Mom Parent ADHD

Title: Is Your Child With ADHD Afraid of Disappointing You?

Subtitle: How to help your child talk about hard days when they’re worried about letting you down.

Season 2, Episode 11 | The Prepared Advocate Series

“Will you still be proud of me if tomorrow isn’t a good day?”

You wanted your child to enjoy hearing that things were going better. You hadn’t considered that they might also be worried about keeping you happy with that progress.

Some children notice how tired Mom looks after another school conversation, or how relieved she seems when the news is good. They may hesitate to tell her something is difficult because they don’t want to give her one more thing to worry about.

In this episode of the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast, Lola M. Swaby explores this tender moment and what it can mean for advocacy. When children keep their struggles to themselves, Mom and the adults at school may be missing something they need to understand. Lola talks about opening that conversation warmly, making room for a child who cannot explain their worry yet, and helping a teacher understand when fear of disappointing someone is getting in the way of speaking up.

There is also room for Mom’s exhaustion and for returning to a conversation when her first response came out sharper than she intended. You can enjoy your child’s good days while helping them feel comfortable telling you about a difficult one.

In This Episode:

* How a child’s wish to spare Mom more worry may make them hesitant to share a struggle.

* What you might say when your child worries about letting you down.

* How to listen without pressing for an immediate explanation.

* When it may be helpful to share the concern with a teacher and invite their perspective.

* How to return to the conversation after reacting out of frustration.

A Moment of Reflection: If your child told you something was hard after a good stretch at school, what might they worry you would think? Consider how you could help them understand that telling you is welcome, even when you need a moment to take it in.

Continue The Prepared Advocate Series: This episode accompanies Monday’s article, Does Your Child With ADHD Still Need School Support? The article explores how to understand what is helping your child improve before discussing a change in school support. The episode turns toward what your child may hesitate to tell you once everyone is pleased with their progress. Read the Monday Article Here

Join the community: For deeper advocacy education, The Prepared Advocate Series is included in the paid Advocacy & Exhale Membership inside the ADHD Mom Advocacy Community on Skool. Access it here

More Support From Mom Parent ADHD: If you need somewhere to sort through the worry and frustration you’re carrying before the next conversation, explore From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms and the From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook.

Visit the Mom Parent ADHD Resource Room to explore our resources.

Stay Connected: Subscribe on Substack or YouTube, and follow @MomParentADHD on Instagram, Facebook, and Threads. You can also listen to the podcast on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

If this conversation helped you, please share it with another mom who might need it.

About Your Host: Lola M. Swaby is the co-founder and head educator of Mom Parent ADHD, an attorney with approximately 30 years of experience, an author, and a mom parenting a son with ADHD and autism. She offers practical advocacy education and support for moms raising children with ADHD. Lola is the author of From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms and the companion From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook.

Important Note: This episode shares general advocacy education and parenting experience for educational and informational purposes. It does not replace legal, medical, mental health, or individualized educational advice. If you have concerns about your child’s behavior, health, education, mental health, or individual support needs, consider speaking with an appropriately qualified professional who can evaluate your child’s circumstances.

Season 2, Episode 10: I’m Not Making Excuses for My Child With ADHD

Subtitle: How to explain your child’s behavior without excusing it... and speak up when something important still needs to be understood.

Have you ever started explaining something about your child to a teacher and suddenly heard yourself say, “I’m not making excuses…” before anyone had even accused you of making one?

That single moment says so much about the immense pressure we carry as moms raising children with ADHD.

You may know your child was wrong. You may completely agree that someone was hurt, a rule was broken, or a consequence is appropriate. But you also know something fundamental about your child that still matters; and suddenly, you are left wondering whether saying it out loud will just make you sound defensive.

In this episode of The Prepared Advocate Series, we are talking about that uncomfortable, messy space between explaining a behavior and excusing it. This is not about finding an ADHD explanation for everything our children do. Sometimes our kids simply make a bad choice, and they need to own it. But when there is something vital to understand, the fear of being labeled an “excuse-making mom” should not automatically silence you.

Sometimes, the more useful question is not, “Will this sound like an excuse?” It is: “Why am I bringing this up?”

Am I trying to make what happened disappear, or am I sharing something that could help us understand what my child still needs to learn? That small shift can change the entire conversation.

