Message to Our Kids

I want to talk about something that has been on my mind lately, something that I think is important for all of us, including my own children. Life has its ups and downs, and there are times when we need to understand what's happening around us. That's where discernment comes in.

Discernment has become a significant part of my life in the past few weeks because I've experienced some incredible changes. These changes are ones I've been praying for, but they also require me to realign with my true purpose and calling.

At that time, I realized that my present situation wasn't working because I wasn't honoring God's call. I had been avoiding my true purpose, finding excuses, and inviting chaos into my life by pursuing things that weren't aligned with my calling. Most of my time was consumed by work that I was good at but wasn't truly fulfilling.

Then, unexpectedly, my friend Brian, whom I have a deep bond with, called me to have a difficult conversation. He realized that he was holding me back from my higher calling, and we needed to part ways professionally. It was a tough moment, but I valued our relationship above all else.

This experience led me to reconfigure my path, and together with my team, we quickly built coaching and training programs that aligned with my true purpose. We faced another challenge when my largest video production contract was terminated right before my ordination weekend, causing significant financial strain. It hurt deeply, but I refused to dwell in resentment or despair. I didn't let circumstances define me. Instead, I chose to see the human being behind it all, focusing on the importance of relationships. I expressed gratitude for the opportunity to work together and acknowledged that our paths were diverging. I learned that discernment also involves choosing the right people to surround yourself with, people who live by their values and align with who you are as a person.

So, I want to leave you with this message: Take a moment to reflect on your life. Are there any situations where you're holding onto victimhood? What are you unwilling to let go of?

"Do not conform yourself to this age…that you may discern what is the will of God." - Rom 12:1-2

Blessings on your path,

Rev. Benjamin Norman

Want more training and deep dive on building a connected family and relationship? Check us at www.scendancy.com as well as our membership app https://scendancy.passion.io

I wanted to share something with you today that's been weighing heavily on my heart. The topic isn't awesome at all, in fact, it's quite tragic. I've been having conversations with men from all walks of life - business owners, police officers, soldiers, everyday men - and there's a common theme among them.

They're struggling in their marriages and relationships, and the problem is prevalent throughout our country. Words like "narcissism" and "gaslighting" are being thrown around, and many men are being labeled as such by their wives. It's sickening to hear women say that they don't need men anymore, that all they need is a donation of sperm from a sperm bank. If you're listening to this and your wife has called you a narcissist or accused you of gaslighting, then this is a wake-up call for you.

The problem has everything to do with men not showing up as emotional, feeling, and thinking beings. We were raised to believe that emotions are weak, and it's costing us our marriages and relationships. I understand this because I lived it. I was a boy trapped in a man's body, and it cost me my first marriage. If I had known how to share my feelings and experiences in a way that invited connection, things may have been different. I urge you to take a moment to reflect on this and think about how you can show up differently in your relationships.

I understand what you're going through because I've been there myself. When you don't know who you are, it's hard to stand on your own two feet, speak up, or feel worthy. You're constantly seeking validation from others and trying to please everyone around you. It's time to wake up and discover yourself.

You may have gone to school, gotten a degree, and have a career, but that's not who you are. You need to discover your true self and be authentic in your relationships. You need to be a man of honor, fighting for your wife and doing whatever it takes to connect with her. It's time for a new generation of men who lead their lives with faith and who are connected to who they truly are.

It's easy to blame your wife for the state of your relationship, but it's not her fault. It's your responsibility to turn things around and connect with her on a deeper level. She's in this place because you didn't connect with her, and you put her in a box where she's managing everything, including the kids' emotions, and not being heard or understood. It's time to step up and be the man that she needs in her life.

Living together is "an art, a patient, beautiful and fascinating journey..... which can be summarized in three words: please thank you and sorry." - Pope Francis

Blessings on your path,

Rev. Benjamin Norman

Want more training and deep dive on building a connected family and relationship? Check us at www.scendancy.com as well as our membership app https://scendancy.passion.io

Today is a special day for me. I just wanted to share something personal with you all. About a week ago, I completed my ordination and became a Reverend. Now, you might be wondering, what does that really mean? Does it mean that I am now holier than thou? No, not at all. To me, this title means that I have made a commitment to my faith and to my journey. It means that I have decided to dedicate my life to ministry, to spreading the message that God has given me to the world.

