Motherbirth

This weeks guest shares her long journey to believing that she is enough, just as she is, as a mother.  When her first son was born, she struggled with resentment and grief as she felt the pressure to be perfect and knew she couldn't be.  Over the years she struggled more and more with her relationship with her son, reaching a point where she felt there was something wrong with her because she didn't want to be around him.

It wasn't until years after Kelly's son was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome at age 5 that her turning point came when she began to understand that she had always been conditioned to perform for worthiness and that this had carried over to her experience of being a mother. Learning to let go of perfectionism and her need for control was an important part of her journey, and now Kelly helps others do the same through her coaching work.

Kelly gets real about learning how to understand her son's needs and advocate for him, what it's like to embrace imperfection, and how she has stopped "hustling for her worthiness", in the words of Brene Brown.

• How never feeling like she was good enough as a child led to her becoming addicted to external validation  
• Being imperfect as a mother made her feel like she was failing  
• Being vulnerable can be in sharing of the hard moments of motherhood but also in believing in yourself and letting people see that  
• How her son's Aspergers diagnosis helped Kelly move towards believing she was enough  
• Learning to advocate for her son and teaching him to advocate for himself as he got older  
• The need for more moms to stand up and say "this is freaking hard"  
• Learning not to dismiss our own struggles just because someone else "has it worse"  
• Exploring personality type through The Enneagram  
• A special visualization Kelly does to help conceptualize your inherent worthiness  
• Kelly's year of Intentional Underacheiving  
• Learning to recognize and listen to your inner voice  
• Kelly's invitation to join her private Facebook Group: The Worthy Collective

Kelly Covert is an inner voice coach with a passion for helping women lay down their lifelong habits of perfectionism and chronic overachieving, so they can listen to their inner voice and love themselves fully every single day. 

Through her coaching, online programs, writing and speaking, she is creating a movement of women that are practicing worthy now instead of worthy if or when. She is the creator and host of the In Her Voice podcast. Her work has been featured on The Huffington Post, The Elephant Journal, YourTango.com, and she has been a featured guest on many podcasts. 

Kelly is also a professional flutist with Symphoria, a wife and the mother of 2 big boys and 1 baby girl beagle named Piper.

You can learn more and connect with Kelly at www.kellycovert.com.

Links:

Free 5 Days of Journaling Program: www.kellycovert.com/jo

In Part II of our Birth Plan episode, Laura and Mellisa get deep into what happens when things don't go as planned.  Using the BRAIN evaluation tool for making choices during childbirth, we help you explore both your philosophical approach to labor as well as how you handle changes of plan.

If nothing else, we want to get across the concept of holding your birth with open hands - this frees you from the possibility of being disappointed in yourself, your care providers, or the outcome itself if things deviate from the plan in any way.

You can count on us to tell it how we see it - from the perspectives of both a mom who has completed several variations of a "birth plan" and from a labor and delivery nurse who sees the impact they have all the time!

• Learning the BRAIN way of evaluating choices, alternatives and "changes of plan" in labor  
• It's ok to ask for time to evaluate things on your own (when there's time), even without your doula  
• Collaboration with your support team can help you feel confident in your birth choices  
• It's an ongoing dialogue, not a closed conversation.  There are very few one-way tickets in labor  
• How important it is to have conversations about your birth preferences with your care provider BEFORE you are in labor  
• Listen to your body in labor - what's actually working for you?  There's no way to know until you're in it  
• Most newborn care can happen while baby is skin-to-skin unless there's an emergency  
• Don't neglect the pediatric care portion of planning  
• If a birth plan becomes about control instead of confidence, it can negatively affect the outcome and experience  
• A birth plan can be a powerful bridge in a hospital setting if it's done right

Mama Natural's visual birth plan

Stage by Stage Birth Plan

Another Stage by Stage Birth Plan (PDF)

Easy, Customizable Birth Plan from Earth Mama

Visual Birth Plan from Mama Natural

When Birth Doesn't Go As Planned - an article written by Mellisa about drilling down to what really matters about your desired birth experience

Tips for a Gentle Cesarean Birth - having a cesarean birth doesn't mean that your preferences don't matter any more

In this episode, Laura and Mellisa dive deep into the why, what and how of a birth plan.  We talk both about the birds eye view and the nitty gritty - and how a birth plan can be relational instead of confrontational.

Part 1 of a 2 part episode, this conversation will get you thinking about your motivations and beliefs about birth, as well as reframing what the benefits of "planning" ahead really are.

It's our goal to get you thinking about what's important to you about birth, helping you reframe the way we approach goals and preferences around birth, and giving you the tools to evaluate your birth options successfully and in collaboration with your birth team.

You can count on us to tell it how we see it - from the perspectives of both a mom who has completed several variations of a "birth plan" and from a labor and delivery nurse who sees the impact they have all the time!

