Can This Marriage Be Saved?  This column was introduced in Ladies Home Journal Magazine over 50 years ago. It’s still considered the most popular and most enduring women’s magazine feature in the world. Is it really a surprise when you think about the conversations you’re having with friends or the increase in divorces after we hit the 15-year marriage mark. 

All relationships have their ups and downs, especially marriages where you are intertwined in everything from living arrangements to parenting to finances.  Questioning happiness along the way isn’t uncommon, but what happens when the weeks of questioning turns into months and then years?

In this episode, we’re going to discuss the stages of marriage and explore the questions you can dig in and ask yourself to identify what’s really going on in your marriage and understand, ‘Can This Marriage Be Saved?

Start off by asking these two questions:

• Are there parts of your marriage that make you happy?
  
  
• Where are you feeling unfulfilled within your marriage?

Ways to start fixing it:

• Be reflective: Fixing a broken marriage isn’t a blame game, and you need to recognize how you’ve contributed too. Be ready to do the work necessary to make personal changes to your own behaviors.

• Lay it all out there: Stop pretending, it hasn’t worked thus far and if you’re going to have any chance to right the marriage, you need to move forward with a clean slate so be open and honest about everything that you feel and need.

• Listen without deflecting: It isn’t comfortable hearing what YOU’VE done wrong and sorry ladies, you’re not perfect either. Listen to learn. Listen to heal. Listen to patch.
  
  
  
  
• Become aware of negative thought patterns: When we’ve been in a marriage a long time, we can easily fall into old habits or fall into old thoughts about our partner.  It’s time to look at him/her with new eyes, and a varied perspective.  See them from an outsider not with all your baggage. 
  
  
  
• Find new ways to connect. 
  
  
  
• Set a goal together: Maybe it’s a retirement goal, maybe it’s a goal to redo the bathroom, setting a goal together and then building toward it every day can reconnect you.
  
  
  
• Be present: Slow down, appreciate each other, make a point to have physical contact, make a point to ask questions that spark conversation, debate and intellectual curiosity.

EPISODE RESOURCES: 

Join Our Facebook Group Just Gen x — The Resting Mind  

Articles + Podcasts: 

The Truth About Mid-Life Marriage (podcast)  

When You Can't Avoid Having a Difficult Conversation (podcast)

I’m so freaking angry I could scream! (article) 

3 ways to prepare for a difficult conversation (article) 

Is your

Get your free copy of our digital magazine, GEN neXt, The Voice of the Modern Gen X Woman. www.moderngenxwoman.com/gennext

GEN NeXt is a collection of insights from incredible organizations, women, and industry experts who have dedicated themselves to the same cause—turning up the volume of women 40+.

We're not just Gen X we're GEN neXt

There comes a moment in our lives where we look in the mirror and start to realize, “I’m getting older.” When I really stare at my reflection I can see how my skin is duller and the lines across my forehead are deeply etched with the years that have passed.

We’re not supposed to focus on looks or aging, it’s taboo.  Looks don’t matter. Weight doesn’t matter. Age doesn’t matter.  But let's be honest...when we are looking older, gaining weight and feeling achy...it can absolutely impact us.

This episode we’re being real about how we feel about getting older and giving you permission to be honest about it all.

Scientists have found that people who feel younger than their chronological age are typically healthier and more psychologically resilient than those that feel older. They perform better on memory tasks and are at a lower risk of cognitive decline. 

In a study published in 2018, a team of South Korean researchers scan the brains of 68 healthy older adults and found that those who felt younger than their age have bigger brain matter and are heading toward less age-related deterioration. 

By contrast, people who feel older than their chronological age are more at risk for hospitalization dementia and death. 

Interestingly enough, when people are asked in their forties most people feel younger at 50 about half the people feel their age or younger but by the time they're 70 they only about 15% of people feel younger.

A youthful frame of mind has a direct correlation with mental and physical health.  

EPISODE RESOURCES: 

Join Our Facebook Group Just Gen x — The Resting Mind  

Articles + Podcasts: 

Weight Loss After 40 (podcast)
When Middle Age Stares Back at You (article)
Do You Know What’s Important to You? (article) 

Free Resources + Guides:
Rediscovering Yourself
Weight Loss After 40

Other Stuff:
French Women Don’t Get Fat (book) 

Reach out to set up your 90-minute power coaching intensive with Jackie or Mimi.  

Get your free copy of our digital magazine, GEN neXt, The Voice of the Modern Gen X Woman. www.moderngenxwoman.com/gennext

GEN NeXt is a collection of insights from incredible organizations, women, and industry experts who have dedicated themselves to the same cause—turning up the volume of women 40+.

