A recent study was released that detailed how it’s more dangerous to be lonely, than to smoke 15 cigarettes a day.

Just to be clear, this is not an endorsement to smoke, and 15 cigarettes a day will not take away your loneliness… but the research behind this statistic is staggering. Especially when you consider the amount of time Human’s are spending in complete isolation.

Work from home? Hang out with friends less than ever?

Live in a neighborhood but never ever talk to your neighbors?

Have thousands of friends on social media but have never actually spoken to 90% of Them?

Quarantine sure didn’t help…

We aren’t going out as much in America…

Our parties are less often and much smaller…

Our wedding attendance is has been decimated…

As a pastor, I did a couple funerals over Covid, and lines that used to be wrapped around the building are substituted for “virtual visitations”

It is staggering. And I hope it doesn’t sound like I am wagging my finger… not my intention at all… because the truth is I every behavior I just listed are observations I have made about my own social experience.

I guess the way I would paint it in words is like this…

We have created “an illusion of togetherness”

Have you felt that?

More “connected” than ever… but profound feelings of isolation.

I want to ask you a question today, specifically about your current social patterns.

Where in your life are you accepting counterfeit connection with other humans?

Shallow, Digital, pass-by, connection.

I’m sure some of it is unavoidable… not many of us have a choice as to whether we work remote or not…

But what about the aspects of your life that you do have control over?

Let’s get super practical.

When was the last time you made a loving & neighborly gesture toward the person or family who lives next to you. Not gesture like a wave, but like… you know… baked them cookies or something! That is a decision in your life that will foster real connectivity.

How about this…

When was the last time you hung out on your front porch and engaged with the people walking by. (I say this because we are absolutely a backyard, privacy fence, culture…)

When was the last time you checked in with a friend? Voice-to-voice. Called them out of the blue with no agenda other than to tell them they were on your mind.

When was the last party you threw? I’m talking a big gathering… not for a wedding, not for a birthday, not for a football game… but just to see people?

In the days we are living in as a society… could it be that you have to search & destroy everything in you that wants to hunker down in your house and binge Netflix until Christs’ return?

I hope you make the decision in your life to punch loneliness in the nose, poke isolation in the eyes, and roundhouse kick the phrase ‘I’m so busy’ to the curb.

Here is the truth…

Loneliness is not a nagging tension that we should strive to manage throughout our life.

It is a silent killer that is ravaging the hope of the our world.

So it’s time to come out of isolation!

Pick up the phone! Stick an invitation in their mailbox! Bake some cookies for goodness sake! Throw a block party! Your one attempt to connect with others could literally be the thing that saves someones life.

Today’s lift I want to do an exercise with all of you… Not only has this been super helpful for me and my wife… but it has provided us many many laughs since we first did this… so I hope it can do the same for you.

First, let me tell you its origin story… While I wish it was a little more research laden, or an epiphany discovered mid discussion with a psychiatrist… but that is hardly the case.

I actually saw this video while mindlessly scrolling through instagram…

@doc_amen…

(You will be hearing many more daily lifts derived from his content… I love his stuff…)

In a video, said that one of the most helpful things you can do if you struggle with anxious or depressive thoughts is this… to “Name Your Brain”.

Why does this help? Because if your mind has an identity of it’s own, you can consciously choose whether or not to listen to it.

I think it’s brilliant.

Some of you might not be anxious or depressed… but you have a stifling inner-critic that spews self-deprecating thoughts as friendly fire…

Name Your Brain…

Maybe you have a thought process that consistently leads you to over-promise and under deliver. You need to stop doing that.

Name Your Brain…

Whatever your thought patterns are… this could change the game for you.

So let me as you if your brain had a name… what would it be?

I’ll go first…

My brain’s name is Terry.

Terry can get a little out of hand. Terry tells me how horrible of a Dad I am, reminds me of how often I fall short, and cripples me with the worst ever ‘what ifs’.

I don’t listen to Terry anymore.

So your turn to name your brain!

