Midlife Unfiltered: The Season Of Me

Identity Shifts in Midlife. It hits hard in this swirling mass of change. For many of us, the impact it can have, we will not see coming nor recognise it. Transitioning. Discovering. Unraveling.

In this very honest and open conversations Alex and Cat join Eric and Anita to talk about Identity in midlife. Unfiltered.

What we do Vs Who we are because they are not the same thing.

But how to you know who you are and what can guide you through that discovery.

How have your Identity shifts impacted you in midlife?

Thanks Cat and Alex for yet another insightful, brilliant midlife chat.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

We often remember our firsts. First love, first pet, first home when you left home, first car. Remembering, often bringing a smile. What if we could continue creating and treasuring firsts as we age? How would that impact how we thought about aging, did our aging?

In this episode we take a path off the road of curiosity and explore the Beginner’s Mindset. Exploring new with little (if any) expectation of what will unfold but with and open heart and mind willing to try and to learn. Taking a passage from the good book of Brene Brown (Atlas of the Heart) to guide us.

Watching a toddler learn to walk. Falling down, getting back up again. Falling down, getting back up again, and again, and again. Do we think of them as failing when they fall? Not at all. It’s a part of the process of learning a new skill, our brains and body adapting until we ‘get it’. What a joyous feeling that is. The encouraging words and cheers of those nearby - “yay! Look at you! You can do it!”

We might not have the cheer squad close by as we try but there is something joyous about being a Beginner again. Learning new things.

What does it mean to have a Beginner’s Mindset? How is that different to being curious?

It’s not always easy. There are road blocks that hold us back. The reasons not to. The emotions that pull us down. Embarrassment all the way through to feeling very vulnerable. It’s humbling too. We talk about those emotions and what holds us back from exploring with a Beginner’s Mindset - in the context of Anita learning to play the drums and Erica her roller skating.

We also talk about the gifts of a Beginner’s Mindset - the joy of having fun, the pride of accomplishing, of doing something that we didn’t think we could - that we had wanted to do, for years. Being present. Fully present in the moments of doing, of thinking.

For our brain health. Our brains are plastic. Able to open up new pathways ignited by the challenges of the new. Fuel the creation of those new pathways with a Beginner’s Mindset.

And what that unleashes within us - wanting more. Exploring. Growing. Becoming. Living not existing. A longer, healthier life.

Have you learned a new skill in midlife? Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but as yet haven’t taken the leap. Maybe it’s about putting your ego in your pocket and having a go.

Maybe there’s a brilliant drummer or roller skater deep inside, wanting to get out and show you how great you are.

To your magnificent midlife - Beginner’s Mindset and all.

Anita & Erica.

p.s. Curiosity is a high value of ours. We talk about it often. If you’d like to explore Curiosity with us, here is a link to a previous episode we’ve done on Curiosity. Enjoy.

And if you’ve enjoyed this episode of Midlife Unfiltered, we invite you to share it with others who you think might enjoy it too. To encourage a Beginner’s Mindset and living a magnificent midlife.

I may be older, but in many ways I feel young again. Taking pauses in my day to soak in the wonder of the trees around me. The birds that scoot through them at break neck speed, the light playing on leaves.

Thank you to everyone who tuned into our live video! Join us for our next live video in the app.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

When she broke 17 bones, Anita’s friend said it was the greatest gift she’d received. Sure, an unexpected response. The gift came in the extended forced pause. To quiet, to listen. To seek honest answers from herself to big questions ‘what do I want?’ and to question what mattered most now in midlife and beyond (as well as how to do I heal my body :) ).

But they don’t have to be big, or forced. We can choose very small pauses to ground, reset and appreciate what we’re feeling and what an honest next step might be.

Or, it might gift us not knowing. Space. Quiet. To feel.

Those small pauses based on what we need in that moment that will serve us well. Aligned with what matters most to us, our values.

It might be choosing to read a new book for 20 mins instead of doing the washing. The washing will get done…when it gets done.

How you show up for you, is showing others how to show up.

Do you love yourself enough to pause?

How do you pause? Small pauses. Larger pauses? We’d love to know and so might others who are seeking to pause and what that could look like for them.

Thanks for being here. To taking counter-cultural pauses. No guilt. No judgement. No shame.

Anita & Erica.

p.s. In the chat we talk about ‘honest steps’ words Anita found, that struck deeply, in a note here on Old Man Talks on Substack.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

Connection: The energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; and when they derice sustenance and strength from the relationship. Connection is in our neurobiology. (Brene Brown - Atlas of the Heart).

A large meta analysis studies show that social isolation increases the risk of all-cause mortality by 26-32% even after allowing for factors like age, health, behaviours and chronic illness.