We're not just Gen X we're GEN neXt

We’ve got our Magnificent List, the things that are currently making us happy, and we are going to share them with you. Why? Because in between all of this self-development work you’re doing with us every week, we know the importance of having indulgences and escapes.  We want to share ours with you. 

In this episode, we’re bringing you even further into our lives, enter our speakeasy where we’ll be laughing, cheers-ing and indulging. So, grab a glass of wine, we’re about to have some fun!  Here's the List!

Facebook Group Just Gen X 

Raspberry Crumb.  TJ's Umami Seasoning. Harney + Sons Cinnamon Tea  The NYT Cooking 

E-Squared by Pam Grout.  Book of the Month Club A History of the United States

Bad Girl Bang mascara Benefit.  Christian Dior Rouge Dior VS Heavenly Wide-Leg Pant

hOMe Yoga 

Get your free copy of our digital magazine, GEN neXt, The Voice of the Modern Gen X Woman. www.moderngenxwoman.com/gennext

GEN NeXt is a collection of insights from incredible organizations, women, and industry experts who have dedicated themselves to the same cause—turning up the volume of women 40+.

We're not just Gen X we're GEN neXt

Hey Gen X ladies, we’ve all had those dreaded moments when we knew we needed to have a conversation that wasn’t going to be easy whether it’s with a co-worker, employee, friend, child, or spouse.  

Difficult conversations are necessary for healthy relationships and personal growth and we’re here to help you through them. 

In this episode, we will be helping you reframe conversations and prepare for them so you can take your communication skills to the next level.  

Before having the conversation here are three questions to ask yourself.

• What will be different in a month/ three months/12 months if the issue is resolved? 
  
  
• What will things be like in a month/three months/12 months if the issue isn’t resolved? 
  
  
• What is the worst thing that could happen if you have the conversation?

Head into having a difficult conversation differently: 

1. Reframe the interaction
2. Be curious versus having blame
3. Prepare 

Have better results of a difficult conversation by doing keeping the following in mind during the conversion: 

1. Ask questions using how and not why. Asking how to approach with curiosity versus asking why to approach with blame.
2. Be succinct and specific.  Don’t go on and on, being overly wordy and never landing the plane. Instead, make sure you’re getting your point across with clarity.
3. Listen. This is a dialogue, a conversation, a discussion. 
4. Buffer the conversation with what is working. 
5. Try to refrain from using the word YOU.  

After having the conversation:
1. Analyze your emotions. Did you come to the solution you were hoping for? Were your assumptions about the situation misinterpreted?

2. Follow up,  acknowledge and thank the person for having the conversation. 

INTRODUCTION FREEBIE:

How to Say No When Your Inner Gen Xer Wants Always Says Yes. 

EPISODE RESOURCES: 

Join Our Facebook Group: 

Articles + Podcasts: 

The Changed Podcast (podcast) 

How to Have a Reasonable Conversation with Someone You Disagree With (article) 

Episode 23: The Importance of Saying No (podcast) 

What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage (article) 

I’m so freaking angry I could scream! (article)

Five Ways to Say No and Mean It (article) 

Other Stuff: 

Get your free copy of our digital magazine, GEN neXt, The Voice of the Modern Gen X Woman. www.moderngenxwoman.com/gennext

GEN NeXt is a collection of insights from incredible organizations, women, and industry experts who have dedicated themselves to the same cause—turning up the volume of women 40+.

We're not just Gen X we're GEN neXt

If you asked 1,000 people what the most powerful company in the world is, we’re pretty confident Amazon would sit pretty in the top five.  For me, it has my vote, but for reasons way beyond what you might believe.

I’m an avid Amazon shopper, almost to a fault, if I can’t get it on Amazon is it even worth buying? But this week’s episode isn’t about what I’m buying on Amazon, it’s about how Amazon destroyed what little patience I had and then reminded me very quickly during the pandemic, that without patience I could (literally) have nothing.  

Pandemic aside, in this instant gratification world our patience levels are almost non-existent. Any answer you need you can have within seconds, any food you’re craving you can have it within an hour and any product you want can arrive on your doorstep by the next day.  No wonder we are all letting out big puffs of breath in exasperation anytime we’re stopped at a red light.

In this episode, we are going to explore the importance of gaining patience and some tools and tips to build yours.

