Well the Internet tips are taking us all over creation - including right up to Heaven proper!  This week, we investigate the possibility that Puddle's run on Melrose Place was actually a fall from grace.  His grace, to be exact.  Was Puddle a nationally known, recognized, and loved televangelist who married a gay rights icon and went down in scandal before selling Werewolf cures on the Internet to combat covid?  Or will there be an uncracked egg on Mary's face as she stands very still?  Let's find out together.

If you or anyone you know has information on the whereabouts of Puddle, please post to social media using #justiceforpuddle or email your hot tip to [email protected] Together, we will #findpuddle

Well we had taken a month off so we're a bit rusty.  But we also upgraded our recorded experience from the out of the box functionality of anchor by phone to an actual zoom conversation with filters.  Can you see them?  Nope.  But Mary insists on talking about them anyway.

This week, Peter Burns brings in an efficiency expert to get Amanda out of his bed and out of his company.  Apparently he was serious about Amanda until this efficiency expert showed back up.  Is her name Katelyn Mills?  Caitlin Mills?  Perhaps, but we may just call her Whitley.

Alison is back out of Pity Me Pines, and getting back together with Billy.  You know what that means - she also has a new boyfriend.  This boyfriend is the very beefy Terry from rehab and she is back to her old tricks - leaving Billy hanging while she sexes up some other guy.

But the fun part of the episode is Nanny Poppins!  Like out of a dream, a nanny that Jo can apparently afford now shows up just in time to take baby Austin (who now has a name) and drive off into the moonlight.

How many times has Jo lost this baby?

We are fortunate this week to be joined by a surprise drop in special guest - Christopher from Melrose Sheltering In Place!  Having seen the entire series, but somehow only a third of this episode, he brings us perspective on the long view.  And he comes down on side Teege: Mary should watch this show.

In what can only be described as a mid-season finale, all of the story lines wrap up.  Eric and Linda are over, and Eric is leaving town.  The porno blackmail has been dealt with.  Sarah and David are done, and David is with Julie, where he belongs.  Carrie comes clean about her son and Paul leaves her to go back to his wife.  The murderer is revealed, jailed, and taken off of the show.  

But two new models are on the scene: Cynthia, who has a five year plan, and Monique Duran, who, I swear to god, is the most beautiful woman in America.

Join us on our monthly check up on Models, Inc.!

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While we have been looking everywhere for Puddle, it never occurred to us to call in a new investigator.  We are joined by our Expert Millenial to look through the wreckage of American Society and tell us just where Puddle is.  Good news - she's got some hot leads.  Bad news - it looks like the real Puddle shook her off his trail.  There's always next month.  We will continue the search.  #justiceforpuddle

It's Ebenezer Woodward!  Or Amanda McScrooge!  Get it, as in Scrooge McDuck.  Look. Melrose Place took us on a Dickens thrill ride, now with the added enhancement of "feel the rope burn on my neck.  Touch it!"  She turns over a new leaf, but not before telling Alison how she feels about "Pity Me Pines" and telling Donatelo Versace, the fashionable Ninja Turtle, that her nephews can't go to college.

Billy and Alison are clearly rekindling, even though there's no evidence that Alison knows Susan is out of the picture.  Of course, because Alison is again into Billy, she's now ready to take on a new boyfriend.

Sydney and Jane decide to go back to Illinois for Christmas and are not in the show.  Also no evidence that Jane has lost $500,000.

Matt and Jeffrey break up so we can gear the show towards the second half of the season and we get some real tea on how gay men were dealing with AIDS in 1994.

But the big news - Michael tricks Kimberly into going to work so she can deliver Michael Junior to Jo, throwing in some shade about how Jo caused them so much strife just because they stole her baby.  Kimberly gets revenge by calling the Carters and letting them know that the baby IS AAAAALLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVEEEEEE!

Also, we are fortunate to have an expert millenial guest, Kailagh, who takes a strong stance on potluck etiquette, becomes a fan of Melrose Place, and gets the quick rundown of every characters' backstory from two of the foremost experts on Melrose Place, Teege and Mary!

Y'all, the podcast for this episode may have been more fun than the episode was.

Oh and Peter's not bad again.  Cool cool.

If you are our age, and since you're listening to this podcast we assume you are, then you likely had a friend in Puddle, even if you didn't know it.  Teege chases down a lead that suggest Puddle was a friend to millions, trained a generation on entry level website editing skills, and made a gajillion dollars without involving Russian troll farms.  

"The needy people always get the attention."  Teege thought this was a fact so plainly obvious, no argument would be necessary.  Mary disagreed, leading to some awkward infighting.  We pushed through it, though.

Chris from the JC Penny's Bow Tie Section is gone, Susan is on her way out, and we appear to be rearranging the direction of the characters to push towards an explosive season three.

