Midlife Unfiltered: The Season Of Me

How do we rest when we’re restless?

In this week’s podcast chat, Erica and I discover that our relationship with Rest is at either ends of the rest spectrum. That relationship very much determines how we rest and when we do.

With the ‘silly season’ and the mad rush to year’s end upon us, we felt Rest was something that might be helpful to talk about. Rest is also the theme of Erica’s SelfKind hub this month, so…snap!

Let’s talk about Rest but with a genius reframe to guide us.

Resting From: in this chat Erica talks about the reframe of rest from the lying down for a nap or a read, to thinking about Resting From to guide us in ways that might serve us best to Rest. It’s brilliant (she’s brilliant)!

Resting From, to finding Ways To Rest:

* From rushing with many things on our mind - to slowing down and being present in the moment. ‘Wash the dishes to wash the dishes’ rather than rushing to getting it done. Being present to find peace in that moment. {Thich Nhat Hanh}

* From phone scrolling - distraction or rest? It may be mindless but is it rest, really? To conscious awareness, to pause. Maybe with a micropause (read on for more about that in our chat).

* From Self-Criticism - this one really hit home because it’s something we midlifer’s feel often. Rest from self-criticism with self-compassion. Be on your own side.

* From Being an Adult - to play! Being playful. Breaking the burden and responsibility of being an adult and be child-like at play.

What do you need Rest From?

Role Models For Rest: Did you have them? Anita and Erica’s experiences are poles apart. Having Italian heritage, Anita was modeled rest from a young child witnessing her Nonna and Dad resting often with a post lunch siesta. My family worked very, very hard (7 days a week and with about 4 days off a year) but rest was deliberately carved out, regularly. Modeled throughout her life, it became part of her life choice, modeling it for her children too.

Erica’s experience was quite different, never witnessing her parents resting. Indeed, resting was regarded as weakness, bringing about shame if it was practiced. Erica finds it hard to rest and her kids do too.

It got us thinking, is our relationship with Rest nurture or nature? Something that’s inherently in us or nurtured with us. What do you think?

Resting is something that Erica is consciously learning to do more of. Finding ways to ‘Rest From’ that work for her, like the examples mentioned above and with Micropauses of Rest.

Micropauses of Rest: not the 20 minute siesta but rather a small act that can ‘break the circuit’. Appreciating that not everyone will have access to rest in larger chunks of time in their day. Take them consciously and with compassion. Breathwork, movement, sipping tea or coffee in a space that feels good for you. In nature, often the perfect antidote to our modern stressful lives.

Consistency is Key: cultivating a Resting From practice takes time. It’s a work in progress. Don’t make it yet another thing to add to your self-criticism list. You’re ‘doing battle’ with a culture, an employment system that does not value rest. It values productivity - doing at all costs. And if you don’t keep pushing, you’re lazy.

We say no and ask you to consider ways in which you could create micropauses of rest. Ways to ‘Rest From’ and build with consistency, a practice that might just blossom into something bigger. Something unexpected but oh so beautifully nourishing. Where rest is a value and you protect and defend it often.

Thank you to everyone who tuned into our live video! Join us for our next live video in the app.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share the love on. We could all do with more Rest. Don’t you think?

Want more encouragement and support around how to rest? Then jump over to Erica’s SelfKind Hub and find out a little more. It’s a beautiful community. Erica is so thoughtful and wise, way beyond her years.

See you next week!

Anita xx

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

In this week’s podcast episode we are talking about the books we are currently reading or have read. Books we are enjoying and why. We also deep dive into one favourite so you can work out if it’s for you.

We both read quite a few books at the same time. Maybe that’s a love of reading. Maybe that’s our ADHD speaking. :)

Erica’s Fab 4 Books: are a mix of fiction and non-fiction. Books she reads to match her mood. Maybe you can relate. There is a common theme that runs through each of Erica’s books - Reclaiming Authenticity.

* Vianne - by Joanne Harris. A Chocolat Prequel.

* Rest Is Resistance - Reclaim Your Power Through the Art of Rest: by Tricia Hersey. Rest as the resistance to the systems our society is built on. That have us believing we are machines. Can be confronting. A powerful read. On Instagram Tricia is The Nap Ministry.

* Unmasking Autism - Dr Devon Price. Erica has been recently diagnosed with Autistic ADHD scoring very high as ‘highly masked’. So this book is an important read for her as she continues to discover her authenticity.

* The Angry Women’s Choir - Meg Bignell . 5 stars! Set in Tasmania, Australia, women gather as a choir. They are angry for a raft of differing reasons. Finding joy in the support, expression and exploration of each other - both the light and the darkness. Beautiful characters. We wonder if there’s an ‘in real life’ choir like this. If not, there should be!

Anita’s Fab 5 Books: all are non-fiction. The common theme - the journey dementia and terminal illness can take us on with a strong Carer’s perspective. And health.

