Men Seeking Tomahawks

"DID I EVER TELL YOU BOYS ABOUT THE TIME THAT LEONARDO DICAPRICORN FOLLOWED ME TO LEARN ABOUT INVESTING FOR HIS BIG ROLE IN THAT INVESTING MOVIE, TITANIC?" - SHALLOW HECKIN’ VALUE

It's treat time because you're in for a treat of the financial variety. It's investment day, but we're not talking about that boring kind of investment advice. No, this is the kind of advice you DO NOT want to take, though you DO want to laugh at.

Dan shares his history in the investment game, which culminates in Jack pulling. the rug out from under him and squandering all his money away. Laugh at the evil Jack in this one.

And just as Dan is bringing us even MORE sage wisdom, a special guest pops on to steal the spotlight. The brother of a world-famous investing celebrity...this has to end well.

On top of all that, we have two amazing bands, bringing you deep electronic house from Africa, and Jazz from Australia:

• BINARY LION - HELLO FEAT. A.M.A.N.D.L.A. (AH-MAN-DAH-LA) - Debut Album available June 4
• JACK COLE - BALCONY

And as always, thanks to the great Tony Ferraro for our original intro and outro music.

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To check out past episodes, head over to MenSeekingTomahawks.com.

Join us throughout the week in our fun Facebook Group.

Give us a shout on Twitter.

We love you,

Jack & Dan

"MOST RECENTLY, I USED A BIT OF ARTFUL DUPLICITY WHEN I SENT ELECTRONIC MAILS TO MY WOULD-BE PREY, TELLING THEM I WAS THEIR NIGERIAN UNCLE, THRICE REMOVED, AND THAT I HAD A COPIOUS FORTUNE AWAITING THEM AT MY ESTATE!" - ARCHDUKE CHESTER LEVISHAY

If this episode doesn't trap you, I don't know what will. And that's because the whole episode is about traps, so it's inevitable.

We' dive in head first, and travel the globe to hear tales of a man trapped on a Chinese TV show, a man trapped on a boat in Egypt, and a sweet clean puppy dog trapped in a house.

And just as we get going with a fun game of "Which Would You Rather?", we're interrupted by real-life royalty. You won't want to miss what this vile duke has up his royal sleeve.

During a brief escape from the trap that is this conversation, we experience some truly trap-free music that you'll have to hear to believe:

• SUNSET PILLOW LANES - WIND RESUMES WHISTLING
• NICK SEIDER - MOJAVE BLUES

And as always, thanks to the great Tony Ferraro for our original intro and outro music.

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To check out past episodes, head over to MenSeekingTomahawks.com.

Join us throughout the week in our fun Facebook Group.

Give us a shout on Twitter.

We love you,

Jack & Dan

"DID I EVER TELL YOU BOYS ABOUT THE TIME THAT LIZA MINELLI AND I CO HOSTED A GARAGE SALE EXCLUSIVELY FOR CATS?" - Trevor Rendezvous

We're skipping around the neighborhood this week with the courage boys, because it's time to go shopping!

We visit the neighborhood store, AKA the garage sales, to see what our friends next door have to offer. And boy howdy, is it interesting! We introduce all the characters you might bump into, plus have some guidance for how to approach your own sale, if you dare.

Finally, the show ends like you'd never believe: with a visit from the proprietor of Trevor Rendevous' Impending Garage Sale of Fanciful Novelties, Trevor Rendezvous.

On top of all that, we have two amazing bands who break up the voices with their dulcet tones:

• ETHEREAL - DROWN
• EFFED ON MATE - ANTISOCIAL ANARCHY

And as always, thanks to the great Tony Ferraro for our original intro and outro music.

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To check out past episodes, head over to MenSeekingTomahawks.com.

Join us throughout the week in our fun Facebook Group.

GIve us a shout on Twitter.

We love you,

Jack & Dan

I had been sitting in the driveway for 20 minutes. I had no idea how I was going to tell her. There was one more swig in the flask. I tilted it skyward and made the trek to the front door. As I entered the house, I could tell she had been sitting in the recliner that overlooked the drive for some time. She had been watching. She already knew.

Just then the phone rang, offering the briefest of reprieve. It was him. After all this time. He had been the one who came up with the name for this absurd show long ago, the Men Seeking Tomahawks. It was his voice on the line, but it was worse than before. Frantic. Unhinged.

He had been screaming for some time, his voice was full of gravel. He told an elaborate tale hastily, but the line was bad. Something about dousing it and watching the horrible thing burn. He laughed. Last I heard he had been freelancing in some place called Waxahachie, TX. He had taken the culinary world by storm. Opened a family-friendly restaurant called the Catfish Plantation. Told the local paper he filled it with ghosts. Did okay for himself.

The line went silent all but for the breathing. “The reels,” he said low. “Send me the reels. I’m going to be the special guest editor this week.” But we didn’t use reels; it was all digital now.

I sent all that I had to his last known address. 72 hours later, this arrived in the mail. There was a note. It read, “where are my eels?”

Song 1: ARVID - WINDOWS

Song 2: SAVESTATE CORRUPTED - AMELIA

"SO WHO WILL LIGHT THE FIREWORKS? SIMPLE! THE FIRST 500 KIDS 5 AND UNDER RECEIVE A COMPLIMENTARY CIGARETTE LIGHTER, COURTESY OF CRYSTAL PEPSI!" - E.L. Dastardly

Woah Nelly (Cruz), is Jack in some sort of mood! He's had it up to here with major league baseball! You won't want to miss what he thinks about his hometown Texas Rangers.

