MBT EN – Understanding Mentalization-Based Treatment

🎙️ Group Session – “Between Being Hurt and Truly Being Heard”

Welcome to this episode of the MBT podcast.

In this episode, we step inside an MBT group therapy session where vulnerability and connection turn out to be much closer than they first appear.

What begins as a conversation about absence, responsibility, and relationships within the group gradually develops into something much more personal.

What happens when you finally put into words what something truly does to you?

And what happens when the other person resists the urge to explain or defend themselves, and instead first tries to understand?

Today, we listen to a group exploring how difficult it can be to make yourself vulnerable without immediately moving into defensiveness or emotional distance.

And perhaps more importantly:

What changes when people truly feel heard?

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🧠 What is central in this episode

Having the courage to be vulnerable

Sometimes it is easier to create distance than to express what is really happening inside.

In this session, group members begin to give words to feelings they have carried in silence for a long time.

Not as blame.

But as a deeply personal experience.

And that becomes the beginning of a very different conversation.

⸻

Defending or connecting?

When we feel hurt, our first instinct is often to explain ourselves.

To justify.

To defend.

But does explanation always help?

Or is something else needed first?

The group explores how defensiveness can unintentionally create more distance, while acknowledgment creates connection.

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Feeling seen

A central theme in this episode is recognition.

Not who is right.

Not who is wrong.

But the need to feel understood in what something has stirred inside.

Only when feelings are given space does genuine understanding begin to grow.

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Old patterns in new relationships

As the conversation unfolds, it becomes clear that experiences from the past continue to shape the present.

Feeling rejected.

Feeling unimportant.

Defending yourself.

Or creating distance before someone else can.

Patterns that once protected us, but which now invite a different response.

⸻

The courage to respond differently

This session shows how difficult change can be.

Not because people are unwilling to change.

But because old reactions are often faster than new insights.

Yet throughout the conversation, group members help one another slow down, reflect, and discover new ways of responding.

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🌟 The common thread

The common thread in this episode is that genuine connection does not begin by convincing one another.

It begins by trying to understand.

Mentalizing sometimes means setting your own story aside for a moment.

Not because your feelings do not matter.

But because curiosity creates space for both people.

And it is in that space that change becomes possible.

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💬 Closing

This episode reminds us that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness.

When emotions are allowed to exist without immediately being defended, explained, or solved, something new begins to emerge.

Not perfection.

Not certainty.

But greater understanding.

Deeper connection.

And more room for one another.

And sometimes meaningful change begins with one simple question:

“Can you first understand what I’m feeling… before explaining why?”

🎙️ Special Episode – “Between Knowing and Truly Choosing”

Welcome to this special episode of the MBT podcast.

In this episode, we once again step inside a one-on-one therapy session — a place where old patterns become visible, but also where change proves to be more difficult than we often expect.

Sometimes you know exactly what is good for you.

You know you need rest.

You know you want to set a boundary.

You know you want to stay curious.

And yet, making that choice is not always as easy as knowing it.

Today, we listen to a conversation that reveals how tension is often created not by one major event, but by the accumulation of many small moments.

Moments in which the client gradually realizes that he keeps putting himself second.

And perhaps more importantly:

Why is it sometimes so much easier to take care of everyone else than it is to take care of yourself?

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🧠 What is central in this episode

When small moments begin to accumulate

Sometimes there is no single major event.

Instead, it is a series of small moments that slowly build emotional tension.

A remark.

An expectation.

A misunderstanding.

A promise.

Individually, they seem insignificant.

Together, they become overwhelming.

⸻

Taking yourself seriously

A central theme in this episode is learning to take yourself seriously.

Not only recognizing what you need.

But also giving yourself permission to act on it.

Why can that be so much harder than it seems?

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The tension between speaking up and staying silent

Throughout the session, the client repeatedly faces the same question:

Do I say something?

Or do I keep it to myself?

When does silence protect you?

And when does it quietly allow tension to grow?

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When the bar keeps moving higher

As tension increases, something else begins to happen.

The expectations placed on yourself become greater.

There is always one more task.

One more problem to solve.

One more thing to finish.

Often at the very moment when rest is needed the most.

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Finding rest in a restless mind

The client begins to notice how difficult it can be to truly slow down.

Even when the outside world becomes quiet, the mind keeps moving.

Thoughts.

Responsibilities.

Things that still need to be done.

As if every attempt to relax is interrupted by another obligation.

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🌟 The common thread

The common thread in this episode is the tension between knowing and choosing.

Knowing what is healthy.

Knowing what you need.

Yet discovering how easily old patterns can pull you in a different direction.