* Hormonal Harmony - A woman’s guide to puberty, fertility, menopause and beyond. by Dr Karen Coates and Sharon Kolkka. A brilliantly written and researched book that will gift you the knowledge about how your wondrous female body works and how to look after it. Taking us from puberty, through our reproductive years, peri-menopause and our age of wisdom (aka postmenopause). A ready reference to keep coming back to. To share with the women and girls (heck and the blokes) in your life. That’s what I’m doing this Christmas! This book is a gift in so many ways. A must buy. Dr Karen joined us on the podcast about a year ago talking about Menopause. She was amazing! Watch that episode here.

* Next of Kin - by Casey Beros. Casey takes us on a beautifully written and thoughtful journey as she cares for her dad with terminal cancer. Packed with practical insights too. Casey and her Dad are Australian so that’s the context of the care system she navigates and talks about at times. Thanks Casey. Casey is here on Substack too!

* The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying - Sogyal Rinpoche. This book is in it’s 30th annual edition now. A classic. Not so much a light read but a very enriching read. I sip from it. I so appreciate the perspective and wisdom shared in this book, through the lens of Buddism and practices from Tibetan tradition. It’s not about converting you to Buddism. It’s about living, preparing for death and helping the dying.

* Twelve Golden Gifts - Part lament, part love letter, part practical no-nonsense guide by Spiri Tsintziras. Spiri is an Australian with Greek born parents who migrated to Australia. In this book she lovingly takes us by the hand and shares the journey she had with her Mum as she ages. A tribute to her Mum and their beautiful, loving relationship that endures the tests of dementia (her Mum had Alzeihmer’s), declining health, moving into a care home and ultimately her Mum’s death. Practical tips and resources are shared too - the 12 golden gifts. In the darkness, this book shines brightly. Brilliantly written. Thanks Spiri. Spiri is also here on Substack.

* The Unexpected Journey - finding strength, hope and yourself on the caregiving path by Emma Hemmings Willis. In her honest, open and compassionate ways, Emma shares the experience she’s had as Bruce’s carer. Bruce Willis is her husband and he has frontotempoal dementia. The Nile call this a Caregiver’s Compass. That’s spot on. That’s exactly what it is. Emma’s care and passion to want to help others navigate this difficult journey is so apparent. She does it whilst parenting their two young daughters too. Such a challenging and difficult journey. If you or someone you know is on the caring for someone with dementia path, this is a must read book.

We hope there is one or a few books that have raised your curiosity. That might make your book shelf soon. Enjoy!

Have you got an idea for an episode? We’d love to hear them. Email us at [email protected]

Thank you to everyone who tuned into our live video! Join us for our next live video in the app.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

Perhaps a rather unusual topic to chat about but with such a large post WW2 migrant population in Australia and other countries, perhaps not so niche. Many are elderly now and many more have died, so the want to take them back home, is greater now than ever before.

Have you taken a loved one’s ashes back to their home town, to a country outside of where they lived most of their life?

The last time we were all together as an extended family in Dad’s home town in Italy, it was for his 70th birthday. For my Dad, knowing where he came from was important for us to understand and connect with. Something we have lovingly kept up as family members for over 13 years. But this next trip was something very different. And it proved to be far more complicated than we ever imagined.

‘Smuggling’ them in a suitcase was never going to be an option for us. Being separated from Dad was not going to happen, nor was risking that the suitcase might go missing in transit. No. He was going to be safely stored in Mum’s carry on and that meant going through customs with them. It had to be done in accordance with Italian law.

In this conversation I share my top tips for taking this task on and what was involved in the process.

It took us almost 4 months to obtain Dad’s Mortuary Passport, the official document required to accompany his ashes, in addition to other official papers that also had to be translated into Italian, including an apostilled original Death Certificate.

The departments involved in this process included:

* The local council where we were wanting to scatter Dad’s ashes

* The Italian Consulate closest to us here in Australia

* The Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade - Passport Office

* Births, Deaths and Marriages - because I had to get another original Death Certificate issued

Funeral directors can also assist with this process. Ours prepared the ashes in an appropriate sealed container fit for airline travel as well as the documents certifying its contents.

Family on the ground in Italy to help with face to face communications were invaluable because emails were not being responded to.

The language barrier (my very limited Italian and the local Italian limited English) also added to misunderstandings and uncertainty of what the process was and what was required to be done.

I learned that public opening ours for the local commune in Italy and the Consulate here are rather limited. Only open a few days a week for inquiries and for a few hours at a time. That extended the time line too.

The emotional toll of this experience was mounting and intensifying. Mum’s concerns and anxiety were riding high and with it the pressure I put on myself not let her and the others down, was right up there too. Failure was not an option. With airfares and accommodation paid for 12 of us, there was much to undo if the necessary documentation was not obtained.

There was a deadline to meet. We did it with 3 weeks to spare.

Taking my beautiful Dad back home. To the place that never left his heart. Firmly and forever in mine.

