In this episode, (prompted by technical hitches - several) Jess and Abi share their approaches to dealing with things that go wrong: technology, relationships, jobs etc.

They look at the comparisons we make to our expected outcome versus what actually happens and working out their strategies for moving on (and sometimes ruminating for ages, going round in circles and then, hopefully moving on).  

Abi’s stamping of her feet, versus Jess’ googly stomach are some learnt reactions and behaviours prompted by their primitive brains.  We wonder what you do and how helpful that modus operandi works for you...

Nature, nurture, introvert, extrovert - so many labels we can have, give ourselves, be given.  But what is the authentic self? 

Or are there multiple incarnations and personalities, all tweaked to suit the situation you are in?

So long as you are feeling happy and satisfied, we guess it doesn’t really matter.  However, when there is a feeling of discombobulation or an internal conflict, it may be time to give some attention to whether or not you are expressing your ‘authentic’ self.  When fear is the reason for showing up in certain ways, this can also be a good reason to take some action and discover that fear.

Abi and Jess discuss how what we think we are presenting as our authentic inner person may not even be what others experience - which can be quite a shocker!

What are you imposing on yourself or what is being imposed upon you which you maybe don’t want or don’t know what to do with.

At some point in your life you may well find yourself feeling like you are not in the right place, you don’t have the skills you need or that you really are faking it, hoping to make it.

Abi and Jess have different understandings of what this ‘syndrome’ is in the first place.

Digging down to the specifics of what I.S is to you may just help you to find the missing skill or belief to change the imposter to the real thing.

Have you ever noticed how much your emotions change throughout the day?  Has Covid intensified this sensation?  If these emotions are unwanted, why do they exist anyway.

Abi and Jess discuss what our brains are doing biologically that causes these unwanted emotions and why the biology makes it harder to just switch them off.  They talk about dissociation and how this can be a great tool - whilst also acknowledging that a quick fix is perhaps not the most common result of any intervention.

Mindfulness, journaling and dissociation are all mega helpful in calming our brains when they are running on autopilot to provide you with these unwanted emotions.  Can you accept them, let them in and see what their message is?

A different kind of podcast, prompted by a TV documentary that was recently aired.  Abi and Jess discuss the menopause and what it can bring about, whether the key is information and how this links to us all being unique.  

Do you have to experience something to empathise or is it enough to listen and learn?  

Have a listen and see what makes sense to you - how you can have a new perspective on the biological affecting the psychological and even the societal.

As ever, if you have any thoughts or feedback, please let us know.  

Have you ever done a public speaking gig and felt the fear rising in you?  Some people learn to embrace their label of being fearless, others can suffer so much at the hands of failure that they can avoid risky situations or even avoid other people.  

Abi and Jess share experiences of how and when they have held a fear of failure and provide you, the listener with lots of tips on how to notice, control and change the story around your own fears of failure.

Be kind and gentle with yourself is the absolute fundamental in the message of this podcast and remember, baby steps will lead to other changes.  You are not alone in feeling scared at times.  

What’s your mantra about how people judge you ‘I don’t care what people think’ ‘I am paralysed by judgement’ or does it all depend on the situation? 

Despite protestations, most people are very conscious of judgement, so much so that even the ‘I don’t care’ is a paradox of really caring and therefore presenting a certain front.  We have all learnt our response mechanisms and coping ways.  What’s yours?  As a social species, our primitive brains are looking for danger or threat a lot of the time and so it is a functional aspect of behaviour to make judgements and to receive them.  How do we cope though, so that they lose their power and work for us?

It’s a helpful idea to work out who that judge in their white wig, with the gavel in hand is in your case.  That way, we can manage them and ask them for ‘ORDER’.  It’s helpful to dissociate from the judge and accused.  It’s also helpful to know that on average 80% of our thoughts are negative and knowing that is what comes naturally, we can decide to change the math. 

What is your purpose in life?  Is it helpful to know what you value?  How do you find out? And what is a porpoise anyway? 

As well as revealing a lack on natural history knowledge, Abi and Jess discuss how this sense of purpose has changed throughout generations maybe due to historically different types of necessity.  So does Gen Z have a different way of having a purpose and is that ok?

They look at how language can give us away and reveal hidden purposes and values; at how, once you know these values, this can be helpful in making life’s everyday decisions.

How can a banana pancake have anything to do with relationships?  Well, is it all about how you relate to people and having that reason and season from friends, lovers, family?  We talk about relationships as if they are a thing when in fact we are really defining how we relate to other people.  

Through their chat, Abi and Jess demonstrate that they have different achilles heels in terms of blocks to their relationship style, perhaps you will ask yourself what yours is and, like most things, once we take time to notice our patterns, we can even start to challenge them.  That’s your side dealt with!  Now, what about the other person’s?

There are plenty of cliches about ‘put yourself in their shoes’ but all too often we don’t really do this, too wrapped up in our maps of how things are.  Managers and leaders spend big money on trying to understand if someone is Red, Blue, Yellow or Red.  However, how many of us really stop to understand that our reality is not someone else’s.  

When we step back to think about what something really looks like, sounds like, feels like from someone else’s view of their map, then we can decide if there is a different way of relating to them.

If you’re anything like Abi and Jess, you maybe expecting something that is far from the reality of your life: expecting to be content most of the time, expecting relationships to just work etc etc.  

In this episode, the ladies look at how our ‘normal’ is created, from social media to comparisons to expectations.  They give you questions about what you expect from life and demonstrate how to change your language in order to paint a picture of what you want the ‘norm’ or ‘carpenter’s square’ to be…….how do you measure a set square anyway and can it be accurate?????  

Listen on followers, Abi and Jess hope to give you some pointers to make your normal, your happy.