Midlife with Brooke

So much of our stress and disconnection comes from one pattern: all-or-nothing thinking.

This is when your brain offers you two extreme options—always or never, success or failure, all in or checked out. But real life doesn’t happen on the extremes. It happens in the middle.

In this episode, I share how this shows up in parenting adult children, marriage, and even the way we take care of ourselves—and how to move toward something more grounded and honest.

We’ll talk about:

• Why your brain defaults to extremes
• What the “middle” actually looks like in real life
• How your nervous system plays a role in rigid thinking
• Simple ways to come back to steadiness

I also share a powerful story from Emily Watts that illustrates how we often confuse effort with value—and how simple can still be meaningful.

This week, notice where your brain is offering you only two options… and gently ask: What might the middle look like here?

Call to Action

If this episode was helpful, share it with a friend and consider leaving a review so more women can find it.

Stay Connected With Brooke

Get weekly encouragement, emotional wellness tools, and podcast extras:

Join the Newsletter:

https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/f7o6w8

Learn More

Coaching, resources, and offerings for midlife women:

www.brookeoniki.com

In this episode, I continue my conversation with my son Ben about women, leadership, and feeling heard in the Church.

This conversation is an invitation to better understand how our kids experience the Church—their questions, their concerns, and the ideas they’re thoughtfully working through. We talk about what good leadership feels like, why voice matters, and how being willing to really hear each other can create more connection and less fear.

If you’ve ever wondered how to stay close while your child sees things differently, this episode offers a hopeful and thoughtful perspective.

Stay Connected With Brooke

Get weekly encouragement, emotional wellness tools, and podcast extras:

Join the Newsletter:

https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/f7o6w8

Or email me at [email protected]

Learn More

Coaching, resources, and offerings for midlife women:

www.brookeoniki.com

In this special anniversary episode, Tom and I sit down with our daughter Kaitlyn to share the story of how we met, became friends, and eventually fell in love.

What began as a fun friendship slowly grew into something deeper. We talk about the hesitations, the timing, the role of prayer, and the surprising way our relationship came together. It is a personal episode, but it also touches on faith, identity, and the importance of being open to what God may be doing in your life.

In this episode:

• How we met and became friends
• Why I did not see Tom romantically at first
• The trips and conversations that changed things
• How prayer played a role in our story
• What 30 years of marriage have taught us

A few takeaways:

• Love does not always begin the way you expect
• Friendship can be a strong foundation
• God can help us see things differently
• Knowing who you are matters in relationships

Connect with Brooke:

Email: [email protected]

In this episode, I’m joined by Angela Jones, a nurse practitioner who specializes in women’s health and menopause care. We talk about perimenopause, menopause, hormones, sleep, bone health, weight changes, and how to advocate for yourself if you feel dismissed by a provider.

Angela explains the difference between perimenopause and menopause, why symptoms can feel so unpredictable, and why women need better information and support during this stage of life.

We also talk about strength training, protein, sleep, vaginal dryness, hormone therapy, and what women can do to protect their long-term health and feel better in their bodies.

This conversation is informative, practical, and encouraging for any woman navigating midlife changes.

In This Episode

• What perimenopause and menopause are
• Common symptoms and why they vary
• Sleep, mood, and hormone changes
• Bone health and strength training
• Vaginal dryness and other overlooked symptoms
• How to advocate for yourself with doctors
• What to know about hormone therapy

Call to Action

If this episode helped you, share it with a friend and consider rating and reviewing the podcast so more women can find it.

Stay Connected With Brooke

Get weekly encouragement, emotional wellness tools, and podcast extras:

Join the Newsletter:

https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/f7o6w8

Or email me at [email protected]

Learn More

Coaching, resources, and offerings for midlife women:

www.brookeoniki.com

Want Personalized Support?

Schedule a free one-on-one coaching session with Brooke:

https://calendly.com/brookeoniki/life-coaching-session-with-brooke-oniki

If you found this helpful, please share the episode or leave a review so more parents can find these tools.

