What is a "relationship"? When we talk about relationships, are we not referring to the dynamic of exchange? By that I mean, me to you to me etc. And isn't it possible to build a relationship with yourself? (i.e. CBT etc). When I got stung yesterday, I became aware of the pain and anxiety that followed. But who became aware? Who am I? Am I my body? But my body needs oxygen; so am I the oxygen, too? Where do I begin? Where do I end? Perhaps reality is another word for "relationship"? Because, if you think about it, if you can be present during a negative experience, withholding judgment and even fear, it changes the experience, doesn't it? What does an itch become if you simply observe it?

This video is my attempt at unpacking how to listen. I want to give you some of my strategies for conversation and interpersonal relationships. As Allan Watts said, "the most interesting people are the most interested people." If you can train yourself to be interested in someone else, you not only gain tremendous insight into the world (because they will be honest with you), but you will also leave them feeling like they have been heard and appreciated. You never know how much small acts of kindness, like listening, affect the world. I like to think that the small acts are what actually make up the world, much the same way small bricks build big houses, or atoms make up galaxies. The more we listen to each other, the better the world will become. Every decision you make matters. This is why.

I also STRONGLY recommend you read Frank Ostaseski's book, The Five Invitations. It may be the most important book for our generation.

If we actually took the time to understand another human being - our mother, father, friend, neighbour, stranger, partner...anyone! - we would quickly realize that we are them and they are us. I am not being mystical; not even a little bit. The amount of shared overlap between ANY two human beings - even any two BEINGS - is shocking. And what's more shocking is that we don't see this fundamental truth. Christ, no one on Earth has ever come from anywhere else! That should be enough to unite us as common kin. Unless we slow down and take the time to understand ourselves, our friends and family, and especially the people we do not like, we will only create more hatred and inflict more violence upon each other. Hurt people hurt people; we lash out not from safety, but from fear. If we could see that we're all afraid, perhaps we would also see a way to heal those pains. Screaming at a tantruming toddler doesn't make them feel better. Sitting with them and silently absorbing their cries does.

Remember: We aren't what we are, we are what we aren't.

Is it ever right for a majority of people to impose their will upon a minority of people? That's the question of the current times. With what's been happening here in Canada, especially Alberta and Ontario, unpacking our morality and ethics is more important than ever. As Sam Harris said, conversation is our only tool to prevent violence. We need to slow down and talk about what kind of future we want to make, before we make a future no one wants to live in. 

'Show, don’t tell', is a cliché that points out weak writing. When we are making an argument, and we only talk about evidence that supports our claims, we are 'telling' the reader/listener what we think. There isn't anything intrinsically wrong with this. However, it does omit a tremendous amount of useful information - i.e. contrary information. Being wrong isn't bad; it is only by being wrong that we learn what right is. We need to actively seek out contrary evidence about our personal beliefs, or we will only ever continue the illusion. Show, don't tell. If you think you're right, show me you're not wrong.

Here in Canada, people are protesting in front of hospitals...

I want to point something out:
Protesting is not wrong; not by any stretch of the imagination. Heaven help any society that does not advocate freedom to protest. With that said, if those who are against vaccines protest in front of hospitals as a way of standing up for their fundamental right to life, they are denying others the same fundamental right that they themselves are seeking to protect.

How does that make any sense? That's like advocating for the freedom of whales by tossing them all in zoos.

Here's another way of unpacking this same issue:

If I deny your right to life, there is less freedom in the future world. No matter if I "win" or not.

Does that make sense?

So, by protesting in front of hospitals, those who are against (mandatory) vaccines are creating a world where there will be more (mandatory) rules.

I really hope this is making sense.

We can't hope for a better world. We need to f*kn MAKE it. Your decisions MAKE the world. So, if you decide to infringe on other people's rights, you are deciding that rights aren't important, which means YOU will have LESS RIGHTS in the future.

Please protest! Please speak your mind! Please advocate for the future you want. Just don't do it where it infringes upon other people's rights. Like, wtf?

Am I making sense?

If I am not making sense, message me. Or, better yet, call me: 416 876 6577. I will listen to you. But I will also ask you to explain yourself. We HAVE to talk about this in public. We have to. Nothing will change until we do.

Compassion means "to suffer with". Understanding often comes from suffering, from the pain of sitting patiently with confusion. The alternative is a fabricated existence, which happens to be our current culture; one built on haste and waste. We need to slow down and be more compassionate. Whether we're anti-this or pro-that, if all we ever do is seek information that proves us right, we're fabricating an existence. Understanding those who disagree with us is the ONLY way to shatter the illusion. As an old sage once put it: "The enemy is a good teacher." And our "enemies" are all around us, hidden behind what we do not want to look at.

Questions narrow perception. Perception gathers data. We use data to make decisions. By asking tough questions, we gather data we would otherwise overlook (often intentionally). That data can then be used to better inform our decisions, which ironically widens our perspective on the world we live in, making us more patient, humble, and among other things, compassionate. Questions wake us up to our being here now. It fills life with meaning. I encourage you to ask questions, especially tough questions, and live with your mind wide-open.

If you consciously move into your pains, fears, weaknesses, and anxieties - or as I would call them: "evils" - you gain insight into who you really are. Growing up quite literally means becoming more capable of functioning in the world. But in order to grow up, we need to simultaneously grow down; to dive into our evil and understand it's desires. If you can build a relationship with your evils, you free up otherwise dammed energy, which is why honest self-reflection helps us grow!

"It's impossible to script a life that has serendipity in it."
We need to evolve out of fear. By that I mean, if we use our anxieties as more like a compass, they can guide us towards self-development. This increases our courage, which is, quite simply, the ability to exist in the world. Or, as my philosopher friend, @alexihelligar puts it, courage "increases our degrees of freedom."