Connection. Being present. Belonging. For a longer, well life, is essential.

Midlife is a time when we re-evaluate and ask the big questions. Letting go of what no longer serves us and preserving and nurturing what does. Friendships we value and those we let fall away.

We met over 5 years ago online in a business goals group. Now we carve out a long weekend every year to meet in person. Scattered across Australia, the distance apart is significant - we are not just around the corner from each other.

Time to connect, for each other, for ourselves as individuals. It’s precious.

Join Kristy, Fiona and Anita as they talk about the value of their friendship, the connection they hold dear and why this annual pilgrimage matters.

Do you have people in your life you gather with, even over vast distances to connect with? Why does it matter to you? And will Future You want it to continue?

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

What would it be like to have an end of life doula by your side as you faced your own mortality? Yep … we’re going deeper into our conversation around death. Welcome to this episode of Midlife Unfiltered - a podcast about unapologetically embracing the Season of Me. In this episode, join co hosts Anita McLachlan and Erica Webb as they chat with their guest, Jaqui Williams, an end of life doula. You will hear:

> What is an end of life doula?

> How do we normalise death in a society that is reluctant to discuss mortality?

> The importance of having end-of-life conversations, creating legacy letters, and building compassionate communities. 

> An exploration of the practical aspects of advanced care planning and the emotional landscape surrounding death.

We’re so glad you’re here. It’s time to live life on your terms. It’s time for Midlife Unfiltered.

Mentioned in this episode:

End of Life Doula DirectoryPreparing the Way - Certificate IV End of Life DoulaAdvanced Care Planning Australia

About our guest, Jacqui Williams:

Jacqui Williams is an End of Life Doula and Funeral Celebrant in the Brisbane, Redlands and Sunshine Coast Area. 

Connect with Jacqui:

Website: https://endoflifetransitions.com.au/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/end_of_life_transitions

Connect with Anita and Erica:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/midlife.unfilteredFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/midlife.unfilteredEmail: [email protected]

About Anita McLachlan:

At the helm of Sequins and Sand for over 15 years, Anita has helped thousands of women feel more confident in their swimwear - and their bodies - as Australia’s Cossie Whisperer. She’s now turning her attention to supporting women in midlife to navigate this often tumultuous, but also very powerful time of life. Ultimately, her focus is now on supporting other midlife women to have the freedom and confidence to be themselves.

Connect with Anita:

Website : www.SequinsandSand.com.auFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/sequinsandsand.com.auLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/anita-mclachlan-b307869/?originalSubdomain=auEmail : [email protected] Project : www.CossieConfidence.com.au 

If you enjoy the topics explored in this podcast and would like more, then sign up to receive Midlife Mojo, Anita's weekly Wednesday newsletter. In it, Anita explores health, wellness and the emotions of midlife to power-up your midlife and beyond. Because girl…you are just getting started :) Become a Sequins and Sand VIP here to receive it in your inbox. It’s free. Insights and wisdom, no hard sell. https://www.sequinsandsand.com.au/vip.html 

About Erica Webb:

Erica is a counsellor, somatic exercise coach and self-kindness advocate. As a highly sensitive person (HSP) herself, she supports other HSPs to navigate what it looks like to prioritise their own mental fitness, claim the self-care that truly nurtures their body and mind, and work through the unique challenges their sensitivity poses. Erica works with clients 1-1, as well as in her online program, SOMA:HOME and online membership space, the SelfKind Hub. 

Connect with Erica:

Website: https://www.ericawebb.com.auEmail: [email protected]: https://www.instagram.com/ericawebb_selfkindLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ericawebbselfkind/

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

Our Blood Vessel health matters and it changes as we age. Do you know your blood vessel health? If you don't, you're not alone. It's something that's not often specifically talked about even with our health team members unless we are in the advanced stages of related disease like Cardio Vascular Disease - the #1 cause of death of women in the US and in Australia #2, second to Dementia, which is also related to our blood vessel health.

In our conversation, Maryann Jacobsen and I talk about:

* What do we mean by Blood Vessel Health (BVH) - our endothelial health.

* How our BVH changes as we age and why in midlife it's a prime opportunity to assess where it's at and make changes to support it.

* The bio-markers, to ask to include in your regular blood tests. These are the clues that can indicate if our BVH is not as optimal as it could be. Maryann has a fabulous Bio-Marker Checklist that outlines which ones to include in your regular blood tests. Click here to grab yours!

* Your sleep and BVH.

* The importance of Nitric Oxide and BVH.

* What can we do to improve our BVH.

Maryann and I urge you to become your own health advocates. Because there are gaps in women's health. Gaps in research, knowledge, understanding, awareness and treatments. Be Blood Vessel Health aware. Get your blood tests done annually as a gift to you now and Future You. Read up (like in publications from Maryann Jacobsen), arm yourself with information and ask the questions of your health team. Please don't assume they know.

