I'm struggling with whether or not we should celebrate the Day of the Dead this year. Somehow, it just feels wrong in a year when the world feels like it's falling around us. But at the same time, it seems wrong not to do it at a point where my daughter is exploring her Mexican heritage. After all, the Day of the Dead is a celebration of life, human resilience over tragedy, and a celebration of culture.

We have always enjoyed Halloween. However, we were not sure we would be celebrating this year due to the pandemic. Still, I had to get creative, just I had been during the below zero Halloweens! I couldn't allow this Halloween to slip through my fingers when I have so few left with my girls! They are 13! Soon they will off to college! Luckily I will have my little bug for a few more years to make the transitions easier.

Have you ever had the mom meltdown? It's when you literally feel like butter melting by the heat of all the responsibilities and commitments you have. I love my husband and my children, but that doesn't mean I don't get overwhelmed sometimes. I try to spend individual time with my children and husband, and by night time, I'm just so exhausted! So I have a meltdown now and again because I need this break, and I should be able to take it without guilt!

Have you ever witnessed teens in shouting matches with their parents, siblings hitting each other, or teens throwing tantrums like two-year-olds? As older parents, we didn't want to go through this! We have avoided it so far by parenting with a purpose. We focused on natural consequences and problem-solving skills, modeled good behavior, and apologized when we made mistakes. Are our kids perfect? Nope! But we don't feel overwhelmed as we go through these naturally rebellious years.

My body is changing! Before, I could put on makeup effortlessly. Now, I find myself Googling "how to put on makeup on mature skin." My friends used to call me the Energizer bunny. Now, I have to take a nap in the middle of the day to keep up with my kids! But despite this new, and yes, unexpected, challenges, I appreciate every year that I get because it's another year that I get to spend with my kids and my crazy husband. Another year that to enjoy my beautiful life as an older mom.

One of the toughest moments as a mother was when one of my twins was released from the NICU. I was terrified I would not be able to handle the baby coming home with me and mortified that I had left one of my babies in the hospital. Guilt, fear, and anger ate at me, marring what I thought would be the happiest times as a new mom!

The worst part about my difficult pregnancy was spending the entirety of it losing it. Everyday agonizing if that were the moment I would miscarry. Seeing the spotting on my panties, rushing to the hospital in labor time after time, forcing myself to undergo stressful and painful procedures in the hope I could save my babies. Knowing I had no control, it broke me. I disconnected from my precious cargo to keep my sanity to survive what should have been one of the happiest moments in my life.

When Dora came to live with us, she had a very poor attitude. It shocked me that she thought being mean was fun. But I really love her so I refused to give up. She deserved my commitment. It took facing her old life for her to realize that she was changing and she liked who she was becoming! When we gifted her an e-bike on her birthday (just like with the twins), she burst into tears in my arms for the first time. And for the first time, she realized that she had all of us, too! She was home!

When we commit to being moms, we may feel that everything becomes so overwhelming. While it's a wonderful choice, it's not always easy. So we need to take some time to recharge. I think I would have been a better mother had I been willing to allow others to help me take care of my kids. We need to accept that they're loved by other people, and we need to enable our kiddos to bond with others. In doing so, we also get to rest. Because while motherhood is a beautiful choice, we need to rest to be the best mothers we can be!

I'm no longer hiding from YouTube! And why was I hiding at all, I can't help but realize that it stems back to my mother, the way she always put me down. Now so many years later, while I don't lack confidence, I do continue to lack a comfort level about myself. It is something that I've always kept in mind with my own kiddos. They all came to me with such different levels of natural confidence. I do everything I can to bolster them. I know I'm going to make mistakes. We all do with our children. But, I'm going to do my best, to be the best mother that I can be til the day that I die.