Anita xx

Thank you to everyone who tuned into our live video! Join us for our next live video in the app.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

“People like you don’t Retire!”

In this episode of Midlife Unfiltered, we welcome special guest Tracey Bode. Tracey shares her journey of stepping back from her business after a 45-year career, and the fulfillment she has found in being present in her everyday life post-retirement.

We talk about the importance of planning for retirement, what the big ‘R’, retirement even means now, what it means for Tracey. Is it Retirement or rather , Regeneration? Do we need a new word for Retirement?

She talks openly about how she’s done this, the vital role of good mentorship and financial advice to get to where we want to go.

Tracey offers insights on transitioning out of business ownership, the value of superannuation, and finding joy in newfound freedoms. In very surprising places.

Tune in for an inspiring conversation on navigating major life changes and preparing for a vibrant, purposeful life after professional retirement and running your own business. Having choices. Freedom. Autonomy.

Retirement is a huge transition in midlife. Thank you Tracey for sharing your experience in making that change.

Below is what we talked about and when in the conversation. Thanks to you for tuning in. We hope you pick up a few gems. Let us know. If you do, share it on.

Anita & Erica.

00:00 Welcome to Midlife Unfiltered

00:22 Introducing Tracey Bode

02:30 Tracey’s Journey to Retirement

04:47 The Transition Process

07:14 Reflecting on a 45-Year Career

14:48 The Importance of Mentors

19:17 Embracing Presence in Retirement

23:02 Balancing Creativity and Personal Time

24:16 Morning Routines and Finding Flow

26:39 Reflections on Retirement

28:01 Redefining Retirement: Regeneration

33:27 Financial Planning and Superannuation

40:57 Health and Longevity in Retirement

43:21 Final Thoughts and Future Plans

p.s. we also mention a couple of groups we follow and tune into:

MEA - Modern Elder Academy - and Chip’s podcast the Midlife Chrysalis. He and Daniel Pink in this episode talk about Regeneration.

Her Business - a community of women business owners we belong to. It’s leader, the super impressive and legend, Suzi Dafnis.

Epic Retirement - with Bec Wilson

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

In the tumultuous change of midlife, it makes perfect sense that at times, we’ll feel lost. Often a loss of a sense of self - of who we are. And with that, the confidence to dress in a way that feels authentic.

Erica has had times when she looks in the mirror and the image of the person looking back at her feels…well…rather alien. We talked about this in a previous episode here in Midlife Unfiltered. In that episode we both exclaimed that we needed to get Fiona Keary on the poddie to shed some light on what’s going on and more importantly, how we can reclaim who we are in how we dress…our personal style.

And she didn’t disappoint. Fiona knows her stuff. Seriously knows her stuff. Through her business, Style Liberation she’s helped 1000’s of women from all around the globe, reclaim their personal style. To feel more like themselves again and the freedom that brings.

Below are some highlights of that fabulous chat where she shares what many of her clients’ concerns are when it comes to their personal style. Fiona also openly shares smokin’ hot tips on how to do this, reassuring us that we all can. Smashing some commonly held myths and misconceptions. Yes! We love that.

Scroll through and you’ll find links of where you can connect with Fiona and a quiz to get you started on your journey to reclaiming your personal style.

Thanks Fiona. You’re a star and we so appreciate your wisdom, knowledge and time.

Anita & Erica xx

Common Concerns

Through the countless conversations Fiona has had with women in midlife, a common struggle is not feeling like their external appearance sits comfortably with their internal identity - who they are. And they’re not sure how to fix that.

“I don’t know how to dress in a way that feels true to who I am.”

She calls this common conflict the Alien Effect. I’m sure many of us have items in our wardrobe that when we put them on, feel ‘alien’ to us.

Myth Busted: The main issue isn’t actually about the fit of that item —it’s about understanding your Style Personality.

The Style Personality Framework

Fiona introduced 8 style personalities (most people are a combination of 2-3):

* Classic - Tailored, timeless, structured, minimal accessories

* Relaxed - Comfort-first, natural fabrics, effortless look

* Dramatic - Bold, impactful, prioritizes looks over comfort

* Rebellious - Irreverent, edgy details, doesn’t follow rules

* Creative - Unique, vintage, mood dresser, quirky color combinations

* Sultry - Glamorous, figure-embracing, bold accessories

* Feminine - Soft fabrics, gentle details (lace, ruffles), warm colors

* Elegant - Sophisticated, uses color and print with structure

» Curious to find out which Style Personalities you are? Find out here in Fiona’s free Style Personality Quiz.

The “Shoulds” Problem That Blocks Our Authenticity

* Women often abandon their authentic style due to cultural/role expectations. Here we go again ladies.

* “I should dress like this” or “I shouldn’t wear that at my age” - bugger that! If you love it and it feels great on, go for it.