Future You will love and appreciate you for it.

Thanks so much for tuning in. Don't forget to grab your Bio-Marker Checklist from Maryann.

See you next week on Midlife Unfiltered.

Anita xx

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

“Regrets, I’ve had a few. But then again, too few to remember.” (My Way).

Anita thought that was true for her life too. But upon reading about Regret in Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown, she did a complete back flip. There is so much more to this emotion than a meets the eye.

Of course she’s lived a life with regrets. We all do. That’s being human.

Join Erica and Anita as they talk about the gift of exploring this often glossed over or underappreciated emotion in midlife and open up about some of their personal experiences of Regret. Choices made. Paths not taken. Is it even fair to think we could have made a different choice, for a better outcome?

They talk about…

Regret being different to Disappointment even though they both arise from situations where things didn’t go as planned, where the outcome we were seeking didn’t eventuate.

Acknowledging our Regrets and how difficult and painful that can be - because we can’t go back and change it. How it can bring about feelings of guilt and shame.

The important roles time and control play in our feelings of Regret.

Accountability and Regret.

The incredible gift of Regret Reflection and how that can fuel our personal growth and deepen our understanding of self. A framework to extract power from Regret.

The role of Self-Compassion when reflecting upon our Regrets.

The link between our values and Regret and how misalignment can bring about the tension that leads to Regret.

“And when used constructively (Regret) is a call to courage and a path towards wisdom.” (Brene Brown - Atlas Of The Heart).

The wisdom of midlife and beyond.

Care to share? We’ve all had them…Regrets. Upon reflection, what has one of your significant Regrets taught you? Were there values it misaligned with to cause that tension now? Not up for sharing? That’s okay. Maybe write it out as you give it some thought.

This emotions is quite a popular topic for songs and lyrics. Wanting to go back in time and change things.

What song immediately springs to mind when you think about Regret?

============

Want to explore some more? Here are a few ways to do that.

Atlas Of The Heart by Brene Brown.

Erica’s other podcast - Self-Kind - conversations in self-care, kindness and compassion for highly sensitive people.

Anita’s Midlife Mojo newsletter often talks about the emotions of midlife as well as health and wellness topics. Sign up for that here.

Thank you to everyone who tuned into our live video! Join us for my next live video in the app.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

Hello! Thanks for being here. Let’s cultivate a little Joy together. In this chat you’ll hear (and see) Erica & I talk about JOY from various perspectives:

The importance of cultivating & acknowledging JOY regardless of what else is going on. In the context of our individual lives and beyond, across the global landscape. Holding grief and JOY together.

Brenee Brown - Atlas of the Heart: The concept of Chairo (χαίρω) by the ancient Greeks. Yep, they’ve nailed it…yet again.

The difference between JOY and happiness - and the subtle nuance; connection within vs external pursuits.

JOY, Spirituality and Connection - within us, with others, with a higher power. That sense of being present and at the same time connected with something, someone beyond us.

How who we are gives clues to what gifts us JOY: Values, Identity and Authentic us - connecting with the JOY within us; WHO we are and what matters most. Erica’s Joy Inventory exercise.

Pleasure, appreciation, gratitude - in the moment, of and with JOY. Within ourselves and with others.

JOYSPAN - concept coined by Dr Kerry Burnight; not Lifespan and Healthspan rather living well; The Joyspan Compass - 8 science backed elements, things that matter most in midlife by Brodee Myers-Cook.

What does JOY feel like? How do you know? what you feel in your body? The emotions you feel when JOY is present.

The Flow State - when we feel JOY; alignment with values and who we are.

Losing JOY as we move through life, as we age.

Creating space for JOY - to give JOY the voice, she needs to show up for us…from within. The experiences that will bring her out to play. They’re not always loud. They can be quiet. They can be simple. With intention. With awareness.

JOY Homework - watch Inside Out movies + The Joy Inventory (links below).

Links:

* Joy Inventory worksheet - Erica uses this in her work with clients, membership and courses. Get your free copy here.

* Joyspan Compass - Roadtrip To Younger by Brodee Myers-Cook also on Substack here.

* Joyspan - in Heather Straughter’s Oh Healther! article on Substack: Can You Define Joyspan?

* Inside Out and Inside Out 2 movie trailers. Exploring emotions. Stream where you can.

* The Aging Project - Joyspan podcast episode with Dr Kerry Burnight.