In This Episode, We Talk About:

1. The Defensive Trap

The Preemptive Shield: Why so many ADHD moms say “I’m not making excuses” before anyone has even accused them of doing so.

The Cost of Silence: What happens when the fear of sounding defensive causes Mom to leave crucial information unsaid.

The Accountability Over-Correction: Why moms become so determined to prove they believe in accountability that they accidentally start silencing themselves.

2. The Reality of ADHD

The Knowing-Doing Gap: The frustrating stretch between a child knowing what they are supposed to do, and being able to actually do it when emotions run high.

Finding the Balance: Why ADHD does not explain every single difficult behavior—and why it should never automatically be ignored when it genuinely matters.

Consequence vs. Lesson: Why a punishment alone rarely tells us what a skill a child actually needs to practice before the next difficult moment arrives.

3. Grounded Advocacy

Impact vs. Intent: Why understanding what made a behavior difficult does not erase the painful effect that behavior had on someone else.

Separating Behavior from Identity: Why you can firmly disagree with how your child is spoken to or labeled afterward, even when you completely agree that your child was in the wrong.

Creating Space: How giving yourself the time to process anger, embarrassment, fear, and worry allows you to speak to the school from a deeply grounded place.

A Sentence to Carry With You

You do not have to apologize for knowing your child. Understanding why something was difficult for them does not mean you are saying what they did was okay. Sometimes, you are simply trying to understand the exact place where your child keeps getting stuck, so you can help them grow beyond it.

Continue The Prepared Advocate Series

This episode is part of The Prepared Advocate Series, a Mom Parent ADHD series about the advocacy moments that are often harder to prepare for until you are standing right in the middle of them. This week, we are sitting with one of the most uncomfortable parts of advocacy: what happens when your child really was wrong, but there is still something important you believe the adults around them need to understand.

Inside the ADHD Mom Advocacy Community, we continue conversations like these in a space created specifically for moms raising children with ADHD who want practical advocacy education, deep support, and room to talk honestly about the situations that do not come with simple answers. If you have ever left a school conversation thinking, “I wish I had said what I was really thinking,” this is exactly the place to work through it together.

More Support From Mom Parent ADHD

If you are carrying a lot after a difficult school call, meeting, or parenting moment, you can find deep support in:

From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms

From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook (Companion)

These resources were lovingly created for those moments when your mind feels incredibly loud and you need some room to sort through what belongs to the situation, what belongs to your own worry, and what you actually want to do next. They are not about giving you a rigid parenting formula or telling you what consequence your child should receive. They are about making a little more room for you while you are parenting and advocating for your child.

Stay Connected With Mom Parent ADHD

You can stay connected with Mom Parent ADHD at MomParentADHD.com, right here on Substack, and on YouTube, Instagram, and Threads. You can listen to the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast on Substack, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.

And if this episode reminded you of another mom who has ever worried that explaining her child will make her sound like she is making excuses, please consider sharing it with her today. Sometimes another mom just needs to hear: You can acknowledge what your child did and still say what you know about the child you are raising.

Important Note

This podcast shares personal experience, general educational information, and practical support for moms raising children with ADHD. It is not medical, mental health, educational, clinical, or legal advice and does not create an attorney-client relationship. Every child and every situation is different. If you have concerns about your child’s behavior, health, education, mental health, or individual support needs, consider speaking with an appropriately qualified professional who can evaluate your child’s circumstances.

Why “I Need to Think About That” Can Feel So Hard to Say

ADHD parent advocacy, decision pressure, and why moms may need more time before answering in school, therapy, or support conversations

Season 2, Episode 9 | The Prepared Advocate Series 

A meeting is almost over. A recommendation has been made, everyone seems ready for the next step, and then somebody turns to Mom and asks, “Are you comfortable moving forward?” She is not exactly sure, but everybody is waiting, so she says, “Okay.” Then she gets to the parking lot and suddenly realizes how much she is still thinking about. 

In this episode of the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast, we are talking about that very particular kind of pressure: the kind that can show up when a decision involving your child seems to arrive faster than your own thoughts. This is not a conversation about distrusting professionals or turning every recommendation into a battle. Instead, it is about something much quieter: what can happen inside Mom when the people around her seem ready for an answer, and she is still trying to figure out what she thinks. 