* Many of us were of a certain style in our 20s. Trying to hang on to that in midlife and make it ‘fit’ with who we are now, that’s not going to feel ‘right’. Let’s embrace the now, who we are now and move forward from there.

* We talked about the “mutton dressed as lamb” saying and how that impacts us.

Life Transitions & Style Evolution

Style personality can shift during major transitions - many of these happen in midlife often all at once. It’s in these major shifts that we feel the pull of re-invention - to meet the needs of that change and at the same time, feel like it’s us as we do.

* Career changes - maybe you’re pulling back into ‘retirement territory’ so going casual is calling loudly. Fiona said that is often the greatest challenge for some Style Personalities too - how to dress more casually without losing their authentic self.

* Returning from maternity leave - maybe you need to step things up a bit

* Kids leaving home - time to let go and dress for the fun stuff! :)

* Moving locations - weather and lifestyle changes.

Fiona suggests revisiting your style every 3-5 years is often helpful.

Practical Tips for Discovery

Start in Your Own Wardrobe:

* Identify “alien pieces”—items you like in theory but never wear

* Analyze what doesn’t work: colour, print, fabric, cut, details?

* Examine pieces you love and feel amazing in

* Look for patterns, common themes, in your preferences

Shopping Strategy:

* Don’t look outward first (social media, trends)—look inward

* Use Google Shopping with your style words + item name + “street style” - Erica and I thought this was a smokin’ hot tip promising to do this and report back :)

* Experiment without the pressure to buy - browse and play.

* Try things on - that’s the only way you’re really going to know how you feel in something. Online doesn’t necessarily translate.

* Return things that don’t work after trying at home - they’ll only weigh you down and take up valuable wardrobe real estate.

Baby Steps As You Build Confidence

* As you get curious and experiment, Fiona’s advice: For people who know you, it will be new (you may get mixed reactions and that’s okay). For strangers, that’s just who you are. It’s a fresh start.

* Top Tip: Test new looks in places where you don’t know people first to help feeling less self-conscious.

* Build confidence gradually - get curious, experiment with one thing. Step out and see how it feels. Then go again with something new. Baby steps build confidence.

* Focus on fabric and cuts that feel like YOU - you’re not shopping to fit in with a trend, you’re shopping for who you are - your Style Personality.

Freedom - Your Style Liberation Will Happen

* To feel at home and at ease in your clothes without thinking about it all day - we have enough to think about. It’s so liberating when you don’t feel the drain of that chore.

* Be curious and experiment rather than being hard on yourself - have a bit of fun with it.

* Style personality dictates colors, fabrics, cuts, accessories—everything.

* Give yourself permission to not follow trends that don’t suit you - be mindful that just because it looks good on someone else, it might not feel right for you.

* Give yourself time - this is not a quick fix—it can take 2 weeks to 6 months to discover your style. Be kind to you as you go along.

* Embrace who you are now, not who you were or who you think you should be - now more than ever in midlife let’s kick those expectations that have shackled us in the past, to the curb. We don’t need them holding us back.

Dressing for who you are is liberating. Free to be me!

Go get ‘em :)

Thanks Fiona.

Anita xx

Find Your Style Personality

Curious about your Style Personality? Take Fiona’s free and fun Style Personality Quiz. You might be surprised with what it reveals :)

Grab More Style Wisdom

Fiona’s based in Australia but has clients all over the world. She can help you online or in person. Start here on her Style Liberation website and head to Services.

Online:

* in her caring, supportive Community of women who help each other reclaim their personal style.

* Course

* Membership

Website: StyleLiberation.com.au

Socials: Instagram & Facebook

Thank you to everyone who tuned into our live video! Join us for our next live video in the app.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

It’s not often that women’s health is given a mega spotlight. Not like this. It’s indeed rare to have 4 powerhouses of women’s health around the same table, sharing their knowledge, their wisdom with the goal of making us more aware of how our body works, what it needs to work well now, and for Future Us.

Steven Bartlett on his podcast Diary Of A CEO recently facilitated a very thoughtful, comprehensively insightful, practical and considered conversation with Dr Vonda Wright, Dr Stacy Sims, Dr Mary Claire Haver & Dr Natalie Crawford. Each of these women bringing to the conversation not only their particular women’s health expertise but also the added understanding of what it’s like to be a women in midlife, going through the menopause transition.

This conversation is a must listen because they help to fill some very important gaps each of us, as women in midlife and beyond are navigating, trying to fill:

* Gaps in Longevity - we may be living longer (longer than men too) but statistically we will not be living as long, well. The gap between lifespan and healthspan is real for women with around 20% of us living our last 7 years or so in poor health. Not able to move well or live independently.

* Knowledge Gap - It’s only been since 1993 that it was mandated for women to be included in clinical trials and research projects. A mere 32 years ago! The flow on effects of this is extensive. Those in the health space, who study to help us, are lacking in critical knowledge. If they are women’s health specialists then that gap is lessened but otherwise…don’t assume they know best or enough.

