Midlifing

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Lee has watched a couple of films and cried a lot. Simon asks Lee about the pleasure of crying. 

Some other details from the episode: Eating chocolate in the morning, Jeffrey helping Lee decide whether or not to make cake, Lee's capacity to cry, Adam Sandler and Carey Mulligan in Spaceman and All of Us Strangers by Andrew Haigh, Sixth Sense spoiler (Bruce Willis is dead), Star Wars spoiler: Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father, Carrie (1976), Steven Spielberg's wives, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Spaceman Candy Sticks (NZ lolly in the shape of a cigarette), holding back tears, the content of the film making you cry or the something else that makes you cry, How to Make An American Quilt, Christopher Nolan, Memento and Guy Pearce, Lee remembering everything about films and Simon remembering nothing, Anne Hathaway, the strangeness of human beings, the capacity to make things of such beauty and the terror of human violence, Lee feeling hopeful because we tell stories of love and care, hope being the opposite of fear, Simon's new hot water bottle dreams. 

Get in touch with Lee and Simon at [email protected].

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The Midlifing logo is adapted from an original image by H.L.I.T: https://www.flickr.com/photos/29311691@N05/8571921679 (CC BY 2.0)

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Lee takes us through his record buying spree, and they both rabbit on before Simon asks Lee what he is afraid of.

Some other details from the episode: Lee's selfie photo on work website (see show notes), Lee's face for radio, Simon watching 2024 version of Mean Girls (a musical), Lindsay Lohan's cameo, being frightened by a mediated horror film, Lee goes on a record-buying spree, Idles, not post-punk, Lee has his headphones connected by bluetooth and sound fidelity, Lee not using streaming services, The Sugarcubes, Wet Leg, when Lee listens to records, a banquet of French toast, when Simon finally gets a real job, people's photos on Microsoft Teams, Lee never doing moody and sexy, Lee's cool version of a Pomodoro timer, Simon always listening to music while working, Lee not pulling his weight content-wise, Hafiz quote about fear, the things Lee fears most, pulling back from a thought, Lee distracting himself to forget his fear (and other intrusive thoughts), fear of being found out, Simon's fear of being told off. 
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Related links (and necessary corrections):

• Lee's professional 'sitting in bed' selfie: https://www.falmouth.ac.uk/staff/professor-lee-miller

Get in touch with Lee and Simon at [email protected].

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The Midlifing logo is adapted from an original image by H.L.I.T: https://www.flickr.com/photos/29311691@N05/8571921679 (CC BY 2.0)

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A surprise guest appearance gets ruined by Simon. Instead they talk about achievement orientation and finding out what people  think of you.

Some other details from the episode: Some blow back from last week's episode from Simon's frolleagues, Finn's girlfriend Sophie (and brownies), the oddness of the phrase "fuck me sideways" and its mechanics, Lee's lovely lovely week of achievement orientation, useful meetings, achievement orientation in general, how well-read Bob is, Mr Product and Ms Process, a report about three types of men in relationships that Lee doesn't want to talk about, the University that cannot be named and locking down computers, Lee's wiggly wiggly picture, Lee's bid success, people change while our perceptions of them don't change, being confronted by knowing what people think of you, the process of 'start, stop, continue', being less of a dick for 15 minutes, the marshamallow test for being a pillock, a lovely friend of Simon's, being nice, and something Lee likes about Simon.

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Related links (and necessary corrections):

• This might be the report that Lee read about types of men in heterosexual relationships: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0277953623005002
• Marshmallow test video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wi8jqjo8sV8

Get in touch with Lee and Simon at [email protected].

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The Midlifing logo is adapted from an original image by H.L.I.T: https://www.flickr.com/photos/29311691@N05/8571921679 (CC BY 2.0)

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Simon and Lee talk about the size of circles of friends, and being properly in the world. Free tangents included. Send no money.

