Movie Survival Guide

"Don't try to escape, don't cry out for help, do you understand?"---Casanova, "Kiss The Girls"

We all love watching horror movies, but hate trying to survive them. It's just too easy to let fear take advantage of you and dictate your actions. In this episode, we look at why horror movies will always be popular despite our low opinion of them and how much fun they can be. We look at a few examples, and then show you how a little preparation and strategy can go a long way to ensuring your survival no matter what is hunting you.

“The real excitement of course is going to come at the end of the summer, during Sexual Awareness week. We import two hundred hookers from around the world, and each camper, armed with only a thermos of coffee and two thousand dollarscash, tries to visit as many countries as he can. The winner of course is named King of Sexual Awareness week and is allowed to rape and pillage the neighboring towns until camp ends.”---Tripper, "Meatballs"

The sex comedy is one of the most durable of art forms, capable, of making us laugh, cry, and taking down leaders. Our Goal: Get laid without totally embarrassing ourselves. In order to do so, we will use our connections, manage the schedules of our enemies, forget that thing called "Modesty", ignore reputations, and maybe even carry a condom.

"You know, we're always fascinated when we find leg irons with no legs in them."---Samuel Gerard, The Fugitive

Surviving in a prison movie can be all sorts of fun: You have a gym, lots of friends, and motivation to survive. Just remember to keep your guard and let the soap go. Just let it go.

Oh, and this is strictly for surviving movie prison life. Using this as a guide for REAL prison life is not advisable.

"Back there I could fly a gunship, I could drive a tank, I was in charge of a million dollar equipment!"--- Rambo, "First Blood"

Surviving military service in the movies can be difficult. Between "volunteering", scientific experiments, and dangerous superiors, your life is in constant jeopardy. This should help you survive your stint in the service, no matter which branch, which era, or which side you find yourself on.

"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses."

"Hit it."
----Elwood and Joliet Jake Blues,"Blues Brothers"


We've all debated what we would do if we were in a movie. This episode covers the most basic survival tips on how to survive in most movies.