My Act Four

When I’m at the gym I find thought distortions creeping in. If you’re unfamiliar with the term, these are the thoughts that are either untrue or unhelpful. Or, in my case both.

So I ask myself, “What other lies am I telling?”

What do you wish you would have known sooner? I’ve made a list. A whole lot of it looks like leaning more into myself and less into perfection. What would you add?

Remember that job I was asked to apply for? It starts today!

In today’s episode I explain how I handle stress and disappointment. 

Here’s a link to a photo of me with my goats.

I’ve been feeling very unsettled this past week. I can’t quite put my finger on why, but it probably has something to do with uncertainty. And there are several reasons for that, but for me it all comes down to fear. 

So what’s the antidote to uncertainty? I have a couple of strategies, and they all revolve around taking action.

Yesterday I hopped onto my new health insurance’s website. As I poked around I came across a health assessment test, and I took it. What pushed me right over the edge was they asked for a waist measurement. So I got out the tape measure and pulled up my t-shirt. 39 inches! You’ve gotta be kidding me! 

I guess these health assessment people know what they’re doing, because immediately after recording the waist measurement I set some goals for myself, based on their suggestions. And now here I am talking about it with you.

Remember how in the last episode I talked about being a recovering perfectionist?

Well, you’ll never believe what happened while I was in Virginia.

I was asked to apply for a job. And my perfectionism reared its ugly head. I talk about how I’m overcoming it.

What does being a recovering perfectionist look like? I remind myself that it doesn't matter what I did yesterday. It doesn't matter what I did ten minutes ago. 

My future isn't written yet. It's not decided by my past. It's decided by what I do today. Right now. Small steps count.

How could a person be tired when they didn’t go to work? When they didn’t have responsibilities. When they spent their days golfing, working out at the gym, hiking, fishing, and happy hour-ing with friends.

It’s taken me two weeks of my husband being retired to remember that feeling tired isn’t odd. It’s part of being human.

What is it about our culture that condones naps only for babies? And children. Or the sick? Rest isn’t O.K. for the rest of us.

I’m learning that being productive is overrated. Being busy. Let’s hear it for sitting still and doing nothing. And letting go of what I make it mean and what anyone else might think or say.

Let’s hear it for balance. For soaking up life. Enjoying the moment.

“You’ve gotten funnier over time.” I was taken aback when my husband said this to me after what I acknowledge was a particularly witty exchange. “I think that’s because I’m more myself than I used to be.” He agreed. And that gave me pause.

What does it mean to be more myself?

I’m not entirely sure, but I remember deciding to stop pretending to be someone else when I pitched projects to potential clients. I decided that I’d show up as myself, and if they didn’t like that, they’d self select out. Why would I want to work with someone who didn’t like who I really was?

Unbeknownst to us we’ve “put everything in place that we needed.” And not only did we save enough money to retire but retire early, and buy a fucking condo. We’re buying a condo! Can you believe this?!

So what else do I want? When you’ve just gotten more than you ever could have imagined, it’s hard to think bigger. Ironically. Right? It feels like we’re climbing Everest and we’ve reached base camp. We need to get acclimated to this height before moving forward. Upward.