In This Episode

We talk about why a recommendation may already feel familiar to everyone else in the room even though Mom is hearing it for the very first time, how the natural end of a meeting can quietly change the way a decision feels, and why wanting help for your child can sometimes create its own sense of urgency. We also talk about the invisible expectation many mothers carry that because a decision concerns our child, we should somehow know the answer immediately. Finally, we spend some time with those specific questions that seem to wait until you are back in your car, washing dishes, or finally somewhere quiet before they decide to show up. 

A Sentence to Carry With You

They may simply have had more time with the idea than you have. You are allowed to catch up. 

Continue The Prepared Advocate Series

This episode is the companion conversation to this week’s Prepared Advocate article: A Recommendation Is Not a Decision. The article and podcast approach the week’s advocacy theme from two different directions. The article looks at what it means to participate thoughtfully when a recommendation is placed in front of you. The podcast stays with the emotional experience of being asked for an answer when your thoughts have not quite caught up with the room. 

👉 Read “A Recommendation Is Not a Decision”

If you are following The Prepared Advocate Series, you can continue the conversation inside the ADHD Mom Advocacy Community on Skool, where we take these everyday advocacy moments a little further. 

👉 Join the ADHD Mom Advocacy Community

More Support From Mom Parent ADHD

If the mental load surrounding parenting, appointments, school conversations, decisions, and everything else you are carrying has been feeling especially heavy, you can also explore From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms and the companion From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook. These resources were created to help you make room around the thoughts that can keep running long after the meeting, appointment, or school day is over. 

👉 Explore Mom Parent ADHD Resources

👉 Explore the From Chaos to Calm Guide and Workbook

Stay Connected

Visit MomParentADHD.com for practical ADHD parenting support, advocacy education, and resources created specifically for moms raising children with ADHD. 

You can also follow Mom Parent ADHD on Substack, YouTube, Instagram, and Threads. Listen to the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast on Substack, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts. If this episode brought another mom to mind, please share it with her. She may have had one of those parking-lot moments too.

A Moment of Reflection

Take a look back at the very last meeting or appointment you attended for your child. When the team asked for your final input, did you feel a subtle rush to say yes simply because the room was quiet and the clock was ticking? If you found yourself nodding along or stepping out to the parking lot with a mind full of unanswered questions, please know that you did not fail. Your brain was simply doing the incredibly heavy lifting of processing new data, balancing your child's schedule, and carrying the weight of your own hope. You do not have to close the understanding gap in thirty seconds just because a professional has been looking at the data for a month. Give yourself permission to catch up, because your processing time matters just as much as your advocacy. 

Important Note

Mom Parent ADHD shares general educational information, advocacy support, and personal experience. This podcast is not medical, mental health, clinical, educational, or legal advice, and it does not create an attorney-client relationship. Every child and family is different. Please consult the appropriate qualified professionals when you need guidance concerning your child’s individual educational, medical, therapeutic, mental health, or legal circumstances. 

Advocating for Your Child With ADHD Without Always Speaking for Them

How to know when to step in, when to wait, and how to make room for your child’s own words

There’s a moment many moms know well. Someone asks your child a question at school, in a meeting, during an appointment, or in another important conversation. You already know your child may freeze. You know the answer may come out as “fine” or “I don’t know,” even when there’s much more behind it. You know how easily a short answer can be misunderstood. So you step in.

And sometimes, later, you wonder whether your child needed you to answer, or whether you answered before they had the chance. That’s the conversation at the center of this week’s episode of the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast.

This is not an episode about stepping back and expecting children to advocate for themselves before they’re ready. Our children are still children, and there are conversations and responsibilities that belong with the adults.

Instead, we’re talking about something much more ordinary and much more complicated: recognizing the moments when your child still needs you to carry the conversation, and the moments when there may be just enough room for them to contribute something of their own.

We’ll talk about why moms often answer so quickly, what can make those few seconds of silence feel so uncomfortable, and why participation doesn’t have to mean your child is ready to handle advocacy alone. Most importantly, this conversation isn’t about looking backward and questioning whether you’ve been doing something wrong.

Advocacy changes as our children grow. The child who needed you to explain everything two years ago may be able to contribute one sentence today. Another child may still need Mom to carry most of the conversation. Both can be okay.

The question isn’t whether your child should suddenly advocate independently. The question is whether there may be a little more room for them now than there used to be.

This Episode Is For You If:

You find yourself answering questions before your child has a chance to respond.

Your child often says "I don’t know” or “fine” when adults ask about something important.