• A birth plan is not just for the birthing mother  
• A birth plan is not just for labor and delivery but also for postpartum and newborn care  
• How detailed you get really depends on personality  
• How planning for birth is like planning for a camping trip  
•  One of the best benefits is getting a chance to think through the different scenarios and how you will react if things DON'T go according to plan  
• On the other side of everything you don't want is something you DO want - proactive vs defensive  
• A birth plan can be a bridge  
• Talking to your care provider about your preferences and their style/model/perspective  
• How a doula can help evaluate birth choices and preferences

Mama Natural's visual birth plan

Stage by Stage Birth Plan

Another Stage by Stage Birth Plan (PDF)

Easy, Customizable Birth Plan from Earth Mama

Visual Birth Plan from Mama Natural

When Birth Doesn't Go As Planned 

Tips for a Gentle Cesarean Birth

After years of unfertility and wondering why this wasn't happening for her, Megan and her husband finally did testing and had to face that having children wasn't going to happen easily.  For a time, they decided not to do anything other than wait and see.

Inspired by a few different people, the couple eventually made the difficult decision not to pursue fertility treatments but instead to open their home to foster children.  They knew that this would be a challenging and often heartbreaking endeavor - and their families were initially concerned for their emotional wellbeing.  Megan and her husband knew that this is what they were meant to do and that no matter how hard it may be to have children they loved come and go, that they were willing to open their hearts and their home.

What follows is an incredibly inspiring and emotional journey through the ups and downs of falling in love with each baby that came into their lives and not knowing what the outcome would be.  Megan talks about the emphasis on reconciliation with birth families and how heartbreaking that can be, especially when it can sometimes be in conflict with what seems to be best for the child.  Learning to advocate for her foster children has been an important part of her motherhood journey.

The dramatic story of adopting their first foster child is one you cannot miss - Megan shows the fierce love she possesses and her passion for fully loving each child no matter how long they are with her - "Today you're here and we love you today". 

• Getting creative with photographing your kids when you aren't allowed to show their faces  
• The nightmare days when they were separated from their first foster son and he didn't eat or drink  
• Having to accept that they couldn't control what happened to these precious children  
• How their families came around to supporting them in their choice to become foster parents  
• Deciding not to take on special needs children and later learning their first foster son had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome  
• The emotional battle of constantly advocating for your children

Guide to US Adoption and Foster Care

Information on Foster Care in Canada

Information on Adoption in Canada

The Canadian Foster Care Crisis

Rebekah knew early on that her inability to get pregnant wasn't just a fluke that would easily pass.  And as time went on and testing didn't reveal anything clear, they were left without a lot of hope or clarity as they began to explore options.

She went through a long season where coping with the continual disappointment and pain was incredibly hard to deal with.  This was time was also hard on her relationship with her husband.  Facing this was so raw and she had a hard time reaching out to friends and family, leading to finding amazing support through online communities for infertility.  

1 round of Clomid and 4 rounds of IUI later, they weren't any closer to their hoped for child.  At the point that they were considering IVF, after almost 5 years of trying to get pregnant, Rebekah randomly decided to take a pregnancy test and found out she was pregnant.  Completely shocked by this outcome, Rebekah then entered the overwhelming and unfamiliar territory of navigating pregnancy and dealing with survivors guilt among the infertility support groups she had been a big part of over the years.

Rebekah ultimately had a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby - but you won't want to miss the story of her long, challenging and unmedicated labor!  

• Why Infertility is like being at the craps table with a 20 sided die  
• It doesn't help to tell someone "just relax and it'll happen"  
• How hard it is on a relationship to be constantly in this cycle of hope and disappointment  
• You never know who's going to show up for you  
• Dealing with "Survivors Guilt" when you do finally get pregnant  
• How hearing "If you two really want to be parents you can be parents" was at first frustrating but later comforting  
• Why she wanted to have an unmedicated birth after years of infertility  
• How having a baby made her feel really dependent and vulnerable, which she was not used to  

Information on IUI

Information on IVF

Jess's brush with death in her early 20's and subsequent management of lupus and stage 4 kidney disease set the stage for fertility challenges when she was finally ready to become a mother.  Faced with the choice to do emergency chemotherapy knowing that there wasn't time to harvest her eggs and she would likely never be able to carry a child, she moved forward: "you can't be a parent if you aren't alive".

With a lot of determination and heart, not to mention no small amount of heartbreak, Jess's journey to motherhood includes most of the possible paths available to those dealing with infertility.  She shares candidly about managing her chronic illness and making decisions with that in mind, loss and vulnerability, and the beautiful gift of surrogacy that finally brought her daughter to her.

Find out how Jess and her husband are trying to expand their family again!  This powerful story inspires the courage that it takes to be a mother - from the big, hard decisions to the showing up every day for our kids.