Some other details from the episode: Lee is by himself during the week and gets some space for reflection; Apple Vision Pro; extended/mixed reality; Lee sucks his teeth about AVP; different kinds of reality; George Clooney in ER; video passthrough; Apple Inc.; Simon being happy for Lee and his professorship; being on our way to XR contact lenses; most in and of the world through craft; how many people one ought to be in contact with; getting lost in sourdough blogs; solitude and loneliness; friendship but not to do with healthy; Merton Bakery supplying a Leamington Spa cafe; being a perfectionist; Lee having so little contact with people; the word frolleague (again); Lee's ability to cast people off (again) and not requiring an interim layer of friendship; neoligisms; being guarded about making friends with colleagues (and that division); the future regarding falling out; Lee painting himself as binary when he is very elastic; coefficient of restitution; being people pleasers.

Related links (and necessary corrections):

• Casey Neistat on Apple Vision Pro: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvkgmyfMPks

Get in touch with Lee and Simon at [email protected].

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The Midlifing logo is adapted from an original image by H.L.I.T: https://www.flickr.com/photos/29311691@N05/8571921679 (CC BY 2.0)

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Lee and Simon discuss any possible plans for their funerals.

Some other details from the episode: Simon talks final season of The Crown, Imelda Staunton's performance, and the depiction of Operation London Bridge (Queen's funeral); pineapple on pizza, Simon wearing aprons, Imelda Staunton singing, 11 o'clock numbers, parking and barking, Company (the musical) and Here's to the ladies who lunch (and Elaine Stritch), Imelda Staunton singing Losing My Mind, acting through song, Staunton as Dolores Umbridge in Harry Potter, Lee's funeral full of song, funerals as dignified quiet spaces, Bob crying at inopportune moments, Simon outliving Lee, a funeral outside or in a church (because of the accoustics), Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go, Lee's brain on shuffle mode, funerals reflecting the people we were, all the people Lee has cut off, Simon's too long eulogy for his mother, the form of a funeral, a funeral like Burning Man, wrapping Lee in cling form, being buried in a big loaf, Turducken, Maniac from Flashdance and Proust.
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Related links (and necessary corrections):

• Imelda Staunton in Gypsy singing Rose's Turn: https://youtu.be/MOTHRn_o5qE
• Elaine Stritch: Here's to the ladies who lunch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slvaecBozmQ
• Imelda Staunton Losing My Mind (from Follies): https://youtu.be/7OvlKjT9D8Y 
• Maniac from Flashdance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIgJenz0ZK4

Get in touch with Lee and Simon at [email protected].

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The Midlifing logo is adapted from an original image by H.L.I.T: https://www.flickr.com/photos/29311691@N05/8571921679 (CC BY 2.0)

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Lee asks Simon if he is where thought he would be and also where we wants to be: A conversation about change, ambition, community, regret and going along for the ride.


Some other details from the episode: Tearing up over bread, Lee will be missed, vacuum cleaners, living a normal life, most car drivers being above average, David McRaney's You Are Not So Smart, what normal looked like to one's younger self, Simon meeting some people who like his bread, regret and not having a great memory, tip-toeing in the world when you are going through something, people banging on about kids (when they are not), life just happening to us, free will, the rollercoaster of life, not working on the weekends, Grotowski, Lee's Mum's spreadsheet, selling cigarettes and pornography to truck drivers, being a goldfish, Simon teaching a sourdough workshop, the pleasure of trying to get good at things, and the difference between being process and outcome oriented.

Get in touch with Lee and Simon at [email protected].

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The Midlifing logo is adapted from an original image by H.L.I.T: https://www.flickr.com/photos/29311691@N05/8571921679 (CC BY 2.0)

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Simon goes on a couple of unusual benders before he and Lee talk about trust, mistrust, getting a feeling about people, and the ways we humans function in groups.


Some other details from the episode: Crying while watching Love Actually on a long haul flight, a Melbourne billboard for erectile disfunction, folding a fitted sheet, Lee's bedding packaging, ironing, The Traitors (reality TV show), eating kangaroo bottom, Matt Hancock (former British politician), Love Island (in name only), Survivor, Big Brother, Lee's baseline venal character, triggers for not trusting, liking or connecting, Simon being less guarded around women, being bullied, learning to trust men again, Wellington College, trying to be friends with everyone, learning to flirt, the way men wield power, people who talk about themselves, Lee editing himself and audio waveforms.

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Related links (and necessary corrections):

• The Traitors: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Traitors_(British_TV_series)
• Blindspot Implicit Association Test (Harvard): https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/user/agg/blindspot/indexrk.htm 

Get in touch with Lee and Simon at [email protected].