Peter's takeover of D&D is complete and Amanda is now the President.  Only after the coup is complete does Peter reveal his true colors - he is creepy and jealous and over protective and needs to be dealt with.

We get the classic Americana line of, "Your bitch wife stole my baby!" and we learn that Michael knowing the truth is going to defend his sweet wife and keep Michael Junior in the beach house.

Jo continues to play nice trying to get her baby back, Jo and Sydney break up, and Alison is going all Alison in rehab.

Join us as this long journey continues.

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Think what you want, but the Nancy Reagan tea at the start of the episode is worth the cost of this podcast.

The characters of Melrose Place are converging, so there are just three main story lines.

Hostile Take Over! Amanda is now the President of D&D, and she promotes Billy in his acid wash jeans to Vice President of Accounts.  Billy, who two years ago, was dating comedians in his taxi.  I wonder if his step son Martin would be proud of him now.  Bruce hangs himself in Amanda's office, leaving a handwritten note behind.  And Alison is in trouble, because when it looked like Amanda was out, Alison let her have it.  Now, Amanda ordered Billy to fire her, but he instead takes Matt's advice and gets Alison into treatment for alcoholism so she can't be fired.  #sneaky

Hostile Taking!  Chris had previously nabbed Sydney off the streets of LA, and now she is the most comfortable kidnapping victim you ever did see.  She is getting massages, drinks with umbrellas, ordering room service, and much to Mary's delight: booking hot air balloon breakfasts.  She calls Jake for help, who remarks that she is the best looking hostage victim he's ever seen.  Coming with Jake for the rescue is Jane and Michael, who have sex in the room since they already paid for it.

Hostile Baby Napping!  Jo is going nuts.  She is yelling down the hallways of a hospital that her baby is alive and it's the doctors who are crazy.  She breaks into Kimberly's house and steals her own baby back, only to be confronted by the police who take Jo's baby away and give it to Kimberly again.  Of course, this baby still has no documents, Kimberly cannot prove to be a parent, and even Michael said, "explain to me again where the little monster came from."

What is even happening?

"Ladies and Gentleman, We Got 'Em!" is what you might imagine the LAPD saying as they have MADE AN ARREST in the murder of Teri Spencer.  Hillary triumphantly announces this, saying "It's all over" even though she was also arrested for the murder of Teri Spencer and it did not turn out to be all over at that point.  Something suggests there may be some twists and turns coming our way.

Eric and Linda have a feud, as Linda refuses to bail Eric out of jail and says goodbye.  Eric reveals that he still has the blackmail tape of Linda, and Chris rescues her as a prince charming yelling, "Stay away from her, she's mine!"  Awww, sweet romance.

Sweet Sarah from Iowa is not sleeping with Brian, sees that he has a shrine to her looking just like Teri Spencer, FEELS THE NEED TO SPEAK INTO THE CAMERA "he's making us look the same" and then goes back to David for comfort.  Meanwhile, Julie is just going to move in with David.  After all, keeping an eye on David is her favorite thing to do.  But just an eye.

But we start with some hot news from the Melrose Place facebook group where Teege's post about Models, Inc. generated more engagement than ANYTHING about Melrose Place in the last few months, including actual content from actual Jack Wagner who was the actual Dr. Peter Burns.  Perhaps there is some Models, Inc. nostalgia out there waiting to be tapped like a sycamore in a Vermont forest ready to release some maple syrup.

Join us for this monthly update of Models, Inc. 'Cast!

It was sweeps week, right?  Can anyone confirm that it was sweeps week?  Because they wrote Matt out and every story line was slamming.

Chris from JC Penny steals $500,000 from Jane but really from JC Penny and he buys Sydney earrings while she's alone but then chooses to kidnap her into his limousine from a crowded city street later in the day.  Oh, brothers-in-law, ammiright?

Bruce finds out that Amanda is devious and fires her, treating her like the rest of the nation treated January 6th Insurrectionists, shouting that he hopes he never has to see her traitorous face again.  In a small detail from earlier in the episode, this occurs only after Amanda links Billy's success at D&D to her rise to take over.  Alison, on the other hand, is on the outs with Amanda.  Now that Amanda's gone, it's Alison's good fortune.

Speaking of Alison, she is arrested for drunk driving, hitting an enormous, shape shifting child on a bike, and needs Billy to rescue her.  She asks him to stay the night, leaving his girlfriend and her best friend alone in his apartment.  She makes another play to get Billy to dump Susan, Queen of the Boyfriend Snatchers, but is rebuffed and accused (correctly) of drinking alcohol.

And wow, in a storyline for the ages, Kimberly fakes the death of Jo's baby, steals the baby, and breast feeds it.  Of course, Kimberly is barren and thus not lactating so this is really an unfortunate turn for sweet, unnamed baby.  I bet they name him Reed.

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