Myopia Movies

Welcome to Myopia Movies, the podcast where we revisit the films of our youth to see if they hold up under the lens of nostalgia—or crumble under the weight of time! This week, we’re plunging headfirst into the campy chaos of 1984’s Ice Pirates. With space herpes, robot pirates, and a desert-dry water crisis, this sci-fi comedy is equal parts swashbuckling adventure and ‘80s absurdity. But does it still have treasure hidden beneath its dated special effects, or has it been lost in the black hole of bad cinema? Strap in, mateys, and let’s find out!

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Host: Nic

Panel: Nur, Alex, Keiko, and Matt

Directed by Stewart Raffill

Welcome back to Myopia Movies the show where we boldly go—wait, wrong franchise—where we dive headfirst into the galaxy far, far away! And today, we’re talking about Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back, the movie that taught us three very important lessons:

1) Always check if someone’s your dad before you start a fight,

2) Tauntauns may smell bad, but they’re lifesavers, and

3) Never kiss your sibling—even if you don’t know they’re your sibling.

That’s right! We’re breaking down the movie where the good guys lose, the bad guys win, and we’re left screaming, ‘LUKE, DON’T DO IT!’ louder than Darth Vader in a parenting seminar. So grab your lightsabers, bundle up for Hoth, and let’s jump into the movie that made us all question our family trees and our ability to trust small green swamp creatures!”

Make sure to like and subscribe where ever you are getting this! Please leave us a review and follow us on Bluesky, Reddit, and Facebook!

Host: Nic

Panel: Lauren, Nur, Keiko, Matthew

This week, in honor of the cold movie month, we hit the slope with James Bond as we dust off the archives and talk For Your Eyes Only! Roger Moore beds a figure skater....classy!

Host: Nic

Panel: Matt, Daniel, Jon

Directed by John Glen

This week on our Cold Movie Month, we climb K2, because it was the style at the time. We watched Vertical Limit! Remember when Chris O'Donnell opened blockbusters? Also, stupid movie, but makes you miss Bill Paxton.

Host: Nic

Panel: Nur and Matthew

Directed by Martin Campbell

This week we learn the importance of allowing writers to have alcohol. We watched The Shining, today the line would be "Jimmy Fallon!"

We are starting a month of cold movies.

Host: Nic

Panel: Matthew and Nur

Directed by Stanley Kubrick

This week on Myopia Movies, we revisit the best version of Robin Hood since Erroll Flynn, you heard me Crowe, Costner, and Edgerton. Elwes, you're cool. We watched Robin Hood (1973), the originination point for Gen X and Millenial furries. 

Host: Nic (but much younger sounding). 

Directed by Wolfgang Reitherman and David Hand

This week on Myopia Movies, we fall in love again...with Gaston. We watched Beauty and the Beast, a podcast old as time, set in Disney-cember, and wish that the beast turned back (I think this is what Shrek's ending is about.)

How will Beauty and the Beast hold up?

Host: Nic

Panel: Candace, Keiko, Matthew, Alex.

Directed by Gary Trousdale and Kirk Wise

The week in your Disney-cember stocking, we are visiting the movie that ushered in the Disney Renaissance. We watched The Little Mermaid (1989), where hosts don't reprimand their panel. 

Host: Nic

Panel: Keiko, Candace, Alex

Directed by Ron Clements and John Musker

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This week on Myopia Movies we start our Disney-cember by watching what turned out to be a real argumentative movie. We watched The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, I say you just cut Edmund loose. 

Host: Nic

Panel: Candace, Nur, Keiko, Alex

Directed by Andrew Adamson

This week on Myopia Movies, we end Keiko-vember and wish you a Happy Thanksgiving as we visit the MILF market...I mean Mommy Market....MOMMY MARKET....only if they call me daddy....We watched Trading Mom! Did you know that Sissy Spacek had this range? From Workaholic Mom to Circus Mom?

Host: Keiko

Panel: Alex, Nic, Matt, Daniel

Directed by Tia Brelis

Starring: Sissy Spacek, Anna Chlumsky, Aaron Michael Metchik, Asher Metchik, Maureen Stapleton, Merritt Yohnka, André René Roussimoff (as André the Giant)