You worry that your child will be misunderstood if you don’t fill in the details.

You want your child to eventually become more comfortable expressing what they need without pushing them before they’re ready.

You’re trying to figure out where your role ends and your child’s participation begins.

This episode is part of The Prepared Advocate Series, where we talk about the practical and emotional parts of advocating for a child with ADHD... including the parts mothers often carry quietly behind the conversation.

Read This Week’s Companion Article:

We Keep Talking About What Your Child Needs. Has Anyone Asked Your Child?

The article looks at why your child’s experience deserves a place in advocacy conversations without making your child responsible for adult decisions.

A Little Support for the Mental Replay Afterward

If you tend to leave meetings, school conversations, or appointments replaying what you said, what you should have said, or whether you handled something the right way, you can also explore From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms and the companion From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook.

I created them to help you slow down some of that mental traffic, sort through what actually needs your attention, and make room for whatever comes next... without feeling as though you have to solve every advocacy question at once.👉 Learn more at MomParentADHD.com

Come Build These Skills With Us

If you want a place to continue learning and practicing these advocacy skills with other moms raising children with ADHD, come join us in the ADHD Mom Advocacy Community on Skool.

Inside the community, The Prepared Advocate Series is organized for you so you don’t have to hunt through separate articles and podcast episodes to find the next piece. We’re building this together.

A Note Before You Listen

Mom Parent ADHD shares general educational information and personal experience. This podcast is not medical, mental health, educational, or legal advice. Your child’s circumstances are individual, so please speak with the appropriate qualified professionals when you need guidance about your child.

ADHD School Behavior: What Happened Before the Refusal?

When the same school problem keeps happening, look at what your child was still able to do before the moment changed.

A school behavior message can be completely true and still start the story too late.

When you read, “He refused the worksheet,” it can sound like the whole event has already been explained. But when the same concern keeps coming back, there may be a more useful place to begin than the behavior that happened at the end.

In this episode of the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast, I talk about something I wish I had understood earlier as a mom: why repeatedly asking our children “Why did you do that?” may not always get us the information we actually need.

This is not about excusing difficult behavior or trying to explain every school problem through ADHD. It is about knowing where to look when a broad concern keeps showing up and you need a better starting point for the next conversation.

In This Episode, we talk about:

Why a behavior message may begin at the most visible part of the problem rather than the most useful part.

What can get missed when a recurring school concern is described in very broad terms.

Why asking your child “why” may sometimes require more explanation than your child can give you in that moment.

How a more specific question can help you understand what deserves your attention without turning every school difficulty into an investigation.

Why you do not need to choose between immediately defending your child and immediately correcting your child.

How to approach a repeated school concern without assuming you already know what caused it.

A Moment to Reflect

Think about one school concern you have heard more than once.

When you hear it, what happens in your mind first? Do you start trying to figure out why your child did it? Do you feel pressure to correct the problem before it happens again? Or, do you find yourself questioning whether the description really fits what you know about your child?

You do not need to solve anything during this reflection. Just think about whether you have been focusing mostly on the part of the situation that happened at the end. As you listen to this episode, keep that one concern in mind and see whether the conversation gives you a different place to begin.

Continue The Prepared Advocate Series

This episode is part of The Prepared Advocate Series, helping moms to bring what they know into the advocacy conversation.

Read Monday’s Companion Article: ADHD School Behavior Messages: Before You Respond. A school notification can quickly feel like another parenting assignment. In the article, I talk about what happens after that message reaches home and why being informed about a difficult school moment does not automatically mean another round of correction, questioning, or problem-solving needs to happen there.

More Support From Mom Parent ADHD

School concerns can stay with us long after the school day has ended. Sometimes the message itself is only one part of what you are carrying. There is also homework, dinner, appointments, family responsibilities, your own worries, and that feeling that one more problem has just been added to your list.

From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms and the companion From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook were created for those fuller moments of motherhood. They can help you slow things down, work through what is weighing on you, and decide what needs your attention without expecting yourself to solve everything at once.

Learn More About the From Chaos to Calm Guide and Workbook

Stay Connected With Mom Parent ADHD

You can continue the conversation inside our ADHD Mom Advocacy Community on Skool, where we talk about the practical and emotional side of advocating for our children while still making room for ourselves.

