It’s All A Mess (And No Thing Will Fix It!)

I was talking with someone the other day and they were expressing a lot of sadness, anger and frustration at the state of their life. Nearly everyone of us has felt at some point that nothing was right and nothing would fix it.

And you know what, they were right? No-thing would fix it. No one thing is going to fix everything. To take an extreme example, there’s early evidence that psilocybin or psychedelics have a massive impact on PTSD, treatment resistant depression, addiction and anxiety. BUT even a single session which has the perfect combo of set, setting and dose needs follow up counselling to properly integrate the experience.

That’s a very intense example. The point I’m trying to make is that looking and hoping for one single fix ranges from ineffective to harmful. Taking small steps, which over time compound, is how we bring about change and fix everything.

And yes it costs us mental energy to do this as sometimes life can feel so overwhelming and we’re already stretched too thin. This is where being kind to yourself in terms of the expectations you set and/or the help you request will make a difference. Because then you’ll continue to focus on the small, tiny, almost inconsequential steps (and not keeping looking at the scoreboard) for long enough to make a difference to your life.

www.thementalhealthplan.com

https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Mindset Monday - What Can You Say No To?

Every Mindset Monday is designed to take the lessons you’ve learnt so far and put them into immediate action. The action could reap immediate returns or they could be slow burners that improve your life incrementally over time.

This week we’re going to ask ourselves “What can I say ‘no’ to this week?” Take a minute to get calm and clear and then write down your answer.

It could be saying ‘no’ to negative self talk, ‘no’ to excuses about why you can’t make time for yourself or why you can’t go after what you want. It could be ‘no’ to obligations and engagements that don’t align with your values or mission. Or it could be as simple as ‘no’ to that cookie or Netflix binge when you want to eat healthier and read more.

Saying ‘no’ to what you don’t want frees up your time and energy to saying ‘yes’ to what you do want and what gives your life meaning and enjoyment.

Let me know how you get on 😊

www.thementalhealthplan.com

https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

You’re not broken. You’re not wounded.

Language is important, particularly in the language we used to describe ourselves. I’d like if anyone has used the terms “broken” or “wounded” to describe their trauma to listen to this:

You’re not broken. You’re not wounded.

Saying so implies all of you is broken or wounded. And if so, you’re incomplete, and it’s not too far of a step then to think you’re not worthy or enough.

You may have wounds, or emotional scar tissue. But that doesn’t mean you’re entirely broken or incomplete. Having scars, or flaws, or areas you’re working to improve doesn’t diminish your value. In fact recognising them means you’re willing to consciously acknowledge all the parts that make you you, and that’s admirable.

If this has been a way you’ve talked to yourself or described yourself, I’d urge you to try a new way and see how it improves your identity and self acceptance.

How Clarity Helps Your Communication and Relationships

So much of our happiness (and frustrations!) come from the people in our lives. Therefore it makes sense that we should invest time in developing our relationships. Most of us don’t do this in any deliberate fashion, and run the risk of miscommunication, misunderstanding and all that comes with it.

Think of this: If you’re a mess in your head, and try to communicate in a messy way with someone else who may also be unclear in their head, you’re not set up for success.

Hence it’s so important we get calm, clear and comfortable in ourselves before we engage in any important dialogue.

Clarity allows us to articulate specifically what our concerns are, what are needs and desires are, and what our boundaries are. When we’re clear we’re more likely to communicate in a way that invokes empathy, rather than resentment or defensiveness.

When you’re calmer, you’re less likely to react. It’s easier then to be curious about what the other person means. You’re better able to listen rather than having your ego preparing it’s defence or prepared remarks!

None of this is manipulation. Manipulation is born out of scarcity and greed, and also out of the belief that others are wholly responsible for what you want. They’re holding what you need and it needs to be taken from them. It’s zero-sum game thinking.

In fact, when we’re calm and clear we’re much more likely to look for and find a strategy that allows everyone’s needs to be met.

I said it’s important to get your mind and feelings clear before interaction, when in reality it’s a continuous back and forth. You gain a little understanding of yourself, then through calm interaction gain and understanding of the other and the relationship. Then you’re back to understanding how this changes your thoughts and feelings, and so on.

https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Another Reason Why You’ll Quit Taking Care of Your Mind

The starting point for improving your mindset and mental well-being is to spend some quiet time daily. This allows you to gain clarity on what thoughts and feelings you’re having. Many of these are just running on autopilot in the background.