Mentalizing helps create a different response.

Not only by staying curious about other people.

But also by becoming curious about yourself.

And perhaps asking the most important question of all:

“What do I truly need right now?”

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💬 Closing

This episode reminds us that personal growth is not always found in life-changing breakthroughs.

Sometimes the greatest challenge lies in the smallest decisions.

The decision to rest.

The decision to take yourself seriously.

Or the decision not to automatically put everyone else first.

And perhaps real change begins the moment you offer yourself the same care and attention that you so naturally give to others.

🎙️ Special Episode – “Not Everything Has to Be Mine to Carry”

Welcome to this special episode of the MBT podcast.

In this episode, we once again step inside a one-on-one therapy session — a place where change often begins long before it becomes visible on the outside.

What unfolds in this session will feel familiar to many people: spending years carrying responsibilities that may never have been yours to carry in the first place.

Not only your own worries.

But also the worries of others.

The emotions of others.

The problems of others.

And then, slowly, discovering that not everything belongs on your shoulders.

Today, we listen to a conversation in which old patterns of control, responsibility, and adaptation begin to give way to something new.

Not because life suddenly becomes easier.

But because the client is beginning to recognize what belongs to him — and what does not.

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🧠 What is central in this episode

Letting go of responsibility

Some people spend years carrying more than they were ever meant to carry.

Trying to solve.

Trying to protect.

Trying to make things better.

In this session, a new realization begins to emerge:

being involved is not the same as being responsible.

And letting go is not the same as not caring.

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Taking up space without guilt

An important theme in this episode is learning to take up space.

Not by becoming harder.

Not by caring less.

But by finally including yourself in the equation.

What happens when your needs no longer automatically come last?

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Allowing appreciation to come in

Sometimes receiving a compliment is harder than receiving criticism.

In this session, the client begins to notice something changing.

Positive feedback is no longer immediately dismissed.

Recognition is no longer pushed away.

Instead, there is a growing willingness to let it in.

And that turns out to be a bigger shift than it first appears.

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When others have to adjust to your change

Change rarely happens in isolation.

People become familiar with who you have always been.

And when you begin to change, they often need time to adjust as well.

This can create confusion.

Resistance.

Misunderstanding.

But sometimes it can also create entirely new conversations.

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What belongs to me, and what belongs to someone else?

One question runs throughout the entire session:

Whose responsibility is this?

Whose emotion is this?

Whose problem is this?

Again and again, the client finds himself exploring the difference between caring for someone and carrying someone.

And those are not the same thing.

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Doors that may still need to be opened

Toward the end of the session, another theme quietly emerges.

Not the changes happening today.

But experiences from much earlier in life.

There is a growing curiosity about whether some parts of the past may still be waiting behind closed doors.

Not from fear.

But from a desire to understand what may still need attention.

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🌟 The common thread

The common thread in this episode is the difference between caring for others and carrying others.

For a long time, those two things felt almost identical.

Now, something new is beginning to emerge.

The realization that you can remain connected to people without taking responsibility for everything they feel, think, or experience.

Mentalizing plays an important role in that process.

By slowing down.

By staying curious.

And by continually asking:

What belongs to me?

What belongs to the other person?

And what is happening between us?

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💬 Closing

This episode shows that growth is not always about doing more.

Sometimes it is about carrying less.

Less fixing.

Less controlling.

Less responsibility for things that were never truly yours.

And sometimes change begins with one simple realization:

“I can care deeply… without carrying everything.”

🎙️ Episode 11 – Session 11: Depression, Attachment and Mentalizing

Welcome to episode 11 of the MBT podcast.

Today, we explore a topic that is deeply human and often difficult to talk about: depression.

Not just as a diagnosis, but as an emotional experience connected to loss, attachment, and how we understand ourselves and others.

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📌 What this session is about

In this session, we look at how depression is closely linked to loss and separation.

This can be very clear and visible, like:

• losing a loved one

• the end of a relationship

• losing a job or a place where you felt you belonged

But loss can also be more subtle:

• losing a sense of identity

• feeling disconnected from others

• or feeling like you’ve lost yourself

These experiences can lead to deep feelings of sadness, loneliness, and emptiness.

According to the publications on MBT, depression can develop when a natural grief response does not fade, but instead becomes persistent and overwhelming.

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🔎 How depression develops

Everyone reacts differently to loss.

Some people process it and slowly recover.

But for others, especially when there have been earlier painful experiences or unstable attachments, the impact can be much stronger.

Depression can then become a kind of automatic response.