And when you do, see your mindset start to slowly shift from one of pessimism to one of optimism… on of self-hatred, to self-determination… one of fear into one of courage.

Choose today to not weigh every single one of your thoughts equally… trust me… your days will be lighter and more enjoyable because of it.

Do you ever struggle to feel like your day was a “win?"

Is it difficult for you to identify if you win ever in life? Or if you are winning, at what?

I know I do.

Here is our quote for today’s lift:

“Tiny victories are like gems scattered on your journey. Notice them.” Emma Xu.

Maybe the question we should be asking ourselves is not, where am I winning? (Because I promise, you are winning somewhere…) but am I able to notice every tiny victory over the course of my day?

Us humans are funny…

It seems to be easy for us to think of all we NEED to do, all we DREAM of doing, all we STRIVE to do… but much harder for us to celebrate all we have ALREADY DONE.

If we go about life only stopping to appreciate the ‘big stuff,’ our celebration will be few and far between.

Imagine if you took notice of all the tiny victories. Imagine the joy and gratitude you would experience… day after day… victory after victory… each time you simply pause to take each into account.

Maybe your win for the day is checking off one thing on that to do list, probably not everything but one thing! You are on your way! What if your win is that you scheduled a date night with your spouse for the first time in a long time. It won’t fix everything but you just took a step in a new direction! What if you did a 20 minute YouTube workout sometime today? You probably won’t drop a single pound because of one workout but you sure will take a first step on a journey that could change your physical health for life! Or maybe you could reach out and let a friend know you are struggling. Thats a win! You let someone in on your journey to getting well! What will become abundantly clear to you each day is this… The Big Win is actually the skill of noticing the small wins. Don’t miss even one!

I can’t wait for you to drop those insurmountable expectations of yourself. To break free from the self deprecating thought process… and live a life full of gratitude for how you have won each day.

Today’s lift comes straight from the Naomi Osaka twitter account. Naomi, 23 years old, is a Japanese professional tennis player. She has been ranked No. 1 by the Women's Tennis Association (WTA) and is the first Asian player to hold the top ranking in singles. She is a four-time Grand Slam singles champion, and is the reigning champion at the US Open and the Australian Open. Osaka was named a 2020 Sports Illustrated Sportsperson of the Year for her activism alongside the year's other prominent activist sports champions LeBron James, Breanna Stewart, and Patrick Mahomes, as well as medical worker Laurent Duvernay-Tardif. She was also honored as one of the Time 100 most influential people in the world in 2020 for her activism, having also been named to the list in 2019 for representing professional tennis well as an excellent role model and a major champion.

Here is her tweet from August 29th, 2021

“Hi. I’ve been reflecting over this past year. So grateful for the people around me, because the support that I feel is completely unparalleled. Recently, I’ve been asking myself why do I feel the way I do and I realize one of the reasons is because internally I think I’m never good enough. I’ve never told myself that I’ve done a good job but I do know I constantly tell myself that I suck or I could do better. I know in the past some people have called me humble but if I really consider it I think I’m extremely self-deprecating. Every time a new opportunity arises my first thought is, “wow, why me?” I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m gonna try to celebrate myself and my accomplishments more, I think we all should. You got up in the morning and didn’t procrastinate on something? Champion. Figured something out at work that’s been bugging you for a while? Absolute legend. Your life is your own and you shouldn’t value yourself on other people’s standards. I know I give my heart to everything I can and if that’s not good enough for some then my apologies but I can’t burden myself with those expectations anymore. Seeing everything that’s going on in the world I feel like if I wake up in the morning that’s a win. That’s how I’m coming.”

-Naomi Osaka

“You will never be the person you can be if pressure, tension and discipline are taken out of your life.” – Dr. James G. Bilkey

In today’s lift we are going to talk about the things in life that cause us the most constant strife… the things that help us grow and evolve… the things that without - your future suffers.

These things are Pressure, Tension, and Discipline.

So let me ask…

What pressures are primary to your life right now?

provide for your family?

Lead a staff?

Hold the family together?

