Midlife with Brooke

This is week two of a five part series on our relationship with our daughters-in-law. Last week we talked about weddings. If you missed it, you can go back and listen to that one too!

This week is about a shift in how we think about our role. One of my daughters told me an idea that really resonated with me. She said a daughter-in-law isn't looking for another mother. She already has one. What she's looking for is more like a fun aunt. Someone who's interested in her, who enjoys her company, who doesn't carry any expectations.

I talk about what that actually looks like. What it means to step back from being the expert on our sons, even when we genuinely think our experience could help. I share a story a friend told me about trying to pass on everything she'd learned about her son's struggles to his new wife, and how that landed differently than she expected.

We also get into some real, practical ideas. Texts that feel like support instead of pressure. Small gestures that say I see you as your own person. And a few sweet stories from the young women I interviewed.

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Welcome to the first episode of my Mother-in-Law Series. In preparation, I interviewed women in their mid 20s to early 30s about their mothers-in-law, and one of them said something profound: joining a new family is like moving to another country. You don't know the customs or the language. So we (as the mothers-in-law) get to decide, will I be a friendly local or border control?

In this 5 episode series, we're starting with weddings, because that's often where this relationship begins, and where hurt feelings can begin too. I share my own wedding regret: I tried so hard not to burden my mom that she ended up feeling left out, and it took us years to talk about it.

In this episode:

• Why there's pain on both sides of wedding planning, and why it's usually a communication gap, not a character flaw
• Taking care of your own emotional needs first so you're not easily derailed
• A client's mid-wedding turnaround, and the question that changed her day: who do I want to be in this relationship?
• You're not the first family anymore. If you want to work on a marriage, work on the one you're in.
• Grace from every angle, including for the bride whose brain isn't fully done cooking yet
• Every wedding is different: ask, then believe the answers

If a past wedding still stings, stick with me. Episode 5 of this series is for you.

Free Resources: Visit www.brookeoniki.com and click "Free Resources" for short videos on how to stop spiraling thoughts, how to reconnect after a hard interaction with your child, and how to calm an elevated nervous system.

A new Bridges group just started! Learn more about group coaching, or book a consult call to explore private coaching, at www.brookeoniki.com . Click the "Work with Me" tab!

Two inmates. The same caseworker. One thinks she's amazing; the other thinks she shouldn't even have a job. So which is it?

In this episode, I share stories from my coaching classes at the Utah State Prison that perfectly illustrate one of the most foundational principles in coaching: our thoughts — not our circumstances — create our feelings. The same sentencing, the same caseworker, the same camping trip, the same child, the same bank account can produce completely different emotional experiences depending on the thoughts we choose to have about them.

But here's what this episode is not about: rushing to swap your thought for a shinier one. Before we ever change a thought, we need awareness of what our current thoughts are creating for us — in our relationships, our identity, and the meaning we give to our lives.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why circumstances (a sentencing, a caseworker, a "difficult" child) are neutral until we have a thought about them
• The important caveat: thoughts create feelings in a regulated nervous system — and why we need to calm down before we can access our adult brain
• Why "thoughts are optional" doesn't mean lying to yourself or pretending everything is rainbows and daisies
• How our thoughts become self-fulfilling prophecies — like the mom who was grumpy with her "grumpy" daughter
• How thoughts confirm our existing beliefs, so our brain only gathers evidence for what we already think
• The three areas where heavy thoughts do the most damage: our relationships, our identity stories ("it's too late for me to change"), and the meaning we load onto circumstances
• Why sitting with a thought — on paper or in prayer — is where the transformation actually begins

Your invitation this week: pick one relationship that isn't going well and ask yourself, "What are my predominant thoughts about this person, and how do those thoughts make me feel? Is that how I want to feel toward them?"

Resources mentioned:

Free Resources: Visit www.brookeoniki.com and click "Free Resources" for short videos on how to stop spiraling thoughts, how to reconnect after a hard interaction with your child, and how to calm an elevated nervous system.

A new Bridges group just started! Learn more about group coaching, or book a consult call to explore private coaching, at www.brookeoniki.com . Click the "Work with Me" tab!

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Consider What You're Considering: A Lesson from King Mosiah

When King Mosiah's people wanted a new king, he gave them counsel that applies to every decision we make in our families today: "I desire that ye should consider the cause which ye are called to consider" (Mosiah 29:5). In other words — consider what you're considering.

