Mind Your Mind - Joseph Tropper

By Joseph tropper

Mind Your Mind - Joseph Tropper episodes

January 08, 2018Episode 029 - 5 Stages of Grief
Episode Notes
Grieving is a normal part of life. It’s actually not just about losing someone we love, it’s also about losing our jobs, our hopes, our dreams, and our aspirations. Today, Joseph educates us with the 5 Stages of Grieving based on Elisabeth Kubler Ross’ approach, what these stages mean, and how it affects us as individuals.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
● 00:23 – Today’s episode: 5 Stages of Grieving
● 00:28 – Joseph will expound upon Elisabeth Kubler Ross’ 5 Stages of Grief and approach
● 00:43 – Grief counselling is not just for someone who beraves death of a loved one but for people who lost jobs, hopes, and dreams
● 01:14 – Grief is a state where a person is faced with his own vulnerability
● 01:56 – Elisabeth Kubler Ross (1926-2004) is a Swiss-American psychiatrist who has a great heart and an amazing compassion to people
● 02:29 – She developed the 5 Stages to Grief model in a very compassionate and sensitive way
● 02:42 – Her book, On Death and Dying, was published in 1969
● 03:10 – With David Kessler as co-author, Elisabeth wrote, On Grief and Grieving
● 03:26 – The 5 Stages to Grief
o Denial
o Anger
o Bargaining
o Depression
o Acceptance
● 03:39 – These stages are not necessarily what people go through in order
● 04:33 – Denial is when a person still cannot believe or comprehend the fact of the loss
● 05:34 – Anger can be from regret and abandonment
● 06:09 – Bargaining comes with “if only” and “what if” thoughts
● 06:50 – Depression is NOT just about feeling sad, it’s the time when what happened sinks in to the person affected
● 07:48 – “Help is always available at any time”
● 07:59 – Acceptance means there’s already an understanding and that they’re ready to move on in life
● 08:52 – All stages of grief apply to so many parts in life
● 09:02 – The Grief Recovery Institute has a 5-step process of writing a letter
o Write a timeline of happy moments and memories
o Write a letter of what you miss and your regrets
o Write general thoughts in memories
o Say Goodbye
o Share with others when you’re ready
● 10:35 – Very often, people remember losses with sad feelings and they forget how the life and experience was lived happily
● 11:58 – Celebrate a person’s life or the happy experiences you’ve had
● 12:30 – Don’t forget to reach out if you need help
● 12:53 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes
3 Key Points:
Grief is part of every person’s life.
Remember that you don’t have to be alone in your grief, help is always available.
Understand that every person goes through grief in a different way and stage.
Resources Mentioned:
● Elisabeth Kubler Ross – Swiss-American psychiatrist who created the 5 Stages of Grief
● On Death and Dying – Elisabeth’s book
● On Grief and Grieving – Elisabeth’s co-authored book with David Kessler
● The Grief Recovery Institute – An organization with a mission to disseminate information on grief
14 min
November 20, 2017Episode 028 – 6 Ways to Give and Receive Love
Episode Notes
Summary:
Giving and receiving love requires its own set of rules. Today, Joseph opens with the principles of Gary Chapman who argues that love is communicated in different languages. One may feel love when they receive gifts. Others may need words of affirmation or physical touch. Whatever the language may be, if we aren’t approaching each other with this knowledge of what one needs to feel loved, then we may be missing the mark in our efforts to love one another. Tune-in to find out how love is communicated and how a few kind actions in our relationships can make a huge impact.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
● 00:25 – Today’s episode: 6 Ways to Give and Receive Love
● 01:17 – “Until we can receive with an open heart, we're never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.” – Brene Brown
● 01:54 – 6 Ways to Give and Receive Love
o 01:57 – Learn the Love Languages by Gary Chapman
▪ Gift giving
▪ Quality time
▪ Words of affirmation
▪ Acts of service
▪ Physical touch
o 05:01 – Explore your foundations
o 05:35 – Start expressing love slowly
o 05:53 – Be brave and vulnerable
o 06:04 – Work on your own self-love
o 06:33 – Embrace love as universal, versatile, and natural
● 07:27 – Adding sincere love in your life will change everything
● 07:40 – Try making small changes to see huge changes
● 07:44 – If you need coaching, reach out to Joseph at Mind Your Mind
● 08:23 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes
3 Key Points:
Not everyone receives love the same way—learn the love language of your cherished ones so you can communicate love in their way.
Love is a universal thing — all people have the capacity to give and receive love.
Small actions can make BIG changes.
