It is not uncommon for a young child to be expelled from child care due to a challenging behavior, especially hurtful behaviors like biting or hitting. And yet it’s hard to imagine a young child who doesn’t occasionally lash out in frustration or anger and have a hard time calming down and re-engaging in a more positive way. In early childhood (birth to 5), children are just learning how to manage emotions, share space and attention with others and handle conflict in reasonable ways.

 

As this week’s Mom Enough guest knows, children learn those lessons best when parents and other adults connect with them, recognize their feelings and engage them in thinking about what they can do differently. Dr. Anne Gearity joins Marti & Erin for a rich discussion that will help you think about and respond to challenging behavior in ways that are effective in the short-run and supportive of healthy development in the long-run. Thank you to Help Me Grow, a supporting partner of Mom Enough, for providing sponsoring this episode of Mom Enough.

 

Dr. Gearity says when children act out they are telling us, “I’m confused. I need your help.” Think of a recent situation in which a young child in your life engaged in a very challenging behavior. How did you respond and how did it work? How would your response have been different if you’d thought of the child saying, “I need your help?”

 

Related resources:

Help Me Grow

Developmental milestones from Help Me Grow

Pete the Cat: I Love My White Shoes

Ways to Help Children Think About Better Solutions for Difficult Behaviors tip sheet from St. David’s Center

Long before children enter formal education, they are constantly learning from parents and other caring adults who interact with them through language stimulation. Before they even begin to speak, babies are making sense of language, building a vocabulary and developing conversational patterns. They are laying the foundation on which all later learning will build. So, to make sure our children have this important foundation, do we need to be fluent in English, have a house full of books or know formal teaching strategies?

 

Dr. Alisha Wackerle-Hollman, from the School Psychology Program within the U of M’s College of Education and Human Development (CEHD), brings reassuring answers to these questions and more. As research shows, we need to speak to our babies about ordinary things in the language with which we are most comfortable; growing up bilingual is an asset, not a liability. We need to follow our children’s interests, describing how things feel or taste, what they are doing (e.g. splashing in the tub) and what we are doing (e.g. wrapping baby in a warm, soft towel). When babies begin vocalizing, we need to take conversational turns, pausing to let baby “speak” then taking our turn. (Alisha says “strive for 5” conversational turns.) We also need to embed our culture in conversations with our children, offering traditional foods, singing songs, saying prayers and participating in celebrations. Not only will these things help our children’s language stimulation, but they will help us build close, loving, joyful relationships!

 

Do you have babies or young children in your family? Think of some of the special, fun, important things you can teach them by talking, singing and playing during everyday activities. How can you work language stimulation into what you say and do while dressing your baby? Cooking dinner? Getting ready for bed?

 

Related resources:

College of Education + Human Development

Promoting Language Development in Children featuring Dr. Maria Sera

Learning Language, Learning through Language featuring Melissa Koenig

Early Language Development tip sheet from St. David's Center

Supporting Second Language Development tip sheet from Way to Grow

We moms are often hard on ourselves, thinking we should be able to raise perfect children, keep a clean house, cook nutritious meals, stay on top of our jobs and always have a smile on our face. We often feel embarrassed or ashamed if we need to ask for help, sacrificing sleep and good health to do everything on our own. We pay a high price for that, and alcohol misuse often is part of the picture, with consequences not only for us but our children and other family members too.

 

Carrie Kappel knows this, both as a professional working with Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation and as a nurse and drug counselor approaching the 10-year anniversary of her own sobriety. We urge you to listen carefully to this important discussion about the ways isolation, anger, anxiety and depression often contribute to alcohol misuse, critical components of treatment for women and the role of family members in recovery. Carrie also addresses the prevalence of addiction among health care providers, with a particular focus on nurses, with whom Carrie works as Director of the Nurse Professionals Program at Hazelden Betty Ford’s campus in Center City, MN.

 

What did you learn in this Mom Enough discussion about the emotional challenges of caregivers (including moms, nurses and other health care providers) and how that can increase vulnerability to alcohol misuse and abuse of other substances?

 

Related resources:

Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation

Women and Alcohol featuring Jill Seward

Addiction Recovery for Moms, 5 Tips for Long-Term Sobriety

Nurses Peer Support Network

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)

National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA)

Science of Mindfulness by Erin Erickson

Pop culture bombards us every day with shallow, unrealistic messages about romantic love. But what does it really take to build love, commitment and connection that last? And why is this important for our children, as well as ourselves?

 

Los Angeles psychologist and author Dr. Bill Cloke joins Marti and Erin for a rich discussion of practical steps you can take to bring greater respect, understanding and love into your family life. A Valentine to you from Mom Enough!

 

The guest on this week’s Mom Enough show, Dr. Bill Cloke, talks about love as a “creation.” What does that mean to you and how is that different from the way romantic love is portrayed in popular media? Reflect on how you and your partner communicate in front of your children. What do you think your children are learning from what they see?

 

Related resources:

Bill Cloke's blog

Keeping the Spark in Your Relationship by Marti Erickson

As parents, most of us think of frequent praise – and maybe an occasional material reward for good behavior – as essential tools in helping our children build self-esteem and develop the positive behaviors we want them to have.

 

But this week’s Mom Enough guest, author Alfie Kohn, takes strong issue with praise and rewards, contending they undermine children’s intrinsic motivation, lead to reliance on extrinsic reinforcement and reduce generosity. Mr. Kohn goes on to challenge the pervasive focus on children’s behavior rather than their needs and motives, offering some practical, effective alternatives to praising and rewarding good behavior. Mr. Kohn’s many articles and books, including the bestselling 1993 Punished by Rewards (released recently in a 2nd edition), have prompted countless parents and educators to reconsider praise and rewards. Listen to what Alfie Kohn and Mom Enough hosts Marti & Erin have to say in this lively conversation.

