Mum As You Are

Instagram can be a positive experience, no doubt. However, it's also a breeding ground for toxic positivity and a cultural phenomenon that's maybe best described as cruel optimism. 

Today I'll explain where we blur the boundaries between Positive Psychology (a really useful, evidence based and amazing mental health movement) and toxic positivity. 

In other words, what happens when people tout an overly simplistic 'pom pom' shaking approach to mental health and parenting. When we say things like "just be positive", or "practice gratitude" while bypassing some of the complexities of mental health, it can be not only unhelpful, it's downright cruel. 

Pre orders for my new book, Social Media Detox for Mums is open!

Booktopia (21% off)

Angus & Robertson (20% off)

Amazon Australia

Amazon US & REST OF THE WORLD

Book Depository for UK/EUROPE

Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu

If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel 

I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)

My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/

Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop

Inquiries: [email protected]

My girls have their birthdays 2 days apart so this is the time of the year I think back to their births 5 and 7 years ago. Even though I’m done with babies, I absolutely still use some of the techniques I learned and taught in Hypnobirthing. I used one of them just the other day.

I thought it might be interesting to reflect on what tools I still use. 

If you don’t know, I used to teach Hypnobirthing through Hypnobirthing Australia and it helped with my own two traumatic births. It’s still something I endorse and use, I just think there’s a big variety in what’s taught in different programs. I’m personally not a fan of techniques that use too much frontal lobe activity – counting contractions and breathing in and out for certain counts.  In birth, we want the problem-solving part of the brain to feel safe enough to turn off so that the deeper, mammalian brain can do what’s it’s designed to do.

I’m also not a fan of the cruel optimism culture that can exist within some Hypnobirthing communities. Planning for a positive birth is one thing. Getting self-righteous about ‘natural or nothing’ can be cruel and invalidating. 

There’s no right way to Hypnobirth – drugs or no drugs, interventions or no interventions, you should never be made to feel like you’ve failed or didn’t try hard enough.

I'll talk your through my 5 most used tools!

P.S. If you want to see me use the Chinese Finger Trap exercise, the video format of this episode is on my YouTube channel 👇

Pre orders for my new book, Social Media Detox for Mums is open!

Booktopia (21% off)

Angus & Robertson (20% off)

Amazon Australia

Amazon US & REST OF THE WORLD

Book Depository for UK/EUROPE

Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu

If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel 

I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)

My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/

Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop

Inquiries: [email protected]

This week I reflect on busyness and its relationship with parental (or any other kind) burnout

I'll discuss:

Why people look at me funny whenever I'm asked if work is "busy" and I say "No!"

My history with associating being busy with being safe - family patterns, coping with school bullying, work patterns and coping as a new mum with birth trauma

How my body has shown me that I'm no longer built for being busy

Why we use busyness to avoid stillness and why we need stillness to grow and learn

The quote about life that made my stomach flip and an exercise you can use to reflect on the life you want

Pre orders for my new book, Social Media Detox for Mums is open!

Booktopia (21% off)

Angus & Robertson (20% off)

Amazon Australia

Amazon US & REST OF THE WORLD

Book Depository for UK/EUROPE

Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu

If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel 

I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)

My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/

Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop

Inquiries: [email protected]

In this episode I'll spend some time reflecting on an observation I've really noticed in the last 12 months - that more and more women are talking about being diagnosed with ADHD.

I'll cover:

How we can reflect on - what is parental burnout and/or anxiety, depression and trauma from the pandemic, versus what is ADHD?

Is it possible the pandemic has highlighted underlying, undiagnosed ADHD for adult women?

How common is ADHD, really?

A little bit of history behind why so many adults were never diagnosed 

Myths around what we think ADHD should look like

Myths and history around medication

What does ADHD look like in adults? What would you be looking for before you go off and get tested (which is an expensive and multi-step process, but might well be life changing for some)

AND- something I'd always stress - The trickiness of diagnosing a neuro-developmental disorder by using observation, rather than actually looking at the brain.

You can watch the video version of this conversation on my YouTube channel 

P.S. If you're looking for a Psychologist in Australia who specializes in ADHD, I used to share an office at Uni with Maddi Derrick.  She set up ADHD Hobart and has lived experience.

