Yo…
And now an intimate Apocalypse.
Attached is my conversation with director Jeremy Lalonde; he’s director of Ashgrove.
Welcome to Ashgrove where the water has turned toxic. Humans can still drink it; because they need it to live. But drink too much and they’re in ah...well: hot water. Drink too much water and you’ll perish. That’s the apocalyptic premise of Ashgrove, the sixth feature from director Jeremy Lalonde.
It sounds like a Hollywood Summer blockbuster: the water has turned toxic!
This isn’t Deep Impact (massive comet) or San Andreas (massive earthquake) or The Day After Tomorrow (massive ice age). This is far more local.
With that titillating backdrop of water’s betrayal Ashgrove exposes a couple who are breaking down as our society is breaking down.
The narrow confines of the movie gives it an emotional heft. The performances from Jonas and Amanda the disenchanted couple are raw; they’re both uncomfortable in the position they find themselves in; like getting the middle seat on a long airplane ride home. (How many couples did not survive the real life pandemic? And how many were elated to discover they have more than they realized?)
Think Signs! One of my favourite M Night movies. Massive alien invasion that focuses solely on a tragic family on their rural farm in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. Why aliens are invading Doylestown, Pennsylvania I dunno but that’s clearly the opposite of Independence Day’s delicious grandeur.
Ashgrove was made in an unconventional way. I could explain it right now but I’ll let Jeremy you know...the dude who made the movie do all the talking. It’s wild how they made this movie; they went into it…with this strange creative method knowing it could fail. This was an experiment. And wow; it worked.
That My Summer Lair conversation is attached. Hit play and enjoy.
As a fan of The Apocalypse this interview stirred up bittersweet end times emotions.
My Honest Truth: whenever I board an airplane I survey it’s length identifying all the emergency exits locations measured in distance from my seat. Then I evaluate the people sitting next to those emergency exits.
Can I trust that person? Will they panic? Or react swiftly and smartly? Hmmm he’s got breakfast burrito stains on his shirt, if the wings fall off this sucker I’m on my own. So Be It. See…I am Boy Scout prepared.
Look: we live in a world of impending doom. And the only way to successfully avoid succumbing to the fear and paranoia is to be armed with a distinct game plan.
So in the event of the following Apocalypses I’ve devised the follow game plans.
Zombie Apocalypse: Shucks…when this Apocalypse hits, I’m Carl-Lewis-sprinting for the emergency exits only leaving behind a flaming trail like the DeLorean. I’m shooting everything that moves. Human, zombie, animal…no business, like show business.
Then after shooting my way out of the city I’ll steal an amazing yacht, pile it high with books and food and just cruise. I’ll pillage islands and other abandoned boats for food. I Am Legend for true. I’m gone: I’m a ghost.The zombies are your problems. So long suckers.
(Poor Planning Problems: I don’t know how to fire, load or shoot a gun. Or pilot a yacht. And what happens when there is a storm?)
Vampire Apocalypse: Clearly I’m not referring to Twilight vampires or whatever those posers are trying to be (Twilight vampires come off like sullen emo kids with superficial suburban angst). Vampires are not sparkly, disco balls are. Anyways: if the genuine vampires decide to rise up, I’m down like I’m brown.
Actually, don’t wait…bite me on the neck right now. Vampire life is freshtastic…permanent youth, strutting about with an unbuttoned black shirt, Jim Morrison leather pants, feasting on unsuspecting flesh in Prague nightclubs and you stay up all night.It’s like being in rock n roll without the death inducing drugs and the crippling fear of being a 1-hit-wonder. (I don’t have to wear guyliner right?)
So in: bite my neck right now!
(Poor Planning Problems: Blood grosses me out. And I’m a sloppy drinker…blood is hard to get out of clothes. Plus I’m solar powered…I enjoy the Sun. Hmmm, might hafta rethink this one.)
Robopocalypse: I lean towards neo-luddism so of course I saw this Apocalpyse coming. And long before Daniel Wilson’s book was Stephen King’s Maximum Overdrive. You know it’s time to head to the hills when you see that Green Goblin faced truck coming with no driver.
I’d join the craziest cult I could find…David Koresh types or maybe scientologists, hill folks with no sleeves stockpiling weapons. And after some slight hazing join them on the front lines in taking back our world.
Skynet, Hal 9000…no matter what that vicious AI comes up we’ll find the way to shut it down. (cue shotgun cocking sound effect).
(Poor Planning Problems: If it’s us vs the machines I don’t believe we have a chance. And…I like sleeves.)
Mad Max Apocalypse: I’m utterly screwed. Can’t ride a motorcycle, suck at bartering and finally I’m not mechanical or handy. I got city hands!
And though I’d never say so in front of girls I don’t look cool wearing an eyepatch (plus it makes navigating stairs difficult.).
If our government and society crumbles into fierce renegades and blistering lawlessness I’m just gonna be another causality. It’s a fate I bravely accept.
I hope I get licked early: I’ve no desire to be ambushed by bored bloodthirsty marauders on a highway littered with burnt out cars.
(Poor Planning Problems: I don’t want to become a human piñata! And…I like sleeves. Why does nobody wear sleeves in so many Apocalypses?!)
Atlantis Apocalypse: Can’t fight a giant tidal wave. Nor rampaging Atlantean warriors. I am not even gonna try.
Simply make a spot of tea and read comic books until the seas violently claim back the land. You guys can fight if you want. Good luck, lemme know it turns out.
(Poor Planning Problems: My comic books lose their value when they get wet. Sigh…)
Alien Apocalypse: I’m talking like Independence Day…aliens coming to mash humanity on its nose.
What chance do we have against aliens who have mastered space travel, all kinds of crazy technology and posses a black heart? Absolutely none.
However like Independence Day I’d team up with Jeff Goldblum and take on the aliens. Battling back an alien invasion should impress women, get my face on a stamp and hopefully a ton of free stuff from Sky Mall.
I see no disadvantages to this plan.
(Poor Planning Problems: None!)
Bonus: Not an Apocalypse but if the doctor confirms I got some life ending disease, say one of those modern cancers then I come home and write a will. Then I take all of my money, get a sweet boat and ride that sucker directly into the Bermuda Triangle. Full steam ahead. No clue what’s on the other side but I hope Amelia Earhart is waiting for me.
Most people have seen classic American disaster films. I see many of them at the cinema; it’s goofy fools like me who keep paying Hollywood to make more of em. Please sir, more ruckus?
Did you know America is not the only country that makes em? This is Haeundae a 2009 South Korean disaster film.
Yes as you can tell from this trailer: it’s Korean goofy with a lot of the epic mashings and through beatings associated with disaster films.
“When geologist Kim Hwi discovers that there has been an underwater earthquake that triggers a tsunami, he tries to warn the authorities but they won't listen.” Classic. Nobody listens in disaster movies. The joy of these movies is as the predicted doom unfolds you can yell out: “That’s what you get!” (In this case yell that out in Korean but I dunno how that translates.) It’s fresh other countries make disaster films and the genre isn’t a…disaster.
Enjoys the dreamy song Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex...Sammy Younan-28-
Sammy Younan is the affable host of My Summer Lair podcast: think NPR’s Fresh Air meets Kevin Smith: interviews & impressions on Pop Culture.
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