The conqueror of Europe was a passionate little fellow. Enjoyed oral sex. Wrote a host of love, sex, and amorous letters of torment to his love. And his penis now lives in New Jersey, by way of Philadelphia. Grim historians read and discuss the emperor’s love letters, love life, and the strange and wonderous journey of Napoleon’s penis from the hands of collectors, priests, and party-goers following his death. Background on the Napoleonic era is given; with token comparisons to the personal lives of other conquerors, and auctioned goods.