By Jan Zands & Monika Zands
The podcast currently has 66 episodes available.
In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions:
“I’m planning the wedding of my dreams with the man of my dreams. Our visions are very different. I want a big wedding and he wants a small one. It’s CHAOS. What should we do?”
In this Episode, Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Vivienne on how to compromise when it comes to Wedding Planning.
Key Takeaways:
[0:48] First of all lose the word “Chaos.” If that’s how you’re describing it, then guess what it’s going to be? Chaotic. You are creating a new family with the man of your dreams, look at it as a beautiful opportunity to find a way to find a common ground.
[1:35] Use this as a chance to talk things out. Getting through this ‘Chaotic’ time can set you up powerfully for the rest of your lives.
[3:15] Shift your chaos into opportunity, into loving and growing and learning. Learn new things about your partner. Have compassion for yourself and your partner so you can learn to navigate things now and have the tools when other issues come up later.
In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions:
“I keep taking everything that everyone around me is saying personally. What in the world do I do?”
In this Episode, Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Deborah on how she can stop taking everything personally.
Key Takeaways:
[1:07] Often when people take things personally they take things that are neutral and add so much meaning to it and make it all about themselves. Whatever it is that you are feeling if it's ‘not worthy’ or ‘not enough’--then that’s what you are going to hear in whatever anyone else says to you.
[2:15] People’s opinions can reflect judgments we have placed on ourselves. Read the “Four Agreements” “Your Opinion of Me is None of My Business,” and really start to put these new tools into effect.
[3:45] Practice Compassionate Self-Forgiveness. We are so quick to forgive others and we often have trouble forgiving ourselves. Forgive yourself for judging yourself and for taking other’s judgments personally. You are doing your very best and you should give yourself credit for embarking on this personal development journey.
In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions:
“Can I Venmo the guy I’ve been seeing for the past few months a few bucks while he is on vacation, to buy himself a drink, to show him that I’m thinking of him...or is that really creepy?”
In this Episode, Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Jill on if she should surprise her new beau?
Key Takeaways:
[1:00] Nice is what causes people to feel important, connected and valued. Go ahead and do it! -Monika
[2:07] The reason you got the idea to do this, is probably because you would love it if someone did that for you. It’s probably your love language. If your heart tells you that you are just being nice, then go with your gut and trust your instincts!
[3:00] If it isn’t received well, then maybe it’s a sign that he just isn’t a good fit for you or maybe you just need to figure out what his love language is.
In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions:
“I’m in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend who I have known since middle school. I always thought he was the one, but I am developing feelings for someone new. What should I do?”
In this Episode, Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Jenny on what to do about her Long Distance Relationship and newfound feelings for another guy.
Key Takeaways:
[1:00] Sounds like you are being very smart about assessing the situation. We are attracted to qualities within people and it makes sense that you might be attracted to different things.
[2:15] Your 20’s are a time to develop your values, and take time to explore what you want and what you need out of a relationship. So do just that!
[3:00] The outerwork is to have conversations with your boyfriend and potentially this new guy to really be honest in every area of your life. Evaluate what lesson you may be able to learn from this. When you take that perspective it can really shift your mindset to see the gift and the silver lining in what is happening in your life.
In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions:
“My new girlfriend and I have been together for a few months. She’s already talking marriage and kids and I want more time to focus on my career before settling down. We have reached an impasse. She asked if I would be interested in an open relationship. I said yes and now she’s sad. What do I do?”
In this Episode, Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Freddy on his relationship issue.
Key Takeaways:
[0:30] Timeline is such a personal thing. I would never want to be influenced by someone else’s timeline. They are allowed to have their own views but they shouldn’t push their agenda on you.
[2:00] Relationships are all about choice. If you aren’t choosing powerfully and just trying to please your partner then it could lead to resentment down the road.
[3:15] Figure out if your hearts and desires are in alignment. Have a conversation and try to find a middle ground--or decide to end the relationship for now. If it’s meant to be, it will be.