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The Midlifing logo is adapted from an original image by H.L.I.T: https://www.flickr.com/photos/29311691@N05/8571921679 (CC BY 2.0)

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Simon comes in hot with some "content" about margarine and he and Lee discuss health stuff (again), before transitioning into body fat content and (unrelated) a discussion about making ciabatta.

Some other details from the episode:
Apologising at the beginning of something, attribution and circulation of ideas in dance, saying 'fuck' in multiple languages, margarine trigger warnings, Lee reminisces on learning how to bake, Simon's LDLs and a low saturated fat diet, the difference between statins and stents, Lee's gallbladder (and gallbladders in general), peanut butter being good for you, Lee's body signals as a guide to modifying his diet, Simon really liking butter, brussells sprouts recipes, foul-smelling green smoothies, Michael Fassbender and yoga, The Killer (film), Ben Affleck in The Accountant, George Clooney in The American, skinfolds and fatfolds, being too thin, Lee's Madonna phase, Apple's 'memories' feature, making ciabatta, and how everything on Amazon has 4.5 stars, and enshittification (Cory Doctorow).

Related links (and necessary corrections):

• How statins work: https://www.healthline.com/health/high-cholesterol/how-do-statins-work
• Health benefits of red wine: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/265635#benefits
• Measuring body fat with underwater weighing: https://www.verywellfit.com/what-is-hydrostatic-underwater-weighing-3120276
• Enshittification: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enshittification

Get in touch with Lee and Simon at [email protected].

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The Midlifing logo is adapted from an original image by H.L.I.T: https://www.flickr.com/photos/29311691@N05/8571921679 (CC BY 2.0)

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Simon and Lee discuss some health concerns, eating butter, the unrelenting depressing feeling of watching Fleishman is in Trouble, Taylor Swift's Eras film, and the trouble with boys and men.

Some other details from the episode: Follow up on Simon's PSA test, some stuff about lipids, heart disease, LDLs, a TV update (Slow Horses, Reacher, Fleishman is in Trouble, Taylor Swift's Eras film, Saltburn, The Creator), ferries vs fairies, woman vs women, spoilers for a concert film, video mapping, the end of Simon's days as a swifty, grave fucking, pearl clutching and class in the UK, CJ Cregg, John David Washington, Denzel Washington turning 70 in 2024, Of Boys and Men by Richard Reeves, Lee's knee jerk shouting, Lee being gobbed at for being queer, performing versions of masculinity, being loved by one's father, feminism and masculinity, empowerment of men and women not being a zero-sum game, and some audio feedback from a listener's child immitating Lee's German accent. 

Get in touch with Lee and Simon at [email protected].

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The Midlifing logo is adapted from an original image by H.L.I.T: https://www.flickr.com/photos/29311691@N05/8571921679 (CC BY 2.0)

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Simon and Lee start with yet more cocktail talk and then discuss their respective Christmases. They then talk about the difference between making art and play and marriage as a long-form improvisation, and PSA tests. 

Some other details from the episode: A bit about the grey wet weather in the UK; not drinking cocktails in Lisbon; what makes a cocktail a cocktail (three or more ingredients); a Negroni; Ginjinha from a chocolate cup; Aguardiente; how to pronounce modicum; cacio e pepe; Simon's cheese bread; the artisan bread world; slow cooked meat; Riverford Farm (Devon); walking in the rain; having Christmas dinner out (with a set menu); roast baby goat; being taken on a tour of the wine cellar; Bob's "Please Leave Quietly" non-website; Bob's "You can go now" cards; business cards that say "Please stop talking"; PSA tests and prostate biopsies; and erectile dysfunction. 

PS Lee's sound is a little poppy because he was recording while lying in bed a little poorly. You'll hear it perfectly when he says the word, "pop".

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Related links (and necessary corrections):

• Ginjinha portuguese liquer: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ginjinha
• Aguardiente https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aguardiente

Get in touch with Lee and Simon at [email protected].

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The Midlifing logo is adapted from an original image by H.L.I.T: https://www.flickr.com/photos/29311691@N05/8571921679 (CC BY 2.0)