* Treatment Gap - most medical research to date has been done on white males. The treatments designed to assist are therefore well suited to white males. The treatments women are often given assumes we are mini-men because…the specific treatments for women have not been formulated to the same extent.

Be Your Own Health Advocate: the onus therefore falls on us to fill those gaps as it relates to our own health as best we can, for better health outcomes. How do we do that? By getting to know your body and how it works. What makes it feel better, feel worse? What does Future You, 100 year old you, need now? Adapt, act and persist.

By self-educating, reading, watching, listening with an open mind and heart - eyes wide open. Being curious. Having the conversations with your health teams. Don’t assume. Ask. And work out if what they are saying and offering aligns with your specific needs and values.

Not satisfied. Move on. Search for others who do know and can help you in the way that is best for you. I’ve done that with my endocrinologist. So has my Mum!

Listen/Watch to this powerful conversation here: please don’t be put off by the titles. They really don’t do the rich conversation content justice at all.

Part 1 - on Diary of a CEO (DOAC) released on 16th October, 2025. “Women’s Fertility & Lifestyle Debate: Dangers Of Not Having A Period! Fasting Can Backfire For Women” . It has a different title on YouTube: Hormone & Fertility Experts: We’ve Been Lied To About Women’s Health! If This Happens, Call A Doctor.

Part 2 - on DOAC released on 27th October, 2025. “Longevity Debate: The Truth About Weight Loss, Muscle, and Creatine!” On YouTube: Longevity Debate: SHOCKING Weight Loss Truth! They’ve Been Hiding This For YEARS!

Read: the show notes on each part on DOAC. They mention what is spoken about in the conversations. Toooooo much to mention here :)

About the Doctors in this brilliant conversation: These links are from DOAC’s YouTube channel and will ask you if you want to leave YouTube. Yes you do is the answer, then you’ll be taken there.

Dr Mary Claire Haver: ◼️Instagram - https://bit.ly/4ogsgwJ ◼️The Pause Life - https://bit.ly/48rycyv ◼️You can purchase ‘The New Menopause’, here: https://amzn.to/4nUOnt5 Dr Mary Claire is also on Substack.

Dr Vonda Wright: ◼️Instagram - https://bit.ly/46SMfvR ◼️Website - https://bit.ly/4n41GGg ◼️You can purchase ‘Unbreakable’, here: https://amzn.to/4n6xVEO Dr Vonda is also on Substack.

Dr Natalie Crawford: ◼️Instagram - https://bit.ly/4nbZFI9 ◼️YouTube - https://bit.ly/3J5fLFw ◼️Website - https://bit.ly/3W6E0pG ◼️You can pre-order ‘The Fertility Formula’, here: https://amzn.to/3KRpobk

Dr Stacy Sims: ◼️Instagram - https://bit.ly/4hcRuKm ◼️Website - https://bit.ly/47dqkhS ◼️You can purchase ‘ROAR, Revised Edition’, here: https://amzn.to/4nbjDmr

About DOAC: The Diary Of A CEO:

The Diary Of A CEO: ◼️Join DOAC circle here -

https://doaccircle.com/

◼️Buy The Diary Of A CEO book here - https://smarturl.it/DOACbook

◼️The 1% Diary is back - limited time only: https://bit.ly/3YFbJbt

◼️The Diary Of A CEO Conversation Cards (Second Edition): https://g2ul0.app.link/f31dsUttKKb

◼️Get email updates - https://bit.ly/diary-of-a-ceo-yt

◼️Follow Steven - https://g2ul0.app.link/gnGqL4IsKKb Independent Research: https://stevenbartlett.com/wp-content...

Sponsors of DOAC: Adobe Express - http://ADOBE.LY/STEVEN Apple: https://www.apple.com/mac/ KetoneIQ - Visit https://ketone.com/STEVEN for 30% off your subscription order

Want more women’s health information and conversation. Aside from this podcast, Midlife Mojo is Anita’s weekly newsletter about women’s health and wellness. Exploring many of topics not often spoken (enough) about, important to women in midlife. You can subscribe to that here. (It looks a bit odd as it’s a link on Sequins and Sand, a business also transitioning, just as Anita is in midlife :))

Thank you to everyone who tuned into the live video! Join us for our next live video in the app when we speak with Fiona Keary from Style Liberation about expressing who we are through our personal style. See you then.

Anita & Erica xx

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

How are you setting yourself up for Future You? For the big ‘R’, your Retirement?

At 65, Tracey could have another 30 years to go. Another 1/3 of her life ‘in Retirement’. That’s a significant chunk of time to finance, to enjoy. Unlike when the first national pension schemes were introduced at the turn of the 20th century, where they really only benefited the vast minority who lived long enough to receive them.

Maybe you’re like Erica, who at 42, thinks that she may never really retire. Or maybe you think the big R - Retirement is something you’ll do one day, when you get to stop?

