Mourning Meeting

Have you ever considered having "the talk"? No, not that talk! The talk about who you would want to make decisions for you if you were unable to do so. Or what you would want done to you if you were in an accident or had an injury and were no longer able to communicate? Although we hope to live very long lives and not need these conversations for a long time, the reality is that accidents are the leading cause of death for people up to 24 years old.  Accidents may not always be deadly but can leave a person unable to communicate. In these circumstances, it is so important to have trusted people that know your values and wishes and can speak for you. In this episode, Mr. Leven shares stories of people who did not communicate their wishes in advance, and the terrible struggles their families went through. We hope it provokes some thinking and conversations in your life!

High school graduation is often thought of as a celebration. As it should be, of course- it is quite an accomplishment for many students to finish high school. But when we focus solely on the celebratory aspects of this milestone, we often don't leave space to discuss the grief that comes with leaving a familiar place with consistency of schedules, expectations, and friends. Going to college brings many adventures but also brings space between relationships and changes in routine, finances and expectations that can trigger intense feelings of grief. Show Them You're Good, Mr. Hobbs' latest book, highlights the struggles of several high school boys as they navigate through the college application process, along with high school and family struggles. 

Jeff Hobbs grew up in Kennett Square, PA. He is the author of The Tourists, a national bestseller, and The Short and Tragic Life of Robert Peace, a New York Times bestseller, notable book of the year, and winner of the LA Times Book Prize. Show Them You're Good is his second work of nonfiction. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife and two children. His books can be found on Amazon, or by supporting your local book store.

Michael and I spend some time talking about how to create spaces to have conversations about death, even with young people.  He shares his story about some painful childhood experiences he went through that propelled him into this work and how he believes that the kitchen table can be a transformative space to have difficult conversations. He shares techniques, including the way we invite people to this conversation, that make it more possible for people to talk about death. He also shares his new venture, EOL.community, which he describes as an "itinerary" for  death, not leaving anything up for last-minute decisions.  EOL.community provides all of the necessary tools, services and products one needs to plan for death, much of which is FREE! 

To connect with Mr. Hebb, reach out to him on EOL.community.

Michael brings a different perspective about childhood trauma.  While many people that experience traumatic events as children are at risk for poor  outcomes as adults, Michael's positive outlook protected him from feeling helpless and out of control. Young adults often want to have this same outlook but are not able to achieve it.  How did he? We talk about how he thought about his experiences and the way he saw his future.  

Jilly shares the heartbreaking loss of her friend due to suicide.  Just as Jilly graduated from high school and was looking forward to her freshman year at The University of Maryland, her world was shaken by the sudden death of her friend. Jilly talks about preparing to go to college while grieving and how she got support once she got there.

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, please contact The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-274-TALK (8255).

Most of us can probably relate to some risky behavior as a teen.  But Michael talks about extremely dangerous behaviors, likely stemming from years of sexual abuse as a child. The loss of safety and security he experienced could have led to an entire lifetime of maladaptive behaviors.  However, Michael was able to gain insight and coping tools in college and talks about how the help of a therapist and good friends got him through his teens and early twenties. 

Michelle Haar, LCSW is a therapist in private practice in New Jersey. She works with adolescents and adults who have experienced loss, and talked about how her own experiences in high school and college losing two friends and her grandmother within about a year of each other shaped her decision to best support others who are grieving.

Michelle can be reached on Psychology Today or at [email protected].

Today, we walk about a recent paper published by Active Minds, a young adult mental health organization. I highlight several recommendations that college campuses can implement when trying to better support students after the trauma and loss associated with COVID-19.  To read the entire paper, go to https://www.activeminds.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/COVID-19-Position-Statement.pdf.

In this first episode, I will introduce myself and the idea behind the podcast, The Mourning Meeting. I will let you know where to find us, and how to reach out if you want a specific topic covered or want to ask to be a guest on the podcast. Hope you will join us!