Michael Perry's Voice Mail

Howdy folks:

Welcome to Michael Perry’s Voice Mail, episode 157. This one’s available to subscribers and non-subscribers alike. Click the player above to listen.

Included in today’s installment: Soon to speak at a writer’s conference and then do a show with his band, Mike talks about how he came to have a band in the first place, how his first-ever show went, and how things have gone since. Also included: The best musical advice he ever received (from a two-time Grammy winner). Then he closes with the essay, “Roadworthy,” about being on the road in a band in a van in a traffic jam.

Below is a brief clip from a recent show (watch Mike very professionally smack his mouth on the microphone but just keep rollin’) (link also here):

Music video of a song Mike wrote for his daughters.

Music video for the song “Forty Acres Deep.” (A title Mike used again for this book).

Here’s video from an in-studio Long Beds set recorded for PBS five years ago.

Today’s essay is from the book Peaceful Persistence. (Also still selling well, these Peaceful Persistence shirts...including this book/shirt combo deal.)

And thanks again for the ongoing response to the newest book.

See y’down the road!

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Howdy folks:

Welcome to the Michael Perry’s Voice Mail, episode 153. This one’s available to paying subscribers and free subscribers alike. Click the player above to listen.

Included in today’s installment: Mike begins the day with a coffee whoopsie, which leads him back to his writing about the French philosopher Montaigne’s thoughts on absentmindedness. Mike also does his Dylan Thomas impression, something you might never have heard unless you’ve been to a Long Beds soundcheck.

You can find Montaigne in Barn Boots in hardcover, paperback, audiobook (CD and digital), and Kindle and other ebook versions and all of Mike’s other hardcovers, paperbacks, and audiobooks here at the Sneezing Cow store.

Oh, and regarding the mention of a soundcheck in today’s episode, Mike and his band the Long Beds will be live in Oshkosh soon—info here (he also shoots the breeze and signs books at these events).

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Thank you for listening. It’s nice to visit.

Howdy folks:

Grateful to say we’ve had a surge of new subscribers. So today’s episode is a general welcome from Mike, in which—drawing on the photo above and those below—he recounts just how unlikely it was that he’d wind up writing and performing for a living, and how his blue collar, working class, roughneck, whatever-you-wanna-call-it upbringing turned out to be perfect preparation for what is, after all, basic self-employment.

This episode is available to paying subscribers and free subscribers alike. Click the player above to listen.

For subscription options, click on the button below (it says “Subscribe Now” but you won’t actually be subscribed until you review your options and confirm):

For information on all the books and recordings mentioned (and the truckload of them not mentioned) click here.

And thanks.

The book that started it all.

The latest book.

Everything else.

Mike’s bio.

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Thanks again. See y’down the road.

Howdy folks:

Welcome to Michael Perry’s Voice Mail, episode 142. This one’s available to subscribers and non-subscribers alike. Click the player above to listen.

Included in today’s installment: Mike is missing his daughters and pondering the price of eggs. This moves him to revisit a piece from Peaceful Persistence addressing both of those topics and including a reference to Lawry’s Seasoned Salt.

Bonus link to a video of Mike’s younger daughter leading a flock of chickens across the yard.

Thank you for listening. We don’t take your time or interest for granted.

Forward,Mike and the Sneezing Cow crew

P.S. Sometimes people ask Mike, "Why—in blog posts, or social media posts, or this Voice Mail—do you sometimes refer to yourself in the third person, as if you were a professional athlete?” Answer is because although most of the time what you are reading on those platforms is typed up by me (Mike in the first person), I also have a helper who prepares some of our communications, and also sometimes it’s just more expeditious to use the third person for general announcements and whatnot. That said, first person or third, Michael Perry intends to continue giving it 110%, taking it one game at a time, and giving all credit to his teammates.

P.P.S. New book out.

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Welcome to Michael Perry’s Voice Mail, episode 136. This one’s available to subscribers and non-subscribers alike. Click the player above to listen.

