Maxwell's Kitchen

Taylor Canoso worried about what leaving her marriage would do to her children. Then she started noticing how the tension at home was affecting her oldest son.

In this episode of Maxwell’s Kitchen, I talk with Taylor, a mother of two boys, volleyball coach, and club director, about navigating divorce with kids. She is several months into separation, with court dates ahead and parenting arrangements still taking shape.

Taylor describes getting married at 21, becoming a mother, and gradually realizing she could no longer picture a future with her husband. She shares her experience of supporting a partner through addiction, initiating difficult conversations, and recognizing avoidance and codependency in their relationship.

We discuss meeting through church and the expectations that shaped their decision to marry young. Leaving that community initially brought them closer, but Taylor felt they continued growing in different directions without the communication needed to stay connected.

She also tells me about a trip to Mexico when she realized she did not want to go home. She missed her boys, but dreaded returning to the tension. Conversations with friends and family helped her begin imagining what leaving would actually involve.

I share parts of my own divorce, including losing the identity I had built around being a husband, father, and homeowner. We talk about lingering resentment, finding support, and continuing to parent together when the relationship is over.

Taylor feels certain about her decision while still grieving what it means for her family. Watching her husband FaceTime their children can hurt, even when she believes separation is the right choice.

We finish with fly fishing, something she learned with him and wants to keep doing independently. She talks about slowing down on the river, learning to trust herself, and continuing to make outdoor memories with her boys.

If you’ve been through a separation with children, what helped your family through the transition?

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8-s2Pap2e0

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Tim Beeker believes many Christians misunderstand the Bible, especially the Torah and its relationship to Jesus. I want to know how he decides which interpretation is right.

Tim returns to Maxwell’s Kitchen to discuss his book, The Gold of Torah, The Silver of Messiah, The Copper of Judgment: 50+ Arguments Supporting Messianic Apologetics. He describes himself as a Torah-observant Messianic believer and explains why he challenges teachings and traditions he encounters in Christian churches.

Our first conversation centered on his work transporting the deceased. We begin with why back problems and changes at his former employer led him to leave, then turn to the religious arguments he has spent years developing.

We discuss creation, Bible translations, the historical Jesus, the Dead Sea Scrolls, and Tim’s interpretation of prophecy. He offers the reasons he finds his beliefs convincing, while I ask how someone outside that belief system could evaluate them.

The conversation gets into the afterlife, judgment, and the limits of what Tim feels able to say. I ask whether growing up somewhere else might have led him to another religion, what evidence could change his mind, and why an all-powerful God would not simply make everyone good.

Tim keeps returning to how people treat one another. He believes studying Torah should influence everyday behavior, and he wants readers to consider the connections he draws between its teachings and Jesus.

We finish by returning to the work he misses. Tim talks about wanting to support grieving people and tells me about helping a family retrieve their dog after a trailer fire. It is a specific example of the service he values: being willing to show up when someone needs help.

We disagree on parts of the discussion, but I appreciate the chance to hear what matters to him and keep asking questions.

What belief have you changed your mind about, and what changed it?

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XU2OsEeDqGI

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Ashlen Hilliard helped a mother leave a polygamist group with her two babies. After getting out, the woman feared God would strike her and her children dead. She eventually returned.

In this episode of Maxwell’s Kitchen, I talk with Ashlen about why leaving a cult or high-control community can involve much more than physically walking away.

Ashlen grew up in a conservative Church of Christ congregation near Salt Lake City. She describes childhood conversion pressure, questioning religious interpretations, and the painful response to leaving her church. In college, she struggled with restrictions on women and queer people while finding her voice through speech and debate.

Her experience helped lead her into case management, supporting people leaving Utah polygamist groups, including the Kingstons and FLDS. She recounts a late-night meeting where she suspected surveillance and called police because she feared they could not leave safely.

We discuss the work that follows an exit: obtaining identification, continuing education, finding community, and making decisions outside the system someone has always known. Ashlen shares the joy of celebrating mothers earning their GEDs alongside the heartbreak of seeing someone return to a group.

She emphasizes autonomy. Helping someone recover their ability to choose also means respecting decisions she wishes were different.

Through her work with the International Cultic Studies Association and SAFE Portland, Ashlen connects with people from many backgrounds. She explains why she is careful with the word “cult,” how controlling dynamics can extend beyond religion, and why she wants to understand each person’s experience before applying a label.

We also talk about maintaining family relationships, setting boundaries, and making room for doubt. Ashlen remembers good people and meaningful experiences within her former community while recognizing why she needed to leave.

What first made you question a group or community you belonged to?

SAFE Portland
https://www.safeportland.org/

International Cultic Studies Association
https://www.icsahome.com/

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVNwoM0VnRE

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Three and a half miles on a bicycle in the middle of the night seemed completely reasonable. There was a girl at the other end.