Pre orders for my new book, Social Media Detox for Mums is open!

Booktopia (21% off)

Angus & Robertson (20% off)

Amazon Australia

Amazon US & REST OF THE WORLD

Book Depository for UK/EUROPE

Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu

If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel 

I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)

My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/

Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop

Inquiries: [email protected]

This week I reflect on how social media impact the maintenance stage of mental health

I wonder how many mums go to therapy or coaching for one hour a week. In that one hour, they work on strategies to feel better. But then, within an hour they are on Instagram scrolling for 20-plus hours before their next session. Do you see what I’m saying about how social media addiction might just be cancelling out the deep mental health work? That it might, in fact, be interrupting the process of maintenance?

I'll talk about the cruel optimism that is telling people to "just use it less" and why overly simplistic solutions ultimately don't work for complex issues

I'll share 4 of my top takeaways about my own mental health I've noticed since quitting socials 18 months ago 

You can watch the video version of this conversation on my YouTube channel 👇

Pre orders for my new book, Social Media Detox for Mums is open!

Booktopia (21% off)

Angus & Robertson (20% off)

Amazon Australia

Amazon US & REST OF THE WORLD

Book Depository for UK/EUROPE

Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu

If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel 

I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)

My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/

Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop

Inquiries: [email protected]

This week I explain something that's the bread and butter of most  types of therapies - when should you actually feel and process your feelings and when should you use a tool (like distraction) to just manage in the moment?

I'll cover:

What is 'urge surfing'? 

When does distraction NOT work very well? 

Validating the experience of having a child who is upset and just isn't calming down with your usual bag of tricks

Thinking about when is it safe to feel feelings

I'll share an anecdote about how even the late Queen used distraction, and a story about how I sometimes used to pass out when I tried using distraction

SALE!

With it being Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Awareness week in Australia (November 6-12th) I'm running a sale on all my mental health courses.

Use code: PANDAWEEK22 at the checkout

For 50% RRP until November 13th

✨Coping with Perinatal Anxiety and Depression (RRP $68 USD down to $34)

✨More Than a Healthy Baby- Coping with Birth Trauma for Parents  (RRP $68 USD down to $34)

✨My best-selling Birth Trauma Training for Birth workers (*which now includes the bonus Working with Partners course) RRP $144 USD down to $72

Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu

If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel 

I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)

My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/

Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop

Inquiries: [email protected]

Book mentioned

Discipline is Destiny - Ryan Holiday

Today I share an acronym that's used in addiction recovery and why I think it's a helpful prompt to put as a visual on the lock screen of your phone.

I'll cover:

Noticing what your body is telling you about internal stress cues

It's human to want to distract or get rid of pain

Reflecting on your own experience of connection versus communication and are you actually topped up by using your phone? What could you do instead?

Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu

If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel 

I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)

My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/

Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop

Inquiries: [email protected]

This week I reflect back on how much early motherhood takes out of us, and how it can be so hard to figure out when to keep going and when to rest

How the first 5 years of parenting often coincides with the first 5 years of a new business for many mums. Working on your business versus working on your Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs isn't something we're taught at school

How it can feel like the world forgets how exhausting motherhood is. We are expected to parent like we don't have a job, yet work like we don't have kids

How there needs to be a health disclaimer for mothers entering entrepreneurship

Conversations around worth, sleep and productivity as mothers

In this episode, I talk about shame, should-ing all over yourself and the stuff that stops us from being the Mum we want to be

I talk briefly about:

How shame doesn't change behaviour

An acronym to reflect on how shame feels

What happens when you open your mouth and your mother/grandmother comes out

How we can cope with the shame that gets triggered from our kids and our parenting reactions

Creating your own legacy for the ancestor you want to be

It's deliberately short so you can digest just a chunk :)

I've been noticing myself and other people using the word "still" quite frequently. As in "still" tired, "still" overwhelmed. As if we somehow have an internalized belief that we shouldn't be feeling this way. 

Rather than judging ourselves, I wonder what would happen if we stopped adding the word "still" before our emotional experiences? 

My birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu

If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel 

I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)

My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/

Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop

Inquiries: [email protected]