In today’s episode, Brooke sits down with Leah Davidson (Toronto-based speech language pathologist and nervous system educator) for a practical, hope-filled conversation about nervous system regulation and safety and why it matters so much in midlife and in our relationships with adult children.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why did I react like that?” or felt your body go into stress mode over something that isn’t actually dangerous, this episode will help you understand what’s happening and what to do next.

In this episode, we talk about:

• What the nervous system is, and why it’s constantly scanning for “safe or danger”
• Why your nervous system is highly sensitive and sometimes highly inaccurate
• “False alarms” and the reality that your body can’t always tell the difference between real danger and perceived danger
• Brooke’s basketball game story (and how quickly the body can escalate when it thinks something important is on the line)
• Why midlife can feel more intense: hormones, sleep changes, stress load, shifting family roles, and stretched-thin capacity
• A key truth: regulation isn’t being calm all the time
• It’s being able to move through activation and come back home
• How dysregulation hijacks your thinking (when your “CEO” goes offline)
• The Safety Sequence (Leah’s 3-step process you can use in the moment):

1. Am I objectively safe?
2. Do I feel safe?
3. Relax the body to invite safety back in

• What a physiological sigh is and how to do it (a quick tool supported for anxiety regulation)
• How to create more safety in hard conversations (tone, pacing, environment, timing, and especially choice)
• Why you can be regulated and still set boundaries (regulation doesn’t mean you “take it all”)
• The power of repair, honesty, and pacing difficult conversations over time

Try this after you listen:

When you notice yourself getting activated today, pause and ask:

• Am I safe?
• Do I feel safe?
• Then try one physiological sigh and relax your shoulders, jaw, and hands. Give your body a moment to come back online.

Links and resources:

• Leah Davidson’s podcast: Building Resilience
• Leah’s work includes nervous system trainings, guided journals, and resources for building resilience.
• Want support applying these tools in your real life? Join "Bridges" my small group coaching program starting March 4. Email me at [email protected] for more information!

Stay Connected with Brooke

Explore coaching, podcast resources, and upcoming workshops:

www.brookeoniki.com

Bonus for Listeners

Get two private bonus podcast episodes just for women in midlife:

• Menopause Explained
• Enjoying Sex in Midlife
• https://www.subscribepage.com/summitadd

Want personal support?

Schedule your free one-on-one coaching session with Brooke:

👉 https://calendly.com/brookeoniki/life-coaching-session-with-brooke-oniki

Episode Highlights (Quick Notes)

• Why your young adult may not “get it” yet — and why that’s normal
• What a frame of reference actually means (and how it shapes every reaction)
• The college airport goodbye that didn’t make sense… until 30 years later
• A tragic family experience that permanently shaped Brooke’s compassion
• The simple but powerful lesson: When someone is hurting, come.
• Why people sometimes disappear during hard seasons (fear, not indifference)
• Grief that others don’t understand — until they live it themselves
• Divorce vs. death: how support can look uneven
• Brené Brown’s insight: believing people are doing their best changes how we treat them
• How to stop taking things personally when someone lacks experience
• Releasing the need for constant appreciation
• Remembering the quiet ways Heaven shows up for you

Mentioned in the intro

• Bridges Program (small group coaching)
• Brooke shares an invitation to join Bridges, a small group coaching program beginning in early March, designed to help you apply the tools from the podcast to your real-life relationship challenges—while learning alongside others. Email Brooke for details at [email protected]

Stay Connected With Brooke

Get weekly encouragement, emotional wellness tools, and podcast extras:

Join the Newsletter:

https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/f7o6w8

Learn More

Coaching, resources, and offerings for midlife women:

www.brookeoniki.com

Bonus for Listeners

Two private bonus podcast episodes created just for women in midlife:

• Menopause Explained
• Enjoying Sex in Midlife

Listen here:

https://www.subscribepage.com/summitadd

Want Personalized Support?