You may start to notice patterns like:

• feeling stuck in sadness

• losing motivation or energy

• withdrawing from others

• feeling hopeless about the future

And over time, this can become your “normal.”

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🧠 Depressive thinking patterns

One of the most important parts of this session is understanding how we think when we are depressed.

These thoughts often feel like facts, but they are not.

Examples include:

• “It will never get better.”

• “Everything is my fault.”

• “I’m not good enough.”

These are called automatic negative thoughts.

They feel real — but they are often shaped by past experiences and emotional pain.

And here is the key insight from MBT:

When you are depressed, it becomes harder to mentalize.

Meaning:

You lose the ability to reflect on your thoughts and feelings with distance and curiosity.

Instead, your thoughts feel absolute and true.

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⚖️ The role of mentalizing in depression

Mentalizing helps you to:

• step back from your thoughts

• question what feels like “the truth”

• understand that feelings are temporary

• and see that there may be other perspectives

Without mentalizing, depression can trap you in a closed system:

• your thoughts confirm your feelings

• your feelings reinforce your thoughts

And the cycle continues.

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💊 Treatment and recovery

Depression can be treated.

In some cases, medication is used to reduce the intensity of emotions.

But within MBT, the focus is on something deeper:

Reconnecting with your emotions — not avoiding them.

Because even though painful emotions are difficult,

they are also the key to understanding yourself.

Therapy helps you to:

• explore your thoughts and feelings

• understand where they come from

• and slowly rebuild your ability to mentalize

This process takes time — but it creates real, lasting change.

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🔁 Why this matters

Depression is not weakness.

It is not failure.

It is often a signal —

that something important has been lost,

or was never fully there.

And understanding that…

is where recovery begins.

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🎯 Reflection

Take a moment to reflect:

• When have you experienced negative thoughts like these?

• Did they feel like facts, or could you question them?

• And what happens when you try to look at them with curiosity instead of certainty?

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🎧 Closing

This brings us to the end of all 11 sessions of the MBT program.

In the next episode, we will offer a unique and personal insight into a one-on-one therapy session, known in the Dutch version of this podcast as:

“Behind Closed Doors.”

Thank you for listening, and don’t forget to follow us to stay up to date with our latest episodes.

🎙️ Episode 11 – Session 10: Anxiety, Attachment and Mentalizing

Welcome back.

In the previous session, we explored how opening up in relationships can feel challenging but also healing.

Today, we focus on a powerful emotion that affects us all: anxiety.

Because anxiety is not just something to get rid of —

it’s something to understand.

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📌 What this session is about

• Understanding anxiety as a basic human emotion that helps protect you from danger.

• How anxiety triggers the fight, flight, or freeze response.

• The difference between normal anxiety and anxiety that becomes overwhelming or persistent.

• How your attachment history influences the way you deal with fear and stress.

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🔎 Real-life examples

• You avoid certain situations because they make you feel anxious.

• You feel sudden panic without knowing exactly why.

• You experience physical symptoms like a racing heart, sweating, or tension.

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📚 Why it matters

Anxiety itself is not dangerous —

but avoiding it can make it stronger.

When anxiety takes over,

your ability to mentalize decreases.

This can lead to:

• overreacting

• withdrawing

• or feeling out of control

Understanding anxiety helps you respond with awareness

instead of fear.

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✨ How MBT works with this

In MBT, anxiety is explored in connection with relationships.

You learn to:

• Recognize when anxiety is building

• Understand what it might be connected to

• Stay curious about your thoughts and feelings

• Seek support and reassurance from others

Sharing your anxiety helps reduce its intensity

and brings you back into connection.

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💡 Practice from Session 10

This week, try to share something about your anxiety with someone you trust.

• What are you afraid of?

• How does it feel to talk about it?

• Does sharing help you feel more supported or understood?

Reflect on your experience.

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🌟 Core message

Anxiety is not your enemy —

it is a signal.

When you understand it,

instead of avoiding it,

you create space for calm, connection,

and control

🎙️ Episode 10 – Session 9: Mentalization-Based Treatment (MBT) – Part 2

Welcome back.

In the previous session, we explored how MBT works and how mentalizing develops through interaction.

Today, we go deeper into one of the most challenging parts of therapy: opening up in relationships.

Because understanding grows

where vulnerability begins.

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📌 What this session is about

• The importance of building relationships within therapy — with both therapists and group members.

• Why it can feel difficult or even unsafe to open up and share personal thoughts and feelings.

• How past experiences can influence trust, closeness, and emotional expression.

• Recognizing the thoughts and feelings that make you want to withdraw or protect yourself.