Have you ever felt like there's something holding you back from sharing your deepest beliefs with the world? Maybe you're a business owner like me, and you have faith in God, the universe, or some other force that drives you forward. You pray in quiet moments for guidance and support, but when it comes time to lead your team and speak to the world, you hold back. You're afraid of being judged or misunderstood, so you keep your faith hidden in the shadows.

I know how that feels because I've been there. I used to think that I had built everything in my life by myself, with no help from anyone or anything else. But the truth is, I know deep down that God was there with me every step of the way. In those quiet moments of prayer, I felt his presence and heard his voice guiding me.

I know that everyone's journey of faith is unique and personal. We each have our own experiences and beliefs that shape us. But I also know that so many people, like my peers in business, are afraid to speak openly about their faith. They wonder why things aren't working out for them, why they feel lost and alone in the darkness.

That's why I want to encourage you to embrace your faith and practice it daily, in whatever way feels right for you. Write down the messages and visions you receive, even if they don't make sense at the time. Trust that someday, they will come together and reveal a greater purpose for your life.

And now, 10 years later, here I am. A Reverend, a minister, and most importantly, a person who has found their faith and their purpose. It hasn't been easy, but it has been worth it. I hope that my story can inspire you to find your own path, whatever it may be.

Taking a leap of faith can be scary, but I believe that every time we do, God is there to catch us. So don't be afraid to speak your truth, to share your beliefs with the world. Embrace your journey of faith and see where it takes you.

"We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Blessings on your path,

Rev. Benjamin Norman

Want more training and deep dive on building a connected family and relationship? Check us at www.scendancy.com as well as our membership app https://scendancy.passion.io

Today's topic is something that's been heavy on my mind lately, and I want to share it with you all. It's a quote that's been making the rounds: "God doesn't call the qualified, God qualifies the called." I posted it on my Facebook account yesterday because I've been dealing with some difficult emotions within my family and personal life. Balancing my family business and being there for my children and wife has been a challenge, but I know we can get through it because God created us to thrive, not just survive. When we overcome our lower needs and start to see ourselves as God created us, we reach self-actualization, where our focus turns to serve others. Everyone's journey with God is unique, and it's important not to compare our purpose to others. Our calling comes from small, quiet moments that bubble up from within us. So, let's focus on living a life of service and doing what we feel called to do.

I used to think that I wasn't qualified to guide families in creating multi-generational love and connection. I had gone to college several times, but I don't have a college degree. I was worried about not being good enough, being an imposter, and my past. But I followed my calling and began working with families. Within a couple of weeks, they could see the changes in themselves and how they had been showing up at home. I kept going, and people were getting value out of what I was teaching and training on. I was seeing them connect with the people they care about, and I just kept going. Everything I've been through in my life is my qualification, and who I am as a person is my qualification. I'm qualified because I've been called to do what I do. But it wasn't easy. Two summers ago, my wife was in the middle of chemotherapy treatment for cancer, and it was a challenging time. I remember sitting on the beach, asking God what it was going to take for me to have that life. The answer I got was everything. And so I entered into God's Forge, and he continued to work through me. Every coaching call I've taken with the people I work with, every training I put on, is just God working through me. And now, my prayers have started to shift.

"Together let us implore the grace to accept this call with joy and to join in bringing it to fulfillment." - Pope Francis

Blessings on your path,

Rev. Benjamin Norman

Want more training and deep dive on building a connected family and relationship? Check us at www.scendancy.com as well as our membership app https://scendancy.passion.io

Today's topic is one that's really important to me. It's something that I believe in so strongly that I want to pass it on to the next generation. I call it "Chivalry is not Dead." Now, I know it might sound a bit old-fashioned, but bear with me. In this episode, I'm speaking directly to all you men out there – husbands, fathers, boyfriends – who want to be the best possible partners to your significant others.

I've been thinking about chivalry since I was a teenager. In fact, when I was in high school, I had a knight in shining armor on one side of my class ring with the words "Chivalry, why?" above it. Even then, I knew that I wanted to be the best partner I could be. Of course, I didn't always succeed. In fact, I made a lot of mistakes in my early relationships. But over time, I learned what it meant to truly show up for my significant other.