Schedule a free one-on-one coaching session with Brooke:

https://calendly.com/brookeoniki/life-coaching-session-with-brooke-oniki

Episode highlights (quick outline)

1. Why Brooke is continuing the “young adult perspective” series
2. Ben’s story: North Carolina → BYU → Sweden mission (COVID) → questions → stepping away → returning
3. Defining patriarchy and naming the tension it creates
4. Brooke’s experience vs. other women’s experiences
5. Mission story: sister assistants + why it mattered
6. Practical changes at home and in ward culture
7. Respect, credit, and decision-making dynamics
8. Holding faith + complexity
9. Closing encouragement: have more conversations, build more understanding

Stay Connected With Brooke

Get weekly encouragement, emotional wellness tools, and podcast extras:

Join the Newsletter:

https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/f7o6w8

Or email me at [email protected]

Bonus for Listeners

Two private bonus podcast episodes created just for women in midlife:

1. Menopause Explained
2. Enjoying Sex in Midlife

Listen here:

https://www.subscribepage.com/summitadd

Want Personalized Support?

Schedule a free one-on-one coaching session with Brooke:

https://calendly.com/brookeoniki/life-coaching-session-with-brooke-oniki

If you found this helpful, please share the episode or leave a review so more parents can find these tools

Questions for Ben: You can email me at [email protected].

In This Episode, You’ll Hear

1. Why Ben wanted to talk about patriarchy—and how he defines it simply as a power structure where major decisions are mostly made by men
2. Ben’s Church experience growing up in North Carolina as a religious minority (and how that shaped his perspective)
3. How COVID-era mission leadership changes (including sister “assistants” in the mission office) became a powerful example of what can change
4. Brooke’s perspective: how her personal experience has been shaped by respectful men, while still recognizing many women feel undermined or overlooked
5. The difference between tradition and actual doctrine/handbook requirements—and why questioning patterns matters
6. Everyday examples of small but meaningful shifts (who chooses prayers at home, who speaks last, who gets visibility, who gets credit)
7. How Ben navigates cognitive dissonance and stays committed to the Church through relationships, community, and the teachings of Jesus Christ
8. Brooke’s story about her daughter asking, “Why aren’t there women in the scriptures?” and why Brooke looks to Jesus to understand God’s love for women

Key Takeaways

1. Questions don’t disqualify you. Both Brooke and Ben model that faith can include wrestling, curiosity, and ongoing learning.
2. Change often starts locally. Families, wards, and leaders can shift culture through small decisions that communicate value and inclusion.
3. Jesus’s example matters. When Brooke feels discouraged about women being overlooked, she returns to how Jesus treated women—with attention, dignity, and honor.

Questions This Episode Might Spark for You

1. Where do I see “default patterns” in my home or Church culture that I’ve never questioned?
2. How do I respond when someone experiences the Church differently than I do?
3. In what ways can I help my daughter/son feel more seen and respected—even when I don’t fully understand their concerns?
4. What small changes could we make in our family or ward that would communicate: “Your voice matters here”?

Practical “Try This” After You Listen

1. At home: Rotate who calls on prayers, who leads family discussions, who makes decisions about gatherings.
2. In conversation: Ask your young adult: “What feels encouraging at church? What feels discouraging?” and listen without trying to fix it.

About the Guest: Ben Austin

Ben is a young adult Church member who grew up in North Carolina, served in the Stockholm Sweden Mission during COVID, attended BYU, and returned home where he found renewed belonging in a faith community that made space for thoughtful questions. He currently participates actively in a YSA congregation and serves in leadership while continuing to wrestle with big topics—honestly and faithfully.

Connect & Next Steps

If this conversation brought something up for you—curiosity, discomfort, hope, or even grief—consider sharing it with someone you trust. These are tender topics, and they’re also the kinds of conversations that help families stay connected across generations.

Stay Connected With Brooke

Get weekly encouragement, emotional wellness tools, and podcast extras:

Join the Newsletter:

https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/f7o6w8

Or email me at [email protected]

Learn More

Coaching, resources, and offerings for midlife women:

www.brookeoniki.com

Bonus for Listeners

Two private bonus podcast episodes created just for women in midlife:

1. Menopause Explained
2. Enjoying Sex in Midlife

Listen here:

https://www.subscribepage.com/summitadd

Want Personalized Support?