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🔎 Real-life examples

• You hesitate to share something personal because you’re afraid of being judged or misunderstood.

• You feel disappointed or hurt by someone in the group, but keep it to yourself.

• You notice the urge to pull back just when a connection starts to feel important.

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📚 Why it matters

In every relationship,

both positive and negative feelings are present.

Feelings like:

• rejection

• disappointment

• anger

• or shame

can make it hard to stay open.

But avoiding these feelings can also limit your ability to grow and connect.

Learning to recognize and express them

creates space for understanding — instead of disconnection.

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✨ How MBT works with this

In MBT, the focus is on what happens in the here and now within the group.

Therapists help by:

• Slowing down interactions

• Asking questions

• Bringing attention to emotions as they arise

You practise:

• Naming what you feel in the moment

• Staying present, even when it’s uncomfortable

• Repairing connections after tension or misunderstanding

The goal is not perfect relationships —

but the ability to restore connection.

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💡 Practice from Session 9

This week, notice how you respond when you feel:

• misunderstood

• rejected

• or not seen

• Do you withdraw, react, or stay silent?

• What thoughts and feelings come up?

• Can you pause and reflect before reacting?

Try to stay curious about your experience.

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🌟 Core message

Opening up is not easy —

but it is where change happens.

By staying present with difficult emotions,

you learn that relationships can hold tension

without breaking.

And in that space,

trust, understanding, and connection can grow.

🎙️ Episode 9 – Session 8: Mentalization-Based Treatment (MBT) – Part 1

Welcome back.

In the previous sessions, we explored emotions, attachment, and the patterns that shape how we think and relate.

Today, we take a step into the treatment itself: Mentalization-Based Treatment — MBT.

This is where understanding turns into practice.

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📌 What this session is about

• What MBT is and how it helps improve your ability to mentalize.

• Why the focus is on relationships, especially close and emotionally meaningful ones.

• How therapy provides a structured environment to practise understanding yourself and others.

• The importance of sharing thoughts, feelings, and real-life experiences within the group.

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🔎 Real-life examples

• You talk about a situation where you felt overwhelmed or reacted impulsively.

• Others in the group may see the situation differently, helping you broaden your perspective.

• You begin to notice patterns in how you think, feel, and respond in relationships.

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📚 Why it matters

Mentalizing is not something you learn by thinking alone —

it develops through interaction with others.

When you practise mentalizing in real relationships:

• emotions become less overwhelming

• conflicts become easier to understand

• and recovery after difficult moments becomes faster

This leads to more stability, both internally and in your relationships.

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✨ How MBT works

MBT is built around practice, not perfection.

In therapy, you learn to:

• Share personal experiences, especially moments of strong emotion

• Explore these situations together, without judgment

• Stay curious about what is happening in yourself and in others

• Accept that you don’t always know — and that’s okay

Therapists also take a not-knowing stance, encouraging exploration instead of giving fixed answers.

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💡 Practice from Session 8

Think about a recent situation where it was difficult to share something personal.

• What held you back?

• What were you feeling at that moment?

• What might have helped you to open up a little more?

Reflect on this with curiosity, not pressure.

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🌟 Core message

MBT is about learning through connection.

Not by having all the answers,

but by staying open to understanding —

yourself, others, and what happens between you.

Because real change begins

when you allow yourself to be seen and understood.

🎙️ Episode 8 – Session 7: Understanding Personality Disorders

Welcome back.

In the previous sessions, we explored emotions, attachment, and how these shape the way we think and relate.

Today, we focus on something that often carries a lot of misunderstanding: personality disorders.

Not as labels —

but as patterns that developed over time.

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📌 What this session is about

• What a personality disorder really is: long-standing patterns in thinking, feeling, and behaving that affect relationships and daily life.

• How these patterns develop through a combination of biological sensitivity and life experiences, especially early relationships.

• Why these patterns are not fixed — and can change over time.

• A closer look at borderline personality disorder, and how it relates to difficulties in mentalizing.

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🔎 Real-life examples

• Relationships that quickly shift from very close to very distant.

• Strong fear of being abandoned, even in small situations.

• Acting impulsively when emotions feel overwhelming.

• Feeling empty or unsure about who you are.

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📚 Why it matters

These patterns are not signs of weakness —

they are ways of coping that once made sense.

When emotions become intense,

the ability to mentalize can break down.

This can lead to:

• misunderstandings

• unstable relationships

• emotional ups and downs

Understanding these patterns helps you move from self-judgment to self-understanding.

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✨ How MBT works with this

In MBT, the focus is not on changing who you are,

but on understanding how you respond — especially under stress.

