Sean Galla and Josh Biro talk about male friendships on MensGroup Podcast. We will cover:

• Why do friends even matter
• Male friend Stats
• Why men suck at making friends
• What makes a good friendship, 
• How to make friend

You can see the video version of this episode here: https://mensgroup.com/how-do-adult-men-make-friends-podcast

Sean & Josh are keen to talk men's issues and to give guys a positive and entertaining example of how to handle things as a man.

You're not alone man. Josh and Sean are here!

Sean Galla and Josh Biro introduce the new MensGroup Podcast. You can see more at https://mensgroup.com/

You can see the video version of this episode here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p42xNfBR0UM

Sean & Josh are keen to talk men's issues and to give guys a positive and entertaining example of how to handle things as a man.

You're not alone man. Josh and Sean are here!

Deconstructing the traditional concept of being a man. Building Emotional Intelligence. The importance of working on our mindset.

You can watch the full interview here: https://mensgroup.com/mindset-emotional-intelligence-for-men-jay-williams

Today’s guest Jay Williams is a life coach and founder of NLP, Life and business coaching, an organization that helps Entrepreneurs & Business Owners to go from feeling stuck to becoming Mentally and Emotionally Unstoppable in life & business. In today’s episode he talks about the benefits of handling our emotions in a healthy manner, how we can grow our emotional intelligence and build a solid mindset. 

Jordan Peterson & John Delony discuss childhood trauma stories and Sean Galla from MensGroup weighs in with his thoughts. 

Full video here: https://mensgroup.com/childhood-trauma-101-jordan-peterson-john-delony

Original interview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_373YVlnDA (highly recommended!)

Tony Daloisio is a psychologist and author of the book “The Journeyman Life”, and he’s on the MensGroup Podcast to talk about self-improvement, the obstacles we may find along the path to a better self, and the benefits of making some solid change.

Watch the video interview and short clips here: https://mensgroup.com/how-to-do-self-improvement-dr-tony-daloisio-psychologist

Getting in touch with our emotions, different ways of approaching change, and the benefits of improving ourselves. 

*I'm sorry that I lost my video for this recording. All of the other podcast episodes have video of the MensGroup host Sean Galla.

We have lots more great self-improvement content for men over at https://mensgroup.com/

00:00:00 Intro

00:07:17 Getting in touch with your emotions
Research shows that almost 70% are at a reactive stage when it comes to their emotional development. 

00:11:13 Triggering events
Most of us carry around emotional wounds from our past experiences, particularly out childhood. 

00:15:26 The story of you
In order to heal from trauma, you have to get to know yourself in a three-way path: your external story – meaning the way you describe yourself to the world –, your inner story – how to you really feel about yourself in your mind – and a third story regarding the kind of person you seek to become.

00:20:35 Self-actualization can be the hardest thing
Making the decision of looking into ourselves in order to change and grow can be the hardest thing to do because it’s not possible to do without facing our deepest fears and pain.

00:26:49 Three paths for self-change
There are basically three ways to approach self-change: the cognitive behavioral approach, the psycho-dynamic approach and the spiritual approach.

00:32:38 Three key elements for success
Awareness is crucial. The most important thing that’s gonna drive success in a man life is learning to be aware of what’s happening outside – meaning the external context – and inside, concerning his feelings and emotions.

00:34:38 Accountability
There’s a psychological principal called “The incorporation effect” – whenever we attempt to make a substantial change, there’s an inner tendency that pushes us to go back to the norm, because that’s where our brain feels more comfortable.

00:42:23 The people component
Surrounding ourselves with people that share the same values than us can have a great impact in ourselves. However, there are some times in life in which we’ll inevitably find ourselves sharing time and space with people that may be in a whole different stage. 
 
00:50:49 Three benefits for embracing change
There are three important benefits that derive from embracing change. The first one has to do

How to get through a divorce, how to avoid it, and the truths and myths surrounding divorce, including child custody, weather divorce is fair to men, and more.

Full video interview & short clips here: https://mensgroup.com/divorce-advice-for-men-divorce-lawyer-val-hemminger and check out our newsletter for more great self-improvement content for men.

Today’s guest Val Hemminger is a Westshore divorce lawyer and creator of the B.E.S.T method for lawyers, and she’s here to talk about fairness in divorce, how divorce can impact kids, what are the main reasons that lead to divorce, and some legal advice on the subject. 

CHAPTERS:

00:01:20 CHAPTER I –  Going Through Divorce

00:01:20 Fairness in Divorce

• When going through a divorce, men are usually pretty stressed out. Wondering how they’ll manage financially, what the support obligation is going to be or how their relationship with kids will develop are just a few of the common fears that arise throughout this period. More often than not, men also fear that the court may be against them, but actually this is rarely the case. 

