Motherhood Later in Life: Celebrating Our Joy!

When Andy started hurting her sister, my husband and I found ourselves discussing spanking. As a child of an abusive father, I didn't want to physically harm my child. What would I be teaching her if I hit her after she hit someone? That discipline meant freedom? Or that it meant terror? It took one instance of spanking her to set me on a completely different path—one that was better for our family, for my children, for me as a parent, and as an individual.

What do we really mean by the word discipline? If you listen to the word, "discipline" comes from the root word "disciple." It means somebody who learns or somebody who's guided. As parents, that means it's our job to teach and guide our children in a positive way. I want my children to reflect and grow from their mistakes, not to be terrified by them because we all make mistakes. Mistakes are good. It's how we learn and grow. I want my children to learn to understand that discipline equals freedom.

Why is it that with all the abuse I suffered at my father's hands, I could love him and forgive him? Yet I could not forgive my mother for her lack of protection? I expected unconditional love from her, but she never gave it to me. I finally forgave her after I realized I wasn't being fair to her. I accepted that though the love that she gave me was not enough for me, she gave me everything she was capable of giving.

Two of the most important women who influenced my mothering ability were my paternal grandmother, Ava, and my maternal grandmother, Jane. My grandmother Ava taught me to over-love my children—to express affection, to hug, to love them all of the time. Grandmother Jane taught me to do the things that needed to be done first and to never back away from doing a hard thing in life. These women had a tremendous impact on how I would develop my mothering definition.

My mothering motto is inspired by the poem "On Children" by Kahlil Gibran. It basically sums up why we, as parents, shouldn't live our dreams through our children. Our dreams can become prisons for our children. Instead, we need to focus on helping them be the best version of themselves that they can be, whatever path they might choose.

What is the perfect mom? I struggled with the idea for years. It was a meaning that developed over time as I entered new stages in my life. Ultimately it was the challenges that I face with my children that helped me understand what it took to be the perfect mom! The perfect mom never says, "It's impossible," "It's too hard," or "I give up." She loves her children. Ultimately, the perfect mom tries every day to be a good mom.

The wandering child—the child that takes off unexpectedly to explore territories unknown! I became paranoid after experiencing that minor heart attack on a shopping trip with Emmi. Yes, we are responsible for our kids. It's a hard balance between the extremes of wanting to keep them next to you all the time and give them a little freedom. So do what makes you feel comfortable to keep your kiddos safe. Don't listen to other people's criticisms. You are the parent and know what's best for your child!

During the toddler years, my twins were super picky eaters! Their acid reflux was of no help. I had to get really creative to get them to eat. We tried many solutions, but things usually backfired because they would get severe acid reflux. Traveling was also challenging since they couldn't eat just anything! How did I make this work? With a little bit of patience and a lot of love.

My least favorite thing about the toddler years was potty training my kids. At the start, I turned to books for answers. When that didn't work, I tried asking girlfriends who didn't really remember much about potty training. I even asked my mother's advice. Disastrous! While it was so easy for Emmi, Andy refused to be potty trained. Turns out she was capable but just didn't want to! We had to get really creative to motivate her.

When my kids were still babies, I wanted them so much to walk as soon as possible! But when Emmi started crawling, I thought that I might've wished for it too quickly. I found out the hard way that they're going to fall and get bruises! It was scary how much they bruise that age. I was paranoid someone would call CPS on us. We parent paranoia! We quickly learn to help them avoid bumps and bruises by keeping our home as toddler-safe as we could.