Episode: Decluttering for Empty Nesters (with Rochelle Haywood)

Host: Brooke Oniki

Guest: Rachelle Heywood, Decluttering Coach

Decluttering in midlife isn’t just about “getting organized”—it can be deeply emotional. In this conversation, Brooke sits down with decluttering coach Rachelle Heywood to talk about why clutter hits differently when you’re an empty nester (and often also managing aging parents’ belongings). They unpack the connection between our stuff, our memories, and our identity—and how decluttering can create space for the life you actually want to live now, not the life you used to live.

Rachelle shares practical, gentle steps to begin (even when you feel overwhelmed), plus mindset shifts to help you stop saving things out of guilt, obligation, or “just in case.” You’ll walk away with simple questions to guide decisions, and a better understanding of how to declutter with intention so the clutter doesn’t just come right back.

1. Why decluttering in the empty-nest season can feel surprisingly emotional
2. How “memory” and “meaning” get attached to objects—and how to separate them
3. The identity shift of midlife: making space for who you are becoming
4. The difference between decluttering out of pressure vs. decluttering with intention
5. How to handle adult children’s belongings still in your home (without damaging relationships)
6. What to do when you’re holding onto things because you spent money on them
7. Where to start when you feel overwhelmed by volume
8. How to make decluttering a small, consistent practice rather than a one-time overhaul
9. What to do when a spouse (or family member) isn’t on board
10. A simple “gentle question” to guide decisions this week

1. “The memory doesn’t live in the item—it just gets sparked by it.”
2. “We can honor a beautiful season without storing every artifact from it.”
3. “Sometimes we’re keeping things to prove love… but love isn’t stored in a box.”
4. “When we keep things out of guilt, it can taint how we feel when we see them.”
5. “Less is more—when everything is sentimental, nothing can shine.”

Two Decision Questions (Rochelle’s go-to):

1. Can I comfortably live without this?
2. Would I buy this again today?
3. (Or: if it’s irreplaceable—If I gave it away and knew who had it, would I pay to get it back?)

Start Small (so it actually lasts):

1. Don’t pull everything out and make a giant mess you’ll have to re-clean later
2. Choose one drawer, one shelf, one small area
3. Set a timer for 5 minutes and be amazed by what you can do

Donation Station:

1. Keep a simple box in your home
2. As you notice duplicates or unused items in daily life, drop them in immediately

The Hanger Trick (Closet Check):

1. Turn hangers around
2. Flip them back when you wear an item
3. After a season (or a year), what’s still turned around is a strong clue

1. Empty nesting + parents aging = “too much”: your stuff, your kids’ stuff, and often your parents’ stuff.
2. Clutter creates constant mental noise: even if you’re not thinking about it consciously, your brain processes it.
3. Identity and “future self” clutter: supplies for the person you thought you’d be “when life slows down.”
4. Kids’ rooms and guilt: you can create welcoming space for your kids without turning your home into a museum of the past.
5. Spending money ≠ keeping forever: sometimes you’re “buying information” (a lesson learned), not a forever item.

Rachelle is a decluttering coach who helps overwhelmed moms create peaceful, intentional homes—without constantly managing piles and clutter. She focuses on both the practical side and the emotional/mental side so the clutter doesn’t just come right back.

1. Instagram: @rachelleheywoodcoaching
2. Email: [email protected]
3. Work with Rachelle: Rachelle offers a 12-week program with a customized plan, weekly coaching calls, and support to untangle the emotional ties to clutter so you can simplify in a lasting way.

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Two private bonus podcast episodes created just for women in midlife:

1. Menopause Explained
2. Enjoying Sex in Midlife

Listen here:

https://www.subscribepage.com/summitadd

Schedule a free one-on-one coaching session with Brooke:

In this episode of Midlife with Brooke, we explore why safety—not pressure—is the foundation for healthy conversations with our adult children. When the nervous system feels threatened, we lose access to clarity, curiosity, and problem-solving. But when safety is restored, relationships soften and real dialogue becomes possible.

Brooke walks through practical, real-life examples—from shopping for jeans to pickleball stress to family finances—to show how easily we become dysregulated, and how quickly things can shift when we slow down and create safety in our bodies first.