Tracey recently sold her successful mid-sized business, 'the baby’ she nurtured and grew for 16 years, in an industry she was a part of for 45.

At age 65, with her baby recently sold, Tracey’s life is now very different. That all-consuming lifestyle as a business owner, a leader of a team - a team you’re ultimately deeply accountable for. Responsible for their well-being, performance and livelihoods. Tracey’s role, her responsibilities are very different now.

But this BIG transition didn’t just happen. It took some thinking, planning and time to put in place.

In this very open and honest chat, we talk about:

What Retirement Meant and Is, For Tracey: what she wanted it to be and what that actually looks like now she’s there.

The Retirement Runway: from vision to making it a reality. What it took to make it happen.

* making time - extricating yourself from an all consuming business life to create space for deep inward thinking. To envision what life post-business might look like. Getting it down. Journaling.

* how the that length of Runway is often longer than you think you need - because putting things in place takes time and the resources needed are varied.

The Right People To Help: having the right mentors and trusted advisers to work out what’s needed - the financial, the legals, the contracts. To help plan the transition.

The Huge Transition - Letting Go: acknowledging that this is significant change with many layers to consider.

* Business - her Role. From full time business owner and leader - to what? How involved did she want to be going forward?

* The Team - transitioning the roles and responsibilities of team members to suit the new landscape without Tracey there. Supporting that with revised processes and procedures.

* The Sale - deciding to sell the business and getting it ready for that.

* The Industry - beyond her business of 16 years, Tracey was a part of an industry (her business supported) for 45 years! The people, the networks, the history.

A Mindset Re-Frame: from not knowing how it was going to play out, to realising it was possible. This is all very final.

The Retirement Drivers: what motivated Tracey to Retire? Was it a $ figure to sell the business for? Was it driven by lifestyle needs and wants?

Insight’s From The Other Side - How Is Retirement Life Different? Is what she’s experiencing anything like she envisaged? “You’ll be so bored. People like you don’t retire.” they said. They were wrong.

* Being fully present - without the constant distraction of running an all-consuming business. How this has changed her perceptions and perspectives.

* No longer feeling rushed - she now has comfortable room to do things.

* Tracey’s to-do list is just as long. What’s different is what’s on it.

* A different focus on what matters most - “does it really need my attention now?”

* Joy now has a prime position in her life - and that’s enough.

What About Purpose? We hear so often that it’s essential for a long happy life.

The ‘R’ Word - Should there be another word for Retirement? A definition, a re-framing of Retirement that might be more suited to life today, living longer.

The Blind Spots - Advice for Younger Tracey: would she have done anything differently in her life knowing what she knows now about getting ready for and being in retirement?

* put it on your radar earlier - 20’s, 30’s, 40’s

* the value of superannuation - and contributing more, earlier.

* getting the right advice - from experts who know better than you do

* it takes longer than what you think to put things in place

Retirement. Thinking about it, planning for it, can be confronting. Getting the pieces in place, takes time. But this could be another 30 years of your life. THAT is worth making a priority, for freedom, for choice, for Future You.

Thanks a million Tracey for joining us to talk about Retirement. A topic we all can benefit from knowing more about. Keeping the conversation open and flowing.

Anita & Erica.

p.s. In this episode we make a few references to people we admire for their insights and conversations about Retirement.

* MEA - Modern Elder Academy

* The Midlife Chrysalis podcast with MEA founder, Chip Conley.

* Bec Wilson - Epic Retirement. Tracey is often on Bec’s Facebook community. Anita listens to her podcast regularly and has her book. There are many resources on Bec’s website. Bec Wilson

Thank you to everyone who tuned into our live video! Join us for our next live video in the app.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

Just last week Erica declared something that was NOT very Erica to me. That with so much on her plate, she wasn’t striving for an A in her assignment, she was going for a pass. WHAAAT? And then there was Jennifer at Midlife Anticrisis - ‘Being Mediocre’, post we both read (and loved). We felt the universe was sending a message and that we simply had to go there, on the podcast, this week.

Perplexity.ai defines mediocrity as ‘a quality or state of being average, ordinary or not particularly good.’ It goes on to say that being mediocre literally means being in the middle, the average.

By its very definition, that’s where most of are - we are the average, in the middle. Mediocre.

So why does it feel so horrible to be called that? To feel like a failure if you’re ‘average’?

And where does that even come from? Who says? By what measures? Whose standards?

As women we often live much of our lives, the various roles we play, hustling, striving to be…perfect. It’s exhausting. And yet, we keep on going back for more. Why is that?

In this chat we dive in, stripping back the layers, talking about:

The Push:Pull of Mediocrity. The striving for not being labeled, thought of as mediocre. And yet, the need, the permission, the want to ease off and be, average at times.

The Quest To Be & Feel Enough. Can I be enough, even when I’m average and still feel like I belong, loved…needed? How the expectations of our culture, our family from an early age, design the perceptions we create, the stories we tell ourselves. You come home with a C. Why not an A? (message received…that’s not good enough). You’re an A student, what’s going on with this C? (message received…that’s not like you, are you okay? You’re slipping…careful. I better put more effort in next time).

