In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions:

"Easter is a big Holiday for my family, we all get together and celebrate. My partner does the same thing with his family. How do we choose where to go on Easter morning?"

In this Episode, Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise viewer Liza on how to decide where to spend the Holidays with her family or her boyfriend's. 

Key Takeaways:

[0:25] Most couples have a trade on-and trade off system. You can do Easter morning with one family and Easter afternoon with another.  However if there is travel involved then you can attend one family's one year and the other family's the next year. 

[0:46] It's a big opportunity for communication!  Each partner can state what they want. Which partner's family is the holiday most important to? Who will be the most offended if you don't attend their gathering? This is a great opportunity for you as a couple to deal with family and compromise, which are two huge hurdles that you get to overcome together!

[1:55 ] In The Four Agreements, it talks about "Not taking things personally and not making assumptions"  Instead of making an assumption, try calling the family members involved, let them know about the conflict and see if it would be okay if you were a few hours late to the gathering or what concession you could make in order to please all parties.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions:

"My Boyfriend is always trying to fix all my problems and I don't want him to. What do I do?"

In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise viewer Heather on her frustration with her boyfriend who is always trying to "Fix" her.

Key Takeaways:

[0:30] Is there a way that you can hear that everytime he gives you advice that all he is trying to do is love you?  Try to imagine that every time he tries to help or fix you that he is saying "I love you!" 

[1:32] If you are sensitive to criticism and take it personally every time someone tries to help or 'fix' you, it's likely that when you were growing up you were used to hearing a similar voice from your parents or loved ones. They may have always been trying to tell you how to live your life or control you. So pay attention to the fact that you are listening from a certain lens, and try to realize that all he is trying to do is love you. 

[2:20 ] Let him know how you are feeling. Tell him that when he is always trying to fix things for you that you appreciate it, but that it's not what you're asking for.  Then go ahead and let him know what it is you are asking for.  It's likely that you just want to be heard, understood or comforted--so try to explain this to him. 

[3:25] It's also important to look at assumptions. We don't want to make assumptions that people are broken.  Just because someone presented you with a problem they are having, doesn't mean they want help fixing it.  They may just want to be heard and feel understood. Take it as a compliment that they thought you were a safe space to share this and try to respond as a mirror and with empathy.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions:

"My Girlfriend and I just moved in together. I am a night owl and she is an early bird and  it's just not working. Help!"

In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise viewer Brian on what to do about him and his girlfriend's differing morning and nightly routines.  Spoiler Alert: DO NOT try to change the other person's schedule. 

Key Takeaways:

[0:30] At the very beginning of our relationship, we went through the same thing as well! Monika is an early riser and Jan is a night owl. So at the beginning Monika would try to MAKE him into an early riser or shame him for being a night owl.  This will not work!

[1:02] Forcing someone to be someone they are not in a relationship simply does not work at all and will only end up putting a strain on the relationship. 

[1:30 ] Ask yourself, where am I putting my energy and focus? Why am I choosing to let this upset me? And Start to look for the things that make your differences beneficial.  Does waking up early allow her to get more things done in the day so that she is more present and available later in the day with you? Whatever it is, try to find the silver lining.

[1:45] I don't like using the labels Night Owl and Early Bird. Labels are like tattoos, they are permanent. If you come into a relationship saying "I am this way and I will never change and she is that way and she will never change"  This doesn't allow the relationship for growth.

[2:30] Look at the situation and ask yourself what can we do to find harmony in our relationship?  You can have a clarifying conversation and both of you can share what you would like to have happen and what you can do differently so make the relationship work. Can she go to bed a little later, can you wake up a little earlier? It's all about compromise! 

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions:

"I'm in a relationship with my dream guy in Los Angeles but I just got a  dream job offer in New York. He doesn't want to go. What should I do?"

In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise viewer Julie on how to choose between her dream guy or dream job.

Key Takeaways:

[0:10] Monika thinks Julie should stay with the dream guy. To her a dream job comes and goes, our skills and interests shift and change, but true love lasts. So if you think you found the one, stay for it and go all in!

[1:04] If he really is your DREAM guy, maybe there are some more conversations you can have about New York in the future and who knows maybe he will change his mind after all!

[1:30 ] If you do choose the dream guy and turn down your dream job, you could be opening yourself up for resentment later.  You don't want to be kicking yourself down the line and end up blaming him because you wish you had taken that dream opportunity but you stayed in LA just for him. Make sure you choose powerfully.