1. Why feeling “trapped” is a nervous-system issue, not a character flaw
2. How restoring choice calms the nervous system and opens better options
3. Simple ways to self-regulate when you notice tension, anxiety, or agitation
4. How co-regulation works—and why it matters in families
5. Why responsibility grows in safety, not fear
6. How to approach hard conversations without cornering, shaming, or controlling
7. Phrases that unintentionally create defensiveness—and what to do instead
8. How to set boundaries with love without using pressure or ultimatums
9. What to do when a conversation doesn’t go well (and how to try again)

1. Until the nervous system settles, there are no wise answers—only reactive ones
2. Safety doesn’t mean agreement or unlimited support
3. You can hold love and limits at the same time
4. Curiosity builds connection; control creates distance
5. You don’t need to be perfect—you need to be grounded

1. Do I know when I’m dysregulated—or do I usually notice it afterward?
2. Do my words invite conversation, or do they signal judgment or pressure?
3. Am I creating safety in myself before asking for it from others?
4. Where could I add more choice and less urgency in my relationships?

Brooke is hosting a free webinar on nervous system regulation and staying grounded in relationships.

Tuesday, February 3, 2026

2:00 PM Mountain Time

Zoom

To get the link, email [email protected] or send Brooke a message.

If this episode resonated with you, please consider sharing it with a friend or leaving a review—your support helps more women find these tools and feel less alone in this season.

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Two private bonus podcast episodes created just for women in midlife:

1. Menopause Explained
2. Enjoying Sex in Midlife

Listen here:

https://www.subscribepage.com/summitadd

Schedule a free one-on-one coaching session with Brooke:

If you found this helpful, please share the episode or leave a review so more parents can find these tools.

Recognizing the Trap & Widening the Options

When parenting adult children feels tense or confusing, it’s often because your nervous system feels trapped.

In this episode, Brooke shares a simple framework to help you calm anxiety and respond with clarity: recognize the trap and widen the options. When we believe there are only two bad choices, we become reactive. When we create more options, agency returns—and so does steadiness.

Brooke walks through real-life examples from her coaching work, including:

1. Paying for college when a child isn’t thriving
2. Separating love from financial support
3. Navigating vacations with a volatile adult child
4. Disagreeing with your spouse about money
5. Loving a child whose choices conflict with your values

You’ll learn why choice calms the nervous system, how widening options creates safety, and why safety—for you and your child—is essential for healthy communication.

Reflection question:

What’s the trap here—and how could I widen the options?

Tuesday, February 3rd at 2:00 PM (MT)

Learn how to regulate your nervous system so you can have grounded conversations with your adult children. Replay available.

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Coaching, resources, and offerings for midlife women:

www.brookeoniki.com

Two private bonus podcast episodes created just for women in midlife:

1. Menopause Explained
2. Enjoying Sex in Midlife

Listen here:

https://www.subscribepage.com/summitadd

Schedule a free one-on-one coaching session with Brooke:

If you found this helpful, please share the episode or leave a review so more parents can find these tools.

In this episode, Brooke shares a marriage webinar she taught a few years ago—packed with practical tools for strengthening connection, especially in the “kids are grown” season when the marriage dynamic often shifts. Brooke explains how you can change the feel of your marriage without waiting for your spouse to “try harder,” by focusing on what you can control: your thoughts, your emotions, and your choices.

Quick note: Brooke teaches in the first person for relatability, but many examples are composites from clients, conversations, and some personal experiences—meant to highlight the principles, not “tell on” her sweet husband.

• When kids leave, the couple relationship becomes more central again
• Old routines and “roles” get exposed (and sometimes feel awkward)
• Small patterns can create distance—or rebuild closeness

Brooke invites you to observe the everyday routines that shape the relationship, like:

• Morning connection (or no connection)
• How you greet each other when someone comes home
• Communication habits: texts, calls, check-ins
• Holidays, birthdays, and planning styles
• Dinner timing, decompression needs, and family rhythms
• Date night decision-making

Key idea: If you don’t like the dynamic, you can experiment with changing it—on purpose.