You can find more from Mom Parent ADHD here:

Website: MomParentADHD.com

Substack: https://lolamswaby.substack.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MomParentADHD

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/momparentadhd/

Threads: https://www.threads.com/@momparentadhd

Skool: https://www.skool.com/exhale-reset-adhd-moms-3852/about

You can also follow and subscribe to the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast on Substack, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts, so you do not miss the next episode in The Prepared Advocate Series.

Episode Takeaway

When the same school concern keeps coming back, the behavior that gets reported may not be the only part worth paying attention to. Sometimes a better question can take the conversation somewhere the label never could.

Important Note

The Mom Parent ADHD Podcast shares general educational information, personal experience, and practical support for parents. It is not medical, mental health, educational, clinical, or legal advice, and listening does not create an attorney-client relationship. Every child and every family situation is different. When you need guidance about your child’s individual circumstances, please speak with the appropriate qualified professional.

Season 2, Episode 6

When You Don’t Know Yet: ADHD, School, and the Pressure to Have Answers

Why uncertainty can feel so uncomfortable when it is your child, and how to stay curious without forcing yourself to know too soon.

Your child makes one comment after school and suddenly your mind is several steps ahead. Was something wrong today? Is this the beginning of a bigger problem? Should you contact the teacher now, or are you making too much of one difficult moment?

When it involves our children, not knowing can feel surprisingly uncomfortable. We want to respond well, but sometimes that desire creates another kind of pressure: the feeling that we should already understand what is happening.

In this episode of the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast, I talk about that space before the answer becomes clear. Not every concern arrives with enough information to explain it. Sometimes we are still trying to understand what we heard, what we saw, and whether it means anything beyond today.

This conversation is about what happens inside us during that uncertainty and why being a prepared advocate does not require having every answer before we ask a question.

In This Episode

We talk about why one small clue can send a mother’s mind searching for an explanation, how previous experiences can make uncertainty harder to sit with, and what can happen when being prepared begins to feel like needing to know immediately.

Most of all, this is a conversation about giving yourself room to be curious while the situation is still unfolding.

A Moment to Reflect

Think about something involving your child that you are trying to understand right now.

Before deciding what you believe it means, ask yourself:

What do I actually know today?

Then consider what remains unanswered. You do not need to solve the unanswered part during this reflection. Just notice whether your mind has already started trying to fill it in.

Continue With The Prepared Advocate Series

This episode is part of The Prepared Advocate Series, where we look at advocacy as it happens in real life, including the moments before the email, meeting, appointment, or conversation when you are still figuring out what needs your attention.

This week’s Monday article is:

Is My Child With ADHD Adjusting to School or Beginning to Struggle?

Stay Connected

If these conversations feel familiar, come join us inside the ADHD Mom Advocacy Community on Skool. It is a space for mothers raising children with ADHD to talk about advocacy, everyday parenting, and the parts of this work that can be difficult to carry alone.

You can also find more Mom Parent ADHD articles, podcast episodes, videos, and resources at MomParentADHD.com and follow Mom Parent ADHD on Substack, Facebook, Instagram, Threads, LinkedIn, and YouTube.

If a difficult day tends to follow you into the next school email, decision, or conversation, you can also explore From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms and the companion From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook.

About the Host

Lola M. Swaby, Esq. is an attorney with 30 years of legal experience, an author, and a mother raising a son with ADHD and autism. She is co-founder of Mom Parent ADHD and creator of The Prepared Advocate Series.

Her work combines practical advocacy education with the lived experience of navigating school concerns, evaluations, accommodations, and the everyday decisions that come with raising a child who learns and experiences the world differently.

Educational Disclaimer

Mom Parent ADHD shares general educational information and personal experience. This podcast is not medical, mental health, educational, or legal advice. Your child’s needs and circumstances are individual, so please speak with the appropriate qualified professionals when you need guidance about your child.

There is a particular kind of pressure that can show up when your child is about to work with a new teacher.

You want to share the things that will help. You remember the misunderstandings that happened before. Then somewhere in the middle of preparing, you may find yourself trying to explain enough to make sure nobody reaches the wrong conclusion about your child this time.

In this episode of the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast, Lola talks about the fear underneath that urge to get there first.

Sometimes we are not only trying to give a teacher useful information. We are hoping that if we explain enough now, we will never have to hear our child described in a way that feels completely wrong later.

That is an understandable hope, especially when you have already had to work your way back from a misunderstanding.

It is also a lot of responsibility for one mother to carry.