Schedule a free one-on-one coaching session with Brooke:

https://calendly.com/brookeoniki/life-coaching-session-with-brooke-oniki

If you found this helpful, please share the episode or leave a review so more parents can find these tools.

In This Episode, You’ll Hear

1. Why Ben wanted to talk about patriarchy—and how he defines it simply as a power structure where major decisions are mostly made by men
2. Ben’s Church experience growing up in North Carolina as a religious minority (and how that shaped his perspective)
3. How COVID-era mission leadership changes (including sister “assistants” in the mission office) became a powerful example of what can change
4. Brooke’s perspective: how her personal experience has been shaped by respectful men, while still recognizing many women feel undermined or overlooked
5. The difference between tradition and actual doctrine/handbook requirements—and why questioning patterns matters
6. Everyday examples of small but meaningful shifts (who chooses prayers at home, who speaks last, who gets visibility, who gets credit)
7. The tension between “I don’t need recognition” and “I do need respect and real influence”
8. What to do when leaders feel “attacked” by women’s feedback—and why humility is essential in a lay ministry
9. How Ben navigates cognitive dissonance and stays committed to the Church through relationships, community, and the teachings of Jesus Christ
10. Brooke’s story about her daughter asking, “Why aren’t there women in the scriptures?” and why Brooke looks to Jesus to understand God’s love for women

Key Takeaways

1. Questions don’t disqualify you. Both Brooke and Ben model that faith can include wrestling, curiosity, and ongoing learning.
2. Change often starts locally. Families, wards, and leaders can shift culture through small decisions that communicate value and inclusion.
3. Respect isn’t the same as recognition—but it does matter. Many women don’t need a title to serve, but they do need their contributions honored and their voices taken seriously.
4. Leaders don’t have to control outcomes. Healthy leadership includes listening, sharing information, and letting stakeholders make real decisions.
5. Jesus’s example matters. When Brooke feels discouraged about women being overlooked, she returns to how Jesus treated women—with attention, dignity, and honor.

Questions This Episode Might Spark for You

1. Where do I see “default patterns” in my home or Church culture that I’ve never questioned?
2. How do I respond when someone experiences the Church differently than I do?
3. In what ways can I help my daughter/son feel more seen and respected—even when I don’t fully understand their concerns?
4. What small changes could we make in our family or ward that would communicate: “Your voice matters here”?

Practical “Try This” After You Listen

1. At home: Rotate who calls on prayers, who leads family discussions, who makes decisions about gatherings.
2. In conversation: Ask your young adult: “What feels encouraging at church? What feels discouraging?” and listen without trying to fix it.

About the Guest: Ben Austin

Ben is a young adult Church member who grew up in North Carolina, served in the Stockholm Sweden Mission during COVID, attended BYU, and returned home where he found renewed belonging in a faith community that made space for thoughtful questions. He currently participates actively in a YSA congregation and serves in leadership while continuing to wrestle with big topics—honestly and faithfully.

Connect & Next Steps

If this conversation brought something up for you—curiosity, discomfort, hope, or even grief—consider sharing it with someone you trust. These are tender topics, and they’re also the kinds of conversations that help families stay connected across generations.

Stay Connected With Brooke

Get weekly encouragement, emotional wellness tools, and podcast extras:

Join the Newsletter:

https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/f7o6w8

Or email me at [email protected]

Learn More

Coaching, resources, and offerings for midlife women:

www.brookeoniki.com

Bonus for Listeners

Two private bonus podcast episodes created just for women in midlife:

1. Menopause Explained
2. Enjoying Sex in Midlife

Listen here:

https://www.subscribepage.com/summitadd

Want Personalized Support?

Schedule a free one-on-one coaching session with Brooke:

https://calendly.com/brookeoniki/life-coaching-session-with-brooke-oniki

If you found this helpful, please share the episode or leave a review so more parents can find these tools.