Brooke teaches a simple framework (from Brooke Castillo/Life Coach School) to create awareness and change:

• Circumstance (neutral facts)
• Thought (your interpretation)
• Feeling (emotion created by your thought)
• Action/Inaction (how you show up externally + internally)
• Result (what you create—often proving the thought)

Big takeaway: Your marriage experience is shaped more by the meaning you assign than the facts themselves.

Brooke walks through examples like:

• Husband sighs about hosting family dinner
• Husband comes home and goes straight to his office
• Husband says he’ll be home at 5 and arrives at 6

She shows how painful interpretations often create distance (resentment, coldness, shutdown)… and how alternative thoughts create options (curiosity, compassion, backup plans, calmer connection).

Helpful replacement thoughts from the episode:

• “He has a lot on his plate right now.”
• “I can be a soft place to land.”
• “This isn’t about me.”

Brooke teaches how intentionally focusing on what you appreciate changes you and shifts the emotional climate of the relationship. She models this by sharing a list of specific things she loves about Tom (voice, integrity, thoughtfulness, rhythm, etc.).

Key idea: What you repeatedly focus on becomes your lived experience.

Brooke teaches the difference between:

• Acceptance for the “small stuff” (adding: “and that’s okay”)
• Boundaries for what is not okay

Boundary definition (as taught): A boundary is about what you will do—not what you’ll force another adult to do.

Example structure: “If you do ___, I will ___.”

She emphasizes follow-through matters.

• Pick one marriage dynamic to adjust this week (a greeting, a check-in, a new routine)
• Do one quick model on a recent irritation: facts vs. meaning
• Write a short “brainstorm love” list (10 things—specific, even quirky)
• Practice adding: “…and that’s okay” to one minor annoyance
• Identify any area that needs a clear boundary and decide what you will do

• You don’t have to wait for your spouse to change for the dynamic to shift.
• The circumstance is neutral until we assign meaning to it.
• You can support someone’s hard emotions without joining them there.
• Acceptance is not approval—it’s choosing peace about what you can’t control.

Get weekly encouragement, emotional wellness tools, and podcast extras:

Join the Newsletter:

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Coaching, resources, and offerings for midlife women:

www.brookeoniki.com

Two private bonus podcast episodes created just for women in midlife:

1. Menopause Explained
2. Enjoying Sex in Midlife

Listen here:

https://www.subscribepage.com/summitadd

Schedule a free one-on-one coaching session with Brooke:

Most of the things we regret saying or doing didn’t come from who we want to be—they came from discomfort we didn’t pause long enough to regulate.

In this practical and deeply relatable episode of Midlife with Brooke, Brooke Oniki introduces a simple but powerful emotional skill she calls The Power of Pause. Through everyday examples—missing razors, sticky cereal bowls, and family dynamics—Brooke shows how pausing before reacting gives your nervous system time to calm and your wiser self time to lead.

This episode is an invitation to stop reacting from irritation, urgency, or hurt—and instead choose responses that align with your values, your faith, and the kind of person you want to be.

1. What “the power of pause” really is and why it works
2. How small moments of discomfort often trigger outsized reactions
3. Why pausing saves emotional, physical, and relational energy
4. How overreacting creates shame cycles—and how pausing prevents them
5. Why practicing pause with small things builds strength for bigger ones
6. How the pause helps you embody patience, kindness, and compassion
7. What it looks like to respond from alignment instead of impulse

Brooke also connects the power of pause to Christlike behavior—highlighting how Jesus modeled pause through silence, solitude, and restraint.

Instead of thinking:

1. “I’m impulsive.”
2. “I always say the wrong thing.”

Try practicing:

1. “I’m a person who pauses.”
2. “I’m learning to respond instead of react.”

Small identity shifts create powerful long-term change.

Brooke explains the concept of the zone of resilience—the emotional space where you’re calm, open, and grounded—and how pausing helps you return to that space instead of spiraling into fight, flight, or shutdown.

The pause isn’t about suppressing emotions.

It’s about giving your body and brain time to settle so you can choose wisely.