In this episode, I share how a family home evening lesson from my dad (and a high school prank gone very wrong) taught my kids this principle, and how it applies to the everyday choices we make in our relationships. Whether it's venting to one family member about another, rescuing our kids from every financial bind, or keeping secrets to "hold the peace," our choices are always creating something — and it's worth asking what.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• The powerful question to ask before any decision: "If I made this same choice 100 times, what would it build?"
• How to identify what you're really seeking when you want something (validation? relief? an ally? security?)
• Why choices that feel good in the moment can create patterns that damage our closest relationships
• The story of how my thought "he's mad at me" was creating resentment in my own marriage — and how I changed it
• A simple three-part framework for considering what you're considering:
• Look in — What am I wanting to feel?
• Look forward — What am I creating?
• Look outward — Who is this affecting?

This tool isn't meant to create guilt or shame — it's meant to build awareness. You can get validation, relief, and connection in ways that don't come at the expense of the people you love.

Free Resources: Visit www.brookeoniki.com and click "Free Resources" for short videos on how to stop spiraling thoughts, how to reconnect after a hard interaction with your child, and how to calm an elevated nervous system.

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What makes Gen Z tick — and why does it feel so hard to connect with them? In this episode, Brooke sits down with Maggon Osmond, owner of Kindness Matters Education, who has spent 20 years working with teens and young adults. Maggon brings a warm, practical perspective to one of the most common struggles her clients face: understanding the generation they're raising.

Maggon works with businesses to help them support and retain their Gen Z workforce, and the lessons translate powerfully into family life. Whether your child is 17 or 32, this conversation will help you understand why they see the world so differently — and what you can actually do about it.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• A quick breakdown of each generation and what shaped them
• Why COVID-19 fundamentally changed how Gen Z sees rules, systems, and the future
• The 8 core fears Gen Z carries into workplaces — and into your home
• Why constant digital connection amplifies anxiety and makes conflict harder to resolve
• What "building the dock" means and how to create a safe counterculture in your home
• The high love + high expectation framework and why both halves are non-negotiable
• How your role shifts when your kids become adults — and what it looks like to be their encourager instead of their manager
• Why fear-based parenting masquerades as control, and how to choose faith instead

Key quote from this episode:

"If we thought of this world as a classroom, not a courtroom, we would do ourselves a lot of good in every aspect of our lives." — Megan Osman

Connect with Maggon Osmond:

Kindness Matters EDU

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Have you ever put off cleaning your bathrooms because you didn't have time for a deep clean? Or held back a creative project because it wasn't quite ready? Or avoided a hard conversation because the timing wasn't perfect?

That's perfectionism in disguise and it's keeping you stuck.

In this episode, Brooke introduces one of her favorite concepts: B-minus work. A B-minus is a passing grade, and it turns out that consistently doing good enough is almost always more effective than waiting for perfect conditions that rarely arrive.

In this episode Brooke covers:

• What B-minus work is and why it's not the same as settling
• How perfectionism is really a form of self-protection and avoidance
• Why consistency over time beats occasional perfection every single time
• How B-minus work shows up in creativity, mental health, cleaning, scripture study, parenting, relationships, and health
• The 80/20 principle applied to eating and movement
• When A-plus work actually is required — and why most of life isn't that
• The garden story that perfectly illustrates why imperfect action beats perfect inaction

Key takeaway:

20 minutes of cleaning is infinitely better than zero minutes. An imperfect apology repairs more than the perfect conversation you never have. A B-minus podcast published every week builds more trust than a perfect one that never comes out.

Done beats perfect. Every time.

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My husband was making cookies. He's done it dozens of times. And I still couldn't keep my mouth shut about the butter.

That moment introduced me — again — to a concept from leadership researcher Liz Wiseman: the difference between multipliers and diminishers. Wiseman was studying corporations. But she was describing our families.

In this episode we talk about the gatekeeper's paradox, the most dangerous quadrant of love, and the difference between love that grows people and love that simply keeps them safe. Plus a Larry Wilson quote from the April 2012 General Conference that I have never been able to shake.

The question this episode asks is simple. The answer is harder: does your presence make the people around you more — or less?