In this solo storytime episode of Maxwell’s Kitchen, I revisit my high school years in The Dalles, Oregon, when I had plenty of energy for sneaking out and almost none left for school.

The plan involved slipping through my parents’ garage, getting my bicycle through the side gate, and riding across town without waking anyone up. My little brother knew what was happening. He wasn’t thrilled about it, but he kept quiet, which was an important contribution to my continued success.

Once I got there, we would hang out and set an alarm for around 4:15 in the morning so I could ride home before my parents noticed. At first, I only did this on weekends. Then I apparently decided that attending school rested was holding me back.

There were hills, freezing nights, sweaty rides, and animals jumping out of bushes to see how committed I was. Once, I missed the alarm and raced home after sunrise to find my dad already awake and getting ready for work. Somehow, I still got away with it.

Eventually, another guy entered the picture. When I couldn’t get a straight answer about where she was, I found an address in a phone book and rode over to a party nobody had invited me to.

I remember the look on everyone’s faces when I appeared at the sliding glass door. It was becoming clear that the bicycle had taken me somewhere my personality was not particularly welcome.

A story about teenage confidence, landlines, questionable priorities, and the amount of effort I would put into seeing a girl while treating sleep as an optional activity.

Watch on YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQv1UXJuhmY

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Playing Never Have I Ever with people who have known you since high school is a terrible way to keep your embarrassing stories private.

In this episode of Maxwell’s Kitchen, three old friends from The Dalles join me for King’s Cup. We put on Christmas gear, open some drinks, and immediately discover that nobody remembers the rules quite the same way.

Before the first card, there are microphone complaints, Santa hat problems, and a debate about when we last played. Once we get going, remembering whose turn it is becomes another challenge entirely.

We work through categories, rhymes, questions, and sentences that probably should have ended sooner. New rules give us more ways to lose, especially when we ban a name that keeps coming up because making fun of that person is a major part of the conversation.

Never Have I Ever turns into an opportunity to ask suspiciously specific questions. Camping disasters, old parties, questionable decisions, and incidents with witnesses all find their way back to the table. Someone has clearly put more thought into embarrassing his friends than remembering how the game works.

Between cards, we revisit growing up together, music, old houses, and a bicycle bell attached to a porch. One detail brings back another story, which gets interrupted by someone pointing out an elbow on the table.

The thumb rule makes everyone suspicious of everyone else’s hands. Breaking the circle requires another meeting about the rules. As the deck gets smaller, we finally start counting kings.

There are plans for pizza and another gathering afterward, assuming we can finish the game currently in front of us.

If you want an orderly King’s Cup tutorial, our repeated confusion should tell you how that’s going to go. If you want four old friends laughing at stories they probably should have kept to themselves, pull up a chair.

Watch on YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKmZCHloNdo

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https://maxwellskitchenpodcast.com/maxwells-kitchen-podcast/2021/12/17-episode-55-kings-cup

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Kayci Mitchell had been in abstinence-based recovery since she was 18. Using psychedelics in addiction recovery was far outside her comfort zone. Then people traveling to and from an ibogaine clinic in Mexico began staying at her home.

The changes she observed made her curious. She also noticed what she felt was missing: preparation before the experience and sustained support afterward.

In this episode of Maxwell’s Kitchen, I talk with Kayci, a psychedelic integration coach, educator, and journey guide, about her work around trauma, addiction recovery, and making sense of intense experiences.

Kayci shares her perspectives on ibogaine, psilocybin mushrooms, LSD, MDMA, and DMT. We discuss the expectations people bring into psychedelic experiences and why she challenges the idea that one powerful trip will automatically change the rest of someone’s life.

I ask about difficult journeys, whether someone can come away feeling worse, and what support looks like when an experience becomes overwhelming. I also share a frightening DMT experience when I did not know what I had taken or how long it would last.

Much of our conversation concerns what happens when people return home. Their routines, relationships, and surroundings may be unchanged, even if their perspective feels different. Kayci explains how preparation, conversations with a therapist or coach, journaling, meditation, and community fit into her approach to integration.

We also discuss microdosing, stigma around addiction, drug policy, and her concerns about commercial interests entering the psychedelic field. Through her involvement with Portland Psychedelic Society, she emphasizes opportunities to ask questions and hear other people’s experiences.

When I ask what she means by “holding space,” Kayci describes listening, reassurance, and knowing someone before supporting them through a difficult moment. Her focus keeps returning to the person and the work surrounding the experience.

Kayci shares her experiences, beliefs, and interpretations throughout this conversation. This episode is not medical advice or a guide to taking psychedelics.

Watch on YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdnPo1PspMY

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Emily Rose has worked with more than ten hypnotists this year because she wants to experience their methods before deciding what to bring into her own work. I have some questions, starting with what hypnosis actually feels like and how much control you have while it is happening.