(After Lupus caused her kidneys to fail in 2004, Jessica Goldman Foung refocused her life and work to study food, health, and the many ways they interact. She began SodiumGirl.com in 2009 to capture her adventures in a low-sodium life.)  Here are links to her work:

Jess's website

BOOKS! Sodium Girl's Limitless Low-Sodium Cookbook and Low-So Good

WORDS! Food52, theKitchn, Huffington Post, Food Network, American Heart Association, Lean In

VIDEOS! Access Hollywood Live, Dr. Oz, Food52 LIVE, Better TV, ABC, National Kidney Foundation 1, National Kidney Foundation 2, National Kidney Foundation 3

Stephanie was excited, like any mother, to see her baby at her 20 week ultrasound.  When the ultrasound tech showed concern and then called in a doctor, Stephanie and her husband knew their world was about to change.

They learned that their daughter had a rare congenital condition called Fibular Hemimelia, where the fibula bone is short or missing (along with associated bone length discrepancies).  The news that their daughter would likely have to have her leg amputated early in life was very difficult to hear - but Stephanie and her husband were able to remain positive.

Stephanie's storytelling of Charlotte's first surgery is poignant and emotional.  Thrown right off the bat into the deep end of parenting, she has learned how to let go of control, focus on her bond with her daughter, and accept what normal is for their family.  Yearly prosthesis changes, hospital visits and helping her daughter advocate for herself are all part of theirs!

We learned that we need to keep tissues in the studio - and we think this episode will give you all the feels too.

Info about Fibular Hemimelia

Carolina had heard all about what it would be like to have a baby from her grandmother - and had no idea how it was setting her up to have her expectations sorely disappointed.  As she struggled through the initial months of motherhood, she found herself confronting these expectations one by one.

In this episode, we talk about trying to fit your family (and child) into a mold that doesn't actually work for you, and learning to accept who your child is and what's going to work for your unique family.  Now, with her second child, Carolina has learned a lot about going with the flow and speaking up for herself in a traditional, outspoken family.

Sleep when the baby sleeps only works if the baby sleeps, we discover in this conversation - it's full of relatable tidbits that every mother will find encouraging!

Carolina's Article at The Good Mother Project

In today's episode, Laura and Mellisa do something a little different - we have a one-on-one conversation sharing our thoughts on how to choose who you want to be at your birth.  This episode gets at the heart of why labor support is important and how much of an impact who is present and how they show up can have... 

We talk about the pros, cons and personal considerations of anyone you may choose to have at your birth - from mothers-in-law to children, and even go deep on the sensitive subject of "what if my partner isn't able to be the kind of support I need?".  Whether you're pregnant or may be in the future, this episode is a must-listen.  Plus, it turns out we're kinda funny.  ;)

We're also excited to share that we're doing our first ever Instagram Giveaway this week - we've teamed up with the talented Lindsay Gilmore over at www.lindsaygilmore.com.  We will be giving away one of her custom portraits - head over to our Instagram account (@motherbirth.co) for all the details and to participate!  The contest ends on May 9th at 9pm PST and we'll be announcing the winner the next day.

This week’s episode features Danielle Mayfield. Her unique journey to motherhood began with an experience that can only be described as what happens when things go upside down. Danielle’s pregnancy wasn’t as dreamy as she had heard it would be - in fact, she kind of hated being pregnant.  When she was around 33 weeks pregnant, she wasn’t feeling well and was sent to the hospital by the urging of neighbors and her midwife to discover she was in hypertensive crisis that developed into HELLP syndrome.

On today’s episode, she shares that journey and the experiences in her life that have informed her ability to embrace the births she was given and look back on those seasons and find the lovely things that came from her trauma.

Laura says: Danielle was the type of girl I wanted to meet. Pink hair, cool Myspace page. She worked the front desk of my college library. She always seemed to know something I didn’t and that thing was her calling. Danielle knew then and lives now a life that is given to the poor. Danielle began working with refugees around the same time I was surfing her Myspace and reading her BlogSpot.   

She has since, with her family, carved out a life and a ministry to the growing population of refugees in Portland, Minneapolis and Portland again. This has brought her to a conclusion that the best way to live life is with downward mobility.

Danielle is an incredibly gifted writer who has chronicled parts of her journey in the upside down kingdom in a book: Assimilate or Go Home: Notes from a Failed Missionary on Rediscovering Faith. Buy her book

Danielle  regularly writes about her life and work. She shares her views on faith, refugee politics, social norms and privilege on her Blog and on  Twitter and even the Facebook. 

On the show we discuss HELLP syndrome and preeclampsia. It is important that if you have any concerns about your health you contact your provider but we also want to say these conditions are rare. May is preeclampsia awareness month and we'll be sharing more on social media over the coming weeks!

We also talk about Maternal and Infant Mortality world wide and here in the US. The most important thing we can do is advocate for women's health care. Regular preventative women's health care is the most powerful intervention to reduce maternal and infant mortality. 

Find a way to join the fight for equality for women in healthcare and see what is being done: International Justice Mission; Women's Refugee Commission ;Planned Parenthood ; CARE; Global Fund For Women ; Engender Health. If none of