We (even the notion!) compare Miranda to Tori from MAFS, while instituting a system to spot the recycling of jokes.

Graham listens to a lot of podcasts where people who like things spend an awful lot of time sighing heavily about them, and attempt not to fall prey to it ourselves as the slightly lesser final series begins.

You can depend on us, Queen Kong! Fruit Friends are forever. Not literally of course.

What better time than the midst of summer for a Christmas episode! At least there's no black ice around to worry about

We ponder whether a perfect Christmas is even possible (nope, it isn't - sorry to spoiler) and celebrate an episode that's generally well worth getting festive about, while going more off topic than ever.

Miranda has sent only one text to the Fruit Friends group chat this week:

"Stuck with mum. Hell on Earth. Prepare many drinks"

Unfortunately she's receiving all of the life advice she needs today from a £200-a-session psychiatrist, leaving us twiddling our fruit thumbs.

As we wait and try not to repeat every line from Calum's favourite episode, we mull (good word: mull) both similarly conceived and all-round favourite episodes from other comedy shows we love.

We confuse A New Low with All Time Low, and go down a Jay McGuiness rabbit hole (not a euphemism, cheeky!)

When we eventually remember the conceit of our own show, we also advise Miranda to give up on Gary once and for all now he's shown his true (green card) colours.

Ignoring our advice ... are we!

We decide whether or not we'd advise Miranda to jump into bed with Gary, whether Penny would support Miranda jumping into bed with Gary plus two other men all at the same time, and can't decide what song sums up Graham's personality (don't).

We try to come up with ad hoc eulogies for each other without getting syrupy (not a euphemism), Graham does his uncanny impersonation of Rumpole of the Bailey, and we quell our qualms (ohh, lovely) about jolly japes in a hospice.

We lament Miranda's moping over Gary, cringe at the memory of Nando's hangriness, and ponder whether a full-on reinvention is something we'd like to try oooorhn.

We query the wisdom of overplanning revealing your feelings to someone, and reckon Miranda should just let Gary go and move on, like Graham did with Twitter after a mere 11 years.

As we watch the fifth episode of the first season, we squirm at the memory of awkward dates, shout out the kind lady at KFC, and recognise the bloke from Rivals.

We reckon going on holiday to the town you live in isn't a bad idea, wonder how we would play it cool with, oof, Jaaaaoson, and say 'Amanda Barnes' a lot.