Musing Interruptus

Hello and welcome, I’m Renée Valentina and this is Musing Interruptus. A podcast meant for sharing thoughts, stories, enjoying idiomatic phrases and words in general. You can read along; the transcription is in the description of this episode. The idiomatic expressions are in italics. Try to get the meaning from the context and then look them up to see if you were right. If you like it, share it, but more importantly, continue the conversation. Today, The Other Woman.

She’s brighter, lighter, more creative, more sensual, in it for herself. I met her the other day. Man, she is beautiful. Those lips and the curvatures in her face and body. What about her mind? A push for authenticity and freedom. You can hear it in her words. A warrior of light, life, honesty and acceptance of her own skin. She’s everything I ever thought a woman should be. Herself. 

I mention the other woman. But, what about the other man? What about the man in the mirror? What about those guys? The other woman, indeed. Woman is always other. That is another story.

We are a great many things and even different people, to ourselves and the people around us throughout our lives. There are parts we carry. In the words of Bono, all that we can’t leave behind. That is what we bring along, pull or push through the journey. What we’ve learned, the good and the bad. They useful teachings and those that hinder our development and self perception. Hopefully, you learned to be loved and to make your dreams come true, if not, the load gets all the more heavy. You might have learned to put yourself second or even last. You might have learned that making dreams come true is not for you. Those cases can take longer to unlearn. Not impossible, all the contrary, it is very possible to change that. As a teacher, I am in the business of learning, discovering, and teaching. A revolutionary by design. I believe in change. And not hocus pocus, wait for the stars to align, I mean change by pushing the envelope, creating awareness, motivation, and understanding processes and events from different points of  view, in different lights, the use of the Socratic Method, and when all else fails, pontificating on possible realities.

Change happens inside and out. What we believe to be true about ourselves is true or can be, if we have evidence to that effect. For instance, if you believe you can bring joy to yourself and others, is is possible inasmuch as your actions have that result. There are no special invitations to be who you really want to be. There is no Harry Potter owl about to visit you, to tell you what you know is possible. If you are a wizard, then make a spell, make magic everyday. If you are committed to justice and basic human decency, your actions will speak to that. Elvis Prestly was not wrong when he sang a little less conversation, a little more action. 
Do you ever wonder about those people, the ones that changed their lives? The singers, the entrepreneurs, the artists. They may not have had an owl bring them a special invitation either. We shouldn’t count on it. I think we need a planning stage, first and foremost, in which we clearly articulate what we want to be. The step after that is storyboarding, how do we get from who we are today to who we want to be. Identify the habits we need, the attitudes, the motivation that will get us through each day. Posing the questions. Is it about developing a talent? Changing your career? Learning a new language? Traveling? Dancing? Painting? Setting up a business? Finding love? Becoming the person who tells the stories? I’m sorry if the owl hasn’t visited you. You might have to start the journey without it.

Becoming the other woman is not hard. If you haven’t guessed, I’m not talking about an affair. Which is the common acceptation or meaning of that phrase. Sorry, maybe next week I’ll tell you a story in that vein. Continue reading

Hello and welcome, I’m Renée Valentina and this is Musing Interruptus. A podcast meant for sharing thoughts, stories, enjoying idiomatic phrases and words in general. You can read along; the transcription is in the description of this episode. The idiomatic expressions are in italics. Try to get the meaning from the context and then look them up to see if you were right. If you like it, share it, but more importantly, continue the conversation. Today, It’s Not That Simple.

It is not that simple. It never is. Unless you are on the outside of the issue or problem. In that case, it is not only simple, the solution is probably the bridge between a person and their happiness, hell, why not… bliss. So, if you are on the inside of a problem, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sorry that you are going through these tough times. We’ve all been there or maybe, we are there. When some unfeeling dumb ass comes around and dishes out solutions, I just want to say, shut up. Quiet! I know the real deal, and it is not that simple. So shut up. Be quiet. Even if they are right, even if the solution is the right way to go. Even if their solution makes the most sense or at least more sense than feeling bad, and hiding away. Life is not a company you are running, your 360 evaluation is not welcome here. No siree Bob. No thank you. Be quiet. Shut up. 