9 min
November 06, 2017 Episode 027 – 4 Ways to Overcome Learned Helplessness
Episode Notes
Notes go here
10 min
October 30, 2017 Episode 026 – Why Steven Covey’s Seven Habits Work
Episode Notes
Notes go here
10 min
October 09, 2017Episode 025 – 5 Ways to Get Your Loved One to Seek Help
Summary:
In this episode, Joseph talks about how YOU can get your loved ones to seek help. When someone dear to us is struggling with emotional or mental issues, the family or close friends can often be the main source of support. However, being the sole support system can sometimes be very difficult—especially if the one supporting is not well-equipped or does not have their own support systems in place. Tune-in as Joseph describes 5 ways to approach a loved one that is struggling with mental illness and how you can encourage them to get the help that they need.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
● 00:23 – Today’s episode is about the ways you can get your loved one to seek help
● 00:35 – Dealing with a loved one who needs help can be exhausting
● 00:58 – Today’s quote: “Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.” – Christopher Germer
● 01:45 – Two books that are helpful: I Am Not Sick I Don’t Need Help! and You Need Help!
● 02:40 – 5 Ways to Get Your Loved One to Seek Help
o 02:43 – Do your part to improve the relationship
▪ 03:02 – Know you can never take responsibility for their problems
▪ 03:19 – You can’t change everything about you
o 04:39 – Find what motivates them
▪ 05:11 – Try to speak their language, find a common ground
o 05:33 – Don’t criticize, blame, or apologize
▪ 05:51 – Find areas that will help them understand that you care about them
▪ 06:22 – For certain mental illnesses, people have no clue what is wrong with them
o 07:07 – Find areas to agree on
▪ 07:17 – LEAP: Listen, Empathize, Agree, and Partner
o 08:06 – Get your own support
▪ 08:15 – “You can’t force your loved ones to get help”
● 09:01 – Joseph reminds people to help themselves first
● 09:20 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes
3 Key Points:
We are only able to help someone if we can help ourselves first. Remember that you have your own needs to fulfill before trying to help others.
Trying to help a loved one can be frustrating and exhausting – make sure you have your own support system.
Don’t start from a point of blame and criticism, find common ground and aim to partner with them in their journey.
Resources Mentioned:
I Am Not Sick I Don’t Need Help! How to Help Someone with Mental Illness Accept Treatment using the LEAP method: Listen, empathize, agree and partner by Dr. Xaviar Amador.
You Need Help! Step-by-step plan to convince a loved one to get counseling. Dr. Mark Komrad
10 min
September 18, 2017 Episode 024 – Anger Management 101
Summary:
In this episode, Joseph lists five practical ways we can control our anger. It is natural to feel anger in a stressful situation such as a fight with a partner or loved one. But yielding to our anger and its consequential actions rarely results in good; instead, it can perpetuate a fight and even worsen it. Tune-in as Joseph explains the five D’s that we can employ to manage our anger in those heated moments. By utilizing one of these suggestions, the hope is that we’ll be able to reach a peaceful solution rather than give way to a shouting match.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
● 00:23 – Today’s episode is about anger management
● 00:30 – Ways to deal with you and your loved ones’ anger
● 00:48 – Anger is a natural reaction which is elicited to grab other people’s attention
● 01:00 – Anger is our body armor against feelings of fear, sadness and hurt
● 01:25 – “For every minute that you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of your peace of mind”
● 01:41 – The 5 ways to control your anger:
o 02:20 – Decibel Lowering: Shouting leads to hyperarousal, and it is likely that you will be shouted back at. Lowering your decibel causes your partner to mirror you and it stops the conversation from spinning out of control
o 03:19 – Delay: Amygdala, a part of the brain that helps us experience emotions kicks in faster than our logical brain. This is a problem. Calling a timeout when you experience anger lets your logical brain take over
o 05:06 – Distract: Quarantine a sensitive issue that is likely to cause a fight and talk about it at a more appropriate time
o 06:18 – Define feelings and a solution: When angry, the reptilian brain kicks in which does not permit you to arrive at a logical solution. It is wise to clearly express your feelings and prescribe a solution instead of succumbing to anger
o 07:09 – Diffuse: Cut your losses instead of worsening a fight; instead of making angry comments which are likely to further escalate a fight, it is better to diffuse the situation
● 08:17 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes
9 min
September 11, 2017Episode 023 – Attachment: Part 2 – Adult Romantic Relationships
Summary:
In this episode, Joseph opens Part Two of our attachment series. Adult, romantic relationships are where we truly see the ways in which we attach to our partner. One who is secure in their attachments will behave differently than one who is considered to be avoidant in relationships. Joseph refers to the work, Attached, as a guide for this discussion. Tune-in to hear how the three types of attachment—secure, avoidant, and anxious—affect one’s relationships and the ways in which we can work towards healthier relationships in each of these instances.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