What Are We Trying To Prove? Why? The comparison trap. Comparison to the outliers, the extremes. Those who have reached the summit of success.

Choosing Mediocrity: what would happen if we deliberately chose to be mediocre from time to time? Permission to cruise for a C (as Erica encourages her clients to do this). What would that look like? How would that be perceived? Does that even matter? Matter to me?

The Tension of Misalignment With Our Values: Not living our values comes into play, again. The beliefs that drive us. The power of Cruising for a C some times and how that creates a profound pause, to step outside and get a fresh perspective. To re-align with our values once more.

Our Identity and (Accepting) Mediocrity: So much of what we do and how well we do it, defines us. How we see ourselves. As we live out the different seasons of our life, that identity shifts. So too might the acceptance of mediocrity in our lives. The blessing post-menopause gifts us - a time to re-frame. Letting go. Snubbing previous perceptions and re-writing the stories we tell ourselves. No more hustling!

What do the Ancients Say? Is the ‘eastern way’ different to our ‘modern, western view’ of mediocrity? Does mediocrity even exist as a concept ‘‘over there’?

Mediocrity Vs Contentment: - Go hard or go home Vs when enough is plenty. The 2 ‘ends’ of the spectrum? Where do you sit on that spectrum? Does mediocrity have a place in contentment? Maybe it’s holding both at the same time and being okay with that.

Grief: In the recognition that we will never be enough. Does that keep us hustling?

Is hustling, striving, a remarkable avoidance strategy? Oh yes! THAT is a juicy question.

Self-compassion, Care & Kindness: letting them in.

It was quite the chat. We felt it could have gone on and on. Time for you to chime in.

Questions For You? What does mediocrity mean to you? Do you choose it from time to time or do you fear it?

Thank you for reading, for listening. Join us for our next live video in the app next week when we speak to Tracey Bode about her recent transition from business owner to letting it go, diving into the next phase of her life and the new found freedom it’s bringing.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

“When I feel ‘styled’ I don’t feel like me”. A recent trip to the hairdressers left Erica feeling like her new hair cut doesn’t really feel like her. Even questioning does that even matter?

It may seem frivalous at first, but thinking about why and talking it through…well…turns out it’s faaar from frivalous. Join us as we talk it through on the podcast.

Feeling Like ME.

“I’ve never really found my style, so it typically doesn’t look like what I see. But in my early 40’s I desperately want to look in the mirror and feel like me. But finding that (thing) in the mirror is proving to be very challenging.” Erica, talking openly about her style mojo right now, in midlife.

I’ve personally had similar conversations with many women in midlife as a swimsuit stylist (at Sequins and Sand) for some 15 years. The way Erica feels, the questions coming up for her about her personal style are far from unique. Maybe you’ve had them with yourself, with your friends, your family.

Personal Style, is about expressing who you are - how you dress, your hair cut…how you present yourself to others in a way that says ‘this is me’.

So it makes perfect sense that in a time of enormous personal change and transition, that our personal style and how we express that, is changing too.

Authenticity. Identity. Confidence.

Scratch the surface as we did in this conversation and it might well reveal how this influences your values and how they are expressed in the world. Erica discovered that her values of sustainability and honesty were dampened too.

The Change. The Conflicts.

Have you felt that change? Perhaps it’s pangs of self-doubt, a loss of confidence in how you express who you are in the way you dress and cut/style your hair?

It’s not just those internal changes and conflicts. The expectations, the boundaries and ‘dress code’s from our outside world play their part too.

“I feel messy on the inside and want that to be a expressed on the outside. Eclectic, messy, unconstrained.” When Erica was in corporate life, she felt it ‘stitched her in’, suffocating.

The pull between expressing ourselves and not wanting to stand out. Maybe that’s about wanting to belong.

Q: Does your personal style conflict with your culture, work place, home environment?

Q: Do you dress for you or for others? For what the situation ‘calls for’.

Ageism - yet another set of unspoken rules and cultural expectations. That expression ‘mutton dressed up as lamb’. F#ck off! Push that aside. Dress for you.

The gift of post-menopause years is certainly the liberation of not giving so many f#cks about what others think.

The self-discovery of midlife. It can be fun! Let’s make it fun and ask of ourselves, of each other, is how you’re presenting yourself, expressing yourself through your personal style, a reflection of who you are?

We also talked about getting Fiona Keary from Style Liberation on the podcast. She’s a friend who helps 1000’s of women in midlife bring their Style Personality out to play, to be seen.

Has how you express yourself, your personal style changed in midlife? Is it on shaky ground? Has is changed as you have changed in midlife and beyond?

Are you being seen, truly seen, for who you are?

Join us as we talk this through on the podcast.

Let us know how your personal style has changed in midlife. Has it changed with you? Let us know in a comment below.