You see, people will tell you want they need, if you are sensitive enough to listen to them. That person telling you tu shut up probably really needs to be listened to. Compassion can go a long way. Hey, we all need to lick our wounds some times. I play sad music and let the sad times roll down my cheeks. Today I was reminded that sometimes you need a good cry. I’m going to pencil it in… I’m a little busy today, but I’ll make time. 

Then again, there does come a time when licking wounds becomes more a sport than an act of preservation. Putting on those grown-up pants and facing the person in the mirror can be daunting. The first time, you might say, yeah, that is too much! Back to the bed, back to living under the covers. But try again. Try again. Try again. You'll get it, you will move forward, until that unsummoned opinion from that nosey person or busybody who is just not minding their business; until what they said makes sense. It is timing. That is why it is not that simple. Timing makes all the difference. 
I curse my bad timing! CURSES! And shut up, I know what your are thinking… it isn’t bad timing, it takes as long as it takes. I was thinking about how long it has taken me to do certain things or say certain things out loud. It took as long as it took. In the words of Gustavo Cerati “It takes time for it to arrive, in the end, in the end, there are rewards.” So best keep those eyes peeled for the end, there might be treasure or at least chocolate, maybe ice cream.

I don’t know. A trip to Bali, a trip through your wires or maybe your most quiet and desired dream. These types of rewards are normally - healthy- it is probably a learning experience that makes you wiser. Wisdom after the point! Well, ok, it isn’t a complete waste, I’ve learned what not to do, what to avoid… or so you would think. I’d rather have the chocolate, thank you. How about that treasure? Does it come in a chest? I really like boxes. I like organizing things. Sometimes the treasure is the box in which you keep things, like memories and love. Memories of my family when I was a child, the good times, not the bad times. Or the good times after the family crying times. Simpler memories like going to the coat store, picking out a rain jacket, it was pink, I imagined it a perfect pink trench coat. I couldn’t wait for the cool autumn weather and rain. Years later, I still get excited about a new umbrella. Ah, there is that umbrella again. Waiting for the rain to use my umbrella was worth every moment that  built up to it. I have a lot of those memories, ancient and recent. Continue listening

Hello and welcome, I’m Renée Valentina and this is Musing Interruptus. A podcast meant for sharing thoughts, stories, enjoying idiomatic phrases and words in general. You can read along; the transcription is in the description of this episode. The idiomatic expressions are in italics. Try to get the meaning from the context and then look them up to see if you were right. If you like it, share it, but more importantly, continue the conversation. Today, Goodbye, Jane.

I’m from a generation that learned about the Birkin bag before learning about Birken herself. The compilation of her best takes from the movies revolve around her eyes and those looks that implied someone had just said something idiotic and should feel deeply ashamed for breathing in the vicinity. I’m intrigued if that is actually in line with the parts she played or it is just what I projected on her.

The first time I became aware of Jane Birkin, I was sixteen or seventeen. I heard her over the speakers of my father’s car, singing J’taime, J’taime, oui J’taime. I blushed, I always blush. I blushed and my imagination was set ablaze. I was in the back seat, looking out the window and she came throught the sound waves and unscrambled  a subset or category called what I’m allowed to be. Mind you, I was a young, sheltered teenager. Her breathy rendition of the song with Serge Gainsbourg was enough to propel images of what I wanted my love and sex life to look like. Of course, that was my ruin. 