Perform well in school?

What tensions are you wrestling with right now?

meaningful relationships gone bad?

Indecision towards your future?

But what about discipline? I believe there is something special about it, and here is why….

Discipline is the structures you set up in life to help yourself carry life’s pressures and tensions.

The discipline of an early morning routine will give you momentum everyday to face the pressures of life.

The answer might not be to stop engaging with pressing activities… maybe just to approach them differently.

The discipline of how you approach broken relationships, or just relational rifts… will determine the strength and intimacy of your relationships. If you consistently approach them with anger? You Will drive people away. If you approach them with forgiveness? Different story.

So today… I ask you consider the pressures intentions in your life. What disciplines can you engage in that will help you in your approach.

I promise your ability to implement disciplines in your life, will enhance your quality of life.

To handle the pressures you face, the tensions you manage… and to grow in the person you are destined to become.

“That the birds of worry and care fly over your head, this you cannot change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.”

– Chinese Proverb

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.”

– Winston Churchill

Today, let's have a quick chat about worry. I don’t know how this nagging emotion has interacted with you in the past… maybe you feel consumed by it always, or have a fling with it every couple months, or you don’t worry at all, ever…

Wherever you land on the spectrum, I want to assure you that you are not wrong to worry.

For example… My First Kid, my son, went off for his first day of school —ever. I am worried about a lot of things… Will he be nervous? Will he meet friends? Will he miss us? Is his sister going to miss him while he is at school? Am I going to be able to get him to school on time everyday…

There is plenty to worry about.

I find that to be true about almost everything in life… there is plenty to worry about. At your workplace, I am sure that there is plenty to worry about, your boss, the next project, an sabotaging coworker…

At school, the bully, whether you make the team, will the boy/girl like you back?

Parenting: are you raising your kids right? Are you screwing them up more than you are helping them? How much therapy will they have to attend to make up for my screw ups?

There is PLENTY in life to worry about.

Here is what I want to remember today.

You don’t have the capacity to worry about the things you have no control over..

WE WERE NOT BUILT TO FILL OURSELVES WITH WORRY.

I have discovered that when I worry, I believe the lie that I am in control of a situation.

With my son? I might be in control, kinda, of where he goes to school… but I am not in control of what happens to him while he is there.

With my daughter? I might be able to comfort her in the short term while she misses her brother… but I cannot control the fact that she has to process these emotions eventually.

So often, our worry begins where our control ends.

Here is what I believe could transform your outlook…

Maybe the answer to extinguishing your worry is to extend trust!

Trust to who is in control…

Maybe it is a friend, a teacher, a boss…

Trust is when you release to control to someone else. Someone who is more powerful in any given situation than you are.

Who is in control of aspects of your life that you aren’t trusting?

I want to encourage you today, give yourself permission to let others be in control (because they might just be)… and at the end of the day, my peace? It comes from trusting in God - who is in control of it all.

“Pretending to be someone that you are not is hurting yourself. It’s telling yourself that the real you is worthless.” – Ritu Ghatourey

Isn’t it amazing how much of our lives we spend wishing away the things about our personhood that make us unique? The amount of time we spend envying the strengths and gifts of the people around us?

Today, let’s interrogate our insecurities… we all have them, and they all lead us towards behaviors that are less than dignifying…

Here is what I perceive to be true. Humans with unchecked insecurities do the most damage. Think about it… Have you ever had an insecure boss? An insecure friend? The outcomes are not great… I am sure you do not want to be someone who affects people the way those people have affected you.

Today, let’s do an exercise to keep our insecurities in check.

Let’s use this working definition of insecurity…

Uncertainty or Anxiety about oneself, lack of confidence.

On a piece of paper or in your head, create three columns…

The first - titled ‘Uncertainties’

Here, think about all of the adjectives that describe you that you don’t really know if they are a good thing or a bad thing?

What if you made the decision to own what you are uncertain about?

In the second Column, title this ‘Anxieties’

What about you makes you anxious?