This is a fresh “Roughneck Grace” essay, never before printed nor recorded. In this one, Mike shares how he and his friend Evan wrote a new song they’ll be debuting at two live shows this week. A “scratch” vocal (in this case an unedited take recorded directly into a phone) is attached to the end of the piece so you can hear how the song turned out…so far. (Lyrics at the bottom of this email.) NOTE: Due to a gremlin in the file conversion, the piano might sound ill. I assure you the piano is fine.

Tonight’s show is sold out, but if you’re going to be in or around Minneapolis this Saturday night (December 10), tickets and info on how to see Mike, Evan, and Mike’s band the Long Beds (including a live performance of the new one—with the piano sounding great) are right here.

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You can find all of Mike’s books, recordings, and live events at SneezingCow.com. Thank you from Mike, and thank you from the Sneezing Cow crew. See y’down the road.

STAY BEFORE YOU GO

Purple teddy bearIn a little red chairFor years I’ve just left him sittin’ there

Coffee’s gone coldOur one for the roadI know I gotta let you go

CHORUSWe raised you up to flyI feel you pulling for the skyBut oh, the undertowStay before you go

I kept you from harmIn the crook of one armI cradled your head in my hand

Now you stand tallAt the edge of it allAnd I am just your old man

CHORUS/BRIDGE/CHORUS

Howdy folks.

We’ve had a rush of new subscribers. Welcome! I recorded this episode to show you around the place. Or talk you around, because as longtime subscribers know, this is more like a voice mail message than a newsletter. Subscription and sharing information are posted at the end of this email.

Anyways. Click on the player above to hear what this is and isn’t. Relevant links and photos below.

With gratitude,

Mike and the Sneezing Cow crew.

In order to keep the mortgage paid (also, I’ve two daughters: one’s in braces and one’s in college), I’ve written twenty-some books (with more on the way), and recorded several music albums and live humor performances. Here’s a comprehensive list.

Here’s a bio reflecting the fact that I never planned on any of this stuff (I have a nursing degree!).

If you want to know when I’m headed your way for a live performance, please consider signing up for our mailing list.

I do my best to keep this Voice Mail Substack low-key, like a neighbor dropping in for a visit. And for paying subscribers, we slip in a few extras, including early peeks at—or listens to—new projects before they’re released, as well as written and audio material not available outside of Voice Mail.

For subscription options, click on the button below (it says “Subscribe Now” but you won’t actually be subscribed until you review your options and confirm). Episodes are released weekly—if you’ve signed up for a free subscription, you’ll receive a Voice Mail once a month or so:

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Again, thank you. I don’t take your time for granted. See y’down the road.

Mike

Howdy folks:

Welcome to the Michael Perry’s Voice Mail, episode 129. This one’s available to subscribers and non-subscribers alike. Click the player above to listen.

This was supposed to be the monthly “ramble” episode. Then I remembered I had written a piece about Halloween in 2017. So I read that and also did a mini-ramble expanding on the essay and the photos below. I also reveal why—for me—this Halloween will be a quiet—but happy—one.

(The Halloween essay is from the book Million Billion. The paperback, Kindle and other ebook versions, as well as all of Mike’s other hardcovers, paperbacks, and audiobooks are here at the Sneezing Cow store.)

This post is public so feel free to share it.

For subscription options, click on the button below (it says “Subscribe Now” but you won’t actually be subscribed until you review your options and confirm):

Thank you for listening. See y’down the road.

Mike

Howdy folks:

Welcome to the Michael Perry’s Voice Mail, episode 122. This one’s available to subscribers and non-subscribers alike. Click the player above to listen.

Included in today’s installment: Mike goes on an unscripted ramble about how unboxing a box of mouse-riddled hats and caps transported him to a heartwarming recollection of his mother and how she balanced want and need on the tip of a sewing needle…and taught him everlasting lessons about grit and gratitude in the process. This week’s ramble is accompanied by a bunch of photos for reference.

Mike has written about the influence of his mother in a number of publications, most prominently Population 485 and Coop.

Thank you for listening. See y’down the road.