Over the years I would listen to a song here and there. Her rendition of ‘Harvest Moon’ never disappoints. What can we say about ‘Orang Outang’, the expression of preference for a toothless stuffed animal over a human relationships. We cannot overlook ‘Le canari est sur le balcon’, an act of preserving life while casting off her own. On the same album, we can hear ‘Les Soucettes’, we may have learned the word for lollipop in French, but my dear, that is no lollipop. 1969 was lucky to start with Jane’s voice and I was lucky to meet her, over the airwaves, when I did. 

I’ve never watched her movies. I probably will. I might not ever have my own Birkin bag. Although, at this point in my life, I’m more for the woven purse she carried around, did you know her third important partner ran it over… can you believe it? I’ve never felt so passionately about a handbag, nor have I ever been with someone who would run something of mine over with their car. What a thing. 

Well, Now that I know, and not that I needed it now, but, I realize that this bombshell of a woman, was publicly multidimensional, she had different causes, one we share, clearly she loved Paris, that we share too. Her voice, that once inadvertently informed a piece of my puzzle, has now revealed another part. Confirming what I have know all along, we are not just one thing. You might listen my voice but I promise there is more to me, there are eyes, and nose, and mouth, and ears, hands and arms, legs and feet, breasts and a bum, genitals, organs, cartilage, bones, blood, and saliva, pride and regret intertwined with desire, love, anger, hate, tenderness, and curiosity, and neurotransmitters and thoughts, pleasant, funny, terrifying, and educational, quizzical, all pieces that make me. The wonderful thing about Jane Birkin is that her pieces can be enjoyed on the silver screen, through her 20 albums, through the eyes of those who admired her, like me, today. We may never know the whole of her, her most important pieces, only known to her ears. I wonder if she had a narrator and what she felt the first time she crossed a bridge in Paris or felt the cold autumn wind on her cheeks. Maybe she was more for spring or summer.  I’ve enjoyed her voice, deep, breathy, sensual. A piece of my own identity puzzle. Now I enjoy knowing other things about her, the purse she preferred and her politics. 

Goodbye Jane, Je t’aime… moi non plus… 

Thank you for listening.

Continue reading

Hello and welcome, I’m Renée Valentina and this is Musing Interruptus. A podcast meant for sharing thoughts, stories, enjoying idiomatic phrases and words in general. You can read along; the transcription is in the description of this episode. The idiomatic expressions are in italics. Try to get the meaning from the context and then look them up to see if you were right. If you like it, share it, but more importantly, continue the conversation. Today, Dating According to Musing Interruptus. 

So you’ve decided to start dating, again. Maybe you are divorced, separated, in an open relationship or widowed. If you are married, you might think, being widowed is the only way you can date someone new. This is a bit dark, but I think, at least a few of you, might know what I mean. Lets focus on being ready to date -again- no matter what the circumstance. It's been two decades since your last date but you are ready. Things certainly have changed. There are apps where swiping is involved. The only thing you are used to swiping is your debit card at the supermarket, and you are just starting to get used to just touching the chip on the card to the pin-pad. Now you are faced with dating by proxy. You rely on an algorithm, with all that entails. Issues like, discrimination by proxy can affect your love life. The algorithm might be keeping you away from meeting the love of your life. It’s the robots against humankind! Robots! Then again, that’s life, isn’t it? However, the app might mitigate some of the issues that geography and demographics might naturally exacerbate. How many haven’t been brought together who otherwise may have never met? There are two sides of the story, at least. 

Forget the app, let's say you join a class. On you path to learning or perfecting something you love doing, you might meet like minded people or at least, you have an easy starting point to kick-off the conversation in a seemingly safe environment. I’d take a pottery class, not so much because I’m interested in vases, coffee mugs and ash trays, but because I have a very specific scene with a pottery wheel in mind. Conversation openers can be tricky and awkward, but, hey, can you pass the modeling clay?  is a great ice breaker and an Unchained Melody away from what seems to me, would be an epic reenactment. I might be getting ahead of myself. If the wheel it there… I say go for it. 

