My Beautiful Cyborg

A cochlear implant is a technical wonder, but it's also an existential feast. "I couldn't hear, and then I could." Caroline's Cochlear Kanso has been activated for one week. Caroline and Andreas share stories and observations from Caroline's first week of hearing - including the secret nightmare of the deaf. Real laughter. Real tears. Often at the same time. Welcome to the emotional roller coaster of week one.

 

 

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If you're concerned may be suffering hearing loss, visit the Canadian Hard of Hearing Association website.

Cochlear  - CI532 implant, Kanso Sound Processor

In May 2017, Caroline was referred to be evaluated for a cochlear implant. Before the end of summer she was an official candidate. On December 12 a neurotology surgical team lead by Dr. Richard Liu implanted Caroline with a Cochlear CI532 slim modiolar implant. ShaSha Shi is Caroline's audiologist.

January 29, 2018: Caroline's activation day. Caroline and Andreas talk about the experience of activation day. Caroline explains what it's like to sift through a sea of new sound she can't understand. Caroline is also aware that she is a rare case of being able to hear not just speech, but discriminate between speakers, hear lyrics in music. The pair are experiencing firsts they haven't had in decades and it leaves them laughing and near tears trying to figure what it all means.

Gratitude, confusion, astonishment. After 30 years of being deaf, Caroline says this is her golden ticket moment, but better. If it doesn't make sense don't worry. It's day one. Andreas and Caroline will revisit things when they're not living on adrenaline.

Hello World. Caroline can hear you now.

Today is activation day. If you're deaf, and then someone says "January 29 is the day you'll have access to a lot more sound again," yeah, that's a day of days. Andreas and Caroline talk about emotional freakouts and how waiting is brutal. Andreas outlines the activation procedure, then a nervous lack of focus makes an appearance. Caroline restores order by talking about what she images will change once she experiences sound through a new digital ear and neural array.

This is where the story of My Beautiful Cyborg really begins. Caroline says, "Today is the first day, truly, of the rest of my life."

This episode is a long-delayed follow-up to the recovery episode, but Caroline needed a little break (the Recovery episode really tuckered her out). But first, Caroline catches up on some firsts: first post-surgery hair (because they shaved off a big bald spot on the right side), what Caroline calls her beautiful scar (if you can find it), and the new Cyborg provides a complete guide on how to execute a successful, if not gracefully, post-surgery sneeze; because but when you've just had a cochlear implant, the sensation of blowing the darn thing out of your head is real. Caroline can barely tell the story - because she's laughing.

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Twitter: @mybionicear

My Beautiful Cyborg is an evolving podcast, following Caroline - a new cyborg, who has received a cochlear implant. MBC follows each stage from assessment, to candidacy, preparation, surgery, recovery, activation, and hearing rehabilitation.

Episode 8 is called "The Recovery," but it starts with gratitude. It's been a week since Caroline had a cochlear implant surgically installed into her right ear. After an overnight stay in hospital Caroline was cleared to go home. The entire experience of getting a cochlear implant is new, so first things first, Caroline wanted comfort food. Caroline shares her observations - and what she can remember about her hospital experience - which is more, and less, than you'd think. She'll probably talk about it more as it comes back to her. There was a lot to see and hear for someone who had needs glasses and hearing aids. Caroline says she had one job to do: show up healthy, fall asleep on cue. Mission accomplished. This is the post-surgery recovery episode. Caroline is officially My Beautiful Cyborg.

It's December 12: surgery day. After a lifetime of declining hearing, Caroline is going to receive a CI532 cochlear implant. We have a talk in car on the way to the hospital, and then simply let Caroline's surgeon, Dr. Richard Liu, describe the cochlear implant procedure, the risks, techniques, and what he loves about doing the procedure. Today is the day Caroline becomes My Beautiful Cyborg.

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With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore...

'Twas the night before surgery, and all through the house,

the crying and fretting was stressing the spouse.