Jack is so upset with the boys in blue that he's going to help you, the maybe or maybe not baseball fan, with some alternatives that might prove to just be home runs...including one idea that might just be a grand slam!

And in a conclusion that no one could have predicted, the show ends in a puff of smoke from none other than THE E.L. Dastardly. If you don't know him, he is the self-proclaimed "Baseballman Great." Don't miss it.

On top of all that, we have two amazing bands who break up the voices with their dulcet tones:

• Della Matta, with the song Torture Theatre
• Shuhari, with the song Noctulian

And as always, thanks to the great Tony Ferraro for our original intro and outro music.

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To check out past episodes, head over to MenSeekingTomahawks.com.

Join us throughout the week in our fun Facebook Group.

Give us a shout on Twitter.

We love you,

Jack & Dan

"I THINK SHE MIGHT HAVE USED THE COFFEE CUP AS THE CATCHER!" - No-Longer Drunk Adam

Oh buddy, do we have a doozie for our friends this week. It's what everyone has ever wanted: MOVIE REVIEWS!

That's right, four episodes in and we're headed to that well. But what if we told you it was a classic....ly terrible feature film?

Tiptoes is a very bizarrely put together movie featuring some of your favorite actors of this era, including Matthew McConaughey, Peter Dinklage, Gary Oldman, Kate Beckinsale, and more.

Do the men who seek tomahawks think this episode is one that Tomahawk Nation should run out to see, or do they think it came up short? You'll have to listen until the end to find out!

On top of all that, we have two amazing bands who break up the voices with their dulcet tones:

• DIRK ZERO - DAT SEA SHANTY 2 REMIX
• SAMURAI SWORD - BAGEL

And as always, thanks to the great Tony Ferraro for our original intro and outro music.

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To check out past episodes, head over to MenSeekingTomahawks.com.

Join us throughout the week in our fun Facebook Group.

Give us a shout on Twitter.

We love you,

Jack & Dan

"DID I EVER TELL YOU BOYS ABOUT THE TIME I FOUND TRUE LOVE AT THE MALL?" - Feivel Duchovny

We've all explored things during the madness that has been the last 12 months of life. In the first two episodes we discussed what WE have been exploring, but this week we discuss what a select few others from around the world have found a knack for exploring: dead malls.

From the underground subculture of dead mall explorers, to a brief history of the American mall, to prospects for the future, this is quite a full-circle episode from the tomahawk seekers.

And what's an MST episode without a new friend joining in on the fun? Dan introduces Jack to one of his favorite dead mall explorers, Feivel Duchovny.

Finally, we have two amazing bands who break up the voices with their dulcet tones:

• Hugo Monster - Carry On
• Basement Rock - Spring

And as always, thanks to the great Tony Ferraro for our original intro and outro music.

If you want to check out some of Dan's favorite dead mall explorers, here they are:

• Ace's Adventures - Mall tours with great 80's music
• Brick Immortar
• Retail Archaeology
• Sal

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To check out past episodes, head over to MenSeekingTomahawks.com.

Join us throughout the week in our fun Facebook Group.

GIve us a shout on Twitter.

We love you,

Jack & Dan

"SO YOUR DAD MARCHES RIGHT UP TO THAT KOALA ON LIVE TV AND TRIES TO SNATCH WHAT HE THINKS IS A MASK OFF HIS LITTLE HEAD." - Fernsby Chitteringshire

Jack confronts Dan on a subject that is as close to Dan as possible...and you won't believe what happens next!

Jack claims that Dan's father is not a musical sensation, and Dan takes great offense. Only one of the men who seeks tomahawks can be right, who will it be?

Finally, like any hit podcast, it would not be complete without a call on the random red phone in the corner of the room from a mysterious informant.

And the only way to create a delicious sandwich out of these ingredients is to insert two hit songs from the one and only Gary Franks. You'll enjoy:

• Night Rest - Gary Franks & John Williams
• Wahga Wahga - Gary Franks & John Williams

As always, thanks to the great Tony Ferraro for our original intro and outro music.

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To check out past episodes, head over to MenSeekingTomahawks.com.

Join us throughout the week in our fun Facebook Group.

GIve us a shout on Twitter.

#stopasianhate,

Jack & Dan

"DID I EVER TELL YOU BOYS ABOUT THE TIME I WAS DETAINED IN A WALMART FOR 17 HOURS?" - Trevor Rendezvous

In this, the triumphant return of the men who seek tomahawks, Jack and Dan return from a five year hibernation for what surely will be their most podcast venture yet.

Speaking of new ventures, Dan reveals how failed his latest has been, while Jack shares the highs and lows of his.

The show ends in predictable fashion: America's foremost expert on dog park design and golf cart refurbishment, Trevor Rendezvous, joins the crew in their socially distanced studio for what's sure to be an education experience for all.

On top of all that, we have two amazing bands who break up the voices with their dulcet tones:

• IAMWARFACE - Say My Name
• BRASS - Occasional Gardener

Finally, thanks to the great Tony Ferraro for our original intro and outro music.

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To check out past episodes, head over to MenSeekingTomahawks.com.

Join us throughout the week in our fun Facebook Group.

GIve us a shout on Twitter.

We love you,

Jack & Dan

Is this just some ordinary phone call to the neighborhood pizza parlor, a preview of our dystopian future, a weird alternate reality, or none of the above?

The only way to accurately fill out your scantron is to listen to this episode. Stick around until the end, as it might be only the beginning.

Keep up to date, and plot your own course, at www.MenSeekingTomahawks.com