In this episode, we talk about where useful preparation ends, why correcting an impression later can feel so emotionally difficult, and what happens when we quietly begin asking an introductory email or conversation to guarantee how another adult will see our child months from now.

Lola also shares a simple practice you can use when preparing to introduce your child to someone new.

In This Episode

We talk about why a mother may feel pressure to explain her child before someone else forms an opinion, why a previous misunderstanding can follow you into a new school year, and how trying to prevent another difficult advocacy conversation can make an introduction carry more than you realize.

We also explore the limits of preparation, why a new relationship will always contain things you cannot know yet, and why a misunderstanding later does not automatically mean you failed to prepare well enough today.

Most of all, this episode is a reminder that you can give someone a useful place to begin without taking responsibility for every conclusion they may form in the future.

One Thought to Keep With You

A misunderstanding later does not automatically mean you failed to prepare well enough today.

You are allowed to respond to the school year you actually have instead of trying to solve the entire year before it begins.

You can prepare someone to meet your child without trying to write the whole relationship in advance.

You do not have to live a difficult moment twice by carrying it into the school year before it has happened.

Related Support

If school concerns tend to follow you long after the conversation ends, From Chaos To Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan For ADHD Moms and its companion From Chaos To Calm In 30 Days Workbook can help you slow down, separate what is happening from what you are afraid may happen, and decide what deserves your attention today.

Inside Mom Parent ADHD: The Exhale & Reset Room on Skool, mothers can also find advocacy support, reflection tools, and community with other moms who understand why something as ordinary as a school email can carry years of history behind it.

Part of The Prepared Advocate Series

This episode is part of The Prepared Advocate Series from Mom Parent ADHD.

Each article and podcast in the series stands on its own and focuses on a different part of preparing for important conversations involving your child. Together, the series helps mothers develop practical advocacy skills while also making room for the emotional weight mothers often carry behind those conversations.

Stay Connected With Mom Parent ADHD

Join Mom Parent ADHD: The Exhale & Reset Room on Skool for community, advocacy support, and practical reflection tools for mothers raising children with ADHD.

Explore the From Chaos To Calm Guide and Workbook at MomParentADHD.com.

You can also follow Mom Parent ADHD on YouTube, Instagram, Threads, and Substack for new articles, podcast episodes, advocacy conversations, and practical support.

About Lola

Lola M. Swaby, Esq. is an attorney with 30 years of legal experience, an author, and a mother raising a son with ADHD and autism. Her work is shaped by both her professional experience and her lived experience navigating school concerns, evaluations, accommodations, and advocacy for her child.

She is the author of From Chaos To Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan For ADHD Moms and From Chaos To Calm In 30 Days Workbook and a co-founder of Mom Parent ADHD.

Through The Prepared Advocate Series, the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast, YouTube, and the Mom Parent ADHD Skool community, Lola shares practical advocacy education, reflection tools, and honest mom-to-mom support for mothers raising children with ADHD.

A Note About This Podcast

Mom Parent ADHD shares general educational information and personal experience. This podcast is not medical, mental health, educational, or legal advice. Every child’s needs and circumstances are individual. Speak with the appropriate qualified professionals when you need guidance about your child.

You may enter a school meeting, phone call, or appointment determined to be calm and cooperative. Then, without realizing it, you begin paying more attention to how you are being perceived than to the concern that brought you there.

In this episode of The Prepared Advocate Series, we are talking about how the desire to be seen as reasonable and easy to work with can quietly move a mother away from her real question. You will learn how one carefully chosen sentence can help you return to the reason you asked for the conversation without arguing or becoming confrontational.

Why ADHD Moms Agree Too Quickly in School Conversations

How often have you left a conversation about your child relieved that no one became uncomfortable, only to realize that your concern was never fully addressed?

You may have listened carefully, answered every question, and tried to show that you respected the teacher, doctor, therapist, or school professional. At the same time, you may have been making quiet calculations about how you were being received.

Should I ask again? Am I taking too much time? Do they think I am blaming them? What if they stop being open with me?

In this episode, Lola shares why she sometimes needed to sit in her car before son’s school meetings, even after decades of representing clients in depositions, mediations, and courtrooms. The difficulty was not a lack of communication skills. The conversation involved her child, and she wanted to be heard without damaging a relationship he still needed.