Thank you. We hope you’ve gleaned a few Joy clues and found this episode helpful. Thanks too to everyone who tuned into our live video! Join us for our next live video next week in the app.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

What if we changed the language we used to talk about Perimenopause, Menopause and Postmenopause. Away from a medicalised framework to one more aligned with how we feel and in those phases of life? Because after all, we are human and they are phases, not a disease.

Dr Louann Brizendine is ushering us to do just that, to instead call these phases of life The Transition & The Upgrade. Just saying those words feels more uplifting and empowering.

Her book ‘The Upgrade - How The Female Brain Gets Stronger And Better In Midlife And Beyond’ is a must read for any woman in her 30’s and older. Heck, for men too! Based on research, scientific facts and years of clinical practice experience this book is an easy read loaded with practical advice. Peppered with relatable stories of women she’s helped in her Mood and Hormone Clinic since 1994! She’s a trailblazer, very much ahead of her time and current conversations.

Join Erica and I as we talk about the contents that caught our attention:

* the impact changing the language around menopause for women can have.

* Who Will We Be? Personal growth fueled by the power to explore with intention and purpose.

* the body:brain connection and the importance of appreciating our brains are calling the shots - hormones driving behaviour change and responses. Rather than seeing these life stages as driven by our reproductive organs alone.

* Life after the Fertility Phase of our 20’s and 30’s. The fear of letting go of how we were in that stage of life (where the focus was on how we looked in order to ‘hunt the right sperm’) our identity then, to embrace how we are in The Upgrade. The tensions we feel when society says we should be this way and that, but inside we feel another. Being true to ourselves.

* The 6 Stages of The Upgrade - so many transitions:

* Looks

* Sex

* Loss

* Death Anxiety

* Facing Dying &

* Planning for a Good Death.

Wanting More?

Buy The Book: ‘The Upgrade - how the female brain gets stronger and better in midlife and beyond’ by Dr Louann Brizendine where ever you get you good books from. Here is where you can find it on her website and at the same time, found out more about this incredible woman.

Related Topics: In our podcast, Midlife Unfiltered, we’ve invited guests to chat with us about many of the topics mentioned in this book.

* Identity in Midlife & Beyond - with guests Cat Matson & Alex Hanlon

* Where We Fear To Tread - let’s talk about death

* Facing Death - with end of life doula Jacqui Williams

* Grief (& Loss) - there’s more to it than death

We also have episodes talking about Menopause from different perspectives with guest experts - a naturopath and menopause coach, integrative doctor, women’s health GP, Clinical Psychologist (women’s health specialty) as well as personal stories of women who have each had a very different Transition experience - medically induced, surgically induced, ‘natural’, and early transition. Find them all on our Midlife Unfiltered page here on Substack.

If you’ve enjoyed this episode of Midlife Unfiltered, share the love! We’d be most appreciative too. To your brilliant Upgrade.

Thank you to everyone who tuned into our live video! Join us for our next live video in the app.

Anita xx

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com

At 51 Anita was diagnosed with osteoporosis. She’s now almost 58 and post-menopausal. Determined to turn this around, she formulated her bone health plan and is making it happen. The results have been brilliant and very encouraging. Giving her the confirmation that she’s on the right track and the confidence to keep going.

In this chat Anita shares the one signifcant thing that has reversed her osteoporosis and how she knows it to be so.

Anita talks about REMS bone scanning and how that assessment tool has given her more helpful, accurate information about her bone health (in ways that DEXA had not in the past).

We also talk about something that is often not included in converstaions about bone health that should be because of the impact it has. Agency & hope.

Anita is proof that we have the power to better our bone health in ways that are empowering - that fuels our belief that it’s possible and the hope that we absolutely can.

Links:

In this chat we mention where you can go to get Anita’s free Bone Health Series on her blog and video pages over at her other world at Sequins and Sand. A world that’s in transition just as she is :)

Anita produces a weekly health and wellness newsletter Midlife Mojo - helping women to fill the many health gaps, encouraging us to be our own health advocates to fill those gaps.

If you’d like to subscribe to receive those each week then head here to the VIP section on Sequins and Sand.

Eventually she will move it to Substack. It’s in the pipeline :)

Get a REMS bone scan and find out your bone health status. In Australia head to Echolight.com.au; In other countries around the world ‘Google’ REMS bone scan and your country or local area to find out where to go. REMS stands for Radiofrequency Echographic Multi Spectrometry and is ultrasound and radio frequency signals based. A very different technology to QUS (Quantitative Bone Ultrasound) and DEXA (DXA - Dual-Energy X-ray Absorptiometry) and is radiation free.

If you’ve enjoyed this episode of Midlife Unfiltered please share it on. Let’s all get bone health savvy!

Thank you to everyone who tuned into our live video! Join us for our next live video in the app.

Anita & Erica xx

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit midlifeunfiltered.substack.com