To reigniting your personal style in midlife. To feeling like you. To being truly seen.

This is me!

Anita (+ Erica) xx

Thank you to everyone who tuned into our live video! Join us for our next live video in the app.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

“Thank goodness you said I have dementia and not Alzeheimer’s.” These were words I heard on a Hammondcare’s Dementia podcast when Prof Cunningham was relaying a story.

Having been on a dementia journey with my family and Dad, I am rather familiar with this misconception about dementia. It’s why we need to have many, many, many conversations about it. To broaden understanding about what dementia is and how it can infiltrate and influence so many aspects of our lives. We’ve had those conversations about cancer. We believe it soon will be overtaken by conversations about dementia.

There are somewhere between 120 and 400 forms of dementia (depending on the source you read) caused by different diseases that affect the brain.

Blown away by that statistic? Erica and I were.

There are so many because of the large number of derivations within each major sub-type of dementia. (If you are a dementia expert and can enlighten us on how this statistic comes to be and indeed if it’s accurate, please do comment and let us know).

“Dementia is not a single disease, but rather an umbrella term for a group of progressive illnesses that cause a decline in brain function, leading to symptoms like memory loss, confusion, difficulty with thinking and problem-solving, and changes in mood and behavior. It is more than what is expected from normal aging, with Alzheimer’s disease being the most common cause. Symptoms are diverse and can include trouble with daily tasks, speaking, writing, and spatial abilities.” (Alzeheimers.gov).

According to Dementiastatistics. There are 10–15 recognised major forms of dementia and many additional rare subtypes and variants, but most cases fall under four–five main diagnostic categories. Alzeheimer’s is the most common form of dementia and gets the most airtime (which would contribute to the misconception) but there are other forms like Frontotemporal Dementia - the form Erica’s Mum and my Dad had.

Dementia is terminal.

Dementia is currently the #1 cause of death for Australian women and #2 for Australian men (cardiovascular disease is #1) according to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare.

The reason why it causes so many deaths is because dementia impacts the function of our brain and with that, other functions of the body like swallowing, breathing, and circulation, increasing susceptibility to fatal infections.

Dementia is terminal. Yet it currently is excluded from VAD (voluntary assisted dying). If you’ve witnessed someone you love die from dementia would you support having it included? I know I would. It’s a discussion I’d certainly welcome on the podcast.

Dementia Awareness (month).

September has been dementia awareness month internationally, aiming to bring increased awareness, educate, support and reduce the stigma associated with dementia.

When I shared with others that my Dad has/had Frontotemporal Dementia (FTD), understandably there were confused and blank looks. But when I said it’s the type like Bruce Willis has, then the clouds started to part - “Oh…”. The far reaching power of a public figure.

I love the brave and compassionate work of his incredible wife Emma Hemming-Willis who brings vital awareness of FTD and dementia and equally important (if not more) the impact it has on Carer’s and those who love someone with dementia.

I’ve recently purchased her book The Unexpected Journey. It’s essential reading to broaden understanding and the impacts of dementia. The other book I found very helpful was Loving Someone Who Has Dementia by Pauline Boss. She founded the term Ambiguous Loss, something both Erica and I have felt deeply as we’ve grieved our parents on our dementia journeys. Understanding ambiguous loss certainly helped us to understand and accept the emotions we were experiencing.

Our Dementia Stories

In this podcast chat, Erica and I share a bit about our dementia stories. Erica’s Mum and my Dad both had FTD, though different variants. We talk about how that presented itself, the impacts it had on us and what we’re doing to raise awareness and lighten the burden of those who are on their dementia journey.

Do You Have a Dementia Story To Share?

As a way to help spread awareness, understanding and empathy for those who have, care for and love someone who has dementia, we are wanting to create a dementia series on the podcast where personal stories are shared.

If you would like to share your personal experience with dementia or know of someone who might, then please reach out to us at [email protected] with the email subject ‘Dementia Series’ (so we can find it more easily) and we’ll be in touch.

To share personal stories, personal experiences is so very powerful. It helps others appreciate they are not alone, and it helps those of us who have been on that journey to deepen our self-compassion too. The more we talk about dementia more openly the better we will all be to understand, destigmatise and ‘normalise’ what will one day be something each and every one of us will be touched by.

Equally well, if you are someone whose profession is to help those with dementia and those who care for them, we’d love to hear from you too. In our series we’d like to talk about:

* what dementia is and how to receive a diagnosis

* navigating the health system - to get the medical and overall health and wellness support for those with dementia and those who care for them

* how to personally fund and pay for the care that may be required

* understanding the legal documents to have in place to manage the consequences of living with dementia

* preparing for death from dementia

Thank you for all your support. We really do appreciate you. Join us for our next live video in the app! If you subscribe, you’ll be sent an email when we go live so you can listen and comment as we chat. Erica and I would love that :)

Until then.

Anita xx

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com