Last fall, I decided to allow myself to learn to play the piano. I took lessons as a child, but I could not get past my own limitations then, being so stuck in the trappings of perfectionism and shame for anything less than.
This time, I decided to learn thru what I call the chaos method. I began by allowing my fingers to find their way with the keys, feeling out how they wanted to run and play. Meanwhile, my ears and mind open to align with my fingers and the instrument. I stumble and make mistakes that turn into new discoveries.
About six months later, after sporadic practice dependent on access to a piano and the patience of my family to stand the process, this is my most recent expression. I find this play to be healing for myself in what cannot otherwise be expressed, both in the expression and the reflecting back as I listen.
I’m not sure if anyone else will find this beneficial, but it certainly is for me. The piano needs tuning, my fingers are still gaining their fluency and nimbleness, but even still I hear the beginning of something of beauty building.