Perhaps you need to go on a few dates before metaphorically hitting the wheel. You are a romantic and believe in love. I promise you, there are more out there. You just have to patiently weed out the creeps and dull ones. I suggest going to the pottery class, or maybe a painting class, if you want to take it slow. Pass the red paint or the funky pouncer brush doesn’t necessarily elicit immediately getting naked. It might spark a conversation on the name of that brush… the funky pouncer brush. Although, the innuendo is there for the taking, you can side-step it and focus on shades of red, capturing light, and technique. A coffee or drink seems fitting after class. Don’t you think? You might go from —pass the crimson to pouring the Carmenere. After that, you get to know each other. 

Now you are sitting face to face. You might be tempted to talk about yourself, a lot. To let the other person know how wonderful and special you are. This is a matter of taste and personality. I think asking questions is a good technique. Furthermore, if people don’t ask questions back, you get a good sense of their interest and level of narcissism. Constructing the right questions can be crucial. You don’t want to be too transparent. Wanna be my daddy? Who’s your momma? might be too honest for a first date. That is more a third date conversation. Learning about their hobbies, passion projects, family, and work can be very interesting. Stay away from tax brackets and broken dreams. Continue reading

Hello and welcome, I’m Renée Valentina and this is Musing Interruptus. A podcast meant for sharing thoughts, stories, enjoying idiomatic phrases and words in general. You can read along; the transcription is in the description of this episode. The idiomatic expressions are in italics. Try to get the meaning from the context and then look them up to see if you were right. If you like it, share it, but more importantly, continue the conversation. I want to specially thank Chuy Darío, my very talented sound partner. Thank you, Chuy. Today, Watch The Pot Boil. 

Oh no, it is over, when did this happen? It just came out of nowhere! Is what I would say if I didn’t know I have to pay attention. Being alert and connected to what is going on inside and around us is more pragmatic than magic. For those that don’t do this, it seems like magic. That is the ilusion. And it is also very lazy.

If you pay attention, life gives you signs of what is to come. There are so many earth shattering changes that do not happen from one moment to the next, but gradually. Being surprised reflects bad preparation and disconnection. Sometimes it is our intuition that tell us. There is a feeling or a thought. Or is it a thought that sets everything in motion? I imagine a pot with water over heat on a stove. Not just because of the frog, although, now that I’ve said it, it probably means something. If you pay attention, you realize the pot is simmering, you might even catch the first bubbles of air forming at the bottom of the pot and rising. Things, whatever those things are, are being set into motion. Some people are more intuitive than others. Some are professional watchers. Others are just very good at watching. The difference between an analyst and storyteller is specialized vocabulary and a series of diagrams. If you open their notebooks, side by side, you will find descriptions of penises and breasts. I assure you.

Hello and welcome, I’m Renée Valentina and this is Musing Interruptus. A podcast meant for sharing thoughts, stories, enjoying idiomatic phrases and words in general. You can read along; the transcription is in the description of this episode. The idiomatic expressions are in italics. Try to get the meaning from the context and then look them up to see if you were right. If you like it, share it, but more importantly, continue the conversation. I want to specially thank Chuy Darío, my very talented sound partner. Thank you, Chuy. Today, Watch The Pot Boil. 

Oh no, it is over, when did this happen? It just came out of nowhere! Is what I would say if I didn’t know I have to pay attention. Being alert and connected to what is going on inside and around us is more pragmatic than magic. For those that don’t do this, it seems like magic. That is the ilusion. And it is also very lazy.

If you pay attention, life gives you signs of what is to come. There are so many earth shattering changes that do not happen from one moment to the next, but gradually. Being surprised reflects bad preparation and disconnection. Sometimes it is our intuition that tell us. There is a feeling or a thought. Or is it a thought that sets everything in motion? I imagine a pot with water over heat on a stove. Not just because of the frog, although, now that I’ve said it, it probably means something. If you pay attention, you realize the pot is simmering, you might even catch the first bubbles of air forming at the bottom of the pot and rising. Things, whatever those things are, are being set into motion. Some people are more intuitive than others. Some are professional watchers. Others are just very good at watching. The difference between an analyst and storyteller is specialized vocabulary and a series of diagrams. If you open their notebooks, side by side, you will find descriptions of penises and breasts. I assure you.