There aren't a lot of days you can put your finger on a calendar and say, "Yep, that's the day my life utterly and forever changed for the better." That's the hope Caroline is facing. And then there's the fear of the unknown, and anxiety. A cochlear implant IS technically neurosurgery after all. What could go wrong? Sickness? Yeah, Caroline had a near brush with that just days before surgery. Then Caroline misses a date WITH a brush - but if there was ever a good reason to miss a haircut, this was it. Then we focus on the the internal life of our proto-cyborg: Caroline (and Andreas) talk about the emotional roller coaster in the days leading to surgery. Meet Jim. Jim is a good man. A patient man. Caroline sits down with her coffee pal as he recounts what it takes to get to know a hard of hearing or deaf person. Finally. Tomorrow is the day. Deep breath. Caroline is ready to become My Beautiful Cyborg.

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A MESSAGE FROM CAROLINE: "To my family and friends and new online friends and followers: Thank you for you support and encouragement! I've had some amazing opportunities and adventures in my life. Nothing compares to this. Nothing. Not even close. Tomorrow is the first of a few milestones. I have to be (a) patient through recovery. Then it's going to be time to get down to the work of re-learning to hear. I'm so ready for this, thanks to you. And thank you to the people of Alberta for the gift of a cochlear implant. And thank God for all of you."

So there we were, recording an episode on the reliability of technology, especially when it's installed in your body, and the studio computer died. Well, it didn't die exactly, but it was unusable with a problem that was equally spontaneous, mysterious, and frustrating. Episode 5 is the laptop episode. The good news is Caroline spoke with Melanie Monaghan, the audiologist who referred Caroline to be evaluated for an implant.

Caroline forgets she's conducting an interview, and it becomes just your average every day discussion about having a electronics installed in your body so you can hear normally. But Melanie's story is also complicated, because she suffered a childhood accident and other medical issues that required her to have multiple surgeries. All's well that ends well - she has her master's degree in audiology.

My Beautiful Cyborg talks to another beautiful cyborg, just days before her surgery.

After months of appointments, tests, reading, more reaching, discussion, counseling, and a final bit of consultation, Caroline is less than two weeks from her implant surgery. There's no need to qualify that with "life changing," Caroline's mind is filled with pre and post surgery thoughts. Everything is unfamiliar. She's already started to think about all the positive changes coming, and it's freaking her out. A bit. "Overwhelmed" is how Caroline describes what she's feeling - an overwhelming sense of gratitude, adventure, and uncertainty. "What if hearing Caroline is awful? What if I turn into a bitch?" In today's episode, Caroline mines her thoughts, and then she shares a Q&A with a group of friends during her annual Christmas party. "Is it going to be unsettling?" Caroline provides answers and insights to the group, about what it's like to lose your hearing and the implant process. In turn her friends provide lots of love and support with stories and insights of their own. It's a pre-surgery love-in with friends from all parts of life. Even the form of the conversation takes Caroline's hearing into account - it's one speaker at a time. That's the kind of conversation that puts a smile on My Beautiful Cyborg.

Next Episode: Monday, December 4, 2017

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Caroline's Cochlear Implant Manufacturer - COCHLEAR USA

This year is a special year. This year, Christmas and cochlear implant season go hand in hand. That means schedules are chaotic and time is limited. Rather than a normal studio sit-down with Caroline about her progress to implant surgery on December 12, we just wired her up and sent her on her way. This episode you'll be a fly on the wall, listening with Caroline as she talks with friends and strangers about hearing loss, and being a cochlear implant candidate. Everyone has a story. Listen in on a chat during a stroll to get flu shots (because if you're getting an implant, you definitely want to avoid the flu), and eavesdrop on two conversations with Caroline's friends. You'll find out the last time Caroline talked on the phone (hint: it's measured in years), and the most important advice for all cochlear implant candidates. My Beautiful Cyborg: This is what conversations about hearing sound like.

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