 

What did you think of Alfie Kohn’s arguments against using praise and rewards to try to make children behave the way you want them to? Think of a parenting situation in which you’ve used praise. What could you have said and done instead that would have focused on your child’s needs, motives and the intrinsic rewards that might be more likely to lead your child toward the qualities of kindness, respect and responsibility?

 

Related resources:

Articles by Alfie Kohn

Books by Alfie Kohn

Teaching Children to Be Accountable for Their Behavior and Choices by Marti Erickson

When Christine Bauer was an 18-year-old college student just beginning pursuit of her educational goals and life dreams, she didn’t expect to confront what she refers to as “those three words” – “You are pregnant!”

 

Now, 34 years later, Chris has used Those Three Words as the title of an eloquent, moving book that tells the story of her choice to place her baby for open adoption and the remarkable relationships that have developed over the years among everyone involved.

 

Open adoption was uncommon when Chris gave birth in the 1980s, but Chris’ experience in the years since shines a light on the possibilities of open adoption as a viable positive option for birth parents, children and adoptive families. You will be touched by this hopeful story of love and choice.

 

What has been your knowledge or experience of adoption among people you know? How might open adoption prevent some of the emotional challenges faced by birth parents, adopted children and adoptive parents in the more secretive, closed processes that have been more common in the past?

 

Related resources:

Chris Bauer's website and book

Bellis, adoption education and support

Bonnie Rough show on sex education, as referenced by Chris

Although a majority of moms are employed during their childrearing years, many working moms still experience a nagging concern that their children some day will look back on their childhood and feel short-changed.

 

But a study by business leader and mother Pam Lenehan shines light on the overwhelmingly positive views of adult children reflecting on their moms’ work and the impact it had on their development. Pam presents these findings in her book, My Mother, My Mentor: What Grown Children of Working Mothers Want You to Know, the springboard for a lively and personal discussion on working moms with Marti & Erin in this week’s Mom Enough show.

 

What has your experience been with motherhood and employment, both in your childhood and as a parent? What do you think about the positive effects of moms’ work as described by participants in Pam Lenehan’s study?

 

Related resources:

Kids Benefit from From Having a Working Mom, article on Harvard Business School study

Separating Fact from Fiction about Parent‐Child Attachment by Marti Erickson

Who do you picture when you think of someone with an eating disorder? If you are like many people, you envision a young, underweight, white female. But eating disorders affect people regardless of age, ethnicity, gender or body type. And, as parents, we are key to recognizing the signs of a possible problem in our child, seeking appropriate help and supporting our child’s journey to a positive body image and healthy eating.

 

Claire Mysko, CEO of the National Eating Disorders Association and an internationally recognized expert on eating disorders and body image, joins Marti & Erin in this week’s episode of Mom Enough for an important conversation about this problem that touches so many lives. Along with her professional expertise, Claire also brings the compassion and wisdom that comes from having suffered with an eating disorder herself. Listen and share with other parents you know!

 

Thinking about what you heard in this discussion about eating disorders and body image, what examples do you notice in every day conversation, school policies or media messages that could feed into the negative body image so many young people experience today? To what extent have you experienced these issues in your own life, and how have you handled those feelings? What can you learn from that experience to help prevent your daughters and sons from struggling with similar issues?

 

Related resources:

National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)

NEDA's toll-free and confidential helpline

Claire Mysko blog and books

Eating Disorders: Symptoms, Treatment & Risks

What are Eating Disorders?

A growing body of research shows the many benefits of nature experience. Nature experience supports children’s development of problem-solving, creativity and executive function. It also shapes physical health and, for both children and adults, can reduce stress and improve attention and focus. In recent years, mini preschools have integrated nature experience into their curricula, including the prestigious Shirley G. Moore Lab School in the University of Minnesota’s Institute of Child Development.

 

Lab school director Sheila Williams Ridge joins Marti & Erin this week to talk about why nature experience is so important, both at school and at home. She offers simple ways we can connect our children with nature, wherever we live and whatever our resources. Sheila‘s appearance on Mom Enough is sponsored by Supporting Partner Help Me Grow.

 

What did you hear in this Mom Enough discussion about benefits of nature experience for children’s mental and emotional development? Wherever you live, what are three things you could do to give your children the benefits of nature experience?

 

Related resources:

Help Me Grow

Children & Nature Network

College of Education + Human Development

Nature-Based Learning for Young Children by Julie Powers and Sheila Williams Ridge

Your Brain on Nature by Eva Selhub & Alan Logan

Balanced and Barefoot by Angela Hanscom

Connecting Children and Nature, list of nature activities for infants through teens

Shared Nature Experience as a Pathway to Strong Family Bonds by Marti Erickson

Free Forest School

Dodge Nature Center

The teen (and tween) years are a time of major change in our children’s bodies and brains – and in teenage behavior. Along with some of the wonderful growth in reasoning ability and independence comes a necessary challenging of parents’ ideas and authority. This often leaves parents feeling frustrated and unsure how to provide the guidance and protection our sons and daughters still need, especially in light of the risky teenage behavior that is so tempting to adolescents.

 

Psychologist David Walsh, author of Why Do They Act That Way?, joins Marti & Erin for an enlightening discussion of what’s happening in the adolescent brain and how that helps explain teenage behavior. And he affirms the importance of staying closely connected even when teens seem to push us away.

 

What did you learn in this Mom Enough discussion of the teenage brain that helped you understand the behavior of adolescents in your family or community? What creative ways can you think of to help teens find the thrills they desire in ways that are safe and positive?