Most Self-Improved

Calling all perfectionists: this series is for you! In this episode, Katherine Morgan Schafler, psychotherapist and author of "The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control,” answers all of our lingering questions, including:

• How can you detach from the outcome of something that you care about so much, like wanting to be a parent? 
• As a perfectionist, are my expectations too high for a romantic partner? Am I being too picky? 
• How do we strike the balance of effort and rest? 

More:

Buy the book and read along. The reading schedule is as follows. Read each section prior to listening to the episode.

Nov. 30 episode covers Chapters 1 through 4

Dec. 7 episode covers Chapters 5 through 7

Dec. 14 episode covers Chapters 8 and 9

Find out what type of perfectionist you are with this quick quiz.

Follow Most Self-Improved on Instagram.

Calling all perfectionists: this series is for you! In "The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control,” psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler gives a formula for feeling restored and highlights the importance of allowing yourself to experience pleasure today.

“Restoration is a two-phase process. You empty yourself out, you fill yourself back up,” she writes. Katherine says restoration is the combination of passive relaxation (think watching TV, taking a nap) and active relaxation (things like walking, cooking, going to a social gathering).

Katherine also warns against putting off pleasure:  “When you make your access to pleasure conditional (a ‘treat’ for being good), you’re communicating to yourself that whether you deserve to feel good lies in direct proportion to your performance, not your existence.”

She emphasizes to readers that their value lies in who they are as people, not their number of wins.

“All people care about is you, and you are not a composite list of your perceived accomplishments and failures in life," she writes. "The energy you bring into the room with you is more valuable than anything you could ever do.”

More:

Buy the book and read along. The reading schedule is as follows. Read each section prior to listening to the episode.

Nov. 30 episode covers Chapters 1 through 4

Dec. 7 episode covers Chapters 5 through 7

Dec. 14 episode covers Chapters 8 and 9

Find out what type of perfectionist you are with this quick quiz.

Follow Most Self-Improved on Instagram.

Calling all perfectionists: this series is for you! In "The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control,” psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler explains that perfectionists can be great at self-punishment if they don’t meet their expectations. Examples of punishments include critical and negative self talk, self-sabotaging the good in your life, and denying yourself the space and time to experience simple pleasures.

Why would we punish ourselves? What sense does that make? Katherine points to three reasons:

1. We’re evaluating our worth on our performance, instead of our existence.
2. We’re not understanding how important being compassionate with ourselves is.
3. We are incorrectly interpreting self-punishment as personal accountability.

Listen to the episode to learn how you can refrain from beating up on yourself.

More:

Buy the book and read along. The reading schedule is as follows. Read each section prior to listening to the episode.

Nov. 30 episode covers Chapters 1 through 4

Dec. 7 episode covers Chapters 5 through 7

Dec. 14 episode covers Chapters 8 and 9

Find out what type of perfectionist you are with this quick quiz.

Follow Most Self-Improved on Instagram.

Calling all perfectionists: this series is for you! In "The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control,” psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler says it’s time to embrace who you are.

“Perfectionists are intelligent people who understand that everything can’t work out perfectly all the time,” Katherine explains in her book. “What they sometimes have trouble with is understand why they still feel so disappointed by imperfection in the face of that intellectual concession. What they sometimes wonder about is why they feel so compelled to endlessly strive. What they’re sometimes confused by is what they’re striving for in the first place. What they often question is why they can’t just enjoy relaxing ‘like a normal person.’”

More:
Buy the book and read along. The reading schedule is as follows. Read each section prior to listening to the episode.

Nov. 30 episode covers Chapters 1 through 4
Dec. 7 episode covers Chapters 5 through 7
Dec. 14 episode covers Chapters 8 and 9

Find out what type of perfectionist you are with this quick quiz.

Follow Most Self-Improved on Instagram.

For this very special Thanksgiving episode of Most Self-Improved, hosts Bhavana and Erin discuss Oliver Sacks' collection of essays "Gratitude." The late Sacks penned the book during his battle with cancer.

“I cannot pretend I am without fear. But my predominant feeling is one of gratitude," he wrote. "I have loved and been loved; I have been given much and I have given something in return; I have read and traveled and thought and written. I have had an intercourse with the world, the special intercourse of writers and readers."

He added: “Above all, I have been a sentient being, a thinking animal, on this beautiful planet, and that in itself has been an enormous privilege and adventure.”