I believe we are all capable of putting the puzzle together. Continue reading

Hello and welcome, I’m Renée Valentina and this is Musing Interruptus. A podcast meant for sharing thoughts, stories, enjoying idiomatic phrases and words in general. You can read along; the transcription is in the description of this episode. The idiomatic expressions are in italics. Try to get the meaning from the context and then look them up to see if you were right. If you like it, share it, but more importantly, continue the conversation. A special thanks to Chuy Darío, my very talented sound partner. If you hear a difference in the recording, it is because of him. Thank you, Chuy. Today, About the Umbrella.

This has been a long time coming. Gordon Sumner, a.k.a Sting, former member of the Police and once English teacher has an umbrella that I cannot get my mind off. The image of that umbrella has accompanied me over the years, and as you’ll see, he has been holding on to it for even longer. Let’s set aside the one-sidedness of these situations. I’m going to tell you about the umbrella and, oh I will be so bold as to tell you about the significance of the umbrella. Let’s not think too much about the arrogance in that and consider it more like an opening position. If you have ever thought about this particular umbrella, I’d like, scratch that, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Here we go.

It starts with a song that catapults me through the clouds. It mentions the umbrella. This very specific umbrella. It occupies my time, it holds my attention.  What color is it? Is it oversized? Is it a sober black or whimsical yellow? I don’t know what color it is, nor do I know how big it is. Is it inspired on Mary Poppins? Will it fly you away or bring you down to earth? Gordon Sumner, jazz/punk/reggae fusionist, repeats over and over again in his songs, it’s a big enough umbrella, but I always end of getting wet. So, the song… I’ve been fascinated with, for decades: Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic, fascinated by the progression, the lyrics, the story and faces I imagine, the taunting phone. It is the nervous percussion and the whimsical, longing, piano.  For me, one of the most perfect songs and that melancholic umbrella that does little to protect Sting from getting wet, drives me crazy. I think he likes the rain; I think the umbrella might be upside down collecting raindrops. Also, I bet the umbrella is big enough, but there is no escaping the feelings that motivate artists and the everyday Joe alike. The great equalizer, just as rain soaks through our outer protective shells, no matter who we are, so do these feelings, either catching us off guard or sometimes on guard and consciously, lowering the draw bridge, waving them through. Please, cross the moat here, enter the castle, no no, the guards won’t stop you. That is a fallacy and illusion. We may have control over our reactions but not what we feel. He calls it magic, but it is physics and chemistry. Chemical reactions that I’m not so sure can be neutralized.

In Shadows in the Rain, he dances and toys with the idea of sanity. And ends up getting wet here too. He doesn’t even try to avoid it. He relishes the rain. He gives in to delusion. This song seems to provide a bit of the code. A piece of the puzzle.

Then, there is the 1983 O My God, a song that reveals his plight to be emptiness, perhaps a lack of faith connecting him to God. Rain and the umbrella make their appearance, as if, sweeping up after the song. There is no escaping the rain, regardless of the size of the umbrella. This umbrella must be red. Continue reading

Hello and welcome, I’m Renée Valentina and this is Musing Interruptus. A podcast meant for sharing thoughts, stories, enjoying idiomatic phrases and words in general. You can read along; the transcription is in the description of this episode. The idiomatic expressions are in italics. Try to get the meaning from the context and then look them up to see if you were right. If you like it, share it, but more importantly, continue the conversation. I want to give a special thanks to Chuy Darío, my very talented sound partner. If you hear a difference in the recording, it is because of him. Thank you Chuy. Today, That Is Insulting and Unacceptable.

