Motivation vs Frustration"Everyone wants to change the world, but no one wants to change themselves."Leo TolstoyEvery manager chooses for himself how to go through his daily work - with motivation or frustration. Note that motivation or frustration does not depend on external factors, colleagues, customers, suppliers, etc. They depend solely on the person who experiences them. Motivation is a choice. Frustration is also a choice.You may feel frustrated by external circumstances, but this is not the case at all. Imagine a junior account manager who in the first days of his work sees that he has made 100 calls to clients and none of them has answered positively. The junior account manager is frustrated because he has made significant efforts against which he sees no results. There is a feeling that there is some huge invisible barrier between him and his monthly target. At one point he even despairs, and momentary frustration gives way to mild depression in the following weeks. The junior account manager first starts accusing his clients of being rude and closing their phones. Then he blames his colleagues for not helping him. Finally, he blames his manager. He is already thinking about leaving.The junior frustrated account manager blames his customers, competitors, colleagues, and manager. He cannot help but wonder how he contributes to the lack of sales. Maybe he does not open the conversations well? Maybe he is being too polite on the phone? Maybe he has already mentally given up and sees each new refusal as a confirmation that his monthly target is unattainable?More experienced account managers, however, receive the same number of rejections from their customers over the phone, but in their mood, there is lightness. There is no sign of frustration. What is the difference between the junior frustrated account manager and the experienced motivated one?They face the same rejections; they work in the same office; they have the same manager; they have the same bonus scheme. Their external circumstances - both positive and negative, are identical.The only difference between the two is the way they look at what is happening in the external environment. The frustrated junior account manager has the feeling that he has no control over the situation. He blames his clients, competitors, colleagues, and manager.The experienced account manager knows that he has complete control only over his efforts. He has no direct control over the result. But he knows that the result depends on his efforts. He focuses on finding the best course of action without blaming others. The only person the experienced account manager blames is the person in the mirror.But how did this experienced account manager get to this state of being highly motivated, even when there is no external reason for it? He reached this state mainly thanks to his manager. His manager used the Socrates method and a few painful questions to support him in getting better, regardless of the external circumstances.At the beginning of his work, the experienced account manager also blamed his clients, colleagues, competitors, and manager when he did not achieve his monthly goals. Although he was at work for 8 hours, his goals were not achieved. According to him, the goals were not achieved, not because he was not good enough, but because the goals were too ambitious.When this experienced account manager complained to his manager that he was not achieving his monthly goals because of external circumstances, his manager neither agreed nor rejected his claims. Instead, his manager asked four questions that shaped the northern arc of the Motivation vs Frustration model. The questions are:Facts: The account manager cannot achieve the monthly goalsManager: What do you really want?Account manager: I want to achieve my goals. However, they are unattainable because our prices are high; the competitors are very aggressive, and the customers choose their suppliers in some dubious ways. Besides, all good customers are already serviced by other colleagues. And you have given me companies with which no one has previously closed any deals.Manager: How do you "help" this problem to exist?Account Manager: Well, first I get angry because I do not think such a distribution of the accounts is fair. When I get angry, I talk a little sharper to everyone - both clients and colleagues. Then they react to my tone in the same way, and they talk back. And honestly, almost every conversation stops shortly before we quarrel about something. Also, as the day goes on, I smoke a little more often; I extend my breaks a bit and I even leave earlier. Hence, the time in which I really work on my goals decreases a lot and I do not really have eight effective hours of work.Manager: You have already listed two ways in which you "help" your problem to exist - you speak sharply and angrily to colleagues and clients, and you also do not use all working hours while you are in the office. What do you choose to change?Account Manager: The first thing I can do is to be a little calmer and friendlier at the beginning of the day. It is up to me. Maybe I can move my gym training before work, so that to have more energy at the beginning of the day. So, I guess the conversations will become calmer and I may have better chances for closing the deals. Manager: What is your first step towards this?Account manager: Tomorrow I will start with morning fitness and from there - with a better mood in the office. And from there - we will see.In this dialogue you will notice two things:1) The manager does not blame the account manager for failing. Failure is not a person, but an event. And the manager works with the person. He creates psychological safety and provokes the search for solutions, not the search for excuses.2) The manager asks questions. He does not give ready-made decisions about what the account manager should change. Following these two rules - creating psychological safety and asking quality questions, over time leads to only one thing - progress. This example with the account manager and his manager is, of course, a small representation of how the Motivation vs Frustration model is used in practice.We start with reality. It is what it is. But a few managers see it objectively, because they look at it through the lens of their own experience, prejudice, and biases. Then, when reality does not live up to expectations, it's perfectly normal for frustration to occur. In fact, the only source of negative emotions in your life and work is the delta between what you expect and what you are experiencing. This delta can frustrate you or motivate you. If you take the southern arc of the model and start blaming the people and circumstances around you, you will get just that - frustration. However, if you look at yourself and realize exactly what you want to achieve, how you "help" the problem to exist - then the solutions and motivation for action will automatically appear.The four questions that are at the heart of the Motivation vs Frustration model and that you can use as a manager in almost any situation are:1. What do you really want? 2. How do you "help" this problem to exist? 3. What are the possibilities? 4. What do you choose?All the questions are important, but the most crucial is the second one. It focuses managers and their teams in the right direction - to realize how they "contribute" to the problem to exist and from there to take actions to overcome any obstacles.All chronic problems in teams exist only because managers "help" their existence.Then, when managers recognize how they "help" the problems and have the will to make a change - the positive results will become visible. But if you stay in the mode of blaming others and asking questions on the southern arc of the model (Who is to blame? Why is no one doing their job? Why is everyone waiting?) - then the problems will stay. Because of the manager, not because of the people in the teams or the external circumstances. Although they can be cited as reasons. But there is only one reason. And this is - the team manager, i.e., you. ***Buy the book "Cold Shower for Managers" by Plamen Petrov on Amazon - https://amzn.to/2Ka23CU
