A simple search on the internet for Veterans Day quotes would show up this line which says, “We don't know them all, but we owe them all.”

It’s not credited to anyone, but whoever said this just nailed it right through the core. It’s true. We may never know each and every one of our heroes, but we owe them everything—our life, our liberty, and the way we are now are all thanks to them. And so on this day, we celebrate them, we honor them, and show our deepest gratitude for their utmost bravery and patriotism.

But part of celebrating them should not just be about remembering those who have passed on but also looking after those who continue to live and those who continue to serve. Part of honoring them should include making ways to ensure that our veterans and armed forces—the Army, Marine Corps, Navy, Air Force, Space Force, and Coast Guard, all of them—also get the help and improvement that they deserve. And part of that is that they get to be understood and loved and that they get the help they truly need, especially when it comes to their mental health and wellness.

Words of Healing

• One of the biggest problems that veterans face right now is not really having the resources or funding to get mental behavioral services that they so desire, crave, and really need.  - Regina Marie
• For our veterans that are still alive today, It's important to recognize the sacrifices they have made and continue to make. - Regina Marie
• I'm a firm believer that the relationship with their caregiver from early infancy to teenage years impacts everything else that they may be experiencing. - Regina Marie
• So, for example, if our veterans are suffering from depression, low self-worth, suicidal thoughts, perfectionism, or anxiety, where does all of that stem from? - Regina Marie
• It stems from the relationship they had with their parents or their caregivers; the experiences they witnessed. What they learned about love is what taught them how to love as an adult—how to love themselves, how to love their peers, how to love their leaders, and what love to accept in return—because we accept the love that we think we deserve. - Regina Marie
• I know it can be scary to open that up when you're just trying to move past it. But that's not how you're going to work through it. You're literally just ignoring the problem. You're not patching it up. You're not actually stopping the bleeding. - Regina Marie
• You have to just talk about it. It doesn't mean that you have to go relive every aspect of it, but acknowledge that it has happened. Process where you think it came from, and allow the emotions to come out. Allow yourself to feel those feelings so that you can work through them. - Regina Marie

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Trigger Warning: This episode includes references and actual experiences of different types of abuse.

The love that we attract is the love that we project. 

Consciously or not, we captivate the kind of love that reflects us. So, we often ask ourselves: Why did I end up with somebody similar to someone I hated the most? Why do I stay in the cyclical highs and lows of a relationship when it was what I escaped from home?

Jennifer Fostino finds that the answer to this question lies with familiarity. It’s because it’s the kind of love that we were used to. Even in this sense, it’s so true how our childhood shapes the individuals we later on become.

An abusive and unequal family dynamics make the home a place for trauma. And you can only imagine how torturous the home can be if one finds the military more of a safe haven than home. At least, that’s what my sister, Jen, feels like. 

In celebration of Veterans Day, I sit for a chit chat with my sister who worked at the military and now in the Air Force, and we revisit her journey to the military, to being deployed in the war field, and why, despite all the traumatic experiences she was also exposed to in the field, she thinks her civilian life has given her more trauma than the military. 

Words of Healing

• Mentally, coming home was very hard, especially being gone that long, getting back into society, dealing with stop lights, dealing with everyday people, just all the little things, even just having to do your own laundry and food not being cooked. - Jennifer Fostino
• We definitely wanna look back and we would've done it again, especially if we had our kids. Regardless of the crap that we dealt with, we got these babies out of it. I would do it again for that, but I wouldn't do it again for anything else. - Regina Marie
• There's a certain grit, resilience, and trauma that were experienced at a younger age that allowed them to believe that they’ve dealt with this shit. The military is going to be nothing compared to that. - Regina Marie
• It's gonna reverse the hope, the negativity from our childhood, and put a positive spin on it to use that anger for our passion, for our job, to protect others, to have your comradery, and to have your battle buddies and protect them at all costs. - Regina Marie
• We were in a household where you were definitely scared of your father—who preferred it that way cuz he thought that's what created discipline. - Jennifer Fostino
• I had a lot of resentment towards mom because I felt that she was allowing this to happen and that she wasn't able to stop it. She wasn't addressing it or thinking of her children first. - Jennifer Fostino
• Because you have those good times, you think you can deal with the bad ones. What I didn't realize is, because out of everybody, I hated dad the most, so why would I end up marrying somebody like him? - Jennifer Fostino
• It is familiar. It's something they're used to if it's the devil that they know. So that’s the whole reason, even with me, why I stayed so long. - Jennifer Fostino
• For me, being in the military is just giving me that outlet where I could be more myself because the military is a little bit more direct. They are a little bit more straightforward. - Jennifer Fostino