● 00:23 – Today’s episode is Attachment: Part 2 – Adult Romantic Relationship
● 00:35 – Check out Episode 22 for Part 1
● 00:59 – “We do as we have been done by” – John Bowlby
● 01:05 – “We learn how to treat others the way we are treated”
● 01:39 – Once we become conscious of our actions, we can make changes
● 02:02 – People who work on security in a relationship are able to make changes
● 02:24 – The book recommended as a resource for this topic: Attached
● 03:02 – Main 3 types of attachment – secure, avoidant and anxious
● 03:20 – A secure person in a relationship:
o Reliable and consistent
o Can makes decisions together with you
o Has a flexible view of the relationship
o Communicates well
o Has healthy dependency
o Relationship is not viewed as hard work
o Closeness breeds closeness
o You’re introduced to friends and family early on
o They don’t play games
o Available and doesn’t control you
● 04:13 – A person who is avoidant in a relationship:
o Sends mixed signals
o Values independence above all
o They devalue the partner
o They use distancing strategies to try to pull close
o Puts boundaries in a relationship
o Has unrealistic romantic views
o They fear being taken advantage of
o Has a rigid view of relationships
o Uncompromising
o Difficulty talking about issues
o 4 things that are common: not ready to commit, not pursuing the relationship, phantom x, there is someone called “the one” and you’re not it
● 06:08 – An anxious person in a relationship:
o Craves closeness
o Expresses fear of rejection
o Unhappy when not in a relationship
o Expects their partner to guess and know what they want
o They act out
o Makes things about themselves and the relationship
o Lets you set the tone
o They are preoccupied
o Afraid small things might ruin the relationship
o They are suspicious and distrustful
● 07:24 – 50% of people are secure, 25% are avoidant, 20% are anxious and 5% are mixed
● 08:18 – The most common relationship dynamic: an anxious person marrying an avoidant
● 08:29 – Many secure people marry other secures
● 09:32 – Avoidant vs Anxious dynamic has a big spectrum of dysfunctional situations
● 09:44 – When one partner realizes the pattern, they shift the entire relationship
● 10:23 – Advice on the avoidant type:
o Show more concern
o Focus on the problem at hand
o Don’t generalize the conflict
o Be willing to engage
o Communicate feelings and needs
● 11:13 – Advice on the anxious type:
o Wear your heart
o Focus on your needs
o Be specific
o Don’t blame
o Be assertive and non-apologetic in a healthy way
● 12:12 – There is a tremendous amount of work that can be done in your relationships
● 12:29 – Do the research, understand how you and your partner behave, and make the change
● 12:59 – Joseph shares about a patient who wanted to leave her spouse
● 13:37 – Life gives us experiences and it teaches us so many things
● 13:41 – Learn from your past and present for your future
● 14:11 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
The way we treat others can be indicative of the way we have been treated.
Be aware of you and your partner’s tendencies, so you can make changes for the health of your relationship.
It’s always best to meet your partner halfway; each one needs to do their part.
Resources Mentioned:
● Attached – Book Joseph highly recommends on the topic of attachment
15 min
August 28, 2017Episode 022 – Attachment Part 1: Childhood and Personality
Summary:
In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Joseph opens Part 1 of the attachment series. He takes us to the beginning—our childhood—and explains how our early experiences with our caregivers dictate the ways in which we attach. Joseph draws on the resource, Attached, to provide a basis of understanding for today’s topic. Listen as Joseph explains the causes for attachment development, the 4 types of attachment, and a breakdown of the 4 types of attachment using children’s reactions to stress as an example.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
● 00:23 – Today’s episode is Part 1 of an attachment series
● 00:35 – Part 1 will be about childhood and personality; Part 2 is about adult, romantic relationships
● 01:04 – To Joseph, all people are on a spectrum in regards to the different types of attachment they can experience
● 01:29 – Most of the material that will be quoted in the podcast will come from the book, Attached
● 02:07 – There are 3 causes for attachment development:
o 02:12 – Predisposition
o 02:33 – Primary caregiver
o 02:43 – Life experience
● 02:46 – Attached states that it takes about 4 years to change one’s attachment style, but research proves it can change in a lot less time than that
● 03:32 – 4 Types of Attachment:
o 03:36 – Secure
o 03:43 – Anxious/preoccupied
o 03:49 – Avoidant/dismissive
o 03:52 – Anxious-avoidant combined
● 04:12 – “What cannot be communicated to the mother cannot be communicated to the self.” – John Bowlby
● 04:23 – Through research, we observe how children react with their caregiver
o 04:53 – The secure child gets upset, wails, but does well to calm herself
o 05:23 – The anxious-preoccupied child will show tremendous distress, protest and will get angry
o 05:58 – The avoidant-dismissive child will ignore mom on the outside, but on the inside he still feels extreme levels of distress
o 07:06 – If you have secure parents, you will develop into a more secure person
o 07:39 – Our personality develops in this childhood stage
● 08:34 – How your personality develops manifests in how you get attached to things
● 09:11 – Don’t put yourself in a box, instead look at the patterns!