What if you made the decision to give yourself a break from dwelling on these things?

In the third section, write ‘Confidence’

What inside of you do you know the world needs to see, but you lack the confidence to present it?

What if you started making small moves to bring this hidden value inside of you to the world?

Do all these and begin to picture a world where your insecurities don’t drive your life any longer!

Live a life free to offer 100% of who you were made to be.

“It’s better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.” -Chinese Proverb

I love this proverb…

Have you ever found yourself in a situation you haven’t prepared for? Who knows why… maybe you just never thought that you would be in this situation. You never thought your finances would look like this… you never thought your teenage child would behave like this… you never thought that business partner would leave you. You never thought you would be alone at this age.

Life has a way of placing us in situations that we feel not at all prepared for.

When we experience seasons like this, how do we not just survive, but thrive?

Understanding that we can’t be ‘dooms day’ preppers… we can’t forecast all of the nuance of every possible scenario we may or may not find ourselves in…

Here is my question for you…

What have you been preparing for in life?

Have you been preparing financially, vocationally, emotionally, spiritually… for a life of eventual ease? Early Retirement? Dreaming of the one day you can finally kick your feet up and relax?

I think there is a part of all of us that dreams of this. Truth is, I haven’t met many retired people that aren’t also going through some of life’s toughest transitions. Death of loved ones, transition of seasons of life, selling the company, dealing with the realities of the aging process…

I am not trying to be morbid… Really just trying to help you paint an honest picture from my observations. You’ve seen it too.

I want to put in front of you a new option today. What if we didn’t just plan for a life of peace, paradise, and no responsibility… but if we planned for what we will eventually do when we find ourselves in crisis?

Here are some more questions to help you work through this… one’s I hope you have answers for in your personal life.

When everything feels like it’s falling apart… what do you trust? Or who do you put your trust in?

If the worst-case scenario happened to someone close to you, why would it be ok?

If you found yourself in crisis, what are 3 truths that you can lean on to get through?

For me, these questions all lead back towards my faith in Jesus. For you? I’d love to hear.

Here’s what I know… is that while the world will make you think this thought process is one for the weak… it actually creates in you the fortitude to thrive in life no matter what happens to you.

So you can enjoy every moment with proper perspective. So you can not be afraid of outcomes you can’t control.

“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

― C.S. Lewis

When I say the word ‘PAIN’… what images do you see in your head?

Maybe intense workout routines at the gym…

Maybe plucking your eyebrows in the sensitive spot…

Maybe a recent car accident you’ve been in, or those migraines you struggle with.

That is all physical pain… what about emotional pain? Have you ever felt that?

Such internal anguish - if even just for a moment - that what started as emotional, turns into physical?

Emotional pain can be excruciating.

Today’s lift is a simple reminder…

Your Pain is not “for nothing”

Pain is always intended to send you a message.

Just as physical pain is your nervous system alerting your brain of something gone bad, emotional pain is your soul telling you that something needs adjustment. So pay attention to the pain, and make a change!

“You can only find the right way after you lost it” ― Erik Tanghe

Have you ever felt completely aimless? Like whatever you have been doing, whatever goal you have been chasing, whatever job you have been working… doesn’t stimulate your soul any longer? Maybe your long-term relationship just ended. Maybe everyone else in class knows what they want to do with their lives… but you have no clue.

You feel as if you have completely lost your way.

If there is any comfort in me saying this, I hope you can sense it… Just because you have lost your way, does not mean that you are a lost cause.

Let me say that again

Just because you have lost your way, does not mean that you are a lost cause.

You are discovering the version of you that exists in the absence of the goal-setting, of the approval seeking, of the expectation meeting… you are discovering a new version of you.

This version of you will teach you so much about fulfillment, about meaning, about purpose, and will frame some your most important life objectives.

Do Not Hate the “Lost” version of you.

You aren’t really lost, you are rediscovering. You are opening your soul up to new realities, to new truths, to humility, to kindness towards others going through this same thing. I can’t wait to see the person you are becoming because of this lost season.