

This episode invites you to begin noticing where this pressure shows up in your life—and how to relate to it with more awareness, compassion, and choice.

Toxic Productivity: When Hustle Is a Mask for Fear

Many of us have learned to equate productivity with worth.

But what happens when the drive to achieve becomes a way of avoiding how we really feel?

In this episode of Masks Off, Kim Gross explores the pattern of toxic productivity — the constant pressure to stay busy, prove your value, and keep moving so you never have to slow down.

She breaks down common signs of fear-driven productivity, including guilt around rest, chronic urgency, over-functioning in relationships, and the feeling of never doing enough.

Kim also explores the deeper roots of these patterns, including childhood roles like being the responsible one or the family “superhero,” and how the nervous system can learn to interpret stillness as unsafe.

You’ll learn the difference between healthy productivity and compulsive achievement, and why slowing down can be one of the most powerful acts of self-reconnection.

The episode ends with a short grounding meditation designed to help you reconnect with presence and safety in stillness.

If you’ve ever felt like rest has to be earned, this conversation will challenge that belief.

👉 Connect with Kim (the host): 👉 New Book: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/free-to-be.php 👉 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimgrosscoaching 👉 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimgrosscoaching/ 👉 Website: www.kimgrosscoaching.com 👉 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.gross.104 👉 Facebook Masks Off Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/masksoffcommunity 👉 YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Et9BMqdFriIQ9bUxcfQeg 👉 Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/masks-off/id1513846583 👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/notifications/?filter=all 👉 Unmasked Newsletter: http://subscribepage.io/masksoffnewsletter 👉 People-Pleasing Quiz: https://www.kimgrosscoaching.com/quiz.php