● 09:36 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
One’s attachment is expressed on a spectrum—there are different types of attachment one may identify with.
It takes time for people to change their attachment styles, but each person is capable of changing.
Our personality developed as a child; we learn how to attach from our early experiences with our caregivers.
Resources Mentioned:
● Attached – Book about attachment that Joseph highly recommends
10 min
August 21, 2017Episode 021- Self-parenting in 4 Steps
Summary:
In this episode, Joseph breaks down self-parenting into 4 steps. Nobody is perfect in this world; in fact, we are all flawed and our parents are no exception to this rule. So what do we make of the hurt and pain that was caused by our parents? Moreover, how can we learn to self-parent ourselves and fill in the gaps from our childhood? Tune-in to hear the 4 steps of self-parenting that are essential to our well-being. Joseph will explain why we need to love ourselves, the importance of setting up healthy boundaries in relationships and the value of self-reflection and more when it comes to parenting ourselves.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
● 00:22 – Today’s episode is about Self-Parenting in 4 Steps
● 00:47 – Learning to self-parent is an essential quality all people must learn
● 01:26 – “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men” – Frederick Douglass
● 02:06 – In an evolutionary psychology perspective, emotional self-care takes place through different processes
● 02:55 – Our vulnerability (especially as children) opens up room for hurt and mistakes from parents
● 03:30 – As we go through the list, look at your own life
● 03:49 – Step #1: Self-Love
o 04:13 – Someone with no self-esteem is easily swayed to think of themselves as failures
o 04:41 – Love yourself for who you are
o 05:01 – Appreciate who you are
● 05:15 – Step #2: Healthy Boundaries
o 05:20 – Some boundaries parents set are either too heavy or too soft
o 05:59 – How do you interact with others?
o 06:34 – Relationship dynamics are all about boundaries
o 07:28 – Have a healthy boundary on give-and-take
● 07:42 – Step #3: Self-Reflection
o 07:59 – Sometimes people do things without thinking
o 08:20 – Parents with severe blind spots is very tricky for a child
o 09:14 – Self-reflection means being aware of your own blind spots
● 09:45 – Step #4: Self-Soothing and Self-Regulation
o 09:58 – “We need to learn to take responsibility for our behaviors”
● 10:55 – The most functional homes still have missing pieces
● 11:34 – You don’t have to keep falling off track
● 11:40 – Be your own parent by self-parenting
● 11:46 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes
3 Key Points:
Our parents are not perfect and neither are we – being hurt by our caregivers is an inevitable part of our human experience.
Creating healthy boundaries with others is one way we take care of ourselves.
You don’t have to rely on parents OR our past to dictate how we respond to life—you can self-parent yourself.
13 min
August 14, 2017Episode 020 – 4 Denials That Can Ruin Your Life
Summary:
Are you ever hard on yourself? Do you have a tendency to blame yourself for things that are—quite literally—beyond your control? Well, you’re not alone. Lots of people are guilty of being overly critical of themselves. But for you—not anymore. In this episode, Joseph highlights the four most common denials and self-criticisms that, if left unchecked, can ruin your life. Listen to learn how you can keep these four psychological toxins from poisoning the well of your mind.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
● 00:22 – Today’s episode is about the 4 denials that can ruin your life
● 00:37 – Humans are the only creatures that can engage in harsh introspection
o 01:17 – "You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time." – Abraham Lincoln
o 01:27 – “You can’t fool yourself all the time” – Joseph Tropper
● 02:07 – The bigger you are as a person, the bigger your blind spot
● 02:33 – As a training therapist, Joseph found it helpful to record (with patient consent) sessions so he could go over the sessions repeatedly and assess himself
● 03:29 – 4 Denials We Live with:
o 03:39 – Denial of our abilities
▪ 04:01 – People are good at things because they practice
▪ 05:03 – We deny our own abilities
▪ 05:27 – Ask yourself what your abilities really are
o 05:59 – The look-at-yourself-first approach
▪ 06:30 – Look at yourself first before blaming anyone else
o 06:43 – Denial of the self – we are not aware of our own needs
▪ 07:13 – “There’s this general understanding that the more of a martyr you are, the more you give of yourself and don’t take, the better the parent you are”
▪ 07:22 – You need to take care of yourself and teach your kids to do the same
o 07:40 – Denial of the spirit
▪ 08:08 – If you’re part of a religious group, embrace the spiritual connection
● 09:09 – Ask yourself questions and look at yourself
● 09:28 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes
3 Key Points:
You can fool yourself all the time – but deep down you usually really know what the truth is.
You weren’t made to be martyr—learn to take care of yourself.
More often than not, it’s not that you don’t have the ability, it’s that you haven’t practiced enough.
10 min

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