You learn to:

• Recognize when emotions take over

• Pause and reflect instead of reacting immediately

• Stay curious about your own thoughts and feelings

• Understand how your reactions affect others

Step by step, this creates more stability and clarity in relationships.

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💡 Practice from Session 7

Reflect on a moment this week where you felt emotionally overwhelmed.

• What did you feel?

• What did you do?

• What might have been happening inside you — and inside the other person?

Try to look at it with curiosity instead of judgment.

⸻

🌟 Core message

Personality patterns are not who you are —

they are how you learned to cope.

When you begin to understand them,

you create space for change.

And in that space,

you can build more stable, meaningful connections —

with yourself and with others.

🎙️ Episode 7 – Session 6: Attachment and Mentalizing

Welcome back.

In the previous session, we explored how attachment shapes the way we connect with others.

Today, we take the next step: understanding how attachment and mentalizing are closely connected.

Because the way you learned to relate to others

directly affects your ability to understand yourself and others.

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📌 What this session is about

• How a mentalizing environment helps you develop safe attachment.

• Why it’s important to grow up in a space where thoughts and feelings can be discussed openly.

• How stress, trauma, or emotional unavailability can disrupt both attachment and mentalizing.

• What attachment conflicts are: wanting closeness, but also feeling fear, anger, or mistrust at the same time.

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🔎 Real-life examples

• You want support from someone, but at the same time feel afraid to ask for it.

• You push someone away, even though you actually need closeness.

• In stressful situations, you stop reflecting and react automatically instead of thinking about what’s happening.

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📚 Why it matters

When attachment feels unsafe,

it becomes harder to mentalize.

Strong emotions, fear, or past experiences can make it difficult to:

• understand your own feelings

• trust others

• stay open in relationships

This can lead to confusion, withdrawal, or intense reactions.

Understanding this connection helps you see that your reactions are not random —

they are shaped by your experiences.

⸻

✨ How MBT works with this

In MBT, therapy becomes a place to relearn safety in relationships.

You practise:

• Talking about difficult thoughts and feelings

• Staying curious, even when emotions are strong

• Understanding what happens between you and others in the moment

Over time, this helps you rebuild trust —

not just in others, but also in yourself.

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💡 Practice from Session 6

Think about a recent moment where you found it difficult to talk to someone important to you.

• What made it hard?

• What were you afraid of?

• What did you feel, and how did you respond?

Try to reflect on both your own experience and what might have been happening for the other person.

⸻

🌟 Core message

Attachment and mentalizing are deeply connected.

When you feel safe,

you can think and feel at the same time.

And when you understand this connection,

you begin to create new ways of relating —

with more awareness, balance, and trust.

🎙️ Episode 6 – Session 5: The Importance of Attachment

Welcome back.

In the previous session, we explored how to recognize and regulate emotions.

Today, we go one step deeper — into something that shapes those emotions from the very beginning: attachment.

Because how you learned to connect with others

affects how you feel, respond, and relate — even today.

⸻

📌 What this session is about

• Understanding what attachment is: the emotional bond between you and important others, especially in early life.

• How early relationships shape your expectations of yourself and others.

• The difference between secure and insecure attachment styles.

• How attachment influences how you deal with stress, fear, and emotional closeness.

⸻

🔎 Real-life examples

• As a child, when you were upset, someone comforted you — and you learned that your feelings matter.

• Or, when no one responded, you may have learned to hide your emotions or deal with them alone.

• In adult relationships, this can show up as needing a lot of reassurance — or keeping distance to protect yourself.

⸻

📚 Why it matters

Attachment patterns don’t stay in the past.

They continue to influence how you:

• trust others

• express emotions

• handle closeness or distance

When attachment feels unsafe, emotions can become more intense or harder to manage.

Understanding your attachment helps you understand why you react the way you do.

⸻

✨ How MBT works with this

In MBT, attachment is explored within relationships — especially in therapy itself.

You learn to:

• Notice how you respond when you feel close to someone

• Recognize patterns of seeking or avoiding connection

• Understand how your past influences your present reactions

Through new experiences of being understood,

you can slowly build a sense of safety and trust.

⸻

💡 Practice from Session 5

Take some time this week to reflect on your relationships.

• How do you usually feel in close relationships — safe, anxious, distant?

• What do you do when you feel insecure or stressed?

• Do you reach out, or do you pull away?

Write down what you notice, without judgment.

⸻

🌟 Core message

Attachment shapes how you connect —

with others and with yourself.

By understanding your patterns,

you create the possibility

to respond differently.

And with that,

you open the door to safer, more stable relationships.