Podcast Show Notes — Midlife with Brooke

Episode: Decluttering for Empty Nesters (with Rochelle Haywood)

Host: Brooke Oniki

Guest: Rachelle Heywood, Decluttering Coach

Episode Summary

Decluttering in midlife isn’t just about “getting organized”—it can be deeply emotional. In this conversation, Brooke sits down with decluttering coach Rachelle Heywood to talk about why clutter hits differently when you’re an empty nester (and often also managing aging parents’ belongings). They unpack the connection between our stuff, our memories, and our identity—and how decluttering can create space for the life you actually want to live now, not the life you used to live.

Rachelle shares practical, gentle steps to begin (even when you feel overwhelmed), plus mindset shifts to help you stop saving things out of guilt, obligation, or “just in case.” You’ll walk away with simple questions to guide decisions, and a better understanding of how to declutter with intention so the clutter doesn’t just come right back.

What You’ll Learn

• Why decluttering in the empty-nest season can feel surprisingly emotional
• How “memory” and “meaning” get attached to objects—and how to separate them
• The identity shift of midlife: making space for who you are becoming
• The difference between decluttering out of pressure vs. decluttering with intention
• How to handle adult children’s belongings still in your home (without damaging relationships)
• What to do when you’re holding onto things because you spent money on them
• Where to start when you feel overwhelmed by volume
• How to make decluttering a small, consistent practice rather than a one-time overhaul
• What to do when a spouse (or family member) isn’t on board
• A simple “gentle question” to guide decisions this week

Favorite Quotes / Takeaways

• “The memory doesn’t live in the item—it just gets sparked by it.”
• “We can honor a beautiful season without storing every artifact from it.”
• “Sometimes we’re keeping things to prove love… but love isn’t stored in a box.”
• “When we keep things out of guilt, it can taint how we feel when we see them.”
• “Less is more—when everything is sentimental, nothing can shine.”

Practical Tools Mentioned

Two Decision Questions (Rochelle’s go-to):

1. Can I comfortably live without this?
2. Would I buy this again today?
3. (Or: if it’s irreplaceable—If I gave it away and knew who had it, would I pay to get it back?)

Start Small (so it actually lasts):

• Don’t pull everything out and make a giant mess you’ll have to re-clean later
• Choose one drawer, one shelf, one small area
• Set a timer for 5 minutes and be amazed by what you can do

Donation Station:

• Keep a simple box in your home
• As you notice duplicates or unused items in daily life, drop them in immediately

The Hanger Trick (Closet Check):

• Turn hangers around
• Flip them back when you wear an item
• After a season (or a year), what’s still turned around is a strong clue

Conversation Highlights

• Empty nesting + parents aging = “too much”: your stuff, your kids’ stuff, and often your parents’ stuff.
• Clutter creates constant mental noise: even if you’re not thinking about it consciously, your brain processes it.
• Identity and “future self” clutter: supplies for the person you thought you’d be “when life slows down.”
• Kids’ rooms and guilt: you can create welcoming space for your kids without turning your home into a museum of the past.
• Spending money ≠ keeping forever: sometimes you’re “buying information” (a lesson learned), not a forever item.

About Rachelle Heywood

Rachelle is a decluttering coach who helps overwhelmed moms create peaceful, intentional homes—without constantly managing piles and clutter. She focuses on both the practical side and the emotional/mental side so the clutter doesn’t just come right back.

How to Connect with Rochelle

• Instagram: @rachelleheywoodcoaching
• Email: [email protected]
• Work with Rachelle: Rachelle offers a 12-week program with a customized plan, weekly coaching calls, and support to untangle the emotional ties to clutter so you can simplify in a lasting way.

Stay Connected With Brooke

Get weekly encouragement, emotional wellness tools, and podcast extras:

Join the Newsletter:

https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/f7o6w8

Or email me at [email protected]

Bonus for Listeners

Two private bonus podcast episodes created just for women in midlife:

1. Menopause Explained
2. Enjoying Sex in Midlife

Listen here:

https://www.subscribepage.com/summitadd

Want Personalized Support?

Schedule a free one-on-one coaching session with Brooke:

https://calendly.com/brookeoniki/life-coaching-session-with-brooke-oniki If you found this helpful, please share the episode or leave a review so more parents can find these tools.