I think part of the reason why chivalry has become such a lost concept is that men have a bad reputation when it comes to relationships. We've ruined our own reputation by not showing up as the best versions of ourselves in our relationships. But I believe that we can change that. By being more connected to ourselves and our partners, we can be the best husbands, lovers, and companions possible.

Let me tell you about my experience with reconnection and sustaining a deep connection with my significant other. It's a feeling that's hard to describe, but it's something we both crave. We've had times when we were disconnected for long periods of time, and then finally, we would reconnect and feel great. We'd feel love and be connected to each other for days and weeks until life pulled us back into the current, and we'd become disconnected again. It's frustrating when that happens, but we've learned to recognize it and work on it.

One time, we were arguing about something silly like whether the recycling was taken out or not. I knew deep down that there was something more going on, and it wasn't just about recycling. My partner was in a state of disconnection and was expressing it through the argument. We've had similar arguments before, and it's always been because we're not connecting at a deeper level.

I've learned that as a loving partner, it's my job to be the knight in shining armor that my partner needs. It's not about being perfect or doing everything right, but it's about showing up and being there for her. Women often want someone who will fight for them, protect them, love them, honor them, take care of them, and provide for them. But in today's society, it's hard to find someone who can do all of these things consistently.

When I talk to other dads and husbands, they often complain about the lack of connection they feel with their significant other. I know that if they're feeling that way, their wives and moms are probably feeling the same way too. When we talk about our relationship, we often realize that we're not as connected as we want to be. We have conversations about the kids and household chores, but we're not having deep, passionate conversations about our feelings and what's going on in our lives.

That's why sustaining a deep connection with your significant other is crucial. It's not just about having conversations about everyday life; it's about creating a safe container where both of you can express your feelings and be heard. When we have these conversations on a regular basis, we feel more connected to each other. We can support each other emotionally and work through any challenges that come our way.

It's easy to let life get in the way and forget about the importance of staying connected to our partners. But we have to remember that our relationship is the foundation for everything else in our lives. If we're not connected, everything else starts to break down. Our kids can sense it too, and we're always modeling what it means to be in a relationship with them.

So, if you're a gentleman reading this, I encourage you to make it a priority to connect with your significant other every single day. It's not about grand gestures or extravagant dates; it's about showing up and being present. When you're connected, you can work through anything together, and that's what makes a strong and healthy relationship. Think of it as chivalry - getting on your horse, grabbing your shield and lance, and going to war for your relationship. It's the most important thing you'll ever do.

"When husband and wife are united in marriage they no longer seem like something earthly, but rather like the image of God Himself." - St. John Chrysostom

Blessings on your path,

Rev. Benjamin Norman

Want more training and deep dive on building a connected family and relationship? Check us at www.scendancy.com as well as our membership app https://scendancy.passion.io

Today's episode is about something really special that happened recently. My daughter, Savannah, participated in a horseback riding show, and it was a rainy day when we went to see her. That day, she rode a horse she had only ridden once before, a stubborn horse named Blue. I'm going to tell you what happened at the show, but first, let me talk about a concept that's important to me as a parent: co-regulating with my children when they are emotional.

As you may know, children can't fully understand and handle their emotions until they are in their late teens or early twenties. So, when my kids are dysregulated or triggered, they can't think rationally, no matter how many times I try to discipline them. I used to make the mistake of going into troubleshooting mode when they were upset, just like I do with my spouse. I'd try to convince them that they were wrong and list all the reasons why they were misperceiving reality. I'd also try to come up with solutions to their problems, or even ask them what they want me to do. But that didn't work. So, instead, I learned to co-regulate with them. I don't try to solve their problems or convince them of anything. I just sit with them and try to understand how they are feeling. And that's exactly what I did for Savannah at the horseback riding show.

As a parent, I always wanted to establish a relationship with my children where they could come to me when they were dealing with their emotions. I think most parents want this for their children. It is important to be the loving and supportive caretaker that gives them advice and guidance, helping them to handle and process their emotions. This way, they will come to you instead of turning to the wrong crowd when they become teenagers. I have had many emotional conversations with my children where I ask them how they feel and they tell me what color their emotions are. It's amazing how this helps them regulate their emotions.

