What Can I Control? – Focusing on What Is in Your Hands
Helping children understand the difference between things they can influence and things they cannot control, and showing them how focusing on one helpful action can make worries about uncertainty feel more manageable.
In this episode of Mindful Moments with Miss Harrison’s Understanding Worry series, children explore a powerful question they can ask whenever worry appears: “What can I control?”
Children learn that worry often grows because we want to know exactly what is going to happen. But there are many things we simply cannot control—the weather, what other people think or feel, what has already happened, or exactly what tomorrow will bring. At the same time, there are things that remain in our hands: how we prepare, what we say, whether we ask for help, how we respond to mistakes, and what small step we choose next.
Through Theo’s story, children see this distinction in action. Theo’s school football team has reached the final, but instead of feeling excited, he becomes caught up worrying about whether the other team will be better, whether it will rain, whether he will miss a goal, and whether his team will lose. His coach helps him sort these worries by asking which of them he can actually control. Theo realises that he cannot control the weather, the other team, or the final score—but he can practise, listen to his teammates, try his best, and keep going if he makes a mistake.
The episode introduces children to the idea of sorting worries into “in my hands” and “out of my hands.” When something is within their control, they can choose a helpful action. When it isn’t, they can practise acknowledging it and allowing that worry to rest.
Most importantly, children are encouraged to move away from trying to control an entire uncertain situation and towards a smaller, more manageable question:
“What is one thing I can do right now?”
What children will learn in this episode:
- Why uncertainty can sometimes make worry grow
- The difference between things they can and cannot control
- Why other people’s choices, the weather and future outcomes aren’t in their hands
- How their preparation, words, actions and responses can be within their control
- How to sort worries into “in my hands” and “out of my hands”
- Why choosing one helpful next step can make a worry feel more manageable
Emotional Skills from Miss Harrison:
Ask: “Is this in my hands?”
When worry appears, pause and decide whether it is something you can actually influence or change.
Focus on what you can do
You might be able to practise, prepare, ask for help, take a breath, speak kindly or tell someone how you feel.
Let what isn’t yours to control rest
When something is out of your hands, remind yourself: “This isn’t mine to control.” You don’t need to solve everything.
Choose one small next step
Instead of trying to control the whole situation, ask: “What is one thing I can do right now?”
These skills help children develop perspective, emotional regulation, problem-solving, resilience and a healthier response to uncertainty.
Mindful Moment Challenge:
This week, whenever a worry appears, ask:
“Is this in my hands or out of my hands?”
If it is in your hands, choose one small, helpful action you can take.
If it is out of your hands, take a slow breath and practise saying:
“I can let this one go for now.”
Then gently bring your attention back to what you can do.
Perfect for:
- Primary school-aged children learning how to manage uncertainty and worry
- Classrooms exploring PSHE, emotional literacy, resilience and problem-solving
- Families helping children distinguish between helpful action and worrying about things beyond their control
- Teachers and pastoral leaders supporting children who worry about future outcomes
- Children developing perspective, coping strategies and emotional regulation
Quote of the Week:
“You can’t control everything that happens, but you can choose your next small step.”
#MindfulMoments #UnderstandingWorry #WhatCanIControl #CircleOfControl #WorriedThoughts #EmotionalWellbeing #ChildrensMentalHealth #PrimaryPSHE #SocialEmotionalLearning #MindfulnessForChildren #EmotionalRegulation #Resilience #WellbeingInSchools
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