In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions:
“I was having lunch the other day with a potential employer and my Boyfriend saw me, thought I was cheating, and blocked me on all social media and text messaging.”
In this Episode, Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Margo on what to do about her suspicious boyfriend.
Key Takeaways:
[0:30] Consider the inner work. Ask yourself, “Why am I attracting a person who responds in this way?” and what is the inner work you need to do to heal this.
[2:15] The outer work is to connect with your Boyfriend. Ask him questions like “What made you assume I was cheating on you?” Uncover issues in the past that may have contributed to this.
[3:15] What is this situation trying to teach you? Outer realities are reflections of our inner experiences. So see if this situation is reflecting something within yourself that you need to come to terms with.
In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions:
“I just reconnected with my ex-girlfriend and we decided to be friends again. I still have feelings for her but I don’t want to ruin the new friendship. What should I do?”
In this Episode, Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Greg about how to navigate his new friendship with his ex-girlfriend.
Key Takeaways:
[0:30] Let your friendship strengthen before sharing your thoughts and feelings.
[1:30] There may be inner work you need to do to complete the old relationship. Forgive yourself, love yourself and come to terms with things from the past and see how the friendship grows and evolves naturally.
[3:30] Why did the relationship end in the first place? It will be helpful to review this in a loving neutral way together. When you clean up the past and close one chapter, you allow for a whole new chapter to open.
[4:15] Get clear on what’s in your heart. Get comfortable in the friend one and see where things go.
In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions:
“My boyfriend has a new habit of talking dirty in bed. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't know what to do. Thoughts?”
In this Episode, Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Shelley on what to do about her boyfriend’s new habit in the bedroom.
Key Takeaways:
[0:30] Try reading some books about dirty talk. Explore from a safe and logical perspective
[1:30] Take some time to discover what exactly is making you uncomfortable in the first place.
[1:45] Have a conversation from a place of love where you discuss how you would prefer to be talked to in bed.
[2:10] Do your research, take some time to discover the source of upset, and come to new agreements with your partner.
In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions:
“My Girlfriend is still wearing her old wedding ring. What do I do?”
In this Episode, Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Elijah on what to do about his girlfriend wearing a wedding ring from her past.
Key Takeaways:
[1:00] In the physical sense, it’s just a ring. We can attach whatever significance we want to it. You can make it to mean that she still loves him. Or she loves big diamonds. You are the one who attaches the meaning.
[1:30] You can pay attention to how she is responding to your discomfort. It would be loving if she acknowledged the fact it was upsetting you and in a loving relationship it always helps to talk things out and get to the bottom of why you are feeling the way you are feeling.
[4:00] Ask yourself, why is this upsetting and triggering me? Then have a conversation that allows the two of you to come to some new agreements that put both of you at ease.
[3:10] Practice having a loving conversation where you are sharing feelings and having them heard and acknowledged.
In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions:
“My Girlfriend wants all my social media passwords, do I give them to her?”
In this Episode, Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Marvin on whether or not to share his passwords with his Girlfriend.
Key Takeaways:
[0:30] Why don’t you want to share them? Do you have something to hide? If you are in a loving relationship you shouldn’t have anything to hide. You may wish to have a conversation with yourself and figure out why you are hiding something from your girlfriend in the first place.
[1:20] Why is she asking you? If it’s because she is fear based and doesn’t trust you, then that isn’t good. You are allowed to have your own life. The other person doesn’t need to know EVERYTHING about you.
[2:10] Don’t lose your autonomy and individuality. Every relationship is made of YOU, THEM and the RELATIONSHIP. You are still you no matter what and if you do lose yourself in the relationship, it will become very hard for you to show up as yourself.
[3:40] Is her request coming from a loving place or is it revealing bigger issues within the relationship? This is a beautiful opportunity for an open and loving conversation.
The podcast currently has 66 episodes available.