One day, during my daughter's horseback riding class, she was having trouble with a very stubborn and difficult horse that was not following her instructions. It was difficult to watch her struggle while the other riders smoothly transitioned. However, the most amazing thing was that she maintained her composure in the middle of the ring, with two other riders and the judges watching. Despite the crowd of parents, she did not get emotional, hung in there, and did not quit.

This is one of the values we have instilled in our family - when we are in it, we stay in it.

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." - Proverbs 22:6

Blessings on your path,

Rev. Benjamin Norman

Want more training and deep dive on building a connected family and relationship? Check us at www.scendancy.com

Today, I want to talk about parenting and something that's been on my mind recently. As a parent, when your child does something wrong, it's natural to have an immediate emotional response. But what do you do with that emotion?

I've noticed that many parents, especially fathers, tend to shy away from taking an active role in parenting. It's often assumed that the mom is responsible for dealing with the kids and their emotions, while the dad's job is simply to provide financially. But being a father is so much more than that! It's about being present, connected, and loving towards your children. It's about being a guide, a leader, and a teacher. It's about showing your kids that they are loved and valued and that you are there to support them no matter what.

So let me get to the point. As a parent, I sometimes find myself assuming that my child has acted with malicious intent when they do something wrong. I immediately start thinking that they did it on purpose to hurt someone, and I launch into a punishment conversation without giving them a chance to explain themselves. This often leads to them believing false things about themselves, like they are not lovable, and it all started with my wrong assumption. So, I had to ask myself if I fundamentally believe that humans are good or evil.

But if I realize that my child did not act with malicious intent, I need to put on my detective hat and become a sleuth to try to understand how they perceived reality. I have to listen to them and ask questions instead of assuming that I know what happened. When I do this, I hear things from my child that I could not have possibly thought of myself because I am not at their level of development. I have learned to have these types of conversations with my children, and it has helped me understand them better. For example, my daughter once asked me what a MasterCard was, and I asked her why she was asking. She told me that she was scared to tell me something because she thought I would be mad, and I was grateful that she could tell me how she felt. I could never have had that level of conversation with my children in the early days of my parenting journey, but I have learned to communicate better with them.

Unfortunately, many dads miss out on this amazing experience. They pawn off their fatherhood to their spouses, assuming that their job is done once they've provided financially for the family. They miss out on the opportunity to be the ultimate guide for their children, and to witness the most amazing journey of their lives.

I know this because I've been there. In the early days of my parenting journey, I didn't know who I was as a man or what I stood for. I was still trying to figure things out, and as a result, I missed out on some of the most precious moments with my kids. But I'm glad I came to that realization when I did because it allowed me to build the deep, meaningful relationships I have with my five children today.

So, dads, it's time to wake up and realize the huge role you play in your children's lives. How you show up now will impact them for decades to come. Don't miss out on the opportunity to be there for your kids, to guide them, and to love them unconditionally. It's not just their lives that will be better for it, but yours too. Trust me, it's an experience you don't want to miss out on.

"Every family needs a FATHER - a father who shares in his family's joy and pain, hands down wisdom to his children, and offers them firm, guidance and love" - Pope Francis

Blessings on your path,

Rev. Benjamin Norman

Want more training and deep dive on building a connected family and relationship? Check us at www.scendancy.com as well as our membership app https://scendancy.passion.io

Over the past five years since I started Scendancy, I've been on quite the journey. We've gone through many evolutions in the business, and while some of my partners have been skeptical, I've always known that my purpose has been centered around two things: family and transformation.

Years ago, I had an idea to film life lessons from parents and grandparents, capturing their life stories on video. This idea led to a service where we interviewed people, building chapters of their video memoirs, and we still do this today. It's been incredibly rewarding to see life experiences through other people's eyes, transporting me to different worlds and giving me insight into how previous generations parented their children.

But this isn't just a business for me; it's an extension of who I am as a person. There's no line drawn between my personal life and my business life. My values and the values my company operates by are reflections of who I am as a person. I believe in being authentic, vulnerable, and emotionally available, whether I'm at work or at home with my family.

Maybe you have your own family values that you live by, and that's great. For me, it's all about making a difference in another person's world, helping them see something about themselves so that they can create a new future and opportunity for themselves.

So, let's continue on this journey together, and I hope my experiences and insights can help you and your family along the way.