00:05:41 Divorce on Kids

• How a couple handle their divorce is crucial regarding how it can impact their children. Kids can actually feel when their parents are in conflict, even after separating. Sadly, they tend to put the blame on themselves, believing that if they were lovable enough, that would keep their parents from constantly fighting. 

  00:10:34 Legal Advice on Divorce

• If someone’s trying to serve you with something, the best piece of advice is to always show up and let yourself be served. Despite being a stressful thing to do, making yourself present in front of the court can save you from some really unpleasant consequences. 

00:19:56 CHAPTER II –  Avoiding Divorce

00:20:01 Avoiding Divorce

• Keeping your communication B.I.F.F. –brief, informative, friendly and firm – throughout a conflictive context can pay high dividends when it comes to saving a marriage and avoiding divorce. This can be a hard thing to put in practice when the other member of the couple is clearly trying to pick up a fight through provoking and insulting statements, but it can definitely help put out the fire, not to mention that it’s by far the best way to proceed when there are kids involved. 

00:25:16 Main Reasons That Lead to Divorce

• Consistent disrespectful treatment and communication ranks high among the main reasons why people end up getting divorced. Often, resentment builds up proportionally as respect goes down between two members of a couple. Some other usual causes of separation are unbalanced relationships in which one of the spouses carries most of the weight, or excessive controlling behavior from one of the sides. 

00:34:08 CHAPTER III – Thruths and Myths Arround Divorce

00:34:15 Deconstructing Stereotypes

• There seem to be some widely spread stereotypes according to which all men are cheaters whilst all women are gold-diggers. Even though it’s pretty obvious that a same tag cannot be applied to all men or women, there are definitely some tendencies that have helped build those stereotypes. Stats reveal that when going through a divorce, women will push harder to keep the house, given that they seek stability for their kids. At the same time, an affair on the male side is one of the most usual reasons that lead to divorce.  

00:36:36 A Legal Eye On Your Current Relationship

• Even though it can be an unpleasant thing to bring to the table, It’s key that your relationship has a foundation solid enough that allows you to discuss uneasy topics such as pr

How to recover from a divorce, breakup, or infidelity. How to think about adversity. Why stoic philosophy is so useful for men, especially through a breakup or divorce?

Today's https://mensgroup.com/podcast guest, Dr. Walter Matweychuck is a clinical psychologist that helps men through a wide range of issues like recovering from a breakup, divorce, separation, or infidelity.

You can watch the video interview on the Men's Group Youtube. https://youtu.be/xWlcUmoZDPE

And if you want to be in more of these kinds of conversations, you can get access to our free men's groups and discussion community over at https://mensgroup.com 

You can find more on Dr. Matweychuk and REBT therapy here:  https://rebtdoctor.com/

____________________________________________

CHAPTERS:

00:03:21 Healthy Recovery 
- Involves the acknowledgment that you cannot change the other person nor what happens to you, but that you can change yourself and choose how to react to a specific situation.

00:11:00 Healthy & Unhealthy Emotions
- They both share the same cognitive component: the acknowledgment that reality isn’t the way they want it to be. 
- Unhealthy behavior involves elements of self-defeat whilst healthy behavior leans towards acceptance.

00:16:28 The ABC model
- A being "reality", B being how you process reality, and C being how you feel about the way you process reality. Many people ignore B, thinking that there’s nothing they can do between whatever happens to them (A) and how they feel about it (C).  

00:19:15 Eight Healthy Negative Emotions vs. Eight Unhealthy Negative Emotions 
- Concern rather than Anxiety 
- Sorrow rather than Hurt.
- Sadness rather than Depression. 
- Remorse rather than Guilt. 
- Disappointment rather than Shame. 
- Healthy Jealousy rather than Unhealthy Jealousy. 
- Healthy Envy rather than Unhealthy Envy. 
- Healthy Anger rather than Unhealthy Anger. 

00:35:32 Women Hating Communities - Redpill, Incel, MGTOW
- Men who put themselves down after an emotional breakup feel the need to put others down in order to gain back some of their lost self-esteem. 
- Holding to that negative emotion leads to a negative biased perception of reality, which is encouraged by being part of an unhealthy community. 
It’s important to acknowledge your share of the responsibility and the fact that being involved in an emotional relationship involves the risk of being hurt. 

00:42:32 Acceptance 
- Acceptance can be defined as the acknowledgment that a negative state of affairs exists, but that you’re in peace with that. 
- It also involves the acceptance that whatever happened was due to the fact that all the related conditions were in place, regardless of whether you understand them or not.
- It may involve some unpleasant but positive emotions such as disappointment, sadness, and healthy anger.
- It can lead to either repairing the current relationship with a healthy negative emotion or moving on to a new relationship with more wisdom derived from the hurtful experience. 
- Self-acceptance involves living life to enjoy yourself rather than proving yourself. 