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Trigger Warning: This episode includes references and actual experiences of different types of abuse.

“Love comes when you least expect it.”

Says a common quote, and also a lesson Katrina Smith learned from her mom. It indeed came when she least expected it and when she didn’t want it. Coming from an abusive relationship with the father of her children, Katrina was in no right shape of mind when she entered a new relationship. She was still reeling from the trauma, but who wouldn’t be swayed by promises of forever and marriages and of being treated like a princess? Isn’t he prince charming?

Little did she know that an abusive person can very much disguise himself as prince charming. And a damsel, in the beginning, Katrina kept her eyes closed from all the red flags until she just woke up seeing that her fairytale ended in a nightmare.

This episode is a testament to how can one love you in a literal torturous way, and Katrina coming out alive of it is a big triumph against abuse.

Words of Healing

• I think my ultimate goal was I wanted to buy a multi-unit apartment complex or a house as a safe haven to try to help women who are ready to leave situations but couldn't go anywhere because, in my process of that attempt, I didn't have anyone. - Katrina Smith
• Abuse really messes with your head, and if it's someone who is calculated, and they know what they've been doing, and have a finesse to it, then you really don't even know what's going on until it's too late. - Katrina Smith
• My mom would always tell me that love would show up when you least expected it and when you don't want it. And I didn't want it. - Katrina Smith
• I hate to romanticize him, but he spoke like a romance novel. - Katrina Smith
• Everybody tells you about fight or flight, but they don't ever mention that you can become literally paralyzed from fear and not be able to think. - Katrina Smith
• I was terrified all the time. I did whatever he said. Whatever he wanted me to do, I would. - Katrina Smith
• I had a bunch of nurses charge into my room like they were ready to fight this guy. I was like, “This is what I needed the whole time.” I just needed a tribe of people willing to defend my then weak-minded self who couldn't defend myself. - Katrina Smith
• I've been living in the same place for five years consistently, which is a huge feat for me. I feel safe. I'm not in survival mode anymore. - Katrina Smith
• Now I can really filter what I allow into every part of my brain and my home. I took control back. I felt so out of control for so long. - Katrina Smith
• My value as a person isn't about what my body can do. - Katrina Smith

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Resource Mentioned

• American Psycho - May Harron (2000)

Trigger Warning: Please note that this episode includes references to and actual experiences of different types of abuse.

In celebration of World Mental Health Day, we are honored to meet several people who emerged victorious after conquering and surviving domestic abuse.

Jess, an advocate of protecting women against domestic violence and abuse, did not realize how strong she was after becoming a mother at a young age and ending her 12-year relationship with abusive and narcissistic partners. She went on with high hopes believing that these men would stand out to be responsible and loving fathers to her children yet both failed her, leaving the obligation to raise her kids while dealing with the effects of long-term abuse. 

Alec, a loving husband who has been patient and loyal to his abusive wife shows us what it looks like to be on the other side of the common marital abuse cases. His self-worth and the capacity to show his strength were always hindered by his wife’s derogatory remarks and continuous actions of making him feel inferior and hopeless throughout their relationship.

Both experiences taught us about empowerment and self-love for they eventually discovered who they really are as overcomers of this prevalent problem - domestic abuse.

Join them as they shed light on how they were able to discover their true self and how all those experiences turned out to be their life's greatest blessings.