"I am not capable of doing big things, but I want to do everything, even the smallest things, for the greater glory of God." - St. Dominic Savio

Blessings on your path,

Rev. Benjamin Norman

Want more training and deep dive on building a connected family and relationship? Check us at www.scendancy.com as well as our membership app https://scendancy.passion.io

Today, I want to talk to you, husbands and fathers about something that comes up often in relationships. I've personally experienced an evolution in my own relationship with my significant other that I want to share with you. I started with familiarity, and I've seen the way that men show up as boys in their marriages. It may sting a bit, but hear me out.

Most of us grew up in a household where there was a parenting paradigm that involved controlling and punishing children. We inherited our parents' limiting beliefs unintentionally through the language we were exposed to as children. We learned to believe that we weren't good enough, which affected our ability to express our emotions and connect with our partners. It's not just business owners who struggle with this; I've seen it in men from all walks of life. We need to learn to step into our feelings and express them in a way that invites our partners to connect with us. Our partners want to feel connected to us, but it's difficult if we struggle to express our emotions. So let's work on breaking this cycle and creating a language of love, support, and compassion in our relationships.

For a long time, I, like many men, ran from my emotions. I buried them deep inside me and covered them up with addictions and distractions. It wasn't until I stopped running and started learning how to feel and express my emotions that my life truly began to open up. When you connect with your emotions, you experience yourself on a deeper level, and that energy can be channeled into achieving amazing things in your life.

Unfortunately, I've also seen many men who never make this connection. They continue to run from their emotions, and it leads them down a path of destruction. I've talked to countless men who are on the brink of divorce, or worse, whose partners have already left them for someone who is emotionally available. It's heartbreaking to see, and I don't want it to happen to you.

If you're listening to this and you're in a place where you don't know how to connect with your emotions, don't worry. It's a skill that can be learned, and I'm here to help. One technique that I've found to be incredibly useful is to pause when you feel triggered or upset and assess what your needs are at that moment. It's important to understand that it's okay to have needs - we all do. In fact, most arguments with our partners stem from unmet needs that we don't know how to communicate.

So, the next time you're feeling angry or upset, take a deep breath and ask yourself what you need at that moment. Learning to connect with your emotions and express your needs is a powerful tool that will not only improve your relationships but also your overall well-being.

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church" (Eph. 5:25).

Blessings on your path,

Rev. Benjamin Norman

Want more training and deep dive on building a connected family and relationship? Check us at www.scendancy.com as well as our membership app https://scendancy.passion.io

As a father, one of my biggest hopes is to leave behind something truly valuable for my children, something that will help them in their personal and professional lives. That's why I'm passionate about discussing family-owned businesses on this podcast. I believe that they're the backbone of our economy and that they have the potential to bring families together. However, as someone who has worked with many family-owned businesses over the years, I've also seen the potential pitfalls. Too often, the family dynamics can create tension and resentment, especially when it comes time to pass the business on to the next generation.

I've spoken with many second and third-generation family members who feel trapped and voiceless, like they're just another "hired hand" in the family business. They struggle with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, and they don't feel confident in their ability to lead. It's a tough spot to be in, especially when the pressure is on to take over the business.

But here's the thing: if we want our family-owned businesses to thrive and succeed for generations to come, we need to focus on the relationships between the generations. We need to foster connection and communication, to create an environment where everyone feels heard and valued. This isn't just about the business, it's about the family.

I grew up in a household where my parents valued family connections and communication. They taught us family values and always encouraged us to speak up and share our thoughts and feelings. As a result, I have a strong relationship with my parents that extends beyond just parent-child, but as close friends. I believe that this is the kind of legacy that we should strive for in our family-owned businesses - one where communication is a priority, and every family member feels like they have a voice.

So, if you find yourself in a family-owned business where you don't feel like you have a voice, know that you're not alone. But also know that it's time to start taking action to change that. It's time to start unpacking the things that are holding you back and finding your confidence and voice as a leader. Because your life is happening right now, and it's up to you to make the most of it.

I'm excited to dive into this topic further in future episodes, but for now, let's start by focusing on building stronger family connections within our family-owned businesses.

""If you want to bring happiness to the whole world, go home and love your family." -Mother Teresa

Blessings on your path,

Rev. Benjamin Norman

Want more training and deep dive on building a connected family and relationship? Check us at www.scendancy.com as well as our membership app https://scendancy.passion.io