Quote of the Episode "Compulsion builds resentment. It conveys mistrust, and it makes people feel incompetent. Learning opportunities are lost when controlling persons pridefully assume they have all the right answers for others." — Elder Larry Wilson, April 2012 General Conference

Resources Mentioned

• Multipliers by Liz Wiseman
• Diana Baumrind's four quadrants of parenting
• Elder Larry Wilson, April 2012 General Conference

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We live in a world designed for comfort — same-day delivery, instant answers, and climate-controlled rooms. But what happens when that instinct for ease bleeds into our most important relationships? In this episode, Brooke explores what it means to expand your zone of relational discomfort and why staying in the hard moments might be the most loving thing you can do.

Drawing on a yoga metaphor that will stick with you, Brooke unpacks what it looks like to "breathe into the stretch" — not just on the mat, but in the conversations you've been avoiding, the friendships you've been pulling back from, and the moments with your kids where your instinct is to fix, escape, or shut down.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why our brains are wired to run from relational discomfort — and why running is costing us more than we realize
• The difference between protecting your child and protecting yourself from watching them hurt
• A powerful coaching example about a woman who kept hanging up on her sister — and what happened when she was challenged to stay on the line
• Brooke's personal story about her son Connor's devastating basketball season, and the quiet message that steady, ordinary love sends
• Her cousin Julie's experience navigating grief after losing her husband — and the profound truth that we can't take someone else's pain away

Practical tools to expand your zone of discomfort:

1. Notice the urge before you act on it
2. Use your breath — slow it down
3. Ask one more question before you react
4. Look for the grain of truth in what stings most
5. Show up the morning after — love them the same, let the sun rise

Discomfort in a relationship isn't a sign something is wrong. It's often a sign something real is happening — something worth staying for.

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What does it look like to love someone when their path unfolds differently than you expected?

In this heartfelt conversation, Brooke sits down with Sandra Rhees and her son Jeremy to talk about their family's experience navigating faith, family relationships, and Jeremy's journey as a gay, active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Jeremy shares his experience of recognizing he was different, coming out to his family and friends, and learning to reconcile his faith with his sexual orientation. Sandra offers a parent's perspective on adjusting expectations, building trust, and choosing connection over fear.

Together, they discuss:

• Jeremy's journey of discovering he was gay
• How his parents responded when he came out
• The importance of trust in parent-child relationships
• Navigating faith when questions don't have easy answers
• Experiences with church leaders and serving a mission
• Ways friends, family members, and ward members can create a greater sense of belonging
• Why curiosity and understanding matter more than assumptions
• How open communication develops over time
• Extending grace to ourselves and others as we learn

One of the most powerful themes throughout this conversation is the importance of truly getting to know people. When we take time to hear someone's story, labels become less important and relationships become stronger.

Whether you have an LGBTQ family member, friend, neighbor, or ward member—or simply want to become a more compassionate disciple of Christ—this episode offers thoughtful insights about love, trust, and human connection.

• Trust creates safety for honest conversations.
• Understanding grows when we ask questions and listen.
• People are more than a single label or characteristic.
• Grace allows relationships to flourish even when perspectives differ.
• Christlike love begins with seeing people as individuals and learning their stories.

• Questions From The Closet podcast
• Charlie Bird
• Jared Halverson

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Family reunions. Holidays. Summer trips. Long weekends with adult children, in-laws, and extended family.

Sometimes they’re full of connection and joy. Sometimes they come with stress, hurt feelings, unmet expectations, or that one conversation that catches you off guard.

In today’s episode, I’m sharing three simple tools to help you show up differently at family gatherings this summer. Instead of trying to manage everyone else, we’ll talk about how to manage you. Because when you feel more grounded, everything changes.

In this episode we discuss:

• Why regulating your nervous system matters more than managing the event
• A story about a mother who thought criticism was coming—but discovered connection instead
• How “manuals” (unspoken expectations) create frustration at family events
• The birthday cake story and what it teaches us about curiosity and compassion
• Why curiosity often works better than control
• How deciding who you want to be before you arrive can completely change your experience
• Simple ways to stay connected, grounded, and present during summer gatherings

Questions to consider before your next gathering:

• What tends to activate me?
• How will I care for myself if that happens?
• What expectations am I carrying?
• Who do I want to be when I walk into the room?

You don’t need a perfect family gathering to create a meaningful one.

Sometimes the win is simply this:

I showed up as the person I wanted to be.

If you’re heading into a family reunion, wedding, vacation, or difficult conversation this summer and want a little extra support, Brooke also shares an invitation for short-term coaching sessions to help you prepare and feel more grounded.

Listen in and let’s make this summer feel a little lighter, calmer, and more connected.

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