Words of Healing

• After I left I genuinely had a good laugh and really felt the joy of whatever I was experiencing at the time. - Jess
• I am definitely happy where I'm at. I fought and I am still fighting. - Jess
• I’m here to let other women know that you don't deserve to be abused. - Jess 
• It takes a village to raise a baby, as it also takes a village to heal. - Regina
• I always confronted my husband and now I look back, I didn't know what gaslighting was. I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that he was really trying to sell a lie. - Jess
• I didn't wanna fall in love because when I fell, I fell hard. - Jess
• I wanted to grow with someone. I don't want to madly fall in love with sight because that always dies. - Jess
• I am loved the way that I have longed for. - Jess
• To find comfort in knowing that there's an end to abuse just makes it a lot easier to let things just roll off instead of holding them in. - Alec
• I think it was wearing away my kind self-worth every time I make a little mistake, for her, it would be a huge thing. - Alec

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Resource Mentioned

• To Hell and Back - Maren Morris (Girl, 2019)

Trigger Warning: Please note that this episode includes references to and actual experiences of different types of abuse.

As we celebrate World Mental Health Day, we put the spotlight on courageous women who have survived different forms of abuse and have emerged stronger, more resilient, and even joyful.

Daniela and Laura are two people with different lives, living thousands of miles away from each other, yet share a common tragic experience. They are both victims of abuse from people they trust and were supposed to love them. One was abused by her father and the other by her husband - and that caused trauma in their lives. 

But the beauty of surviving abuse - and when I say beauty I mean it in the most positive and invigorating manner - is that it gives the victim unimaginable strength, wisdom, and compassion that one might think won’t even be possible for someone who has undergone something so ugly, painful and traumatic.

By listening to their stories, you are joining us as we refuse to let the abuser claim victory. Instead, we take courage and joy in Daniela and Laura and their amazing healing journey.

Words of Healing

• I lived in constant fear growing up because afraid of my father’s retaliation. He kept putting me down. And I grew up with the perception that I'm never gonna be much because my dad constantly said I was nothing. - Daniela
• As a daughter, you want your, father to be proud of you. Looking back, he didn't have much education and he was always drunk. He couldn't even comprehend what I was doing. I can't expect that from him. I have to find self-worth on my own. - Daniela
• We don't need the approval of anybody. - Daniela
• Your worth comes from the fruits of what you producing life. Are you a genuine person? Are you taking care of others? Do you care to lift others up? Then you can look back and say, yeah, I did some good. - Daniela
• I was feeling very angry, very guilty, and shame. All those feelings that I once was constantly living through were at its surface. And I realized, oh my God, I have a lot of work to do. I really thought that I had overcome that. - Laura
• Hurt people hurt people. The amount of damage that my husband did was a lot. It's a pain.  - Laura
• We try to downplay abuse a little bit. To allow us to not think that it isn’t as big of a deal as it is. And what you experienced - no one should experience. No one deserves to have gone through what you went through. - Regina Marie

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Let’s face it, we all have our fair share of traumas, most commonly because of something our parents did. Yes, our very own parents. While most parents mean well, there are some who may not know how to raise a child in a loving or nurturing environment. They can be stubborn, unwilling to listen, and would even disregard their children’s feelings. 

Oftentimes, these types of parents grew up in households with parents who were similarly unaffectionate or disconnected from them. They most likely didn’t receive the kind of love and care that can also lead them to reciprocate the same for their own children.

In this episode, I talk about how trauma is passed down from generation to generation, as well as ways to successfully break this cycle.

Healing Points of This Episode: 

• Don’t involve yourself with someone or something that doesn’t want or need you.
• There’s no need to please everyone, you just need to focus on yourself and the people who are important to you.  
• Everyone is responsible for their own, you don’t have to feel guilty about not doing a certain thing for them. 