1. What is patience?

Patience is staying calm when you’re faced with delay, disappointment, or annoyances

• Patience is an act of self-care - it’s about self-compassion.
  • Self-compassion is about being just as kind to yourself the way you are compassionate to other people.  If you saw a friend getting anxious or losing their patience over something, you would be ultra compassionate, you’d try to ease their angst.  You deserve to apply the same love, kindness to yourself. 
• Why should you exercise patience?
  • Anger is addicting so the more we produce anger or irritation as a result of a stimulus, the more we crave that response because it makes us feel like we have some say, we’re proving a point, we’re getting the last word (none of which are actually, intellectually true).
  • We aren’t wired for patience.  As humans, we are wired for instant gratification.  We’re wired for pleasure seeking.  We’re wired for impulsivity, all of which are in complete opposition to patience. It’s why, for as much work as I do with myself, I feel like a primal animal when I lose my patience. LOL  Add the that in today’s world where whatever you want you can have before you even can anticipate it arriving. 
    
    
• How to become more patient. 
  • Live in the present, you’re much more likely to be patient. Don't think ahead just sit at the moment and be.
  • Patience is a muscle, you have to retrain it
  • Identify your triggers (we talk about this often…): Often times we just go about our day, our life not realizing that we are creating patterns of impatience. If you know that traffic is your trigger then how can you get into your car with awareness around this and prepare yourself for what lies ahead.  If you know deadlines give you less patience, make sure you space out projects and don’t procrastinate.
  • Ask for patience, out loud! When you use language to say something out loud and ask for help, like give me patience, it provides us with space and time between the actual circumstance and our automated response to it (anger/irritation/annoyed/frustrated/pissed).
    
    
    

Get your free copy of our digital magazine, GEN neXt, The Voice of the Modern Gen X Woman. www.moderngenxwoman.com/gennext

GEN NeXt is a collection of insights from incredible organizations, women, and industry experts who have dedicated themselves to the same cause—turning up the volume of women 40+.

We're not just Gen X we're GEN neXt

EPISODE DESCRIPTION: 

For so many Gen X women, our days are spent doing doing doing. By the end of the day, we feel exhausted and spent, but we don’t feel like we’ve accomplished anything or completed anything significant. Then we go on to rinse and repeat the next day. 

In today’s episode, we’re going to explore the difference between what is urgent and what is important and why focusing what is important—to you—will make all the difference in how you feel at the end of the day. 

Put first things first. 

The book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People written by Stephen Covey, is a go-to in the world of self-development books. 

Habit 3 is to put first things first and what that means is that not doing everything is ok. You need to be clear on when it is ok to say no so that you can focus on your highest priorities. 

For Gen X women especially this can provide a sense of relief but it’s hard to put it into practice. We’ve been conditioned to the idea that we can do it all. 

One of the biggest challenges people have with this is knowing what is important to them. So let’s unpack that a bit. 

• Covey says that Habit 3, putting first things first, is really about life management. Being clear on your purpose, values, roles, and priorities. 
  
  
  
• As a follow-up to The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey wrote the book First Things First. In it, he talks about how to identify your own north star so that you can use it to align your life against taking steps to get to where you want to go. Your own North Star is what gives you inner peace and happiness. 

How to get started

• Do some work to identify your own North Star -- we will put a link to some resources in the show notes 
  
  
• Start planning your week by using the Matrix
• Use awareness to keep on track, learn to say no, put your own priorities first, etc 

EPISODE RESOURCES: 

https://www.forbes.com/sites/ericjackson/2012/07/24/the-only-thing-you-need-to-remember-about-the-seven-habits-of-highly-effective-people/#2995f21f67f7

https://www.franklincovey.com/the-7-habits/habit-3.html

Rediscovering Yourself: https://bit.ly/362IHVz

Know Your Values :: https://bit.ly/2PmQxlW

Saying No Even When Your Inner Gen Xer Wants to Say Yes https://bit.ly/3dAb1me

Get your free copy of our digital magazine, GEN neXt, The Voice of the Modern Gen X Woman. www.moderngenxwoman.com/gennext

GEN NeXt is a collection of insights from incredible organizations, women, and industry experts who have dedicated themselves to the same cause—turning up the volume of women 40+.

We're not just Gen X we're GEN neXt

If we can’t see our future, how are we going to get there? 

Gen X ladies, are you having a difficult time really seeing your future?  Do you look ahead and see a mundane life, disappointment and worry or are you looking forward with anticipation, curiosity and joy?  Maybe you aren’t even looking forward at all and thinking I’m just going to keep chugging along in hopes I get to happy.

The way we see our future plays a tremendous role in what our future looks like and it’s through a lens of positivity that your future will continue to get brighter

In this episode, we’re talking about prospection and how to create a more positive outlook for your future.

