I heard Robin Williams was here.
(That's not how this works.)
Season 9! Closer Notes: LEGENDS- ENTER THR MULTIVERSE: LEGENDS
The real Jimmy Fallon and the Actual Billie Ellish are trapped inside of each others bodies, along with their ascended counterparts, ancient alien mystics who, in search for a “missing link” extraterrestrial from a long forgotten cosmos, must search for
Dammit, how am I supposed to write that.
FUCK! I told you he was a magician!
—I TOLD you don't fuck with that guy!
Jim, could I see you for a moment.
[The Tonight Show, Starring Jimmy Fallon]
We still have to figure out how this happened , [Liz]
How did you not know who I was?! We've met like 6 times!
I've met everyone 6 times! I'm mad famous! I'm a genius!
Could have been anything.
Oh, a body's about to open up. I gotta go.
Yeah, I gotta call you back.
It's like a budget-fare-hopper thing.
lol I love how these aliens are using like
—like old times telephones.
You should see their existence. It's wild.
Why even use telephones as telepaths.
I promise, I did not mean to hurt you.
—I promise, I hurt myself worse.
For the record, that little old Englishman that lives inside of
—is something wrong with you.
This body used to belong to “Tha Supacree?!” I LOVE that show.
It's a show on my home planet…
Now the magical negroes thing makes sense.
Have you seen the president of peacock?
Have you seen the president of my balls?
Have you seen the president?
I'm just as disappointed as you are.
I'm pretty sure only the president can do that.
The only thing. you're gonna get from breaking my heart—is
[COMPLETELY INCOHERENT SCREAMO EMO ROCK MUSIC.]
lol I think I got my written WALKEN impression down.
It's multidimensional poker. Nobody “let” him in.
Do you remember what it was about?
Doesn't matter anyway, we're not gonna find it in here. Let's keep moving.
Supacree? No. I'm not supacree.
THIS IS THE BEST SHIW EVER.
We have to find the original supacree!
Yeah— I drove around in that body for a little while
But that dimension ain't right
The whole world's gone wrong
Everyone's coughing, people are robots—
Not my show. I'm not supacree.
But I'm not. Maybe I was, once—
But, that was at least two suicides ago!
I thought you were obsessed with me.
No, Jimmy Fallon. I am you. And guess what; I'm the part of you, that hates myself, so.
The part that doesn't exist.
Oh. It exists. That's how we got here.
That's how we all got here.
GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME—
“Jack-Jack” Parr is a multidimensional poly form shapeshifter.
That doesn't seem like a coincidence, Disney,
“Book III: Puzzle Pieces”
If you ever actually ugly cry like that I'll kill you.
(Eagerly seeking approval)
—it's funny cause it's just acting, right?
I—yeah—but, Jesus Christ…
If he actually ever ugly cries like that,
[super-duper-very-ugly-cry]
[Shoots Jimmy Fallon *without looking up from cooking.]
So that's how that happened.
MEANWHILE, on 30 ROCK in the actual multidimensional,
Damn. So wait. Every since the fourth wall broke…
what in the [bleeeeeeep] is THIS?
I don't think about whips so much as chains
I hope it rains for the rest of the semester—
Talking only brings on motorcycles,
I've got nothing for my son besides these songs.
Someone should just start a war on poverty.
I've got palms and novels, words galore—
Johnny Carson's on the mornings
Against my better senses,
Fallon's on the Dollar now;
[I'll wear a collar, now.]
[The Festival Project ™ ]
I met a guy once, that told me
Every time he fucking came,
“Alright, next lifetime.”
Sometimes the bitch wasn't even the same.
She turned into someone else.
“Fuck that shit. I couldn't imagine that.”
I couldn't even understand the concept—
But as I would learn later the word “orgasm” does in fact mean “tiny death”
“Are all guys like that?”
That would explain things.
If they're all like that maybe that's why they seem to just—
Only from a woman's perspective it's more like—
He turns into someone else.
“Really? Before you were just a cashier.”
But then, I started thinking more about it—
I've been celibate for a long time
And after doing that for awhile,
Like, for years, I started to ponder on this:
With the age of OnlyFans and Snapchat and entire markets born from men needing something to look at to jack off too—
And deciding I was against doing that for myself because, you know
I didn't want the spiritual reciprocation of some dude collecting my photos and videos and jacking off to that shit.
Like, even if I got paid for it—
I'm going through all this spiritual shit ,
All this praying and meditation and I'm thinking
“Like no, if someone's like, buying all my content I'm some how some way going to feel that spiritually.”
“I'm going to have some kind of effect on my soul from that, and that's nonsense.”
That's like selling your soul in a way—
Like, yes, it's just photographs,
Your soul lives in your body!
Someone's jacking off to a picture or video of you in exchange for money—
That's a piece of you just —
And you don't know who these guys are!
They're just guys with money!
Every time he ejaculates to your photo or video,
He goes into the next fucking life—
And takes your picture with him.
I'll just make something up,
But then I realized, also—
And someone from actual like real-life pops into my head.
“Damn, what if. Like. Whenever I came, like, whatever or whoever I came-to, just like—
Some like supermodel from a magazine cover is like,
Just falls out, somewhere.
Now take like an outer look,
What if that happened to you?
What if whoever the fuck you're jacking off to just—
Whoever you're thinking about just—
Now I have to be careful.
I just make people up and hope to God there's no one on the planet that actually looks like that, who that might be.
Create someone entirely just for this purpose,
//return negative energy to sender
//return harmful energy to sender
>>banish demonic energy<<
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