This episode explores how being seen as “easy to work with” can become an invisible goal that replaces the purpose of the conversation. You will also learn how to prepare one return sentence that helps you calmly bring the discussion back to the concern you do not want to leave unspoken.

In this episode, we talk about:

Why a calm conversation can still be incomplete

The emotional work mothers perform while monitoring how they are being perceived

How school, therapy, and medical conversations can drift from the original concern

The difference between returning to a question and arguing

How to identify the meaning beneath your first concern

A simple sentence to keep visible during an important conversation.

The central advocacy lesson

You do not preserve collaboration by disappearing from it. A calm relationship can survive a clear question.

Related support

This episode is part of The Prepared Advocate Series, created to help mothers parenting children with ADHD feel more prepared for conversations with teachers, school teams, doctors, therapists, and other professionals involved in their child’s life.

The reflection practices in From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms and From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook can help you slow difficult moments down, notice what you are carrying, and choose one grounded next step.

Inside the Mom Parent ADHD Skool community, the Prepared Advocate resources and live Advocacy & Exhale Table provide additional space to think through these conversations, practice clearer language, and advocate without losing yourself in the process.

Read the Monday companion article

Visit MomParentADHD.com, and follow Mom Parent ADHD on YouTube, Substack, Instagram, and Threads.

When ADHD Does Not Look Innocent on a Black Child

Before a Black child is called defiant, disruptive, lazy, or disrespectful, we need to ask what the adults around that child may be missing.

I once made an unannounced visit to my son’s first-grade classroom and found him sitting alone in a corner.

The rest of the class was receiving instruction. He had no work in front of him, and no one appeared to be helping him return to the lesson.

I could not know everything that happened before I arrived. But I could not stop wondering what the adults in that room had already decided about him.

Did they see a six-year-old child who needed help?

Or had they decided he was choosing not to participate?

In this episode of the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast, I talk about what can happen when a Black child’s ADHD struggle is interpreted as a character problem.

Confusion may be called defiance.

Impulsivity may be called disrespect.

Overwhelm may be called an attitude.

Difficulty beginning a task may be called laziness.

The behavior is visible. The need underneath it may not be.

In This Episode, we talk about:

Why Black children with ADHD may not receive the same benefit of the doubt.

How a description of what happened can quietly become a judgment about who a child is.

The different ways Black boys and Black girls may be misunderstood or overlooked.

The two fears Black mothers may carry while trying to protect and prepare their children.

How to bring a school conversation back to facts without excusing difficult behavior.

This episode is especially for the mother who has heard her child described in a way that left out everything the child was struggling to manage.

It is also for the mother who has wondered whether she was being too sensitive, too protective, or too quick to notice that something about the way her child was being treated did not feel right.

You are not wrong for paying attention.

A Thought to Carry With You

When you hear a label, ask for the facts underneath it.

You do not have to prove that your child is perfect.

You are asking the adults around your child to respond to what actually happened instead of relying on assumptions about why it happened.

Stay Connected

Continue the conversation and find more support from Mom Parent ADHD:

Read and listen to more from The Prepared Advocate Series here on Substack. This Series was created to help mothers feel more grounded when communicating with schools, doctors, therapists, evaluators, and other professionals.

Join Mom Parent ADHD: The Exhale & Reset Room on Skool for practical advocacy support, helpful tools, and community with other moms raising children with ADHD.

Follow Mom Parent ADHD on YouTube, Instagram, and Threads.

Visit MomParentADHD.com for resources, updates, and additional support.

You do not have to carry this work by yourself.

Important Note

This podcast shares general advocacy support and Lola’s personal experience as a mother raising a child with ADHD.

It does not provide medical, mental health, educational, or legal advice, and it does not create an attorney-client relationship. Please speak with an appropriately qualified professional who can consider your child’s individual circumstances.

Research Referenced in This Episode

[1] Fadus, Matthew C., et al. “Unconscious Bias and the Diagnosis of Disruptive Behavior Disorders and ADHD in African American and Hispanic Youth.” Academic Psychiatry, vol. 44, no. 1, 2020, pp. 95–102. Springer, https://doi.org/10.1007/s40596-019-01127-6.

[2] Glasofer, Amy, and Catherine Dingley. “Diagnostic and Medication Treatment Disparities in African American Children with ADHD: A Literature Review.” Journal of Racial and Ethnic Health Disparities, vol. 9, no. 5, 2022, pp. 2027–2048. Springer, https://doi.org/10.1007/s40615-021-01142-0.