[1:45] Own your decision either way. Follow your heart and do what feels right to you. 

[1:55] A lot of times these scenarios come into our life as a "test", this could be a test to see how serious you are about this relationship and about this guy. What would the dream job say about you being bi-coastal, maybe you could work something out so you could find the best of both worlds.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions:

"As a couple who has been together 10+ years, how do you navigate arguments?"

In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise our viewers on how they themselves navigate arguments with some real life examples!

Key Takeaways:

[1:00] One of the best things to do is to acknowledge and have awareness that you are in a disagreement. So many of our arguments are just us trying to get our partner to see our point of view and be heard and validated. 

[1:40] STOP. Acknowledge that you are in a disagreement by stating it out loud and try your best to resolve it so you can go back to discussing whatever it was before the disagreement disrupted you. 

[2:00 ] Take inventory of where you are right now,  if you can, try to jump into their space and see their point of view as well. It can be helpful to take a step back, be the bigger person and see where they are coming from. 

[3:00] Stop the argument and hear your partner out. Reflect back to your partner, their thoughts and feelings.  When you reflect back it allows them to breathe and they are able to move easier through their emotional upset. 

[4:00] The ability to pause, will allow you to each share your thoughts and feelings, reflect them back to each other and find the space to take the next steps towards resolving it. 

[5:20] Know that you both have a desire to work it out. You both want to win, but you both want the other person to win as well. Being in a loving relationship means you always want the other person to win.  If you are in alignment it's more likely that you will be able to create the outcome you want in love and life.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions:

"I participated in a threesome with my boyfriend. When I woke up they were continuing last night's activities.  What do I do?"

In this Episode, Relationship experts, Jan and Monika advise our viewer Missy on a dilemma regarding a threesome gone wrong and boundaries within the relationship. 

Key Takeaways:

[0:30] When you enter into a Threesome, all of a sudden the boundaries are different  than a twosome...the monogamy, the commitment and the structure of the relationship changes. 

[0:40] Talk to you boyfriend, is he fulfilled in the relationship? Was a threesome just an excuse for wanting to be with another woman? Does he want an open relationship?  Then you can make a powerful choice inside yourself, what are you values and will you stand for. Clear communication is everything. 

[1:30 ] Anything in relationships can be navigated as long as you communicate clearly.  When you open up the door to the extra person in your bed, you open the door to a lot of other potential problems. Since you probably didn't make an agreement beforehand about whether activities could be continued in the morning--it may have just been a miscommunication. This all can be solved with a clarifying communication where you state where you stand on things and listen to their side as well. 

[3:10] Make sure to take care of yourself, love yourself and forgive yourself for any of the choices you have made. Don't beat yourself up over it.  These are all learning experiences.

Have you ever had feelings of unworthiness? Has it ever held you back on some aspects of your life like your job and your relationships with other people?

On this episode of Shift Your Perspective, Life Coaches Jan and Monika help Matt get through his feelings of unworthiness, and help him realize his worth by identifying situations when he hears the voice that's telling him he is not enough. Jump into this beautiful podcast as we dive into Matt's childhood where he first encountered feelings of unworthiness from none other than his mother. Listen as to how Jan and Monika shift Matt's perspective on his coping mechanisms and help him discover how strong and valuable he is from within through compassionate self-forgiveness. By shifting his perspective, Matt can now go through his life with positive thoughts and self-affirmation.

Is it possible for you to improve the quality of your work and life by changing the way you see past experiences? On this episode of Shift Your Perspective, Jan and Monika help a hardworking businesswoman, Jenny, identify the thoughts and limiting beliefs that have been getting in her way of a promotion or increased income. Listen as to how the conversation digs deep into Jenny's childhood and how it has affected her way of thinking. By helping Jenny shift her perspective, she realizes that everything that happens in your life does not have to define the way you are for the rest of your life. And by shifting your perspective, it can make all the difference.

In this Episode of Shift Your Perspective, Jessi tries to find a way to co-parent with her Ex in a loving way...even though she still feels so much hurt and anger towards him from their past relationship. 

The intention of this meditation is to acknowledge that you are lovable and that life loves you. Open your eyes and your heart to see all the ways that life is loving you, keeping you safe, supporting your growth, and guiding your journey.