1. Where do I tend to react instead of pause?
2. What discomfort am I trying to escape when I react quickly?
3. How would my relationships change if I paused more often?
4. What would it look like to identify as someone who pauses?

Brooke references a free video called:

“How to Bring Your Emotions Down So You Don’t Overreact”

Click Here for the Free Resources page

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www.brookeoniki.com

Two private bonus podcast episodes created just for women in midlife:

1. Menopause Explained
2. Enjoying Sex in Midlife

Listen here:

https://www.subscribepage.com/summitadd

Schedule a free one-on-one coaching session with Brooke:

https://calendly.com/brookeoniki/life-coaching-session-with-brooke-oniki

January often arrives with pressure—to reset, improve, fix, and do better. But what if this year, you entered January differently?

In this reflective episode of Midlife with Brooke, Brooke Oniki invites you to slow down and reconsider how you think about growth, New Year’s resolutions, and personal change. Instead of asking “What do I need to fix?”, Brooke offers a gentler, more grounded question: “How have I already changed?”

Drawing from personal holiday experiences, meaningful family moments, and faith-filled reflection, Brooke encourages midlife women to honor the emotional, physical, and spiritual effort they’ve already made—especially during December—and to begin January with compassion rather than urgency.

This episode is a permission slip to rest, integrate, and recognize the quiet growth already happening in your life.

1. Why setting the same goals every year doesn’t mean you’re failing
2. How growth happens quietly—in conversations, pauses, and repair
3. A powerful example of emotional repair with one of Brooke’s daughters
4. Why honoring December’s effort matters before asking more of yourself
5. How to tell the difference between being “behind” and being tired
6. The five pillars of nervous system regulation and why they matter in January
7. A faith-centered reframe on slowing down instead of pushing harder
8. Why you don’t need to become a new version of yourself—just notice who you’re already becoming

1. Where have I already grown this past year, even if it wasn’t visible?
2. What effort did December require of me that deserves acknowledgment?
3. What pace feels supportive for me right now?
4. What might it look like to rest, not quit—just integrate?

If allowing emotions feels difficult, Brooke references a previous episode that may be especially helpful:

Allowing Is the Goal: The Most Underrated Emotional Skill

Listen here:

https://brookeoniki.com/captivate-podcast/allowing-is-the-goal-the-most-underrated-emotional-skill/

Weekly encouragement, emotional wellness tools, and podcast extras:

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https://calendly.com/brookeoniki/life-coaching-session-with-brooke-oniki

As the holidays approach, it’s easy to focus on what can be bought, wrapped, or checked off a list. But in this thoughtful episode of Midlife with Brooke, Brooke Oniki invites you to consider a different kind of wealth—one that can’t be purchased, rushed, or outsourced.

Inspired by the concept of quiet wealth, Brooke explores the parts of life that matter most and require daily attention: a calm mind, a healthy body, meaningful contribution, spiritual steadiness, and a house full of love. These aren’t one-time achievements—they’re ecosystems that are built gently, over time, through small, intentional choices.

This episode is especially powerful for midlife women who want the holidays to feel steadier, softer, and more connected—not perfect, but grounded.

1. What “quiet wealth” really is—and why it matters more than ever in midlife
2. Why peace, trust, and connection can’t be bought, only practiced
3. The four areas of quiet wealth: physical wellbeing, spiritual wellbeing, work/contribution, and relationships
4. How simple daily inputs and outputs create lasting change
5. Why attention—not perfection—is what builds the life you want
6. Practical examples of how to practice quiet wealth during the holidays
7. How small choices create a calm mind and a house full of love

Brooke shares personal stories, holiday-specific examples, and gentle coaching to help you stay anchored—even when emotions, expectations, and family dynamics are tested in real time.

1. Which area of quiet wealth needs the most attention in my life right now?
2. What is one small input and one small output I could practice today?
3. How would my holidays feel different if I focused on steadiness instead of perfection?
4. What kind of wealth do I want to be building this season?

Brooke created 18 short videos (2–8 minutes each) to help you not just plan the holidays—but feel better during them. The bundle is divided into three supportive sections:

Planning: gift giving, routines, and letting go of expectations

Thought Work: managing your emotions, letting others own theirs, working through disappointment

Nervous System Support: tools to help your body and mind stay regulated when emotions run high

There is no class to attend and no long commitment—just practical, calming support you can listen to anytime, anywhere.