Where have all the cowboys gone? I’m asking for a friend. Actually, for Paula Cole. She was preoccupied with this matter in 1997. This song super sparks my imagination. Because I like cowboys, I like the bravado associated to them, a probable requirement when duking it out with the elements. I was listening to a conference on the concept of pleasure and how the Don Juan character is a female fantasy that implies there is wholeness of being and seduction. A whole man, meaning, nothing is lacking,  yet this character is the great seducer. The thing is, seduction occurs when there is need and desire. He or she who is whole, if wholeness existed, would not feel the need to seduce. That sounds like a catch 22.

I’ve had countless conversations about the end of seduction, in both senses of the word: as objective and termination. There is a position that women coming into their own, being economically productive, creative in their own right, leaves no space for seduction. Even the position that women have no real sexual need for men is put on the table, and taken off the menu. I mean heterosexual women. That is not necessarily a bad thing. I hear men vociferate: —that is why men, [with the ever so repeated phrase] not me of course, I  mean other men, prefer more traditional women because they need men. 

Let’s think about that for a moment, shall we? No person is an island. That has been established, we are social beings, no matter what animal you identify with. We need each other. The point, I think, and please, do correct me if I am wrong. The point is that in creating spaces for equal development, socially, economically, artistically, as we change the footing we all stand on, the reality posed by those changes, begs us to redefine such beloved concepts as seduction. Being asked and sometimes told to check your preconceptions at the door can be harsh. That is growth and evolution. Considering different realities and ways of doing things cannot be bad, on its face. Especially if it is in favor of any human being working towards who they want to be. 

I’ve reflected on the idea of the need to possess. The fundamental notion that we are not objects to each other, open to be possessed and colonized can be daunting, as the milieu or environment we have been socialized in would have us believe the endgame is being someone’s husband or wife. Signing a contract stipulating this and power over the other’s sexuality, address, and finances. Continue reading

23. It Isn't a Competition, It Is Love

Hello and welcome, I’m Renée Valentina and this is Musing Interruptus. A podcast meant for sharing thoughts, stories, enjoying idiomatic phrases and words in general. You can read along; the transcription is in the description of this episode. The idiomatic expressions are in italics. Try to get the meaning from the context and then look them up to see if you were right. If you like it, share it, but more importantly, continue the conversation. Today, It Isn't a Competition, It Is love.

There is nothing quite like the feeling of reading a message first thing in the morning, a sort of confirmation you are the sender's first thought. I can't seem to make my mind up, is it juvenile or endearing? Either way, someone smiles. Second best thing is Twitter and the bot that writes about love. He, she or it is back. That made me smile. Third best is a funny tweet. In the morning I got two outta three. Not too bad for a Wednesday morning. Thursday morning started with a tweet referencing a video clip of Jorge Francisco Isidoro Luis Borges explaining his love of the English language, on account of its Latin and Germanic roots as well as its movement. That is not a bad way to start Thursday off, not at all. But back to Wednesday.  

Word had gotten round that Sweden would be holding a sex championship. Finally, a team sport I could get behind. Well actually on top of or underneath, maybe on one side. Well, you get the picture. I started thinking about training and would the team need a coach? Which coaches have the best reputation? Is doctor Ruth available? Are there different divisions? And does this sport date back to the observation of royal fornication? Will this be televised? So many questions only Google could answer. 

Alas, it was fake news. And just like that my aspirations of joining in on team sports, going for the gold, or hell, at least a certificate of participation went out the window. I'll never be a football player, nor volleyball player. Kick ball and dodge ball are scary. Squash ruined my knees or was it my shoddy running technique. In any case, as I reach middle age I realize that team sports require the sort of concentration and coordination that my breed simply does not come with. Mutts do not train well.

Then again, perhaps I jumped the gun anyway. What makes me think I would even qualify for nationals, let alone get to the finals in Sweden. What if the coach put me on a strict no chocolate no Ikea diet. I don't  know if I could go the distance. My discipline has far too long been focused elsewhere.