What is prospection?  Prospection is part of the positive psychology movement.  For decades, psychology was about dismantling the past in order to create a better future, focusing over and over AND OVER on what didn’t go right, what shaped you, what defined you. 

Positive psychology focuses on your strengths, what’s good, to get you to your goals.  Prospection is the study of how daydreaming, planning, envisioning, and imagining your future can be a powerful tool for helping you actually attain the future you want. 

Sure, Positive Psychology is a fairly new concept that came into play only within the last 20 years or so. Prior to this, psychology was all about healing the mental challenges bringing back into focus negative happenings and emphasizes them as a way to heal.  

Martin Seligman is the ‘founder’ of Positive Psychology - and started bringing new concepts to psychology. The concepts of focusing on haplessness all to create a more positive outlook on life ultimately providing a more positive outcome in life.

In research studies on prospection and positive psychology. Those who consider themselves happiest tend to imagine positive future scenarios for themselves.

We need to be able to envision our happier future. Often times when we work with clients and ask them about what they would like their life to look like in six months, they aren’t even able to articulate it. 

This is where the work we do comes in.  While we might consciously CHOOSE a positive outlook if our SCM is set to negativity then when it takes over (95% of the day) then that’s our Resting Place ie our Resting Mind.  We need to make conscious, consistent, metered efforts to shift our mindset 8% of the time, so we are closing the gap between our conscious goals and subconscious settings.

INTRODUCTION FREEBIE:

Rediscovering Yourself: https://bit.ly/362IHVz

Know Your Values :: https://bit.ly/2PmQxlW

Get your free copy of our digital magazine, GEN neXt, The Voice of the Modern Gen X Woman. www.moderngenxwoman.com/gennext

GEN NeXt is a collection of insights from incredible organizations, women, and industry experts who have dedicated themselves to the same cause—turning up the volume of women 40+.

We're not just Gen X we're GEN neXt

Episode 24 Show Notes: What’s Your Podcast Moment? 

Hey Gen X lady. Have you dreamt of writing a book and have yet to put pen to paper?  Did you defer to a colleague when asked if you wanted to present to the board? Skip applying for the promotion because it involved being in front of clients? 

As you’re listening to this, we ask you to think about what your podcast moments were, and more likely, what they still are. What’s a “podcast moment”? They are the things you’ve been dreaming about that you haven’t gone after. 

In this week’s episode, we’re exploring how to be less risk-averse and...

• Why we don’t take risks;
• Why you need to live your life today;
• How change is the only path for growth.

In order to have  YOUR podcast moment, you need to make a habit of being uncomfortable.  What does that mean?

1. After being uncomfortable the first time, we need to be uncomfortable again and again.  The more we get uncomfortable the more we stretch, change and grow.

Mind Body Change connection:

1. Physically: there’s something called inertia, the tendency to do nothing or remain unchanged. Continuing in its existing state of rest or uniform motion. Our bodies need to remain in inertia physically, our temperature, metabolism, weight, etc, so we physically fight against change.
2. Mentally: Our brains hate change, it spends its entire being building up routines so it doesn’t have to work very hard. Our SCM resists change, takes the path of least resistance and relies on habits to get through our days.

Join Our Facebook Group:

Just Gen X — The Resting Mind

Articles + Podcasts Episodes:

Secrets to Your Best Year Ever (podcast) 

What’s Luck Got to Do With It (podcast) 

Come on Gen X Lady, Here is How You Reach Your Goal (article) 

Confidence in Five Steps (article) 

Free Resources + Guides:

4 Steps to Getting Where You Want to Go 

Reach out to set up your 90-minute power coaching intensive with Jackie or Mimi.  

Get your free copy of our digital magazine, GEN neXt, The Voice of the Modern Gen X Woman. www.moderngenxwoman.com/gennext

GEN NeXt is a collection of insights from incredible organizations, women, and industry experts who have dedicated themselves to the same cause—turning up the volume of women 40+.

We're not just Gen X we're GEN neXt

No is like the Mighty Mouse of words. Something so small, seemingly laughable, has so much power.  It can lift you up and make you feel like you’re flying, freeing you, and letting you soar if you use it to set boundaries and put yourself and your needs first.  

It can also beat you to a pulp, leaving you bruised if you hear it or even say it and let the emotional baggage attached to the word overtake you. 

Hearing the word no triggers the primal part of our brain and causes our fight or flight to go off. Cortisol levels increase and can rush through our body making us physically feel the emotional burden we believe there is. 

