Mercy Not Sacrifice - Audiobook

Johnnie is back in St. Michael’s Church for Grandpa John’s funeral. During the homily of Simon the Priest he rises from his seat as Lore appears. On his way down the aisle he falls, but is picked back up by an old friend.

In the lobby, Johnnie comes to know the origin of his problems and he escapes to the church basement and into the bathroom. Behind the closed door he realizes that his hurt has came from himself. Lore’s haunting is his own doing, his cutting is his own action, and his retreat is causing his own harm.

He makes a decision that changes the direction of his life.

Johnnie leaves his truck at Bay Area Paper and makes his way to the Golden Gate Bridge. On his way there he recalls the events that led him to that point.

Inches from death, Johnnie is saved by a State Trooper and a phone call from Ian.

The history of depression for the Carman family is linked and ties Grandpa John and Johnnie and Jeffrey together.

Grandpa John’s suicide attempt in the truck is remembered while Jeffrey walks to the Gardenstown Railroad Bridge to attempt his own.

Grandpa John receives a buyout offer from Archie and Sam. Puzzled about what to do he recalls the early years and asks Simon the Priest for council on the matter. After a long conversation and a couple of beers Grandpa John decides that he will give the money to St. Michael’s School.

A storm blows in off the Missouri River and beacons him back home where he falls weak and dies. With his few remaining seconds Jeffrey comes to his mind.

Jeffrey sits in religion class where Simon the Priest teaches on Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened...”

After his life has become too much for him to bear Jeffrey makes up his mind to do something about it. At the end of the school day he sends his siblings home without him and he walks the opposite way towards what he thinks is mercy at the Gardenstown Bridge.

Johnnie drops Jesús off in Carson City and continues on through Nevada and into California. He passes through the small towns that mark the end of Rt. 50 into Sacramento and onto I-80 to the Bay Area. Crossing the two bridges into the city, the time that his parents spent in San Francisco is recalled.

A conversation with Dr. Heiler is remembered when he asked, “What is it you’re holding on to?”

It’s at Bay Area Paper that Johnnie leaves the truck behind with one last thing to do.

After almost crashing from lack of sleep Johnnie pulls into a truck stop to rest. Jesús goes to sleep in the top bunk and Johnnie goes inside for a shower where all he can think about is San Francisco.

Later, Johnnie wakes up in the middle of the night after hearing his name called and Jesús suggests that he should respond to the one that is calling. In response, Johnnie steps outside for a cigarette full of memories.

Johnnie and Jesús continue down the road towards Carson City. Jesús explains why he needs to find Alejandro as Johnnie reveals the depths of his past.

Jesús explains that forgiveness is hard, but is necessary as it gives more of a relief to the giver of it.

Johnnie returns home to his trailer and sinks into a depressed state. Seeking a way out he hurts himself and is haunted again by the memory of Lore. Running away from it all he decides to go to back to the only place where he feels at home — the road.

On the way to San Francisco in the middle of Kansas he finds a new friend at just the right time.

Archie and Sam discuss the buying out of Grandpa John from the trucking business. Johnnie drives thru Gardenstown and visits his shut-in Mom where he is greeted by alcoholic dysfunction. He then drives out to his Dad’s country church where he meets a self-righteous judgement.

Both parents serve to upset him and push him towards his own bitter conclusion of them and himself.