00:53:40 Healthy Escapes vs. Unhealthy Escapes
- The worst thing to do: give in to self-rejection and downing yourself. Also, using alcohol or drugs.

00:59:22 Stoic Philosophy

• Philosophy helps you live a meaningful life and cope with adversity by embracing reason. 
• “You cannot be a victim of another, you can only be a victim of yourself.”   
• Rumi: “The cure for the pain is the pain” – if it’s uncomfortable, it’s likely to be ther

In this episode,  Jordan Caron and Sean Galla from MensGroup get into how to deal with porn addiction. We also get into the consequences of a porn-traumatized brain and what goes behind the porn industry.

Today’s https://mensgroup.com/podcast guest Jordan Caron is a MensGroup facilitator who leads a support group for guys that are dealing with porn addiction, and he’s here to talk about the pornographic industry and the negative impact that consuming porn can have on ourselves and our partners, both on a physical and an emotional realm.

CHAPTERS:

00:00:00 SINGLE CHAPTER –  Porn Addiction

00:02:05 Porn Stats in the US

• According to official stats, around 200,000 Americans are or have been addicted to porn. This may sound like a pretty low number, but this can be explained by the fact that most men are in denial when it comes to acknowledging their relationship to porn. 

00:07:56 Porn Traumatized Brain 

• When a guy gets too used to getting off by just watching porn on a screen, his neural pathways get wired in a certain way that his brain doesn’t know anything else. This results in a so-called “Porn Traumatized Brain”, preventing a guy to be able to masturbate in a healthy way; let alone perform sexually with his partner. 

00:14:47 The Behind the Scenes of Porn

• One of the most delicate subjects that most men miss when they stop to think about porn is the great amount of sex trafficking that goes on within this industry, even into levels of escorts, strippers, webcam models, etc. Being aware of this and continuing to consume porn is to consciously and voluntarily support sex trafficking. 

00:22:45 Porn Addiction Resources

• There are several tools that can be pretty useful when it comes to coping with porn addiction. These include watching documentaries (such as “Fight the new drug” and “After porn ends”), reading books (some good ones are “Your Brain on Porn” and “The Porn Trap”), or joining an online community (there’s one on Reddit called “Anti-Pornography”). 

00:26:12 The Porn Comfort Zone: 

• Porn can be a sticky trap for single men, given that it provides sort of a comfort zone. Our brain is basically designed to keep us away from pain – such as the kind that can be experienced after being rejected – and it’s also wired to save energy whenever possible. 

00:36:56 Porn as a Sex Educator: 

• For many men, porn has served as a sex educator. The main issue with this is that most porn content is targeted at a male audience, in which women are always supposed to please men and male pleasure is the most important thing. 

00:45:25 Porn as a way of cheating! 

• Some men will watch random porn, just going through any given website and clicking on a haphazard video that calls their attention at that particular moment. However, other men will develop a so-called “parasocial” relationship with one or more pornstars, becoming faithful followers and keeping themselves updated on any news on their end. 

01:09:47 Positives of Porn Addiction 

• Even though addiction cannot be tagged as something positive, it can though bring about some positive consequences along the way, such as developing some strong unconditional love and compassion towards yourself as well as learning to forgive yourself. It’s not healthy to beat yourself up about mistakes that you’ve made or the person you were in the past. 

01:15:03 Socially Accepted Addictions

• Socially accepted addictions such as those related to porn or food are most of the time more difficult to deal with, given that there’s not much stigma around them and they happen to be readily available. 

In this episode, Lachie Stuart and Sean Galla from Mensgroup get into the importance of community and healthy communication for men. We also get into taking feedback and ownership of thoughts, feelings, and actions and how to recover from a breakup.

Today’s https://mensgroup.com/podcast guest Lachie Stuart is a men coach who helps career-driven men to live, love, and laugh more, and he’s here to talk about the importance of community, accepting feedback, and coping with difficult situations such as a breakup, divorce, and infidelity. 

 CHAPTERS:

00:01:16 Community & Communication

00:01:16 The Importance of Community  

• Getting together with people that share your same core values will help you stick to them and encourage you to keep doing the things that align with those values. 
• People in your community will hold you accountable for maintaining the habits that resonate with the kind of life you want to live, and at the same time, will point out whenever you’re drifting away from your path. 
• The concept of community comes down to surrounding yourself with people that will help you grow into the person you want to become. 
• Keeping positive people close is key – research has proven that negative influence in your life can be even 6 times more impactful than positive influence.