We know that the adrenaline and cortisol release pushes the blood to our extremities which were necessary to our survival as primal beings. Adding that physical reaction to the emotional one, no wonder no one wants to hear no.

Saying no should make us feel powerful and empowered and it does the exact opposite. 

In this week’s episode, we’re exploring what happens when we hear the word no, why you may struggle with this tiny word, and give you a glimpse of your ‘yes lady’ type while providing you with some tools to set boundaries so you can start to say no. 

• Why we can’t say no
  • Humans seek out a need to belong, it’s instinctual and goes back to our primal days where being part of a group increased our chances for survival and we have taken that into the modern world.  
  • Humans go so far as to mimic the behaviors of those around them just to belong.  If you want to belong, you’ll adapt, even if it means not being authentic to oneself.  While we all want to be authentic (and most claim to be) there will always be times we adapt to fit in.
  • If this new norm has taught us anything, its the basic idea that relationships and connection are critical to human happiness. Our desire to connect and relate also drives our ‘yes’s”
• Saying no should make us feel powerful and empowered and it does the exact opposite.
  • If you think about it, the idea of saying no should feel empowering. It should give you a feeling that you are in control, you are making decisions and yet, for so many of us, it does the complete opposite.  This word can set off an array of emotions that make us feel uncomfortable.  
    • We can start to question if they like us and how we’re perceived
    • We start to feel inadequate

Join Our Facebook Group:

Just Gen X — The Resting Mind

Articles + Podcasts Episodes:

Episode 4: Are You Having a Worry Tantrum? (podcast) 

Five Ways to Say No and Mean It (article) 

Perfectionism Almost Took Us Down (article) 

Four Signs Your Expectations are Too High (article) 

Free Resources + Guides:

Saying No When Your Inner Gen X Wants to Say Yes

Get your free copy of our digital magazine, GEN neXt, The Voice of the Modern Gen X Woman. www.moderngenxwoman.com/gennext

GEN NeXt is a collection of insights from incredible organizations, women, and industry experts who have dedicated themselves to the same cause—turning up the volume of women 40+.

We're not just Gen X we're GEN neXt

Hey Gen X lady.  If I know anything for certain about our generation, it’s that we have high expectations, some would say unrealistic expectations at every turn. 

Expectations aren’t all bad things go awry when our expectations are unrealistic and those expectations expand to all facets of our lives.  

In this episode, we are going to be discussing how expectations can destroy your worth and push you to burnout. We are also going to ask you to dig deep so you can discover what is underneath those expectations.

How do we save ourselves from expectations? 
So many expectations can be squashed through communication.  Think about it, your boss hands you another project with a deadline that is pretty tight. On a normal week, you could get it done, but this week you have two other projects with deadlines looming that also need your attention.  Did you communicate this with your boss?  

Have you ever asked the question, why did I decide to do this? Think about it:

• You went to college - why did you decide to do this?
• You work 70 hours a week - why do you decide to do this?
• You become an attorney - why did I decide to do this?

OK, these are BIG examples, let’s go smaller.

• You volunteer to join the PTA - why did you decide to do this?
• You go for the promotion at work - why did you decide to do this?
• You decide to lose 30 pounds this year and announce it to everyone….! (ME!)

Expectations can drive us to succeed, so not all expectations are negative. However, unrealistic expectations can destroy us.
Expectations put upon you can drive you to live someone else's life.
Own expectations can keep you hunting for food.
It's time to ask — even though you may not like the answer —
What's driving my expectations?

Drop the ball: 
Tiffany Dufu’s book is all about CHOOSING to not do something. The world will not collapse if your daughter doesn’t do her writing, math, science and history work by 1PM today. Or even at all today. 

The world will not collapse if your kids eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on paper plates for lunch today instead of making three different lunches for finicky kids.

Release:
What expectations are you holding onto and do you even have control over them?  Expecting specific behaviors from others is only going to keep you frustrated, annoyed, angry.  We need to learn to release expectations, especially those that are out of our control.  We can focus on our own input not output.
Take deep breaths, release those pent up feelings, it will free you.

Join Our Facebook Group:
Just Gen X — The Resting Mind

Articles + Podcasts Episodes:
Article: Corona Virus Creates Double Shift for Women 

Podcast Episode 16: Watch Your Mouth The Power of Language 

Get your free copy of our digital magazine, GEN neXt, The Voice of the Modern Gen X Woman. www.moderngenxwoman.com/gennext

GEN NeXt is a collection of insights from incredible organizations, women, and industry experts who have dedicated themselves to the same cause—turning up the volume of women 40+.

We're not just Gen X we're GEN neXt