Get the Holiday Bundle here:

https://subscribepage.io/HolidayBundle

Weekly encouragement, emotional wellness tools, and podcast extras:

Join the Newsletter: https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/f7o6w8

Coaching, resources, and offerings for midlife women:

www.brookeoniki.com

Two private bonus podcast episodes created just for women in midlife:

1. Menopause Explained
2. Enjoying Sex in Midlife
3. Listen here: https://www.subscribepage.com/summitadd

Schedule a free one-on-one coaching session with Brooke:

https://calendly.com/brookeoniki/life-coaching-session-with-brooke-oniki

Judgment has a way of sneaking into even the most loving relationships—especially with our adult children. And during the holidays, when you’re spending more time together, it can show up even faster. In this grounding episode of Midlife with Brooke, Brooke Oniki explains why judging your kids feels so automatic, why it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent, and how to gently shift from judgment to curiosity.

Brooke breaks down the brain science behind judgment and shows how our protective, survival-driven brain often mistakes difference for danger. When your kids live, believe, or choose differently than you would, judgment can feel like concern—but it often lands as criticism and distance.

Through real stories, faith-based insight, and practical tools, Brooke teaches how to slow judgment down so you can respond from your wiser, spirit-led self. This episode is an invitation to soften, stay connected, and lead with trust instead of fear.

• Why judgment is a natural brain response—not a moral failure
• How judgment often comes from fear, not lack of love
• Why our kids’ choices can feel personal even when they aren’t
• Common judgment triggers with adult children (faith, motivation, relationships, direction)
• How judgment shuts down connection—even when intentions are good
• Simple ways to move from judgment to curiosity
• How your thoughts about your child shape the way you show up with them
• Why prayer and compassion can soften even the hardest edges

Brooke reminds us that judgment may be the brain’s default—but love is our divine invitation.

• Where do I notice judgment showing up most with my child?
• What might I be afraid of underneath that judgment?
• How would my relationship change if I led with curiosity instead of control?
• What thought about my child would create more love and peace right now?

Brooke created 18 short videos (2–8 minutes each) to help you not just plan the holidays—but feel better during them. The bundle includes three supportive sections:

Planning: gift giving, routines, and letting go of expectations

Thought Work: managing your emotions, letting others own theirs, working through disappointment

Nervous System Support: tools to help your body and mind stay regulated when emotions run high

There’s no class to attend and no long commitment—just practical, calming support you can listen to anytime, anywhere.

Get the Holiday Bundle here:

https://subscribepage.io/HolidayBundle

Weekly encouragement, emotional wellness tools, and podcast extras:

Join the Newsletter: https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/f7o6w8

Coaching, resources, and offerings for midlife women:

www.brookeoniki.com

Two private bonus podcast episodes created just for women in midlife:

• Menopause Explained
• Enjoying Sex in Midlife

Listen here: https://www.subscribepage.com/summitadd

Schedule a free one-on-one coaching session with Brooke:

https://calendly.com/brookeoniki/life-coaching-session-with-brooke-oniki

During the holidays, emotions tend to run higher—more people in the house, more events, more expectations, more layered dynamics with adult children and in-laws. In this deeply grounding episode of Midlife with Brooke, Brooke Oniki walks you through the four most common ways we respond to emotions—and why only one of them leads to true peace, connection, and emotional maturity.

Using real-life examples, including a surprisingly tender story about navigating the GPS on a family trip, Brooke teaches how reacting, resisting, and avoiding keep us stuck in frustration, shame, or overwhelm. Then she introduces the emotional skill that changes everything: allowing.

Allowing doesn’t mean liking the emotion—it means creating space for it without judgment or urgency. And it is one of the most transformative tools for navigating holiday stress, adult family dynamics, unmet expectations, and your own inner world with compassion.