For subscription options, click on the button below (it says “Subscribe Now” but you won’t actually be subscribed until you review your options and confirm):

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Howdy folks:

Welcome to Michael Perry’s Voice Mail, episode 121. This one’s available to subscribers and non-subscribers alike. Click the player above to listen.

Included in today’s installment: Mike takes you inside the world of “clodhopper sportz,” most specifically the splattery happiness of apple golf.

Today’s essay is from the book Roughneck Grace, available in print and ebook form here, along with all of Mike’s other books, music, shirts, and doodads at the Sneezing Cow store.

Thank you for listening. It’s nice to visit. We don’t take any of this for granted.

For subscription options, click on the button below (it says “Subscribe Now” but you won’t actually be subscribed until you review your options and confirm):

You can also share this post with a friend:

Howdy folks:

Welcome to Michael Perry’s Voice Mail, episode 112. This one’s available to subscribers and non-subscribers alike. Click the player above to listen.

This is also where Mike’s “Roughneck Grace” columns will show up in the future (see text of today’s coumn below). For an update on all that, and more information about what Voice Mail is going to be like going forward, please see this typewriter post.

Also, it hasn’t been officially released yet, but as Voice Mail subscribers already know, there’s a new Michael Perry book available.

Finally, if you’re interested in subscribing to this audio newsletter, click on the button below (it says “Subscribe Now” but you won’t actually be subscribed until you review your options and confirm):

If you wish, share this episode with a friend:

Thank you from Mike, and thank you from the Sneezing Cow crew. See y’down the road.

ROUGHNECK GRACE — HUMIDITY, TARZAN, AND FRENCHNESS

The humidity today is such that the dew, rather than sparkling, was still sulking on the clover come noon. My shoes got soaked on the way to lunch. I broke a sweat while sharpening a pencil.

This is the Wisconsin that surprises outsiders raised on booming invocations of “the frozen tundra.” Little do they realize that come summer the land of cheese goes all jungly. Yesterday I spent some time cutting brush and trimming trees, and in addition to sweating like a sumo wrestler jazzercising in a sauna, I was reminded again how many vine-y things weave themselves throughout the pines and popples and oaks and maples. I flashed back to my days spent reading Tarzan books.

Folks tend to forget that Tarzan spent some time in Wisconsin, at one point swinging limb-to-limb through the forest with Jane in his arms, a stretch of the imagination no matter the circumstances, let alone should you ever have actually attempted to swoop your way through a spruce, or a lowly box elder. Perhaps the climate was such back then that vines were less profuse, or Edgar Rice Burroughs would have written in a few for his displaced jungle man.

In the interest of moving beyond Tarzan books and the weather, this morning I read a lengthy New Yorker profile of a leading contemporary French novelist. I do these things to broaden my scope of cogitation, but I am also forever trying to geolocate myself as I regularly feel I am in not-quite-the-right place. In part this has to do with my relating to certain aspects of the French novelist’s experience—yes, I too “distrust [my] responses to broad sociological and political questions” and I too am more comfortable with putting experiences into words than with the experiences themselves—even as I completely fail to equal his capital “A” Artiste persona as manifested through ad lib eloquence, intellectual fluency, and tumultuous affairs.

I, on the other hand, spend a lotta time just cutting brush. Both figuratively and sweatily.

Yesterday I spoke at length with a talented engineer. A man good at all the things I am not: math, electronics, construction, etc. Sometimes I think folks like this fail to understand how much I covet their skills and admire their understanding. It’s a theme I’ve beaten to death over the years—how my blue collar roots assign a far higher value to fundamental skills than anything tied to wishy-washy poetics—and I won’t reprise it here, but it also colors my reaction to the French novelist claiming that putting things into words was his reason for being. “I’m not complaining,” he said. “I’m terrifically lucky to have what’s known as a vocation. But all the same, how good it would be, how restful…if I could make fewer sentences and see a little more.”

It’s a line to chew on, rather than resolve. Just now a male cardinal has shown up and set to attacking his reflection in my office window. Life contains brilliant surprises.