Words of Healing

• It is not your responsibility to convince other people of your worth. Your responsibility is to know your worth and value and keep that standard set. 
• We don’t tell women to calm down, that was his first mistake. 
• If you only have the capacity to speak to those people or to perform acts of service for people that you feel that reciprocity, don't feel guilty about not giving it to everyone. You’re not responsible for everyone’s needs. 
• Remember your goodness as a person isn't based on how much you give in relationships and it isn't selfish to set limits on people who keep taking and taking until you run dry. 
• You can't control what they're going to do. They're going to try to see what they can get away with and who they can get it away with. You are not that person anymore. You are not there to accept the breadcrumbs. 

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Resource Mentioned

• Adult Children by Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson
• How To Avoid Falling In Love with a Jerk by John Van Epp 

Being in an abusive relationship takes a massive toll on a person, often times it leaves them with nothing but trauma, and recovering takes a lot of time and effort especially when the wound is deep and can’t be patched up quickly. There are ways how to slowly get up and heal from the trauma, one is self-compassion. But how will self-compassion make you a better version of yourself and how this change will affect the people around you? 

Detach yourself from the toxic environment you’re in, It’s never too late to let go even when you’ve kept on coming back to the same scenario over and over again. 

As we conclude this two-part mini-series, let's dive deeper and talk about self-compassion as well as having a deeper understanding of setting boundaries and how can this help you let go of the past traumas with our guest speaker, Tiara Thomas, who is a survivor and also a coach for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. 

Healing Points of This Episode: 

• Abuse does not happen only to women, but also to men. 
• Self-awareness is self-compassion. 
•  In order to have boundaries, you have to get to know yourself.

Words of Healing 

• Sometimes the most compassionate thing that you can do for someone is to allow them to feel the full extent of the consequences of their actions - Tiara Thomas 
• What is best for you is always what is best for the people around you - Tiara Thomas 
• We still need boundaries for ourselves and for others, because without those containers, then nothing changes, nothing progresses - Tiara Thomas 
• You can't love someone else until you learn how to love yourself and you can't give true compassion to others until you learn how to truly give yourself compassion - Regina Marie 

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Setting boundaries is often viewed as a preventive measure that can help us avoid falling into the cycle of violence and abuse. But when one is already deep into the void and all that’s left to do is either sink further or grasp for air and rise above, we sometimes forget that we have to protect whatever is left within us by setting boundaries. Yes, it's never too late to do that. Even if you are already scarred, exhausted, and devastated – it is still imperative to understand and establish your limits so that you can break free from the trauma bond and, ultimately, stop enabling your abuser’s toxicity and manipulation. By doing this, you are regaining your worth and confidence through self-compassion. 

Consequently, the hope is that you can extend the same amount of compassion to your narcissistic abuser by making them realize the consequences of their actions and by standing firm in your convictions so that they are compelled to seek help and change for the better. 

Tune in and understand the true and deeper meaning of being compassionate to others and to one’s self through our guest, Tiara Thomas, who is both a survivor and a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach. 

Healing Points of This Episode:

• Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom first before you recognize the need to rise above your situation and seek any sort of resolution or change. 
• We have to break belief systems about ourselves to realize our worth again and to break free from situations that chain us.
• Self-compassion or compassion is not self-sacrifice.
• Trying to fix or rescue someone is not being compassionate to them or to yourself, and it can even be a form of manipulation. 

Words of Healing

• “When you're sacrificing for others, it's not compassionate to you or to them because how much are you really able to give? You're like pouring from an empty cup; and ultimately, nobody wins in that scenario.” – Tiara Thomas
• “[By] sparing someone else's feelings and not speaking your truth and not being authentic, you are kind of removing choice in your relationships. You're not allowing other people to express themselves authentically. And it's actually not compassionate towards them to not give them an authentic reflection of what you're seeing as well.” – Tiara Thomas
• “When we understand something, we don't have fear. Fear is the one thing, I think, that really blocks compassion; because fear comes from a lack of understanding.” – Tiara Thomas

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Resource Mentioned

• Brene Brown

Trigger Warning: Please note that this episode contains depictions of suicide that some people may find disturbing.