• The four emotional responses: reacting, resisting, avoiding, and allowing
• Why reacting often damages connection
• How resisting (“I shouldn’t feel this way”) intensifies emotional discomfort
• Why avoiding (food, scrolling, overscheduling) brings temporary relief but long-term heaviness
• What allowing looks like in daily life—and how it supports emotional safety
• How to stay calm, grounded, and aligned with your values during the holidays

• Which emotional response do I use most—reacting, resisting, avoiding, or allowing?
• What emotion do I most often push away?
• How could allowing help me show up more peacefully with my adult children this holiday season?
• Where can I practice a pause—breathing before reacting?

Brooke created 18 short videos (2–8 minutes each) to help you not just plan the holidays—but feel better during them. The bundle includes three sections:

Planning: gift giving, routines, and letting go of expectations

Thought Work: managing your emotions, letting others own theirs, working through disappointment

Nervous System Support: tools to help you stay regulated when emotions run high

There is no class to attend and no time commitment—just simple, practical support you can listen to anytime, anywhere.

Get the Holiday Bundle:

https://subscribepage.io/HolidayBundle

Weekly encouragement, emotional wellness tools, and podcast extras:

Join the Newsletter: https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/f7o6w8

Coaching, resources, and upcoming offerings:

www.brookeoniki.com

Two private bonus podcast episodes for women in midlife:

• Menopause Explained
• Enjoying Sex in Midlife

Listen here: https://www.subscribepage.com/summitadd

Schedule a free one-on-one coaching session:

https://calendly.com/brookeoniki/life-coaching-session-with-brooke-oniki

In Part 2 of this powerful series on missionary trauma and faith reconstruction, Brooke Oniki welcomes Erin Woodruff back to the podcast for a deeper, more intimate conversation about what healing actually looks like when a mission fractures your testimony, identity, or trust in God.

In this episode, Erin opens up about the parts of her story that needed more space—what made her mission uniquely difficult, what healing has required over the last 10 years, and why rebuilding a testimony from the ground up is both sacred and deeply personal.

Brooke and Erin talk honestly about language barriers, constant companionship, conflict, exact obedience culture, loss, shame, and how trauma can stay embedded long after a missionary returns home. Erin shares the tools, choices, and spiritual nudges that helped her finally begin to let go, including the surprising healing that came when she revisited her mission years later.

For midlife women supporting returned missionaries—or processing their own missionary experiences—this conversation offers compassion, clarity, and tremendous hope.

• The unseen struggles many missionaries quietly carry
• What made Erin’s mission deeply traumatic—and why she didn’t recognize it at first
• How exact obedience culture can fuel shame, anxiety, and spiritual distortion
• Why rebuilding a testimony requires honesty before anything else
• What obedience has come to mean for Erin now
• How ancestors and spiritual mentors became anchors for her faith
• The surprising healing that happened when she revisited her mission
• How coaching tools helped her untangle trauma from identity and rebuild trust in God
• Guidance for parents supporting children with difficult or traumatic missions

• What emotions or memories from my mission (or my child’s mission) still need compassion and space?
• What might healing look like for me—physically, emotionally, spiritually?
• Where am I ready to let go of old expectations, guilt, or shame?
• How do I want to relate to God today?

Brooke created 18 short videos (2–8 minutes each) to help you not just plan the holidays—but feel better during them. The bundle is divided into three supportive sections:

Planning: gift giving, routines, and letting go of past expectations

Thought Work: managing emotions, letting others own theirs, working through disappointment

Nervous System Support: tools to help your body and mind stay regulated when emotions run high

There’s no class to attend, no time pressure—just simple, calming guidance you can listen to anytime, anywhere.

Get the Holiday Bundle here:

https://subscribepage.io/HolidayBundle

Receive weekly emotional wellness tools, stories, and podcast extras:

Join the Newsletter: https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/f7o6w8

Coaching, resources, and offerings for midlife women:

www.brookeoniki.com

Enjoy two private podcast episodes created just for women in midlife:

• Menopause Explained
• Enjoying Sex in Midlife

Access them here: https://www.subscribepage.com/summitadd

Schedule a free one-on-one coaching session with Brooke:

Book Your Call: https://calendly.com/brookeoniki/life-coaching-session-with-brooke-oniki