I am not recovered but I AM Free.

I didn't want to change how I ate, just did not want the consequences.

I believe I was born a compulsive eater, Over or under did not matter. 

I came to OA In 2016 because I wanted a diet for free with group support. planning to leave once I got what I wanted.

I had not moral compass. The only reason I didn't steal food was because I was afraid of getting caught. 

 Food was my anesthesia for my life. 

Diets made me think had power which I did not have. I am a compulsive eater.

I had an image of how I wanted to be and I was not. That was unacceptable on so many levels.

In the disease I was overworking or unemployable. No middle ground

My home groups a 100 Pounder Meeting. 

I resonate with those at the bottom who continue to eat.

I I thought my clothes would trick you when my face didn't

I never knew what a "Normal" body size was. 

I lied to myself everyday about what I would eat.

I have been in the program for about 20 years.  however 

3 years ago I was deep into a relapse, waking up in the middle of the night sick.

The day I got abstinent the change was so dramatic it affected me negatively physically and emotionally for weeks.

One day of abstinence is a miracle. 

Abstinence is scary, joyful, amazing and everything in between.

I continue to grow and change, make mistakes, work the steps and still looking for a way around it.

A Leap of Faith

Topped out at more than 285 LBs

Kept asking myself questions about how to fix my body paired with ongoing self deprecation.

I got exhausted from malnutrition. 

I gained weight on the injection program.

I little voice reminded me I had heard of something like Overeaters Anonymous. So found it online and  went to a meeting.

At first I was drawn to the pain of others because i felt I was not alone.

I had analyzed the problem and finally heard about ' the solution' in the Big Book - The Steps. and got a sponsor.

My disease fought for its survival but I followed the direction I was given.

My leaps of faith were when I trusted what I heard could happen IF I followed the program of OA.

My body is a miracle.

My family was in the food business. I had access to all foods anytime.

I was bullied in Jr and Sr High school.

4 months before I came into OA I had a dream about my death and my daughter's pain.

I did ultra sports at 385 lbs. It allowed me to load up with food. 

Focus on recovery - loose weight. Focus on weight - loose recovery.

Bariatric rules  were similar to OA  food plan. OA was cheaper.

Got a sponsor followed direction, lost 190 lbs in 15 months.

I can play with my grandkids on the floor. . and get up on my own.

My heart function improved over 40%

I was never regular size. Over 500 lbs when I got out of high school.

Could never get under 300 before program. OK at 350. 

2019 over 500 and smoking crack.  Not a happy camper..

Sober the to OA. . Lost a bunch of weight. and then took my will back.

I was  given direction to pray which was not he kind of direction I thought I needed but I did it anyway.

My life was changing but really kicked into gear when I really did the steps with a sponsor.

I have a list of alcoholic foods I do not touch however I also have no craving.

Today I do daily program work and I get nuts if I don't.

I still get resentful I have to work a spiritual program around food. 

In program for 47.5 years.  Currently 4.5 years continuous abstinence.

Talking today about Emotional sobriety. Recovery is not just abstinence.

For 43 years I would turn it over and take it back but never left.

The steps as written in the Big Book of AA have brought me emotional sobriety.

Today I can go down any aisle in the grocery store. Previously I would avoid aisle based on who was shopping. I now experience personal neutrality.

My mother was gorgeous but had mental issues. My dad was hugely racist. My role models was badly skewed.

I had major feeling with no appropriate way to handle them. I was a mean nasty kid.

I tried everything but fit nowhere. Drugs alcohol, spiritual practices and 2 steps programs. 

I had been sober over 30 years when I was 12 stepped back into OA.

Call or text my sponsor with my food almost every day.

Today I go to 3 OA meetings a weeks ,Sponsor and stick close to my food plan.

Came in @ 280 

I have generations  before and current with compulsive behaviors. 

I had original escape mechanisms of reading and fantasizing.

In 7th grade I learned to tools of compulsive eating.

I felt I never got got Life's Rule Book until I came into program.

I began my journey of recovery- wanting a change. I did not get to OA until My way yielded a 3rd plateau.

I learned of OA but I needed AA which had stronger recovery to help me to work my OA program.

I had to completely rewire my brain, A psychic change.

I have a food plan that works for me. It has changed overtime but not by me alone.

Top weight over 400 (when I came into program)

@400 I was always hot and did not realize it had anything to do with my weight.

I used to send fake pictures of my food. No clue about rigorous honesty.

Not a fat kid but always obsessed with food. 

I always thought could stop, I just changed my mind. . daily

I same in from another program but couldn't accept food was that bad. 

I had to try every diet, every food plan thinking I could handle it, I was unique. Eventually I accepted I really needed help.

Half in sucks. Never as much as I wanted or as little as I should.

Something happened, A called my sponsor and came all in, did what he said and got a day of solid abstinence, Repeat.

I was a taker on OA. when it shifted to a giver my recovery got more solid,

I actually like people in OA, I have  friends all over the US as a result of being ALL IN and sharing it, daily.

Introduced to OA in 83 - worked well as a diet- a couple of times 

in 1999 I was over 300LBS. 

I In high school I started gaining weight and had no idea why. It went from a choice to an obsession. 

I got a sponsor who introduced e to all the tools to use for one day .

I made calls, went to meetings, did as my sponsor suggested.

Anonymity remains in the forefront of my relationships

I still have a sponsor who has a sponsor. I sponsor as well and love to do service. 

Today I have a clear food plan that works for me. 

My life is wonderful. i am married, with grand kids and full of abstinent days.

As a sponsor I can share how I live abstenentley