The explosion is finally here! A finale that was rewritten from a crashing plane to a bombing due to terrorism had to be delayed from the season three finale to the season four opening due to terrorism airs on .... 9/11. Yes, Teege calls this art.

We're back, and wow are there a lot of things going on. Jane Mancini is being nasty but in a boring way.

Sydney and Amanda are going to be living together.

Jake apparently only has to deal with a limp after killing his brother.

Billy and Brooke are having some troubles as Daddy gets way too involved and Billy leaves to go live in a bombed out apartment.

Alison is temporarily blind but is planning to trick Billy.

Amanda brings flowers and tells Alison she should see them. Ha.

Matt is SEXY AS HELL in his bright blue prison outfit. S E X Y.

Listen, there are just four storylines of significance now that Sarah is cast to the side.  She just roves through a few other storylines saying things like, "at least you didn't sleep with a priest!"

Carrie is sleeping with her secret psychologist, but so is Hillary!  Carrie confronts them, and the doctor says she is crazy and since Hillary is Carrie's power of attorney (I'm sorry, what?) - she is going to be committed to Faircrest, which could also be thought of as Pity Me Pines.  Is she going to be involuntarily locked up for sleeping with her psychologist who was manipulating her and she didn't know was a psychologist?  Sure, but at least she didn't sleep with a priest.

Linda turns down a great ad campaign so that she can try out for a movie, causing Hillary to break character and plainly say, "you don't know how to act."  But, she gets the part and has to rehearse lines about being in an abusive relationship with Eric, formerly her abusive relationship partner.  It's awkward and uncomfortable, but at least she didn't sleep with a priest.

Julie and Craig get together, after he literally takes her against her will out of the model house into his apartment down the beach.  But he leaves the door open and says she can leave, but that he won't be coming after her.  She sleeps with her kidnapper, giving in to her desire, literally rewarding the worst behavior imaginable.  But hey, at least she didn't sleep with a priest.

Monique and Adam are broken up because he found Grayson, his ex-wife.  He breaks into her hotel room when he finds out she is in there with another man.  Holds him at gun point, only to find out it wasn't Grayson, causing him to deliver the line, "It's not Grayson you stupid bastard!"  He goes to Monique and says he wants to be with her since his wife is gone, and she cancels her plans to move to New York to be with her boyfriend now that his first choice is gone.  Is it settling?  Sure, but at least she didn't sleep with a priest.

Finally, Cynthia.  Oh, sweet Cynthia.  The stalker issues are pretty intense.  Police can't arrest him because he didn't break any laws.  Hilarity ensues as the stalker keeps coming up in their space, causing Brian to beat on him like he's a rug and it's Sunday in Germany.  As in, beating on him outside with a stick.  But the stick is his hand.  Look, I can't explain it.  Because Brian attacked the stalker, the judge says, "Mr. Thompson had not violated my restraining order when you violated him."  That line lands differently in 2022 than 1995 but whatev.  So fine, Cynthia and Brian decide to intentionally drive the stalker crazy, so they have romantic passionate sex in front of the open windows.  Did they infuriate a dangerous stalker?  Yes, but hey, at least she didn't sleep with a priest.

Y'all really should be watching this show.

GOOD PEOPLE OF THE MELROSE PLACE 'CAST / MODELS, INC. 'CAST / PUDDLE SEARCH 'CAST FANDOM

This week, we have uncovered a legit travesty.  A shocking dereliction of duty.  Mary follows a tip that, spoiler alert, doesn't lead to Puddle, but DOES identify the lost opportunity for a DUET FOR THE AGES.  We're still mad that it didn't happen, and you should be, too.  It's not too late, Hollywood!

If you or anyone you know has information on the whereabouts of Puddle, please post to social media using #justiceforpuddle or email your hot tip to [email protected] Together, we will #findpuddle

This is just a fun little romp down season three - which main character had the WORST season?  As in, whose life would you least want to live for the year? For fun, we've thrown in two of Teege's favorite ads from season three.  We'll be starting season four relatively soon.

Jo & Bros Division

In this special mini-sode, we "crack the case" of Mary's birthday present. Turns out, it was a hand-made gift, brought to you by friend of the show, and Melrose Place Facebook Group All Star, Brandon.

The vixens in question, of course, are Monique and Julie, who are continuing their tug of war for Adam/Reed while Craig continues to pine after Julie.  

Hillary catches Carrie impersonating her and sleeping with investors, so she gets Carrie some secret counseling.

Sarah sleeps with Father Mark, until Daddy Priest Wilson asks her if she's ready for a lifelong commitment.  Having already destroyed Father Mark's run at the priesthood, Sarah decides she's done and sends Father Mark away, to disappear like an angel in the wind.

Cynthia's stalker is steping up his game, getting closer and closer.  Brian even catches a mysterious figure in the trees thanks to his telescopic camera.  What a plot device that is!

This week's episode of Models, Inc. was brought to you (in the 90s) by The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, so you can rest medicine, now in gel caps!  But do not chew them!  Come on, people.

Long ago, we received advice from Christopher at Melrose Sheltering In Place - treat yourself to the Lifetime movie about Melrose Place behind the scenes.

So we did, at the end of season three - apparently the end of the Darren Starr era of Melrose Place.

To help us through it, we are fortunate to be joined by Christopher himself.  With this gathering of some of the nation's foremost experts on Melrose Place, we unanimously agreed that everything in this movie is accurate, and cannon.

Apparently Puddle had wormed his way into our heart long before we saw them appear on Melrose Place.  According to some internet sleuths, Puddle was actually appearing on Melrose Place under prosthetic disguise, as an initial foray into the wild world of Hollywood.  Join us as we follow the lead that takes Puddle into the same room as Presidents, Princes, Princesses, Grammy Winners, and even Will.I.Am.  Did we find Puddle this time?  Well, we'll let you decide how committed we are to carrying on this bit from some side comment Mary made in the second season of Melrose Place when Jane caught Sydney moving in with Michael.

If you or anyone you know has information on the whereabouts of Puddle, please post to social media using #justiceforpuddle or email your hot tip to [email protected] Together, we will #findpuddle