In this episode:
1:00 Introduction of the book
2:00 Discussion of the first essay
10:30 Erin reads “What I Will Miss,” one of Nora Ephron's essays from her book "I Remember Nothing."
12:13 Bhavana and Erin share what they're grateful for

More:
Purchase "Gratitude" by Oliver Sacks. Share your thoughts about the book and what you're grateful for on our show Instagram, @MostSelfImproved

Who wouldn't like to be even just a little bit happier? The four pillars of happiness, identified in “Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier” by Arthur C. Brooks and the one and only Oprah Winfrey, are discussed in this episode: family, friends, faith, and work.

In this episode:
2:41 A recap of what Episode 1 covered
3:55 So you're being unproductive? Why you shouldn't feel bad about it.
5:10 Pillar 1: Family and family conflicts addressed
6:30 Why you should pick a partner who complements you
9:13 Pillar 2: Friends and how much they influence your happiness
12:50 Five ways to develop companionate love with your partner
13:13 Pillar 3: Work
16:30 Pillar 4: Faith
21:40 Bhavana and Erin's final thoughts on the book
23:00 Why your pain gives you credibility

Purchase the book and read each section before listening to the show.

Reading Schedule:
The Nov. 9 episode covers Managing Your Emotions
The Nov. 16 episode covers Building What Matters

Share your thoughts with us on Instagram @MostSelfImproved

Who wouldn't like to be even just a little bit happier? This episode kicks off our series on “Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier” by Arthur C. Brooks and the one and only Oprah Winfrey.

"... Happiness is not a destination. Happiness is a direction," the authors explain. And if you think targeting the things that make you unhappy will result in more happiness, you're wrong the authors say.

“The common strategy of trying to eliminate suffering from life to get happier is futile and mistaken; we must instead look for the why of life to make pain an opportunity for growth.”

Learn what can make you happier, according to Arthur and Oprah, in this episode. Purchase the book and read each section before listening to the show.

Reading Schedule:
The Nov. 9 episode covers Managing Your Emotions
The Nov. 16 episode covers Building What Matters

More:
Share your thoughts with us on Instagram @MostSelfImproved

If you’ve been wanting to get a better handle on your finance$, our series on “Deeper Than Money: Ditch Money Shame, Build Wealth, and Feel Confident AF” might be for you.

Author Chloe Elise grew up in a household that didn’t talk about money. In college, she felt crushed by her student loans and decided she would read up on the subject of finance. But the restrictive, shame-inducing texts didn’t work for her. She believes in treating yourself to the $7 latte and striving for goals in a way that does’t leave you feeling deprived. Oh, and did we mention she became a millionaire before 30?

Purchase "Deeper Than Money" and read along.

Episode 1 covers Part 1: Understanding Beliefs and 2: Understanding Yourself
Episode 2 covers Part 3: Understanding Money and 4: Understanding Spending
Episode 3 covers Part 5: Understanding Goals and 6: Understanding Boundaries

Tell us your thoughts on Instagram and follow @MostSelfImproved. Learn more about Chloe on her website.

If you’ve been wanting to get a better handle on your finance$, our series on “Deeper Than Money: Ditch Money Shame, Build Wealth, and Feel Confident AF” might be for you.

Author Chloe Elise grew up in a household that didn’t talk about money. In college, she felt crushed by her student loans and decided she would read up on the subject of finance. But the restrictive, shame-inducing texts didn’t work for her. She believes in treating yourself to the $7 latte and striving for goals in a way that does’t leave you feeling deprived. Oh, and did we mention she became a millionaire before 30?

Purchase "Deeper Than Money" and read along. The reading schedule is as follows:
The Oct. 19 episode covers Part 1: Understanding Beliefs and 2: Understanding Yourself
The Oct. 26 episode covers Part 3: Understanding Money and 4: Understanding Spending
The Nov. 2 episode covers Part 5: Understanding Goals and 6: Understanding Boundaries

Tell us your thoughts on Instagram and follow @MostSelfImproved. Learn more about Chloe on her website.

If you’ve been wanting to get a better handle on your finance$, our series on “Deeper Than Money: Ditch Money Shame, Build Wealth, and Feel Confident AF” might be for you.

Author Chloe Elise grew up in a household that didn’t talk about money. In college, she felt crushed by her student loans and decided she would read up on the subject of finance. But the restrictive, shame-inducing texts didn’t work for her. She believes in treating yourself to the $7 latte and striving for goals in a way that does’t leave you feeling deprived. Oh, and did we mention she became a millionaire before 30?

Purchase "Deeper Than Money" and read along. The reading schedule is as follows:
The Oct. 19 episode covers Part 1: Understanding Beliefs and 2: Understanding Yourself
The Oct. 26 episode covers Part 3: Understanding Money and 4: Understanding Spending
The Nov. 2 episode covers Part 5: Understanding Goals and 6: Understanding Boundaries

Tell us your thoughts on Instagram and follow @MostSelfImproved. Learn more about Chloe on her website.