00:13:40 Good communication

• How you articulate what you’re feeling and what you’re experiencing is crucial – If you’re able to put into actual words what you’re going through, it will make it easier for you to deal with that specific issue or situation.   
• Learning to communicate in a good way will definitely have a positive impact on your relationships, from friends and co-workers to your family and closest beings. 

00:18:00 Learning to cherish feedback

• Feedback can highlight those areas in which you can eventually improve, and help you accept how you are doing on those in the meantime. 
• Sometimes people who are not used to receiving feedback can get pretty defensive about it since it can be taken as a piece of evidence that they’re not perfect. 

00:35:50 Taking ownership of your thoughts, feelings, and actions

• Most men struggle when it comes to taking responsibility for themselves, and have a strong tendency to blame others for their own issues. These men are in fact passive about their lives and are just expecting things to change on their own. 
• Even though it’s worth it, it’s actually harder to take ownership, given that this may imply dealing with limiting beliefs and carefully reviewing how you talk to yourself. Unfortunately, due to how demanding this process can get, most men end up accepting mediocracy, choosing to remain in their comfort zone. 

00:47:25 How to recover from infidelity, divorce, or breakup

• When dealing with a tough breakup, it’s important to accept the situation as challenging and allow yourself to mourn and to feel sad.  
• After infidelity or a difficult divorce, it’s tempting to want to take revenge. In a situation like this, just ask yourself – how do I want to respond? Does that response align with the kind of person I want to be? 
• Having good support around yourself and talking with other guys that have been through similar experiences can be a powerful tool throughout difficult times like these.  
• It’s essential to give yourself some time to go through the situation in a healthy way, rather than trying to deny it or trying to avoid dealing with painful feelings.

In this episode, Ben Ahrens and Sean Galla from MensGroup get into how thoughts and feelings contribute to our mental and physical health. We also get into the power of perspective and how to cope with adversity.

Today’s https://mensgroup.com/podcast guest Ben Ahrens is a chronic illness recovery expert, TEDx Speaker, Neuroplasticity coach, and Co-founder of re-origin, and he’s here to talk about emotional management, the importance of perspective, and dealing with adversity. 

CHAPTERS:

00:07:06 CHAPTER I – Emotional Management

00:07:15 Mental & Physical Health 

• Most people can probably identify with the feeling of mental weight or burden, feeling overwhelmed when it comes to dealing with their own personal issues. Even though this sensation takes place in the mind’s realm, it actually translates into physiological changes such as muscle tension, heavy breathing, or rapid heartbeat.    

00:11:46 Feelings & Thoughts Management 

• In and of themselves, thoughts are neutral – they are just what the mind does, the same way that the ears hear, the eyes see and the nose smell and the mind thinks. On that note, it’s key to understand that we don’t need to be that aware of our thoughts at all times since they’re not always telling us something useful. 

00:17:31 Tools for Emotional Management

• Scientific research has proven that our brain is widely plastic, meaning that it has an amazing capacity to change, regardless of our age and our learned patterns. This means that we can mentally train ourselves to manage our feelings and emotions in a way that works to our advantage rather than the other way around.  

00:26:39 CHAPTER II – Perspective

00:26:55 Switching the Negative Bias

• The human brain takes roughly about eleven million bits of information per second, from which around nine million are inherently negative. This is due to our brain’s evolved negativity bias, which is designed to keep us out of danger. However, being aware of this grants us the possibility to re-train our brain, and switch that negativity bias into some sort of positivity bias. 

00:40:16 Positive and Negative Events

• Every situation we go through has a positive and a negative component to it. However, some events will definitely be more positive than negative and the other way around. In that sense, life’s like a pendulum that constantly sways from one side to the other. Nonetheless, if we acknowledge that there’s good and bad in all, we can consciously choose to focus on the positive portion of things, which would be like climbing up that pendulum – the higher we go, the less we’re gonna feel its swaying. 

00:50:13 CHAPTER III – Adversity

00:50:51 Advice on Adversity 

• One good piece of advice that can come in handy when to dealing with unpleasant situations is to think about the future and how much the current context could have a long-lasting impact on our life. For example, if you’re in your thirties, you could ask yourself something like “what advice would the 40 years version of myself give me in these particular times?” Usually, the hypothetical answer to that question is something similar to “Take it easy and don’t worry too much about it”.  

00:55:58 Dealing with Adversity 

• Adversity itself isn’t the problem, but our resistance to adversity and our inability to stay pleasant in the present can have a negative impact on our life. Ultimately, accepting things the way they are while trying to make the best out of each day appears to be the best recipe for happiness and overall wellbeing.