[3] Morgan, Paul L., et al. “Sociodemographic Disparities in ADHD Diagnosis and Treatment among U.S. Elementary Schoolchildren.” Psychiatry Research, vol. 327, 2023, article 115385. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychres.2023.115393.

[4] Goff, Phillip Atiba, et al. “The Essence of Innocence: Consequences of Dehumanizing Black Children.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, vol. 106, no. 4, 2014, pp. 526–545. American Psychological Association, https://doi.org/10.1037/a0035663.

[5] Epstein, Rebecca, Jamilia J. Blake, and Thalia González. Girlhood Interrupted: The Erasure of Black Girls’ Childhood. Center on Poverty and Inequality, Georgetown Law, 2017, https://www.law.georgetown.edu/poverty-inequality-center/wp-content/uploads/sites/14/2017/08/girlhood-interrupted.pdf.

[6] Tam, Lok Yee Chloe, Yanisa Taechameekietichai, and Jennifer L. Allen. “Individual Child Factors Affecting the Diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) in Children and Adolescents: A Systematic Review.” European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, vol. 34, no. 5, 2025, pp. 1469–1496. Springer, https://doi.org/10.1007/s00787-024-02590-9.

You walk into a school meeting, doctor’s appointment, or conversation with a specialist knowing there is something important you need to say.

Then the questions begin.

Someone is taking notes. The clock is moving. You start explaining what happened last week, remember something from the month before, and suddenly the heart of your concern is buried beneath all the details.

In this episode of the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast, Lola talks about the pressure of trying to explain a complicated ADHD concern during a short conversation.

You are not struggling because you have nothing useful to say. You are trying to carry weeks of observations, emotions, and unanswered questions through a very small opening.

This episode introduces one sentence you can return to when the conversation begins moving too quickly:

“The part I most need you to understand is…”

Through the story of a child who begins avoiding robotics club after becoming confused and embarrassed in front of the group, Lola shows how one difficult moment can grow into something deeper. A child who once felt excited to participate may begin believing they are always the one who gets things wrong.

You will hear how to bring that concern into a conversation without trying to diagnose the cause or explain your child’s entire history.

In This Episode

Lola talks about:

How time pressure can make your thoughts feel scattered during a meeting or appointment.

Why trying to include every detail can bury the concern you most need someone to understand.

How to use the sentence, “The part I most need you to understand is…” when you lose your place.

Why your child’s words after a difficult moment may reveal something that behavior alone does not show.

How confusion and embarrassment can begin turning into avoidance for a child with ADHD.

What to say when someone focuses on grades, responsibility, or the visible reaction but misses the change that worries you.

How to ask for help when you do not yet know which support or next step would be appropriate.

Why it is acceptable to send a short follow-up message when the clearest words arrive after the meeting.

A Sentence to Carry With You

Before your next meeting or appointment, write:

“The part I most need you to understand is…”

Finish the sentence with the concern that would feel incomplete if it were left out.

You can then add one recent moment, something important your child said, and what has started to change because the concern keeps happening.

You are not preparing a speech. You are protecting the part you do not want the room to miss.

Continue The Prepared Advocate Series

This episode is part of The Prepared Advocate Series, created to help mothers feel more grounded when communicating with schools, doctors, therapists, and other specialists.

Read the related Monday article:

How to Explain Your Child’s ADHD Struggles Clearly

More Support From Mom Parent ADHD

When daily family life has felt rushed or emotionally crowded, it can be difficult to separate one concern from everything else that happened during the week.

The From Chaos to Calm Guide and companion workbook offer space to slow down, notice what keeps repeating, and put words around experiences that can otherwise blur together. The reflection you do there may help you recognize what matters most before an important conversation.

Continue reading and listening through Mom Parent ADHD on Substack, the Mom Parent ADHD website, YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Instagram, and Threads.

Important Note

This podcast shares general advocacy support and Lola’s personal experience as a mother raising a child with ADHD. It does not replace guidance from a qualified medical, mental health, educational, or legal professional who can consider your child’s individual circumstances.

Please contact an appropriate professional when a concern is severe, worsening, affecting safety, or significantly interfering with daily life.

Episode Takeaway

You are not expected to fit your child’s entire story into one appointment.

When the conversation begins moving too quickly, return to the part you do not want anyone to miss.