What often happens is you start to notice a lot of your patterns of thought - the stories your brain creates to make sense of the data it observes - maybe aren’t that helpful, healthy or useful.

https://thementalhealthplan.com/another-reason-why-youll-quit-taking-care-of-your-mind/

https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Why you should mind yourself at the start of your day

I recommend you take care of your mind at the start of the day. If not, it becomes just another thing you need to tick off on your task list. If it’s something you fit in around everything else it can be a source of stress, and a speed bump to your momentum during the day. You’ll try get through it so you can get on with it.

Amazingly, this doesn’t lead to all the benefits we talk about!

When we take time for our mind at the start of the day, it puts us in control of our mood and mental energy. We’re less reactive to things because we’ve built that buffer of calmness and clarity in our mind. We know what’s important, where our focus needs to go, and we also have the assurance that no mater what comes up we’ve invested in our mental health.

To make this morning ritual easier to embed, I always recommend tying it to a habit you already have. Taking a minute with your morning cup of coffee is my favourite. Chances are you’re on your phone, so it’s only takes a second to set your timer for one minute and afterward note what you’re grateful for and what your intentions for the day.

You deserve the time to set yourself up for success each day. Done right this small investment pays off many times over for you.

https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

You Need Both

There’s many mentors and success gurus, executive coaches, strategist, etc, that will tell you that when you achieve X then you’ll be happy. On the other side there’s plenty that will tell you that you need to achieve inner peace or self love before you can set out to achieve your external goals.

In reality, we need both. It’s not an either/or proposition.

Exercise can boost your mood and help you feel better. But exercise can be an escape from your worries and over indulgence is just as big a problem. Money shortages causes a lot of stress. But money isn’t going to solve ALL your problems. There’s plenty of wealthy and dissatisfied people too.

Done right, mastery of your outer world and mastery of self is complimentary and a virtuous cycle. One without the other is insufficient. There’s no point being outwardly successful but inwardly distraught. And it’s just as hollow working on pure inner peace without interacting the world and making your impression on it.

And they should be worked on together. You don’t need to get your head perfect before you move in the world, and you don’t need to solve all your other problems before you turn inward. Each day make sure both pieces improve and build on each other.

https://thementalhealthplan.com/you-need-both/

https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

This week’s Mindset Monday is to set your long term priorities and then ensure your calendar and actions reflect these in your day to day life.

We all fall prey to the “have to’s” of life, emergencies that pop up, people that need our time, urgent tasks etc. I regularly need to audit my time to make sure what I’m doing is in line with my values and priorities and not just saying yes to the loud demands. Without doing this, we can feel frustrated and unfulfilled when we look back on our weeks, months, or years.

https://thementalhealthplan.com/mindset-monday-whats-the-long-term-priority/

https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Mindset isn’t a tablet, it’s a vitamin

A lot of the time people treat mindset work like a tablet - to be taken to alleviate symptoms when you’re not well. Then once you’re through the shaky patch, to be discontinued until you need it again.

Mindset is one of the five pillars of health, alongside sleep, nutrition, movement and relationships. And just like all the other aspects, it needs consistency above all else.

We all shy away from preventative work because the urgency isn’t there to solve any obvious problem. Then when problems come along we wished we’d prepared better for it.

Treat Mindset work like your vitamins - another part of your daily ritual to maintain and build your health. When you apply a little bit each day to improve your thinking and your mood you’ll have the necessary mental reserves to cope when life throws challenges at you.

https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18248924&appointmentType=11286512

Caught Up In The Panic-Slump Cycle?

The Panic-Slump cycle is getting an adrenaline high from solving an emergency or drama followed by a low.

Now maybe your adrenaline high doesn’t feel good. You’re capable of springing into action when things need to be solved - you’re great in a crisis.

It takes its toll on you. Maybe it’s not immediate but you feel like you can’t focus on growth while putting out fires or dealing with others issues. Or you stop exercising, sleeping or eating right while in solve everything mode.

On top of this many of us who go through these cycles feel like if we didn’t do it nobody would. So we’re not taking care of everything out of choice, but out of obligation. We’re taking care of everything and everyone, except ourselves.

The cycle is addictive. Our brains can actually get addicted to the adrenaline and the dopamine (when we solve the problem). Like any addiction, it can bubble away below the surface and cause unseen damage. Sometimes the damage is a drag on your productivity, sometimes it’s as severe as to ultimately lead to a heart attack.

But you can step off the rollercoaster of emergency. If it sounds like something you experience and want to talk about it, just reach out and we’ll explore what strategy works best for you.