Emily is a hypnotist and artist whose interests include anxiety, childhood conditioning, and mother-daughter relationships. She joins me to discuss the experiences that brought her to hypnosis, her approach to inner child work, and the spiritual ideas that inform her perspective.

We talk about imagining conversations you could not have as a child, recognizing patterns you keep repeating, and why understanding a habit does not necessarily make it disappear. Emily also explains that she is not a therapist and describes the boundaries she places around her work, including when she refers someone elsewhere.

The conversation moves into parenting, boredom, and how quickly we reach for a phone when nothing is happening. I wonder how much room we leave children to figure things out while recognizing that adults are not particularly good at sitting quietly either.

Then there is the photograph from a garden center. Emily remembers an argument and leaving without flowers. The picture near the little hobbit house suggested a much happier outing. That takes us into social media, dating profiles, and everything you cannot learn about someone from a carefully selected image.

Later, Emily talks about people-pleasing, lying to avoid criticism, and learning to give an honest answer even when someone might dislike it. We discuss marriage, changing plans for parenthood, and discovering that our parents still have ambitions of their own.

Her dad’s involve writing songs, joining a band, and wearing unicorn shirts after retirement. I have questions about that too.

Emily shares personal experiences and spiritual interpretations. This conversation is not medical advice, and experiences described during regression are not presented as verified memories.

Watch on YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-g0zPvObWY

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Brian Ravenswood grew up in New York City, attended art school in Greenwich Village, and worked as a designer, illustrator, and graphic artist. Many of the people around him disliked Donald Trump long before Trump entered politics. Brian voted for him anyway.

I want to understand why.

Brian is a political blogger living in the Pacific Northwest. He joins me to explain his distrust of career politicians, his objections to Hillary Clinton, and why he prefers candidates with experience outside government. I ask whether his support is about Trump personally or the possibility of getting something different from Washington.

I consider myself liberal, and my impression of Trump is considerably less favorable. Brian, meanwhile, makes it clear that voting Republican does not mean he particularly likes the Republican Party. We find some common ground in being disappointed with the choices available, even when we disagree about which choice makes sense.

We begin with his childhood in Manhattan and the Bronx, political arguments in art school, and his experience working in news graphics. Brian describes feeling out of step with people who assumed everyone around them shared the same politics. He also explains the distinction he draws between liberalism and leftism, particularly around free speech and disagreement.

From there, we discuss media bubbles, COVID-19 policies, distrust of institutions, and whether elected officials understand ordinary working lives. There is also an unexpectedly hopeful detour into Brian’s ideas about space exploration before we return to cultural appropriation, Portland, policing, and public safety.

Throughout the conversation, I keep coming back to what happens when one opinion becomes a verdict on someone’s entire character. Brian has strong views, and we do not resolve every disagreement. But I would rather ask him how he arrived at them than assume I already know.

Watch on YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kf7HTRwYtY

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Jesse Miller is a stunt double for Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

All production by Cody Maxwell.

Artwork by Cody Maxwell.

Opening graphic assets by UlyanaStudio.

Opening music by Cody Maxwell.

sharkfyn.com/maxwells-kitchen-podcast

Lisa Kendall grew up in Sam Fife’s The Move of God after her family became involved when she was nine. She joins me to share her experience of restricted education, childhood abuse, and work she identifies as labor trafficking.

Lisa describes communal houses in the Portland area and her later experiences in Grand Marais and Duluth, Minnesota. She recounts working while surrendering much of her wages, needing permission for ordinary activities, and being taught to distrust the world outside the group.

When I ask why she stayed, she explains that being miserable did not mean she understood she could leave.

Her departure was not a single clean break. Lisa ran away at fifteen, lived with her grandmother and later foster parents, then returned to care for her mother. At nineteen, a phone call offering a ride back to Portland made her recognize that leaving Minnesota was possible. She bought a bus ticket instead.

Returning to Portland did not immediately give her money, an education, or an understanding of what she had experienced. Recognizing her childhood as life in a coercive group came much later.

We discuss the outside friendships that gave her something to compare against, rebuilding her education, and how writing about her sister Mindy helped her question explanations she had accepted growing up. Lisa also shares her commitment to stronger protections for children and vulnerable people harmed in coercive groups.

There is pain and anger in her account, alongside affection for friends, enthusiasm for travel and hiking, and pride in the education she worked to achieve. I’m grateful she is willing to share both what happened and what she wants people to understand.

Content note: Discussion of child abuse, sexual violence, neglect, and labor exploitation.

Watch on YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKdlWhqQyTQ

International Cultic Studies Association
https://www.icsahome.com/

Spiritual Abuse Forum for Education — Portland
https://www.safeportland.org/

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