The word “suicide” can elicit many different reactions or responses from people. And for the longest time, the mental health problems or life circumstances that may be factors leading to it have been misunderstood, overlooked, or even avoided. Though more and more people are raising awareness about suicide prevention, it is still considered a topic of discussion that many of us would not want to engage in. More so, a lot of us dread being in a situation where we are compelled to actually talk with and help a person who is planning to commit suicide. Perhaps because we know deep inside that it’s not just about asking the difficult question, “Are you planning to end your life?” But the terrifying thing is that we don’t know what the answer is going to be. 

In the last episode, I poured out my sentiments and insights about this issue which is considered a sensitive but highly relevant topic. This time, Luis Weger – a certified Master Suicide Intervention Trainer – shares more information and wisdom about the factors potentially related to suicide, the difference between warning signs and risk factors, the misconceptions about providing help or interventions, and many more. He also shares valuable resources that can help anyone become better equipped – whether you are a person who wants to extend help or you are at the receiving end and want to reach out. May this episode provide enlightenment and hope, especially to those who need them the most.

Healing Points of This Episode:

• When it comes to helping someone who wants to end their life, remember that it’s never about fixing the problem. It's about being there with them so they know they're not alone.
• It helps if you can recognize the warning signs of suicide, and if you can distinguish between warning signs and risk factors. 

Words of Healing

• There's a lot of meaning that people place in different circumstances, elements, and relationships that can really put them in a dark place. – Luis Weger
• There are lots of risk factors out there, but the warning signs [of suicide] are usually the changes in behavior and the actions that we see happening. – Luis Weger

Resources Mentioned:

• LivingWorks
• ASIST: Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training
• Brené Brown on Empathy vs Sympathy
• Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
• Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box
• The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
• Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation

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Trigger Warning: Please note that this episode contains depictions of suicide that some people may find disturbing.

The 10th of September each year is considered World Suicide Prevention Day. Since suicide has alarmingly become a public health concern, more and more organizations, government agencies, and individuals are focusing their attention on raising awareness about the issue and creating safe spaces for people who may be on the verge of losing hope and just wanting to end it all. 

For victims of abuse and violence in a relationship, suffering from mental health concerns may sometimes be inescapable. Because of our experiences, we develop negative thinking patterns that ultimately affect how we perceive ourselves and how we live our daily lives. Eventually, if not addressed properly, the cognitive dissonance that we have been enduring can lead to more serious concerns such as losing the will to survive. 

If you have ever been in that situation, I hear you. I am here for you. Keep the faith and know that there is hope and light in this world amidst darkness and fear. Never forget that you, yourself, may also be the light and hope that someone needs. In this episode, I hope you feel at least a glimpse of comfort and assurance that you are not alone – you are understood, you are valued, and you are loved.     

Healing Points of This Episode:

• Awareness about mental health issues and concerns such as suicide are very important topics of discussion and should not be considered taboo. 
• We should all make efforts in creating safe spaces for people to reach out, open up, and ask for help in times of losing the will to live. 
• You have the ability to provide comfort and assistance to people who may be suffering mental health concerns. You just have to be open and listen with unconditional positive regard and empathy. 

Words of Healing

• “When someone comes to you and expresses concern about themselves, calling them selfish is not going to be something that helps them feel heard and seen.” – Regina Marie
• “For those who are actively considering suicide, having an open conversation about their intentions and access to means give advocates the ability to create a safety plan and provide the necessary referrals.” – Regina Marie

Resources Mentioned:

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
• National Hopeline Network
• HopeLine Volunteer
• 13 Reasons Why
• The Girl from Plainville
• All the Bright Places
• A Million Little Things
• Note To Self by Stephen Stanley 
• Nickelback - Lullaby
• The Fray - How to Save a Life 
• Rascal Flatts - Why
• R.E.M. - Everybody Hurts 
• Blaine Larsen - How Do You Get That Lonely
• Brandi Carlile - That Year
• Brad Paisley - Whiskey Lullaby ft. Alison Krauss
• Three Days Grace - Never Too Late

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