This is all a moot point. There is no such championship. I guess, in the end, it isn't a competition, it is love or something like that. And that, whatever that is, will not be evaluated and prized in Sweden. Maybe next year. In the meantime, I recommend you all train. Focus is key, teamwork, communication, and hydration. Train alone and with your team. Go the distance, multiple times, go for the gold. 

Thank you for listening. 

What team sports do you enjoy? What is the best diet? Would you give up chocolate? Should we start a change.org for Sweden? I'm listening. 

The audio was mixed, remastered, equalized and made awesome in general by Chuy Ruiz, my audio engineer.

Hello and welcome, I’m Renée Valentina and this is Musing Interruptus. A podcast meant for sharing thoughts, stories, enjoying idiomatic phrases and words in general. You can read along; the transcription is in the description of this episode. The idiomatic expressions are in italics. Try to get the meaning from the context and then look them up to see if you were right. If you like it, share it, but more importantly, continue the conversation. Today, Bottom Line, Keep It Together.

Some traits are useful in life, a good head on your shoulders, to make good decisions, if your project has legs it will be successful. A good head and legs. So, you don’t want to lose your head, that means you have to keep it together. Whatever that means. I have to say, there is a special hell for people who think it is useful to say: relax and calm down when you are teetering on the edge of losing it or if you are spiraling out. There is very low tolerance in our society for our purest moments of humanity, our tenderst vulnerabilities. Some seem to be living a latent Victorian era. I wonder who they are serving. The Queen is dead. 

Upon years of reflextion, which add up to something, I’m 40 and so proud of it. I think of the concept of the norm and what is average. How there have been times in my life in which I wished so hard to fit in to a conception of average. I never did. And the reality was that I couldn’t last five minutes adhering to the social norms of a subgroup or counterculture which I perceived contained repressive rules or silly artificial standards. I was not a nerd, not a punk, not an emo, not posh, not rich, not poor, not an artist, not a philosopher, not a dancer, not popular, nor did I go unnoticed either. Most people are all those things too. Others are so eager to be seen and defined, validated. Please, don’t, I think, that might become a pigeonhole you cannot escape. It can be be so very dangerous to let someone else’s perception, skewed by definition, tell you who you are and what you deserve.

I’d rather believe we can be whatever we like if we are willing to develop the skills needed. Is everything readily availabl? —No. That is life, there lies the frustration. I would think that, I am a teacher. That is a pigeonhole I worked very hard to put myself in. I guess coming to terms with a configuration of life that escapes the Victorian norm is has its pitfalls, requires courage and the willingness to put in flight hours. Of course I sometimes seek validation. Intensely. But the pigeonholes, am I right? Of course there are traits that are so natural, so engrained in your personality that it is best to know yourself and make space for what you need. We should all take architecture classes for life that start with psychoanalytical work. Make sure you are building what you want and not what they want, whoever they are. It is better to be aware of that sooner rather than later. After all, you are the one who has to live in whatever you build. Having a good head on your shoulders should include that. Ballet dancers work on their tendons and muscles, they need to be light on their feet to make quick changes, jump very high, with precision. That is part of the training. So, change you mind, make a plan, build, build wherever you want, and use your talents. Identify your talents. Surround yourself with natural teachers and leaders, who encourage you to put in the hours it will take to become who you know in your heart of hearts you can become.  This is a very enlightened notion, the use of reason and science to get what you want. Find the teachers that are aware of the importance of frustration and developing the tools to work through it and achieve. That is part and parcel of keeping it together.https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BtgPdnvsMtgaoSnRVYH5_CCXJw_XUJsYzOM93oQ3dw8/edit?usp=sharinghttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1BtgPdnvsMtgaoSnRVYH5_CCXJw_XUJsYzOM93oQ3dw8/edit?usp=sharing